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Эпизод с результатом теста
The One with the Fertility Test
Сезон: 09Серия: 21
Описание
Чендлер и Моника проходят обследование на бесплодие и с удивлением встречают Дженис. Чендлер боится эякуляции в чашку. Вернувшись, они обнаруживают, что не могут забеременеть. Тем временем Рейчел записывается на массаж в салон. Фиби говорит ей, что это ужасное место, и рвет сертификат Рейчел. Рейчел склеивает сертификат скотчем и идет в салон вопреки желанию Фиби, но не знает, что Фиби там работает. Фиби несколько раз пытается изображать из себя шведку и шотландку, но Рейчел в конце концов узнает правду и убеждает ее быть собой. Но жадность к деньгам берет верх, и Фиби не сдается. Джоуи нужна помощь в развитии отношений с Чарли, и он обращается за советом к Россу. Приглашенная звезда: Мэгги Уилер в роли Дженис Литман-Горальник
Субтитры
- 00:00:04,212 --> 00:00:07,965 It's so weird. How did Joey end up kissing Charlie last night?
- 00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:12,302 - I thought you'd end up kissing Charlie. - I thought I'd end up kissing Charlie too.
- 00:00:12,470 --> 00:00:14,304 But surprise!
- 00:00:15,557 --> 00:00:18,017 I missed most of the party.
- 00:00:18,184 --> 00:00:19,601 Charlie's a girl, right?
- 00:00:20,729 --> 00:00:25,149 Yeah, she's this new professor in my department that I did not kiss.
- 00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:30,070 I don't know why Joey had to kiss her. Of all the girls at the party, God!
- 00:00:31,406 --> 00:00:35,534 - Why do you care so much? - Yes, Rachel. Why do you care so much?
- 00:00:38,663 --> 00:00:43,500 Because Ross is the father of my child.
- 00:00:43,668 --> 00:00:47,880 You know, and I want him to hook up with lots of women.
- 00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:53,177 All I'm saying is, I don't think that Joey and Charlie have anything in common.
- 00:00:53,344 --> 00:00:57,514 I don't know. They seemed to have a shared interest in each other's tonsils.
- 00:00:57,974 --> 00:01:02,394 Wow. Joey and a professor. Can you imagine if they had kids?
- 00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:05,022 And if the kids got her intelligence...
- 00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:08,192 ...and Joey's raw sexual magnetism...
- 00:01:08,359 --> 00:01:10,778 ...those nerds would get laid!
- 00:01:12,655 --> 00:01:16,075 All right. So, Ross, you're okay with all this? I mean...
- 00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:19,328 It's no big deal. I just met her. I'm fine with it.
- 00:01:21,873 --> 00:01:25,042 God, I forgot how hot she was.
- 00:01:25,794 --> 00:01:28,045 - I'm gonna get some more coffee. ALL: Hi.
- 00:01:28,213 --> 00:01:31,173 - Oh, you know, I'll come with you. - Okay.
- 00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:36,637 - So a professor, huh? - Yeah. She is cool. And she's so smart.
- 00:01:36,805 --> 00:01:39,681 Her mind is totally acrimonious.
- 00:01:45,188 --> 00:01:47,898 Guess that's not how she used it.
- 00:01:49,818 --> 00:01:52,319 I feel like I owe you an explanation.
- 00:01:52,487 --> 00:01:56,490 I don't ordinarily go around kissing guys at parties.
- 00:01:56,658 --> 00:01:58,117 I'm...
- 00:01:58,660 --> 00:02:02,704 Well, I'm kind of embarrassed. I really hope you don't think less of me.
- 00:02:02,872 --> 00:02:05,415 Think less of you? No. I don't think less of you.
- 00:02:05,583 --> 00:02:08,418 I mean, you saw someone you liked and you kissed them.
- 00:02:08,586 --> 00:02:11,964 Those people who like someone and don't kiss them...
- 00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:15,968 ...those people are stupid. I hate those people.
- 00:02:16,386 --> 00:02:18,470 Actually, I'm a little surprised at myself.
- 00:02:18,638 --> 00:02:21,849 I mean, Joey's so different from the guys I usually date.
- 00:02:22,016 --> 00:02:25,185 They're all professors, intellectuals. Paleontologists mostly.
- 00:02:25,353 --> 00:02:28,313 - You know, very cerebral... - Yeah, I know the type.
- 00:02:28,731 --> 00:02:33,152 If we want to grab a bite before work, we'd better get acrimonious.
- 00:02:35,446 --> 00:02:38,407 No? Am I getting close?
- 00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:32,419 - Hey! MONICA: Hi.
- 00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:35,047 Hey, you guys. Look what I just got.
- 00:03:36,382 --> 00:03:39,593 Oh, wow! I love those! Where did you get them?
- 00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:44,681 I bought them off eBay. They used to belong to the late Shania Twain.
- 00:03:47,685 --> 00:03:50,103 Phoebe, Shania Twain is still alive.
- 00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:52,898 Oh, then I overpaid.
- 00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:56,860 MONICA: Hey, what's this?
- 00:03:57,028 --> 00:04:00,155 Oh, it's a gift certificate to this new spa in SoHo.
- 00:04:00,323 --> 00:04:04,159 You can't show Phoebe this. She hates those corporate massage chains.
- 00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:06,870 What, now I can't get a massage?
- 00:04:07,038 --> 00:04:10,415 There are so many things that she disapproves of.
- 00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:13,710 I can't eat veal. I can't wear fur.
- 00:04:13,878 --> 00:04:16,296 I can't go hunting.
- 00:04:17,298 --> 00:04:20,759 - Do you want to go hunting? - I would like to have the option.
- 00:04:22,845 --> 00:04:25,555 - What's that? Hey, Rachel? - Ah...
- 00:04:25,723 --> 00:04:27,516 No, you can't go there!
- 00:04:27,684 --> 00:04:30,310 You know how I feel about these big massage places.
- 00:04:30,478 --> 00:04:32,938 They're putting people like me out of business.
- 00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:35,399 She wants to go hunting too!
- 00:04:39,028 --> 00:04:41,154 Phoebe, come on, I don't want to waste it.
- 00:04:41,322 --> 00:04:43,532 It would be like throwing away 100 bucks.
- 00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:46,702 Okay, this is not about the money. Okay?
- 00:04:46,869 --> 00:04:50,080 It's about corporate greed destroying our hearts...
- 00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:53,417 ...and leaving us hollow shells.
- 00:04:54,752 --> 00:04:57,379 I don't care about any of that.
- 00:04:59,424 --> 00:05:04,052 Well, do you care about friendship? I feel really strongly about this.
- 00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:07,973 Please don't use this gift certificate. I'm asking you as a friend.
- 00:05:08,182 --> 00:05:12,227 Oh, not as a friend. Phoebe!
- 00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:14,396 Fine. I won't use it.
- 00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:16,523 - Promise? - I promise.
- 00:05:16,691 --> 00:05:20,277 - Thank you. - Well, I am going hunting.
- 00:05:24,949 --> 00:05:25,991 [DOOR OPENS]
- 00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:28,535 Hey, honey. I missed you today.
- 00:05:28,703 --> 00:05:31,204 CHANDLER: Oh, yeah? - Yeah. Hey.
- 00:05:31,956 --> 00:05:36,793 - What do you wanna do tonight? - Oh, well, maybe we could, uh...
- 00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:49,931 Okay, trying to turn me on by making a mess?
- 00:05:50,099 --> 00:05:51,683 Know your audience.
- 00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:56,646 Besides, tomorrow we're doing those fertility tests.
- 00:05:56,814 --> 00:05:59,816 Until then, you need to keep your tadpoles in the tank.
- 00:06:01,277 --> 00:06:03,403 Do we really need to take those tests?
- 00:06:03,571 --> 00:06:05,655 We've been trying to have a baby for a year.
- 00:06:05,823 --> 00:06:08,742 I think it's a good idea to find out if everything's okay.
- 00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:12,954 - Just a few routine tests. - But I don't want to do it in a cup.
- 00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:17,626 - What is the big deal? - It's weird! You're in a doctor's office.
- 00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:20,128 It's not okay to do it in a doctor's office...
- 00:06:20,296 --> 00:06:23,715 ...but it is okay to do it in a parked car behind a Taco Bell?
- 00:06:26,594 --> 00:06:30,222 I cannot believe Ross told you that.
- 00:06:30,807 --> 00:06:34,768 And in my defense, it was a Wendy's.
- 00:06:35,103 --> 00:06:37,687 Look, I don't want to do these tests either.
- 00:06:37,855 --> 00:06:40,190 But I really do think it's a good idea.
- 00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:42,734 I'm sure a doctor's office can't be worse...
- 00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:46,154 ...than on a class trip to the Hershey factory.
- 00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:49,157 Oh, yeah! Rachel talks too!
- 00:06:56,290 --> 00:06:59,626 Who says wine has to cost more than milk?
- 00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:02,504 [KNOCKING]
- 00:07:05,550 --> 00:07:06,591 JOEY: Hey! - Hi.
- 00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:09,010 - Come on in. How are you? - I'm good.
- 00:07:09,178 --> 00:07:11,888 - Can I offer you a drink? - Please.
- 00:07:12,056 --> 00:07:14,349 I have been crazed all day.
- 00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:17,644 I had a meeting with the dean, my syllabus for summer school's due...
- 00:07:17,812 --> 00:07:19,938 ...and I'm writing the foreword for a book.
- 00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:23,358 I had a pretty hectic day at work too. Today I had to open a door and go:
- 00:07:23,526 --> 00:07:24,651 [GASPS]
- 00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:29,072 So I am just so excited to be here.
- 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:32,492 - I can't wait to explore the city. - If you need a tour guide...
- 00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:35,078 Oh, you mean it? That would be so fun.
- 00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:39,291 Oh, yeah, definitely. Definitely. Okay. What do you want to see first?
- 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:43,628 We could go see the Kronos Quartet at Avery Fisher Hall.
- 00:07:47,216 --> 00:07:48,467 Okay.
- 00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:52,637 There's a collection of Walt Whitman letters on display at the public library.
- 00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:54,764 I know.
- 00:07:56,184 --> 00:08:00,437 - But first, I have to see the Met. - Okay, let me stop you right there.
- 00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:03,565 The Mets suck, okay?
- 00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,903 You wanna see the Yankees.
- 00:08:08,070 --> 00:08:10,780 No. No, not the Mets. The Met. Singular.
- 00:08:10,948 --> 00:08:13,366 Which one? They all suck.
- 00:08:14,118 --> 00:08:15,702 The museum.
- 00:08:17,455 --> 00:08:19,498 I don't think so.
- 00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:28,632 - Hi there. - Hello. Welcome to Lavender Day Spa.
- 00:08:28,799 --> 00:08:30,675 How may I help you?
- 00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:35,305 Hi. I have a massage appointment under Rachel Green.
- 00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:40,268 - Okay. - And here is my gift certificate.
- 00:08:41,812 --> 00:08:46,691 - This has been torn up. - And taped back together.
- 00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:51,446 Okay. Well, I'll call you as soon as your massage therapist is ready.
- 00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:54,199 - Okay. - Have a seat through the glass doors.
- 00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:58,620 - Through the glass doors. - Through the glass doors.
- 00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:01,206 Alrighty then.
- 00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:11,758 Phoebe, your next client's in the waiting room.
- 00:09:11,926 --> 00:09:15,345 Do we have to talk like that when they're not around?
- 00:09:17,306 --> 00:09:20,141 Oh, no. No, no.
- 00:09:20,768 --> 00:09:24,354 Listen, is there someone who can fill in for me?
- 00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:27,899 - Sorry. Everyone is booked. - That woman can't know I work here.
- 00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:30,610 She's a friend of mine and I made this big stink...
- 00:09:30,778 --> 00:09:32,904 ...about how awful these massage chains are.
- 00:09:33,072 --> 00:09:36,700 - Then why do you work here? - Because it's good money.
- 00:09:37,159 --> 00:09:38,868 But that doesn't change the fact...
- 00:09:39,036 --> 00:09:42,247 ...that this is an evil, bloodsucking corporate machine.
- 00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:46,001 Well, I think this is a great place to work.
- 00:09:47,753 --> 00:09:50,505 Okay, are they listening?
- 00:09:54,302 --> 00:09:55,927 - Ross. Hey. ROSS: Hi.
- 00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:59,222 I need to talk to you about Charlie.
- 00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:01,891 Oh, do you? Do you really?
- 00:10:02,393 --> 00:10:04,853 Yeah, I'm kind of having a little problem.
- 00:10:05,187 --> 00:10:10,025 Look, if you don't know what the word "acrimonious" means, just don't use it.
- 00:10:10,901 --> 00:10:12,569 Look, you know Charlie, right?
- 00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:16,698 - She's cool, funny, her body is so... - Get to the problem.
- 00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:21,328 Right. She's just so much smarter than all the girls I've ever dated.
- 00:10:21,495 --> 00:10:23,413 Combined.
- 00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:28,460 You know? And I just... I don't want her to think I'm stupid.
- 00:10:31,422 --> 00:10:33,882 Are you wearing two belts?
- 00:10:35,426 --> 00:10:37,761 Hey, what do you know?
- 00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:44,684 You were saying you didn't want to seem stupid.
- 00:10:44,852 --> 00:10:49,189 Well, she wants to go to all these cultural places...
- 00:10:49,357 --> 00:10:53,610 ...and I don't know how to talk about that stuff. You gotta help me out.
- 00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:56,738 I don't want to get involved in your guys' relationship.
- 00:10:56,906 --> 00:11:00,033 Oh, dude, please. Come on, you're the smartest person I know.
- 00:11:00,201 --> 00:11:04,329 And I really like this girl, okay? I don't want to lose her.
- 00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:09,042 - Fine. - Thanks.
- 00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:11,044 Okay. Let's see.
- 00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:15,048 - Oh, you should take her to the Met. - The Mets.
- 00:11:16,217 --> 00:11:20,220 No, no, no. The Met. The Metropolitan Museum of Art.
- 00:11:21,847 --> 00:11:24,182 Oh, that's what she meant.
- 00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:27,852 If they're gonna shorten it, they should call it the "Muse," you know?
- 00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:30,772 Short for "museum" and avoid all the confusion.
- 00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:37,987 Yeah, most days the place is packed with confused, angry baseball fans.
- 00:11:38,155 --> 00:11:41,032 Okay. All right, so I'll take her to the Met.
- 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:47,163 Yeah. Okay. There's this great rare bookstore on Madison Avenue.
- 00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:49,791 You know what? She loves architecture.
- 00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:53,545 You should take a walk down Fifth to the St. Patrick's Cathedral.
- 00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:57,424 And there, there's this great little pastry shop that she'd love.
- 00:11:57,591 --> 00:12:00,218 Jeez. Sounds like you should be going on this date.
- 00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:02,554 But I'm not.
- 00:12:03,806 --> 00:12:06,266 - And you know what...? - Okay, slow down.
- 00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:07,892 You're going way too fast. Okay?
- 00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:09,728 - Just go back to the Met. - Okay.
- 00:12:09,895 --> 00:12:12,605 So you gotta tell me exactly what to do there.
- 00:12:12,773 --> 00:12:15,275 When you walk into the museum, take a right, okay?
- 00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:17,026 That's the antiquities wing.
- 00:12:17,194 --> 00:12:20,488 Ancient Egypt, Mesopotamia, up to the Byzantine Empire.
- 00:12:20,698 --> 00:12:22,574 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- 00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:27,287 Okay. So I walk in the door and make a right.
- 00:12:40,259 --> 00:12:43,261 I have a weird feeling about this place. How do I know...
- 00:12:43,429 --> 00:12:47,474 ...they won't secretly videotape me and put it all over the Internet?
- 00:12:48,893 --> 00:12:53,062 Because, honey, and I mean this in the sweetest way possible...
- 00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:55,690 ...nobody's gonna wanna watch that.
- 00:12:57,234 --> 00:12:58,985 Mr. Bing? Here you are.
- 00:12:59,153 --> 00:13:02,155 Go into that room and deposit your specimen into the container.
- 00:13:02,323 --> 00:13:03,782 Deposit my specimen?
- 00:13:03,949 --> 00:13:07,494 I usually have to call a 900 number for that kind of talk.
- 00:13:11,707 --> 00:13:13,625 Thanks. Got it.
- 00:13:14,376 --> 00:13:16,711 All right. Honey, my tests are down the hall.
- 00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:20,089 - Are you sure you're gonna be okay? - Yeah, I guess.
- 00:13:20,257 --> 00:13:23,134 Look, I know this is embarrassing, but nobody cares.
- 00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:26,095 No one here even knows you.
- 00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:31,518 Oh, my God!
- 00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:36,022 Oh, come on!
- 00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,196 [LAUGHING]
- 00:13:45,449 --> 00:13:47,659 How great is this?
- 00:13:47,868 --> 00:13:50,829 We're probably fertile. Let's go home.
- 00:13:53,582 --> 00:13:55,083 Why are you here?
- 00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:58,545 Sid and I are trying again and we had trouble last time...
- 00:13:58,712 --> 00:14:02,549 No, no, no. I mean, why? Why is she here?
- 00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:07,428 Oh, someone's a little cranky today because they have to do it in a cup. Ha, ha, ha.
- 00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:10,181 Oh, they gave you the kiddie size.
- 00:14:13,060 --> 00:14:14,936 What?
- 00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:16,479 [LAUGHING]
- 00:14:17,731 --> 00:14:22,235 This was fun. But I've got an invasive vaginal exam to get to.
- 00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:27,323 I'd love to stay but I've got a hot date.
- 00:14:27,491 --> 00:14:31,578 Please go. Just let me know if you need a hand. Ha, ha, ha.
- 00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,586 I think it just fell off.
- 00:14:41,463 --> 00:14:43,965 [SOFT MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
- 00:14:45,092 --> 00:14:47,218 PHOEBE [IN FOREIGN ACCENT]: Hello, ja.
- 00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:51,598 It's time for your massage, ja?
- 00:14:51,765 --> 00:14:53,850 Put your face in the hole.
- 00:14:56,395 --> 00:14:59,731 A Swedish massage from a real Swedish person.
- 00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:02,650 Okay, then I'm Swedish.
- 00:15:04,778 --> 00:15:07,155 RACHEL: So, what's your name?
- 00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:10,116 It's a normal Swedish name.
- 00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:11,951 Ikea.
- 00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:16,789 - Wow. What an interesting name. - Yeah.
- 00:15:16,957 --> 00:15:18,917 - You know, I... - Time for your scalp massage.
- 00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:20,168 Oh.
- 00:15:22,129 --> 00:15:24,589 Wow. I really love your...
- 00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:26,049 [GASPS]
- 00:15:27,259 --> 00:15:31,095 - Is something wrong? - No, it's just, um...
- 00:15:31,263 --> 00:15:33,348 It just feels so good...
- 00:15:33,515 --> 00:15:35,308 ...lkea.
- 00:15:36,352 --> 00:15:39,604 Hey, say, you'll know this. What's the capital of Sweden?
- 00:15:40,439 --> 00:15:41,814 Um...
- 00:15:41,982 --> 00:15:43,441 Stockholm.
- 00:15:43,859 --> 00:15:46,486 Damn. I wish I knew if that was right.
- 00:15:48,530 --> 00:15:52,492 Note the painterly lines and subtle impasto on this canvas.
- 00:15:52,868 --> 00:15:55,411 Monet painted quickly, and usually outdoors...
- 00:15:55,579 --> 00:15:59,749 ...as his elusive subject was light itself.
- 00:16:01,669 --> 00:16:05,213 Now, do you have any idea what you just said?
- 00:16:08,175 --> 00:16:12,303 No, no. My mouth says the words, my brain is thinking "monster trucks."
- 00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:16,849 Now, remember, when you get to the museum...
- 00:16:17,017 --> 00:16:21,020 ...Monet is not spelled M-O-N-A-Y. I just...
- 00:16:21,188 --> 00:16:25,733 - I wrote that out phonetically for you. - Phonetically?
- 00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:30,029 Yeah, that means... We just don't have time for this.
- 00:16:30,197 --> 00:16:34,909 I gotta say, I'm really impressed you were able to memorize all this so quickly.
- 00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:37,662 I'm an actor. I can memorize anything.
- 00:16:37,871 --> 00:16:39,455 Last week on Days, I had to say:
- 00:16:39,623 --> 00:16:41,958 "Frontal temporal zygomatic craniotomy."
- 00:16:42,126 --> 00:16:46,087 - Wow. What does that mean? - No idea.
- 00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:49,632 But the guy I said it to dies in the next scene...
- 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:52,719 ...so I guess it means, "You'll get eaten by a bear."
- 00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,182 Okay.
- 00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:01,978 - So let's move on to the Renaissance. - Okay.
- 00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:05,481 Caravaggio uses chiaroscuro here...
- 00:17:05,649 --> 00:17:08,735 ...to highlight the anguish of the central figure.
- 00:17:08,902 --> 00:17:10,611 Touch it. It's really bumpy.
- 00:17:10,779 --> 00:17:16,701 Nuh-uh. Uh-uh. No, no, no. No ad-libbing. And, dude, you can't touch the paintings.
- 00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:18,119 - Come on. - No. No!
- 00:17:29,256 --> 00:17:31,299 My specimen's in the room.
- 00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:35,720 I just want to thank whoever knocked on the door while I was in there.
- 00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:38,014 Really helped speed the process along.
- 00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:43,728 Janice, you're not gone?
- 00:17:44,938 --> 00:17:46,230 Sid is still in his room.
- 00:17:46,398 --> 00:17:50,777 I don't allow porn at home, so this is like a vacation for him.
- 00:17:52,196 --> 00:17:54,989 So did you do it? Did you make your deposit?
- 00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:59,452 - Yeah. The hard part's over. - That's not the hard part, honey.
- 00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:04,165 The hard part's what comes next. Aren't you worried about the results?
- 00:18:04,374 --> 00:18:06,834 I haven't even thought about the results.
- 00:18:07,002 --> 00:18:09,337 I just assumed everything would be okay.
- 00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:11,798 Well, you know what? It probably is.
- 00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:13,549 But what if it's not okay?
- 00:18:13,717 --> 00:18:16,928 I mean, what if there's a reason we can't have a baby?
- 00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:20,431 Chandler. Look, you and Monica are meant to have children.
- 00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:22,642 I'm sure it's gonna be just fine.
- 00:18:24,269 --> 00:18:29,565 Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Thanks. I can't believe I didn't even think of that.
- 00:18:29,733 --> 00:18:34,320 I guess I was so worried about having to come here and do that.
- 00:18:34,488 --> 00:18:36,823 You can do it in a Taco Bell parking lot...
- 00:18:36,990 --> 00:18:39,492 ...but you can't do it at a doctor's office?
- 00:18:41,829 --> 00:18:44,122 It was a Wendy's!
- 00:18:48,001 --> 00:18:52,296 [SINGS IN MADE-UP LANGUAGE]
- 00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:58,594 And that's the Swedish national anthem. Thank you for asking.
- 00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:02,140 RACHEL: Wow, lkea.
- 00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:05,184 What a rich culture.
- 00:19:05,352 --> 00:19:08,146 You know what? I have a friend who's a masseuse.
- 00:19:08,313 --> 00:19:12,024 - Oh? Ja, ja? - Ja. She's not very good, though.
- 00:19:14,778 --> 00:19:16,904 Uh-huh, uh-huh.
- 00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:20,950 - And why do you think that is? - I don't know.
- 00:19:21,118 --> 00:19:24,328 Maybe it's because she's got such callousy fingers...
- 00:19:24,496 --> 00:19:27,165 ...from playing crummy guitar.
- 00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,920 [PHOEBE CHUCKLES]
- 00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:38,759 Or maybe she has trouble loosening your knots...
- 00:19:38,927 --> 00:19:42,388 ...because you're such a high-maintenance tight-ass.
- 00:19:42,556 --> 00:19:44,348 - Phoebe! - You know it's me?
- 00:19:44,516 --> 00:19:46,767 Well, for like a half an hour!
- 00:19:46,935 --> 00:19:49,770 Man, you can lie about Sweden!
- 00:19:51,356 --> 00:19:52,982 How can you come here?
- 00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:56,694 - Why didn't you tell me you work here? - I don't have to tell you everything!
- 00:19:56,862 --> 00:20:00,364 You do if you're gonna make me feel guilty for getting a free massage.
- 00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:02,783 - Tip's not included. - Oh!
- 00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:06,621 Why did you lie to me about working here?
- 00:20:06,788 --> 00:20:11,083 Because I was ashamed, okay? I sold out for the cash.
- 00:20:11,251 --> 00:20:16,505 And they give me benefits, like medical and dental and a four-oh-wunk.
- 00:20:21,803 --> 00:20:26,682 But, you know, you pay a price. Now I'm this corporate stooge...
- 00:20:26,850 --> 00:20:29,143 ...and punching a clock...
- 00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:31,187 ...and paying taxes!
- 00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:34,982 Phoebe, honey, if you hate it so much...
- 00:20:35,150 --> 00:20:38,903 ...you should walk out there right now and quit.
- 00:20:39,196 --> 00:20:41,697 Be true to what you believe in.
- 00:20:41,865 --> 00:20:45,493 Honey, you have principles, and I so admire that.
- 00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:47,870 I don't have any.
- 00:20:49,623 --> 00:20:52,625 You know what? You're right. I am gonna quit.
- 00:20:52,793 --> 00:20:55,878 - It's time I took my life back. - Good for you, Pheebs.
- 00:20:56,046 --> 00:20:57,380 Okay.
- 00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:04,637 If you guys have microphones in there too, I didn't mean any of that.
- 00:21:05,305 --> 00:21:07,181 I love you.
- 00:21:08,809 --> 00:21:13,688 Aha! Got you! Die! Die! Die!
- 00:21:13,855 --> 00:21:15,231 [GUNFIRE ON LAPTOP]
- 00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:22,154 - Respectfully, Professor R. Geller. Hey. - Hi.
- 00:21:22,322 --> 00:21:24,240 - Hey, how was the Met? - Oh!
- 00:21:24,408 --> 00:21:26,492 - The museum was amazing. - Yeah?
- 00:21:26,660 --> 00:21:29,036 Yeah, Joey really knows his art, huh?
- 00:21:29,204 --> 00:21:31,372 Not so much, no.
- 00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:34,250 He had clearly memorized all this stuff to say...
- 00:21:34,418 --> 00:21:37,169 ...and some of it didn't even make any sense.
- 00:21:37,963 --> 00:21:39,714 - What do you mean? - Well, for one...
- 00:21:39,881 --> 00:21:42,842 ...he was talking about paintings that were nowhere around.
- 00:21:45,637 --> 00:21:50,182 Wait a minute. When you guys walked into the Met, did you go to the right?
- 00:21:50,350 --> 00:21:54,312 - No. No, we went to the left. - Oh, Joey, Joey, Joey.
- 00:21:56,648 --> 00:22:00,234 Still, it seems like you guys are having a great time together.
- 00:22:00,986 --> 00:22:03,738 Yeah. Yeah, it's fun.
- 00:22:05,991 --> 00:22:07,033 What?
- 00:22:08,827 --> 00:22:10,703 Actually, Joey's your friend...
- 00:22:10,871 --> 00:22:13,497 ...and you don't know me that well. It'd be weird.
- 00:22:13,832 --> 00:22:16,542 Well, I mean, a little. But no, what? Go on.
- 00:22:16,710 --> 00:22:17,752 Well...
- 00:22:18,879 --> 00:22:22,506 I'm thinking that maybe Joey isn't the right guy for me right now.
- 00:22:22,674 --> 00:22:25,885 You know, maybe I should be with someone...
- 00:22:27,929 --> 00:22:31,682 ...I have more in common with. You know what I mean?
- 00:22:33,018 --> 00:22:34,602 Yeah.
- 00:22:37,105 --> 00:22:39,607 Yeah, but you know what?
- 00:22:40,734 --> 00:22:43,778 I think you should give Joey a chance.
- 00:22:43,945 --> 00:22:45,780 I mean, he's a great guy.
- 00:22:45,947 --> 00:22:48,532 And sure, he doesn't know that much about art...
- 00:22:48,700 --> 00:22:51,410 ...but you can always talk about that with someone else.
- 00:22:51,578 --> 00:22:53,829 - I guess that's true. - If you think about it...
- 00:22:54,039 --> 00:22:58,167 ...he memorized all that stuff because he thought it was important to you.
- 00:22:58,335 --> 00:23:01,045 You know, that's the kind of guy Joey is.
- 00:23:01,213 --> 00:23:03,756 He is very sweet.
- 00:23:03,924 --> 00:23:05,591 Plus, he is hot!
- 00:23:06,927 --> 00:23:10,429 That was gonna be my next argument.
- 00:23:10,639 --> 00:23:12,598 JOEY: Hey. ROSS & CHARLIE: Hey.
- 00:23:12,766 --> 00:23:14,850 - You ready? - Yeah. Let's go.
- 00:23:15,018 --> 00:23:16,060 JOEY: Wow.
- 00:23:17,813 --> 00:23:19,980 - Thanks, Ross. - Yeah.
- 00:23:21,149 --> 00:23:24,777 Hey, Ross. That art stuff worked. You hooked me up.
- 00:23:26,571 --> 00:23:27,863 Glad I could help, man.
- 00:23:28,073 --> 00:23:32,118 Some of the stuff wasn't where you said it would be, but I made it work.
- 00:23:42,421 --> 00:23:46,632 It is not okay that I'm aroused by this now.
- 00:23:47,843 --> 00:23:48,968 [PHONE RINGS]
- 00:23:50,262 --> 00:23:51,303 Hello?
- 00:23:51,805 --> 00:23:54,765 Oh. Hi, Dr. Connelly.
- 00:23:55,142 --> 00:23:57,518 No. Well, she's not here...
- 00:23:57,686 --> 00:23:59,228 ...but I can tell her.
- 00:23:59,396 --> 00:24:02,148 Should I be sitting down for this?
- 00:24:06,736 --> 00:24:08,279 Oh.
- 00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:15,202 Uh-huh.
- 00:24:17,456 --> 00:24:20,040 Well, so, what does that mean?
- 00:24:24,921 --> 00:24:27,298 Okay. Okay, thank you.
- 00:24:27,466 --> 00:24:29,091 Thanks.
- 00:24:35,390 --> 00:24:36,849 Hey, sweetie.
- 00:24:37,767 --> 00:24:39,268 Dr. Connelly just called.
- 00:24:39,436 --> 00:24:41,770 With good news? Of course it's not good news.
- 00:24:41,938 --> 00:24:43,772 You said, "Dr. Connelly just called."
- 00:24:43,940 --> 00:24:46,984 If it was good, you'd have said, "Dr. Connelly just called!"
- 00:24:47,152 --> 00:24:49,320 So, what is it? Is it?
- 00:24:49,488 --> 00:24:53,532 Is there a problem? Is there a problem with me, or with you?
- 00:24:55,285 --> 00:24:57,495 Actually, it's both of us.
- 00:24:58,872 --> 00:25:00,414 What?
- 00:25:00,582 --> 00:25:03,751 Apparently, my sperm have low motility...
- 00:25:03,919 --> 00:25:08,797 ...and you have an inhospitable environment.
- 00:25:12,802 --> 00:25:14,470 Oh.
- 00:25:16,973 --> 00:25:19,058 Well, what does that mean?
- 00:25:19,267 --> 00:25:22,770 It means that my guys won't get off their Barcaloungers...
- 00:25:22,938 --> 00:25:26,649 ...and you have a uterus that is prepared to kill the ones that do.
- 00:25:29,444 --> 00:25:31,695 - It means... - Wait, Chandler.
- 00:25:35,951 --> 00:25:38,786 It means that we can keep trying...
- 00:25:39,412 --> 00:25:43,123 ...but there's a good chance this may never happen for us.
- 00:25:48,838 --> 00:25:50,798 Oh, my God.
- 00:25:52,926 --> 00:25:54,593 I'm sorry.
- 00:25:55,178 --> 00:25:57,012 I'm sorry too.
- 00:26:00,684 --> 00:26:02,059 Well...
- 00:26:02,602 --> 00:26:05,604 ...we're gonna figure this out.
- 00:26:08,650 --> 00:26:10,401 I know.
- 00:26:27,085 --> 00:26:30,879 - Good morning, Phoebe. - Good morning, receptionist.
- 00:26:31,047 --> 00:26:34,592 Here's your schedule for the day. Your first client is in Room 1.
- 00:26:34,801 --> 00:26:39,013 "Rachel Green." Son of a bitch! She came back?
- 00:26:39,472 --> 00:26:41,098 [GROANS]
- 00:26:45,604 --> 00:26:47,021 [SOFT MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
- 00:26:47,188 --> 00:26:50,566 [IN SCOTTISH ACCENT] Are you ready for your Scottish massage?
- 00:26:50,900 --> 00:26:53,152 Put your face in the hole, lassie!
- 00:26:59,117 --> 00:27:01,118 [English - US - SDH]
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