Эпизод, где стриптизёр плачет
Описание
Моника и Рэйчел устраивают Фиби девичник, но Фиби разочарована отсутствием стриптизера. В последнюю минуту Рэйчел и Моника нанимают стриптизера (Дэнни ДеВито); но когда он приходит, Фиби оскорбляет его. Он начинает плакать. Росс и Чендлер идут на встречу выпускников колледжа и вспоминают девушку, с которой они договорились не встречаться. Росс пытается завязать отношения, но обнаруживает, что Чендлер постоянно с ней целовался. Чендлер сообщает Россу, что он тоже нарушил договор, но с другой девушкой (Кимберли Дэвис) на вечеринке. На той же вечеринке Моника и Рэйчел были в гостях, и Чендлер целовался с Рэйчел, чтобы отомстить Россу. Росс расстроен, потому что это также ночь его первого поцелуя с Рэйчел, но позже узнает, что на самом деле он поцеловал Монику. Джои — приглашенная звезда в телевизионном игровом шоу «Пирамида» и показывает ужасные результаты. В финальном раунде Джоуи почти реабилитировался, но допустил ошибку на последнем вопросе, что стоило ему победы.
Субтитры
- 00:00:03,420 --> 00:00:05,295 - Hey, guys... - Wait! Let me tell them.
- 00:00:05,505 --> 00:00:06,880 - Oh, sure. - Joey's gonna be...
- 00:00:07,048 --> 00:00:08,757 ...a celebrity guest on a game show.
- 00:00:08,925 --> 00:00:09,925 CHANDLER: Hey. PHOEBE: Oh.
- 00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:12,428 - Really? Which one? MONICA: Mm-mm.
- 00:00:12,595 --> 00:00:15,097 Fish. Seaweed.
- 00:00:15,265 --> 00:00:17,558 - A sunken ship. - Things you find in the ocean.
- 00:00:17,726 --> 00:00:20,436 - You're gonna be on Pyramid! - Yeah.
- 00:00:20,603 --> 00:00:24,023 - That was our favorite game show ever. - Except for Match Game.
- 00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:25,607 - Or Win, Lose or Draw. ROSS: Oh!
- 00:00:25,775 --> 00:00:27,735 What did I marry into?
- 00:00:28,486 --> 00:00:30,779 You guys wanna come and watch me tape the show?
- 00:00:30,947 --> 00:00:33,615 Oh, we can't. We're throwing Phoebe a bachelorette party.
- 00:00:33,783 --> 00:00:37,161 Yeah. Sorry, boys, this ride's closing.
- 00:00:38,455 --> 00:00:41,915 Oh, and Chandler and I have this stupid college alumni thing.
- 00:00:42,083 --> 00:00:44,918 Oh, I can't believe you get to meet Donny Osmond.
- 00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:48,255 - Seriously? - Yeah-huh.
- 00:00:49,966 --> 00:00:51,925 Ross and I always wanted to be Donny and Marie.
- 00:00:52,093 --> 00:00:53,510 ROSS: Mm-hm.
- 00:00:53,762 --> 00:00:56,096 You guys just keep getting cooler and cooler.
- 00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,309 Yeah, we used to perform for our family and friends.
- 00:01:00,518 --> 00:01:04,396 Oh, God, that's right. I blocked that out.
- 00:01:04,564 --> 00:01:06,565 [SINGING] I'm a little bit country
- 00:01:06,816 --> 00:01:09,359 [SINGING] And I'm a little bit rock 'n' roll
- 00:01:11,654 --> 00:01:13,572 I'm leaving you.
- 00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:06,959 [SMOOTH JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
- 00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:10,587 It's so weird to see all these people again.
- 00:02:10,755 --> 00:02:12,798 Oh, my God, look. There's Jeffrey Klarik.
- 00:02:13,049 --> 00:02:16,593 - Who? - He was roommates with John Rosoff.
- 00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:20,264 He went out with Andrea Tamborino.
- 00:02:20,598 --> 00:02:24,059 She dumped him for Michael Skloff.
- 00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:28,063 Did I go to this school?
- 00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:32,651 Hey, there's Missy Goldberg. You gotta remember her.
- 00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:35,028 Sure. Nice.
- 00:02:35,196 --> 00:02:36,905 Dude, you're married to my sister.
- 00:02:37,073 --> 00:02:39,992 You're right. By saying "nice," I'm virtually licking her.
- 00:02:41,619 --> 00:02:45,414 Hey, I hear she's single again. You think I should ask her out?
- 00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:47,708 Are you asking permission to break the pact?
- 00:02:47,917 --> 00:02:49,126 Yes, please.
- 00:03:02,223 --> 00:03:05,267 Hey. Hey, check out the fliers for the band.
- 00:03:05,435 --> 00:03:08,604 - I made them on a Macintosh. - Awesome.
- 00:03:08,771 --> 00:03:10,355 The name really stands out.
- 00:03:10,523 --> 00:03:15,277 Thanks to a little something called helvetica bold 24-point.
- 00:03:15,653 --> 00:03:18,155 Man, we're gonna rock that Asian Student Union.
- 00:03:21,117 --> 00:03:24,453 - Hey, guys. BOTH: Hey, Missy.
- 00:03:24,621 --> 00:03:26,371 Our band is playing on Friday.
- 00:03:26,539 --> 00:03:28,457 Yeah, you should come check us out.
- 00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:31,001 We're called Way/No Way.
- 00:03:31,836 --> 00:03:34,463 - No way. BOTH: Way.
- 00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:37,216 - Great. I'll be there. CHANDLER: Fresh.
- 00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:38,467 - Boss. CHANDLER: Mint.
- 00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:40,802 - She's gone. - I know it.
- 00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:46,683 - I am totally gonna ask her out. - Dude, I was gonna ask her out.
- 00:03:46,851 --> 00:03:51,188 - I said it first, bro. - Well, I thought it first, homes.
- 00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:55,651 - Look, if you date... - Wait! Wait! What are we doing?
- 00:03:56,319 --> 00:04:00,155 What we have is too important to mess it up over some girl.
- 00:04:00,323 --> 00:04:02,824 I mean, we can get laid any time we want.
- 00:04:03,034 --> 00:04:04,660 Totally.
- 00:04:04,827 --> 00:04:08,622 - I had sex in high school. - Me too. I'm good at it.
- 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:12,834 All right, I say we make a pact.
- 00:04:13,002 --> 00:04:15,796 Neither of us will go out with Missy Goldberg.
- 00:04:16,005 --> 00:04:18,048 You got it.
- 00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:21,677 That's Missy Goldberg, Phoebe Cates and Molly Ringwald...
- 00:04:21,844 --> 00:04:24,054 ...who we can't go out with. - Those are the pacts.
- 00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:27,182 Oh, and Sheena Easton. But we probably couldn't get her anyway.
- 00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:28,350 [ROSS SCOFFING]
- 00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:30,519 ROSS: Maybe not you.
- 00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:34,898 Well, I officially give you permission to break the pact.
- 00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:36,400 Thank you.
- 00:04:40,029 --> 00:04:45,158 All right, here I go. Hey, remember how scary it used to be going up to girls in college?
- 00:04:45,326 --> 00:04:48,704 - Your hands are shaking. - I know. And I can't stop sweating.
- 00:04:49,872 --> 00:04:52,708 STAGE MANAGER: Five, four, three. Applause.
- 00:04:52,875 --> 00:04:56,044 [CROWD CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
- 00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:59,756 Yeah!
- 00:04:59,924 --> 00:05:02,926 Welcome. It is Soap Opera Week here on Pyramid.
- 00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:06,805 Let's meet our contestants. First, Gene Lester is a database specialist.
- 00:05:06,973 --> 00:05:09,808 He's gonna be playing with Days of Our Lives star Joey Tribbiani.
- 00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:13,061 [AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
- 00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:15,772 DONNY: And over here, we have Henrietta Cherry.
- 00:05:15,940 --> 00:05:19,735 I know it can be intimidating for regular people to be around celebrities...
- 00:05:19,902 --> 00:05:24,156 ...but relax. I'm just like you, only better-looking and richer.
- 00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:28,618 DONNY: She'll be playing with star of General Hospital Leslie Charleson.
- 00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:30,454 [AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
- 00:05:30,621 --> 00:05:33,665 Welcome, everybody. Good luck to all of you. Let's play Pyramid.
- 00:05:33,916 --> 00:05:37,461 All right? Now, we flipped a coin before the show.
- 00:05:37,628 --> 00:05:40,464 Gene, you won the toss, so you'll start. Which category?
- 00:05:40,631 --> 00:05:43,467 - "You Crossed the Line." DONNY: "You Crossed the Line." Joey...
- 00:05:43,634 --> 00:05:46,803 ...describe for Gene these things that have lines.
- 00:05:46,971 --> 00:05:50,766 Give me 20 seconds on the clock, please. Ready? Go.
- 00:05:50,933 --> 00:05:52,934 Uh, okay, it's a store like a supermarket.
- 00:05:53,102 --> 00:05:54,144 [WARBLE PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]
- 00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:58,857 Oh. I see what I did there. Okay, okay. Uh, I'm writing in my...
- 00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:00,484 - Diary. - No, more like a notebook.
- 00:06:00,651 --> 00:06:01,693 [WARBLE PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]
- 00:06:01,944 --> 00:06:02,944 Damn it. Okay.
- 00:06:03,154 --> 00:06:07,199 Um, oh, if I'm building a house, the plan...
- 00:06:07,408 --> 00:06:09,201 ...isn't called a "shmooprint"...
- 00:06:09,410 --> 00:06:10,452 [WARBLE PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]
- 00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:12,287 I can't do that either?
- 00:06:13,289 --> 00:06:17,667 Oh, in high school, I once had sex with a girl right in the middle of the?
- 00:06:17,835 --> 00:06:20,003 - Cafeteria? - Yeah, but they're not looking for that.
- 00:06:20,171 --> 00:06:21,213 [TONE PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]
- 00:06:21,422 --> 00:06:22,464 JOEY & AUDIENCE: Aw...
- 00:06:22,632 --> 00:06:23,965 [JOEY SIGHS]
- 00:06:25,551 --> 00:06:29,179 - Thank you so much for this. - Aw, you like it?
- 00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:31,223 Oh, my God, it's all so elegant.
- 00:06:31,432 --> 00:06:32,474 - Hee, hee. RACHEL: Aw.
- 00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:34,810 When's the dirty stuff starting?
- 00:06:36,020 --> 00:06:39,064 - What? - The strippers and the guys dancing...
- 00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:40,857 ...and, you know, pee-pees flying about.
- 00:06:41,025 --> 00:06:42,442 RACHEL: Oh!
- 00:06:45,196 --> 00:06:48,824 Pheebs, I... There isn't gonna be any "flying about." Ha, ha.
- 00:06:48,991 --> 00:06:52,160 We thought we were a little too mature for stuff like that.
- 00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:54,496 Oh, okay.
- 00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:59,543 I see what you're doing. That's fine. This is all there is. Just tea. Okay.
- 00:07:01,671 --> 00:07:03,338 [IN BRITISH ACCENT] Mm, raunchy.
- 00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:06,007 [CHUCKLING]
- 00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:10,011 Seriously, Pheebs, it's not gonna be that kind of a party.
- 00:07:11,013 --> 00:07:13,515 [IN NORMAL VOICE] Really? So this is?
- 00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:16,226 This is my big sendoff into married life?
- 00:07:16,394 --> 00:07:19,521 Rachel, this is the only bachelorette party I'm ever gonna have.
- 00:07:19,689 --> 00:07:21,857 I've got a big wad of ones in my purse.
- 00:07:25,236 --> 00:07:28,363 Really? I mean, really? It's just tea?
- 00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:31,741 No.
- 00:07:31,909 --> 00:07:32,951 [SCOFFS]
- 00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:35,954 - Phoebe, of course there's more. - Okay.
- 00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:39,082 I mean, let me just go talk to Monica...
- 00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:42,043 ...and get an ETA on the pee-pees. Heh.
- 00:07:45,214 --> 00:07:49,009 DONNY: Now, Gene, I must remind you, you need all six of these to stay in the game.
- 00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:53,096 Describe for Joey "things you find in your refrigerator."
- 00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:56,808 Bah, they might as well just give us the points. Ha-ha-ha.
- 00:07:57,059 --> 00:08:00,061 Give me 20 seconds on the clock. Ready? Go.
- 00:08:00,396 --> 00:08:04,399 - You put this in your coffee. - Uh, a spoon. Your hands. Your face.
- 00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:08,403 - It's white. - Paper. Snow. A ghost!
- 00:08:08,571 --> 00:08:12,491 - It's heavier than milk. - A rock. A dog. The Earth. Heh, heh.
- 00:08:12,658 --> 00:08:13,992 - Pass. - Ugh.
- 00:08:14,243 --> 00:08:17,621 - You put it on a sandwich. - Salami. Anchovies. Jam.
- 00:08:17,788 --> 00:08:21,416 - It's white. - Paper. Snow. A ghost!
- 00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:24,252 - It's made from eggs. - Chickens?
- 00:08:24,420 --> 00:08:25,921 - Pass. - Ugh.
- 00:08:26,130 --> 00:08:28,798 - You put this on a hamburger. Yes! - Ketchup! Relish!
- 00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:30,091 - Stop! - Oh.
- 00:08:30,259 --> 00:08:31,259 [TONE PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]
- 00:08:31,427 --> 00:08:34,638 Oh, time's up. Well, Joey, you were, uh...
- 00:08:34,805 --> 00:08:37,265 ...almost on a roll there, ha-ha-ha. - Yeah.
- 00:08:37,433 --> 00:08:41,436 Gene, you'll have a chance to go to the Winner's Circle, but now...
- 00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:46,399 ...Henrietta, you're going to the Winner's Circle to try your luck for $10,000...
- 00:08:46,567 --> 00:08:48,818 ...right after this. Don't go away.
- 00:08:49,111 --> 00:08:51,279 And we're out.
- 00:08:51,572 --> 00:08:54,282 Oh, so we didn't win. But it's fun to play the game, right?
- 00:08:54,450 --> 00:08:55,659 GENE: Hey.
- 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:59,621 I got a kid starting college. I have to get surgery on my knee.
- 00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:01,498 You just lost me 10 grand.
- 00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:04,334 Oh, wow.
- 00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:08,547 I'm so sorry. Okay, I promise, we'll do better next time.
- 00:09:08,714 --> 00:09:11,424 Well, I will, because I won't be playing with you.
- 00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:14,761 Hey, some of those were pretty hard.
- 00:09:15,054 --> 00:09:18,223 Like, why would there be a ghost in my fridge?
- 00:09:20,017 --> 00:09:21,726 Yeah.
- 00:09:22,895 --> 00:09:25,480 - So Saturday night? - I'd love to.
- 00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:27,232 Great.
- 00:09:29,902 --> 00:09:32,404 So how come it took you so long to ask me out?
- 00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,906 Oh, well, uh, this is gonna sound kind of silly...
- 00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:38,076 ...but do you remember my roommate, Chandler Bing?
- 00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:40,620 Sure. He was in your "band."
- 00:09:42,957 --> 00:09:47,252 It's been 16 years, but the air quotes still hurt. Heh.
- 00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,212 - Sorry. - That's okay. Um, anyway...
- 00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:52,841 Ahem, well, he and I both really liked you a lot, um...
- 00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:56,720 ...but we didn't want it to jeopardize our friendship, so we made a pact...
- 00:09:56,887 --> 00:09:59,347 ...that neither of us could ask you out.
- 00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:02,267 - Really? - Yeah, why?
- 00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:06,146 Well, Chandler and I used to make out.
- 00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:08,064 A lot.
- 00:10:10,109 --> 00:10:12,152 - You did? - Yeah.
- 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:16,531 - We'd go to the science lab after-hours. - And on my turf?!
- 00:10:20,036 --> 00:10:23,330 Hey. Hey, where is this guy? It's been over an hour.
- 00:10:23,497 --> 00:10:26,625 He's coming from Jersey. He said he'd get here as fast as he could.
- 00:10:26,959 --> 00:10:28,043 [KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- 00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:29,878 - Who is it? MAN: It's the police.
- 00:10:30,087 --> 00:10:32,422 - The police! PHOEBE: Oh!
- 00:10:33,215 --> 00:10:34,924 [RACHEL GASPS] [PHOEBE GIGGLES]
- 00:10:35,092 --> 00:10:38,678 MAN: That's right. It's Officer Goodbody.
- 00:10:38,846 --> 00:10:41,848 What's the matter, officer? Has someone been bad?
- 00:10:50,274 --> 00:10:52,942 [GOODBODY COUGHS]
- 00:10:53,152 --> 00:10:55,987 Whew, that's a lot of stairs.
- 00:11:01,369 --> 00:11:06,665 Oh, boy. You should warn people there's no elevator.
- 00:11:07,625 --> 00:11:09,334 [GOODBODY GROANS]
- 00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:13,588 I should not have had that Mexican food for lunch.
- 00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:17,801 - Oh. - Are you gonna be okay, Officer, uh?
- 00:11:17,968 --> 00:11:21,054 - Goodbody. - If you say so.
- 00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,850 So where's the young lady...
- 00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:30,605 ...who I am supposed to take downtown?
- 00:11:33,275 --> 00:11:35,151 Oh, God.
- 00:11:36,445 --> 00:11:39,781 All right. Somebody show me where to plug in my box...
- 00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:41,658 ...and we'll get this party started.
- 00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:42,951 Wah!
- 00:11:45,746 --> 00:11:46,955 - Over here? MONICA: Yeah.
- 00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:49,290 GOODBODY: All right. - Rachel?
- 00:11:50,292 --> 00:11:53,211 - Yeah? - Um, are you kidding?
- 00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:56,673 We didn't know you wanted a stripper, so we got the phone book...
- 00:11:56,841 --> 00:12:00,677 ...and got the first name we could find. - How old's your phone book?
- 00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:05,515 Oh, my God, this man is gonna get naked in my apartment.
- 00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:08,560 God, no. I don't wanna see him take his clothes off.
- 00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,687 Are you talking about me?
- 00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:13,523 Oh, no.
- 00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:18,236 I mean, obviously we wanna see you take your clothes off.
- 00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:20,739 You big piece of eye candy.
- 00:12:23,325 --> 00:12:27,704 Okay. Okay, ladies, can I have your attention, please?
- 00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:29,664 PHOEBE: Oh, yeah. RACHEL: Oh.
- 00:12:32,376 --> 00:12:37,505 Did someone call for the long arm of the law?
- 00:12:40,259 --> 00:12:44,262 I should warn you, I have a concealed weapon.
- 00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:52,520 I hope you're familiar with this state's penal code.
- 00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:57,066 Okay, okay. Enough teasing.
- 00:12:57,234 --> 00:13:00,361 Now for some pleasing.
- 00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:03,948 [SOFT CELL'S "TAINTED LOVE" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
- 00:13:08,245 --> 00:13:10,872 Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.
- 00:13:11,248 --> 00:13:14,876 Sometimes I feel I've got to
- 00:13:16,170 --> 00:13:20,507 Run away I've got to get away
- 00:13:20,674 --> 00:13:24,636 From the pain you drive Into the heart of me
- 00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:28,473 The love we share Seems to go
- 00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:29,891 Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- 00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:31,684 She cringed.
- 00:13:32,686 --> 00:13:36,314 This is how I look when I'm turned on.
- 00:13:38,108 --> 00:13:40,068 You were talking about me before.
- 00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:43,780 Look, I don't need this. I'm out of here. Where's my hat?
- 00:13:46,033 --> 00:13:48,743 Look, I've been in this business for a long time.
- 00:13:48,911 --> 00:13:50,703 Shocking.
- 00:13:51,872 --> 00:13:55,792 Now, if you'll just pay me my $300, I'll be on my way.
- 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:58,962 - $300? Are you kidding? - That's okay. Let me get my checkbook.
- 00:13:59,129 --> 00:14:01,464 You're not gonna pay him. He didn't do anything.
- 00:14:01,632 --> 00:14:06,052 Didn't do anything? I took a bus all the way from Hoboken.
- 00:14:06,220 --> 00:14:09,639 I climbed, I don't know, like, a billion stairs.
- 00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:12,433 And it's not like I can take them two at a time.
- 00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:18,773 I don't care. We're not paying you $300 for this.
- 00:14:18,941 --> 00:14:21,651 It's not my fault if you're too uptight to appreciate...
- 00:14:21,819 --> 00:14:24,737 ...the male form in all its glory.
- 00:14:24,947 --> 00:14:28,700 Okay, I'm uptight. That's why I don't wanna watch a middle-aged guy...
- 00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:33,788 ...dance around in what I can only assume is a child's Halloween costume.
- 00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:39,627 I may have borrowed this from my nephew...
- 00:14:39,795 --> 00:14:44,966 ...but let me assure you, what's underneath is all man.
- 00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:48,136 I'm sorry, did you say "all man" or "old man"?
- 00:14:49,763 --> 00:14:50,805 Whoa!
- 00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:53,057 You're mean.
- 00:14:53,267 --> 00:14:55,476 - Uh, look, uh, officer, um... Sir? GOODBODY: Damn it.
- 00:14:55,644 --> 00:14:56,644 Listen.
- 00:14:56,812 --> 00:14:58,980 [SOBBING]
- 00:14:59,148 --> 00:15:02,859 Big surprise. The hunk of beef has feelings.
- 00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:06,154 STAGE MANAGER: Applause.
- 00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:07,363 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
- 00:15:07,531 --> 00:15:10,658 Okay, Henrietta, you picked "Jack and Jill Went Up The Hill."
- 00:15:10,826 --> 00:15:14,829 Oh. My friend Rachel has a kid. I totally know nursery rhymes.
- 00:15:14,997 --> 00:15:19,208 Joey, describe these things associated with the United States Congress.
- 00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:24,422 Give me 20 seconds on the clock, please.
- 00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:26,883 Ready? Go.
- 00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:30,261 [TENSE MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
- 00:15:30,429 --> 00:15:32,847 Uh... Uh...
- 00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:39,687 Pass.
- 00:15:39,897 --> 00:15:43,274 - Uh, the thing hanging in your throat. - Uvula.
- 00:15:43,442 --> 00:15:45,443 Oh, then pass.
- 00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:46,653 Aw...
- 00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:49,864 Okay. Henrietta, you didn't get all the points you needed...
- 00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:53,534 ...so that means, Gene, you are going to the Winner's Circle to try for $10,000.
- 00:15:53,702 --> 00:15:55,036 [AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
- 00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:58,748 And you're gonna be going there with Joey Tribbiani.
- 00:16:02,252 --> 00:16:04,087 You made out with Missy Goldberg?
- 00:16:04,254 --> 00:16:07,423 How could you do that after you promised me?
- 00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:10,009 Excuse me.
- 00:16:10,886 --> 00:16:13,304 That didn't make us sound gay at all.
- 00:16:13,472 --> 00:16:16,599 - You broke the pact. - Ross, that was 16 years ago.
- 00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:20,311 That doesn't matter. We're talking about the foundation of our friendship.
- 00:16:20,479 --> 00:16:24,440 I believe the foundation of our friendship was unfortunate hair.
- 00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:30,196 If we're really gonna do this, it's not like you never broke one of the pacts.
- 00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:31,906 - I didn't. - Oh, really?
- 00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:33,449 - No. - Oh, really?
- 00:16:33,617 --> 00:16:35,243 - No! - Adrienne Turner!
- 00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:37,078 Yes?
- 00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:39,414 [IN UNISON] Hey, Adrienne.
- 00:16:39,581 --> 00:16:41,082 Hey.
- 00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:44,293 I never did anything with Adrienne Turner.
- 00:16:44,461 --> 00:16:46,754 Oh, please. And you knew how much I liked her.
- 00:16:46,922 --> 00:16:48,881 I don't know what you're talking about.
- 00:16:49,049 --> 00:16:50,967 Really? Remember that party freshman year?
- 00:16:51,176 --> 00:16:52,927 A week before Christmas vacation?
- 00:16:53,095 --> 00:16:54,095 I do.
- 00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:55,304 You had some visitors.
- 00:16:55,472 --> 00:16:58,599 [AFTER THE FIRE'S "DER KOMMISSAR" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
- 00:17:02,771 --> 00:17:04,605 I can't believe we're at a real college party.
- 00:17:04,773 --> 00:17:05,773 [RACHEL GIGGLING]
- 00:17:05,941 --> 00:17:08,276 I have to pee so bad.
- 00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:10,486 This is so awesome.
- 00:17:10,654 --> 00:17:13,031 College guys are so cute.
- 00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:15,575 - Hey, you've got a boyfriend. - I know.
- 00:17:15,743 --> 00:17:19,620 But if a guy who looks like Corey Haim wants to kiss me, I am so gonna let him.
- 00:17:19,788 --> 00:17:21,122 [CHUCKLES]
- 00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:25,001 Hey, look, there's Chandler.
- 00:17:27,421 --> 00:17:30,631 That stupid friend of Ross' who said I was fat.
- 00:17:30,799 --> 00:17:33,801 - I've already lost four pounds. - You can so totally tell.
- 00:17:33,969 --> 00:17:35,845 I know!
- 00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:39,640 Well, let's see, maybe he knows where Ross is.
- 00:17:40,809 --> 00:17:42,643 Der Kommissar's in town, uh-oh
- 00:17:42,811 --> 00:17:44,771 Hey, how's it going?
- 00:17:44,938 --> 00:17:46,314 - Aren't you? - Yeah, Rachel.
- 00:17:46,482 --> 00:17:50,318 And this is Ross' sister, Monica. We met at Thanksgiving.
- 00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:52,612 Right. So how you doing?
- 00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:54,363 Bitchen.
- 00:17:55,365 --> 00:17:57,492 - Hi, Monica. - Hi, Chandler.
- 00:17:57,659 --> 00:17:59,827 It's really nice to see you. Not!
- 00:17:59,995 --> 00:18:01,245 [MONICA SNORTS]
- 00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:03,122 [RACHEL GIGGLES]
- 00:18:03,290 --> 00:18:04,499 Okay.
- 00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:06,876 I'll see if I can find Ross.
- 00:18:07,669 --> 00:18:10,171 Oh, my God, Rach. Beanbag chairs.
- 00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:11,339 RACHEL: Oh.
- 00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:15,051 Do not let me sit in one of those. We'll be here for days.
- 00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:19,305 Don't turn around, uh-oh
- 00:18:19,556 --> 00:18:23,351 Listen, Adrienne, you can't tell Chandler about this.
- 00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:27,814 Oh, believe me, Ross, I won't be telling anybody about this.
- 00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:30,858 Cool.
- 00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:34,904 Don't turn around, uh-oh
- 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:37,740 Der Kommissar's in town
- 00:18:38,909 --> 00:18:41,410 I didn't know you knew about that.
- 00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:44,205 Well, I did. And it hurt.
- 00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:48,000 That's when I wrote the song "Betrayal in the Common Room."
- 00:18:48,919 --> 00:18:50,002 [SIGHS]
- 00:18:50,170 --> 00:18:52,755 Man, I'm sorry.
- 00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:56,342 Look, that was a long time ago.
- 00:18:56,510 --> 00:19:00,513 So, I made out with Adrienne, and you made out with Missy.
- 00:19:00,681 --> 00:19:01,806 [ROSS CHUCKLES]
- 00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,349 Well, I guess we're even.
- 00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:06,853 CHANDLER: Mm-hm.
- 00:19:08,522 --> 00:19:10,148 We are even, right?
- 00:19:11,066 --> 00:19:12,733 [CHANDLER SIGHS]
- 00:19:12,901 --> 00:19:17,071 One more thing. I was so pissed at you that night, I wanted to get back at you.
- 00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:20,408 So I thought, "Who does Ross like more than anybody?"
- 00:19:22,703 --> 00:19:25,788 What did you do to my mom?
- 00:19:30,085 --> 00:19:31,669 Not her.
- 00:19:33,380 --> 00:19:36,507 [LIPPS, INC.'S "FUNKYTOWN" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
- 00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:42,138 Talk about it, talk about it Talk about movin'
- 00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:47,101 Gotta move on
- 00:19:47,311 --> 00:19:49,145 I am so drunk.
- 00:19:49,313 --> 00:19:50,354 Gotta move on
- 00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:55,610 That's weird. I've had the same number of beers as you and I don't feel anything.
- 00:19:55,903 --> 00:19:57,737 So you girls having fun?
- 00:19:57,946 --> 00:20:00,114 For your information, ass-munch...
- 00:20:00,949 --> 00:20:04,952 ...I've lost four pounds. Maybe even five with all the dancing.
- 00:20:06,955 --> 00:20:09,373 - Somebody order a pizza? - Oh, that's me!
- 00:20:09,541 --> 00:20:12,793 Won't you take me to Funkytown?
- 00:20:12,961 --> 00:20:16,964 I am so not gonna do good on my SATs tomorrow.
- 00:20:17,841 --> 00:20:21,761 Well, maybe you could go to school here next year and we could totally hang out.
- 00:20:21,929 --> 00:20:23,471 Oh, yeah. There's a plan.
- 00:20:23,639 --> 00:20:25,806 Why don't I just start taking my smart pills now?
- 00:20:25,974 --> 00:20:27,058 [SCOFFS]
- 00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,894 Well, maybe you could get in on a beauty scholarship.
- 00:20:30,103 --> 00:20:31,145 [CHUCKLES]
- 00:20:31,313 --> 00:20:32,939 What a line.
- 00:20:34,274 --> 00:20:35,942 [WHISPERS] Oh, my God.
- 00:20:36,985 --> 00:20:40,071 - So where are you applying to? - [IN NORMAL VOICE] Um, well...
- 00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:44,367 ...I think it's kind of really important that I go somewhere where there's sun.
- 00:20:44,576 --> 00:20:47,411 So I'm sort of... Hey!
- 00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:49,372 I'm in college and I'm in a band.
- 00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:52,083 Yeah, okay.
- 00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:56,128 Won't you take me to Funkytown?
- 00:20:59,549 --> 00:21:04,136 What's the matter? You never saw a 50-year-old stripper cry before?
- 00:21:06,181 --> 00:21:07,974 You know, it's fine. We'll pay you.
- 00:21:08,141 --> 00:21:11,352 No, no, you're right. Who am I kidding?
- 00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:15,231 I should have hung up that breakaway jockstrap years ago.
- 00:21:17,776 --> 00:21:20,653 What am I gonna do? I mean...
- 00:21:20,821 --> 00:21:23,614 ...this has been my life for 32 years.
- 00:21:23,782 --> 00:21:27,785 Taking my clothes off in front of people is all I know.
- 00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:31,038 No, there's gotta be something else that you can do.
- 00:21:31,248 --> 00:21:33,749 I mean, what skills do you have?
- 00:21:33,917 --> 00:21:35,793 I don't know.
- 00:21:36,628 --> 00:21:39,463 I can make my pecs dance.
- 00:21:43,677 --> 00:21:46,804 I can pick up a dollar bill with my butt cheeks.
- 00:21:48,473 --> 00:21:53,311 I can go to that special place inside me where I feel no shame.
- 00:21:55,230 --> 00:21:57,898 So maybe something in an office.
- 00:21:59,151 --> 00:22:01,610 Or you could... You could teach stripping.
- 00:22:01,778 --> 00:22:05,406 You know, share your gift. Pass the torch.
- 00:22:07,242 --> 00:22:09,869 You know, actually, that's not a bad idea.
- 00:22:10,037 --> 00:22:14,415 I could do it out of my apartment. I don't think my mom would mind.
- 00:22:15,375 --> 00:22:18,127 There you go. Okay. You think you're gonna be okay?
- 00:22:18,295 --> 00:22:20,338 - Yeah. Yeah, yeah. - Yeah.
- 00:22:20,505 --> 00:22:22,757 This is so weird.
- 00:22:22,924 --> 00:22:25,343 You never know when it's gonna be your last dance.
- 00:22:26,803 --> 00:22:29,764 And I didn't even get a chance to finish it.
- 00:22:33,352 --> 00:22:34,852 Finish it.
- 00:22:36,605 --> 00:22:39,982 - What? - Your last dance. Do it for us.
- 00:22:41,193 --> 00:22:43,861 - Really? - Really?
- 00:22:45,405 --> 00:22:50,284 Yeah. Yeah, he deserves to do the thing he loves one last time.
- 00:22:51,495 --> 00:22:54,330 Okay. All right. Get ready, ladies.
- 00:22:54,498 --> 00:22:55,581 Okay.
- 00:22:55,749 --> 00:22:58,876 [SYLVESTER'S "YOU MAKE ME FEEL MIGHTY REAL" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
- 00:23:04,049 --> 00:23:07,385 Whoa, you make me feel
- 00:23:07,552 --> 00:23:08,552 Whoo!
- 00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:11,097 Mighty real
- 00:23:11,848 --> 00:23:14,558 You make me feel
- 00:23:15,769 --> 00:23:18,312 Mighty real
- 00:23:20,816 --> 00:23:23,943 [WOMEN CHEERING]
- 00:23:28,990 --> 00:23:30,908 Oh, this is so hot!
- 00:23:34,204 --> 00:23:35,413 [GOODBODY PANTING]
- 00:23:35,831 --> 00:23:38,040 Oh, no, no, no, don't stop.
- 00:23:38,208 --> 00:23:40,376 - Have to. - Oh.
- 00:23:41,002 --> 00:23:42,837 I feel real
- 00:23:43,004 --> 00:23:44,171 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
- 00:23:44,339 --> 00:23:47,174 Welcome to the Winner's Circle. Joey, Gene, you guys ready?
- 00:23:47,342 --> 00:23:49,343 - Yeah. - Sure.
- 00:23:49,970 --> 00:23:53,180 Okay. Uh, give me 60 seconds on the clock, please.
- 00:23:53,348 --> 00:23:55,808 Ready? Go.
- 00:23:56,977 --> 00:23:59,979 Oak. Maple. Elm. Birch.
- 00:24:00,188 --> 00:24:02,022 Uh, I don't know. Types of trees?
- 00:24:02,274 --> 00:24:04,316 [CHIME PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS] [AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]
- 00:24:04,484 --> 00:24:06,193 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
- 00:24:06,361 --> 00:24:08,320 Enchilada.
- 00:24:08,488 --> 00:24:10,489 Oh, I'm so sorry, I don't know any Spanish words.
- 00:24:10,657 --> 00:24:12,324 [CHIME PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]
- 00:24:12,492 --> 00:24:13,534 Wow.
- 00:24:13,702 --> 00:24:15,202 A match. A candle.
- 00:24:15,370 --> 00:24:17,371 Things that go "tss" when you put them out.
- 00:24:17,539 --> 00:24:19,748 - A torch. A bonfire. - Uh, I...
- 00:24:19,916 --> 00:24:21,876 - Uh, your pee. - Things that burn.
- 00:24:22,043 --> 00:24:24,545 [CHIME PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS] [AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]
- 00:24:24,713 --> 00:24:27,381 "I'd like to go for a walk." Uh, "scratch my belly."
- 00:24:27,549 --> 00:24:29,550 Dude. Dude, I think you're losing it.
- 00:24:29,718 --> 00:24:31,552 Uh, "I have fur." Uh, "I like to bark."
- 00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:33,179 Oh, oh, oh! What a dog says.
- 00:24:33,346 --> 00:24:34,388 [CHIME PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]
- 00:24:34,556 --> 00:24:36,515 - Uh, pepperoni. - Pizza toppings! Next!
- 00:24:36,683 --> 00:24:38,225 [CHIME PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS] [AUDIENCE CHEERS]
- 00:24:38,393 --> 00:24:41,896 Cindy Crawford. Uh, Christie Brinkley. Heidi Klum. Claudia Schiffer.
- 00:24:42,063 --> 00:24:43,522 Oh, oh, oh. Uh...
- 00:24:43,690 --> 00:24:46,066 Christy Turlington. Uh, Kate Moss.
- 00:24:46,234 --> 00:24:47,526 Girls Chandler could never get?
- 00:24:47,694 --> 00:24:49,069 [TONE PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]
- 00:24:49,237 --> 00:24:50,821 - Supermodels. - Where?
- 00:24:55,619 --> 00:24:57,369 Hey. Where's Rachel?
- 00:24:57,746 --> 00:25:00,623 She and Phoebe took the stripper to the hospital.
- 00:25:02,542 --> 00:25:04,793 Did you know Chandler kissed Rachel?
- 00:25:04,961 --> 00:25:07,087 What? When was this?
- 00:25:07,255 --> 00:25:11,091 1987. The weekend you guys visited me at school.
- 00:25:11,259 --> 00:25:14,762 - Oh, my God. That's wild. - But it was, like, a million years ago.
- 00:25:14,971 --> 00:25:16,764 - It doesn't matter. - It matters to me.
- 00:25:16,932 --> 00:25:19,099 - Why? - Because the night you kissed Rachel...
- 00:25:19,267 --> 00:25:22,353 ...was the night I kissed Rachel for the very first time.
- 00:25:22,521 --> 00:25:26,190 - You kissed her that night too? - Two guys in one night?
- 00:25:26,358 --> 00:25:30,444 Wow, I thought she became a slut after she got her nose fixed. Wow.
- 00:25:31,112 --> 00:25:33,239 - Seriously, where did this happen? - Okay...
- 00:25:33,406 --> 00:25:35,950 ...after you told me she was passed out in our room...
- 00:25:36,117 --> 00:25:38,702 ...I went in there to make sure she was all right.
- 00:25:38,870 --> 00:25:42,414 She was lying on my bed, all buried in people's coats.
- 00:25:42,582 --> 00:25:44,458 I went to kiss her on the forehead...
- 00:25:44,626 --> 00:25:47,086 ...but it was so dark, I accidentally got her lips.
- 00:25:47,254 --> 00:25:51,006 I started to pull away, but then I felt her start to kiss me back.
- 00:25:51,174 --> 00:25:54,343 It was only for a second, but it was amazing.
- 00:25:54,511 --> 00:25:57,805 And now I find out that you kissed her first.
- 00:25:58,014 --> 00:26:01,141 - Wait, what bed did you say she was on? - Mine.
- 00:26:01,309 --> 00:26:04,645 - I'm sure I put her on my bed. - No, she was definitely on my bed.
- 00:26:04,813 --> 00:26:08,399 Why would I kiss a girl and then put her on your bed?
- 00:26:08,567 --> 00:26:10,067 Well, then who was on my bed?
- 00:26:10,277 --> 00:26:12,903 Oh! Oh! Oh!
- 00:26:14,030 --> 00:26:15,823 No! No! No!
- 00:26:16,032 --> 00:26:18,450 Yes!
- 00:26:18,618 --> 00:26:23,038 - You were under the pile of coats? - I was the pile of coats!
- 00:26:26,376 --> 00:26:28,544 Oh, my God!
- 00:26:29,045 --> 00:26:32,548 You were my midnight mystery kisser?!
- 00:26:33,633 --> 00:26:36,343 You were my first kiss with Rachel?!
- 00:26:37,554 --> 00:26:40,097 You were my first kiss ever?!
- 00:26:42,642 --> 00:26:45,102 What did I marry into?!
- 00:26:51,359 --> 00:26:54,486 [THE TRAMMPS' "DISCO INFERNO" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
- 00:27:06,916 --> 00:27:10,044 [FINGERS SNAPPING]
- 00:27:19,554 --> 00:27:20,888 Aw, crap!
- 00:27:21,056 --> 00:27:22,931 Burn, baby, burn
- 00:27:24,726 --> 00:27:26,727 [English - US - SDH]
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