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Эпизод с «мыльной» вечеринкой
The One with the Soap Opera Party
Сезон: 09Серия: 20
Описание
Рэйчел борется со своими чувствами к ничего не подозревающему Джоуи, который устраивает вечеринку для актеров сериала «Дни нашей жизни», но не хочет, чтобы кто-либо из его друзей присутствовал. Росс влюбляется в другую преподавательницу, Чарли (Айша Тайлер), которая встречалась только с лауреатами Нобелевской премии. Он и Рэйчел застают ее и Джоуи целующимися на вечеринке. Приглашенная звезда: Алекс Борштейн в роли Горькой женщины на сцене.
Субтитры
- 00:00:03,199 --> 00:00:05,994 Hey, you guys? What are you doing tomorrow night?
- 00:00:06,161 --> 00:00:09,414 Oh, well, let me see. I believe I'm...
- 00:00:09,581 --> 00:00:11,749 Yes, falling asleep in front of the TV.
- 00:00:12,834 --> 00:00:16,129 Well, my agent hooked me up with six tickets to a great play.
- 00:00:16,296 --> 00:00:17,922 I could fall asleep at a play.
- 00:00:19,090 --> 00:00:21,134 - What is it? - It's a one-woman play called:
- 00:00:21,301 --> 00:00:24,304 <i>Why Don '2' You Like Me? A Bitter Woman's Journey Through Life.</i>
- 00:00:24,471 --> 00:00:25,513 PHOEBE: Ooh.
- 00:00:26,014 --> 00:00:28,683 - That sounds interesting. - That does sound interesting.
- 00:00:28,850 --> 00:00:32,145 To listen to a woman complain for two hours. I don't think it gets bet--
- 00:00:32,312 --> 00:00:33,354 [SNORES]
- 00:00:34,981 --> 00:00:38,318 I know! I know. We can drive. We can vote. We can work.
- 00:00:38,485 --> 00:00:40,987 What more do these broads want?
- 00:00:41,821 --> 00:00:44,324 Well, you guys will have a great time. I promise.
- 00:00:44,491 --> 00:00:46,242 What? How come you don't have to go?
- 00:00:46,409 --> 00:00:47,994 I wish I could, but I found out...
- 00:00:48,161 --> 00:00:51,664 ...that I have to be at work really early the next day, so I can't go.
- 00:00:51,831 --> 00:00:54,459 But take the extra ticket and invite whoever you want.
- 00:00:54,667 --> 00:00:57,545 Ooh. Let's see. Who do I hate?
- 00:00:59,797 --> 00:01:01,174 Oh, sorry.
- 00:01:01,508 --> 00:01:02,967 - Oops, sorry. - Okay.
- 00:01:03,134 --> 00:01:04,719 - Okay. - Okay. Up you 90-
- 00:01:04,886 --> 00:01:07,096 RACHEL: Oh, gosh, okay! - All right.
- 00:01:08,681 --> 00:01:11,434 [RACHEL GIGGLING]
- 00:01:16,731 --> 00:01:19,734 - Can I ask you a question? - Yeah.
- 00:01:19,901 --> 00:01:23,279 Do you think it's possible for two friends to fool around...
- 00:01:23,446 --> 00:01:26,658 ...and not have it be a big deal?
- 00:01:28,076 --> 00:01:30,578 No, I don't think that ever works. Why?
- 00:01:31,621 --> 00:01:33,248 - No reason. - No, no. Rachel?
- 00:01:33,414 --> 00:01:35,416 - Yeah. - Who do you want to fool around with?
- 00:01:35,667 --> 00:01:38,044 Nobody! Forget it.
- 00:01:38,294 --> 00:01:39,337 [BOTH WHISPERING] Joey?
- 00:01:40,255 --> 00:01:41,881 Maybe.
- 00:01:43,049 --> 00:01:44,551 - You can't. - Why?
- 00:01:44,717 --> 00:01:45,927 Because.
- 00:01:46,094 --> 00:01:48,221 [MUMBLING]
- 00:01:49,430 --> 00:01:52,892 [IN NORMAL VOICE] Okay, seriously, did not understand a word you just said.
- 00:01:53,935 --> 00:01:56,187 - In the hall. - Okay.
- 00:01:58,856 --> 00:02:00,733 - You wanna fool around with Joey? - Yeah.
- 00:02:00,900 --> 00:02:04,445 Ever since I had that dream about him, I can't get it out of my head.
- 00:02:04,612 --> 00:02:07,240 I mean, what's the big deal? People do it all the time.
- 00:02:07,407 --> 00:02:10,076 Who do you know that are friends that just fool around?
- 00:02:10,243 --> 00:02:14,497 Okay. Off the top of my head... Don and Janet.
- 00:02:14,664 --> 00:02:17,333 - Who are they? - I know them from work.
- 00:02:18,001 --> 00:02:20,295 - Both of them? - No, just one of them.
- 00:02:20,461 --> 00:02:22,255 Which one?
- 00:02:22,672 --> 00:02:25,341 I don't know. What were the names I just said?
- 00:02:25,508 --> 00:02:28,303 No, Rachel, things could get incredibly complicated.
- 00:02:28,469 --> 00:02:31,931 You're right. I won't do anything with Joey. I just thought it--
- 00:02:32,098 --> 00:02:36,936 Okay, so that's two cups of tarragon, a pound of baking soda and a red onion?
- 00:02:38,438 --> 00:02:40,106 What the hell are you cooking?
- 00:03:33,034 --> 00:03:34,160 - Hey. CHANDLER: Hey.
- 00:03:34,327 --> 00:03:37,205 You guys won't believe what I have to do for work today.
- 00:03:37,372 --> 00:03:41,918 Yes, but, Ross, you chose a career of talking about dinosaurs.
- 00:03:43,002 --> 00:03:46,506 There are these two professors who are joining my department...
- 00:03:47,215 --> 00:03:50,718 ...and I have to meet them here and show them around campus.
- 00:03:50,885 --> 00:03:52,011 What's bad about that?
- 00:03:52,178 --> 00:03:54,889 I just know they'll be a couple of old windbags...
- 00:03:55,056 --> 00:03:58,601 ...wearing tweed jackets with suede elbow patches.
- 00:03:59,602 --> 00:04:00,687 Ross?
- 00:04:00,853 --> 00:04:03,523 What? These aren't suede.
- 00:04:07,151 --> 00:04:10,196 Excuse me. I'm looking for someone.
- 00:04:10,363 --> 00:04:13,408 You don't, by any chance, know a Ross Geller?
- 00:04:13,574 --> 00:04:14,617 No.
- 00:04:18,246 --> 00:04:21,457 Hi. Hi, I'm Ross Geller.
- 00:04:21,624 --> 00:04:25,128 - Oh, hi. I'm Professor Wheeler. - Oh.
- 00:04:25,586 --> 00:04:28,840 Oh, that's-- That's-- That's nice.
- 00:04:29,507 --> 00:04:30,842 It's good to meet you.
- 00:04:31,008 --> 00:04:33,886 Thank you so much for taking the time to show me around.
- 00:04:34,053 --> 00:04:35,888 No, it's no big deal.
- 00:04:36,055 --> 00:04:40,393 If I weren't doing this, I'd just, you know, be at the gym working out.
- 00:04:41,477 --> 00:04:42,729 Is he gonna introduce us?
- 00:04:42,895 --> 00:04:46,232 I think we're just blurry shapes to him now.
- 00:04:47,150 --> 00:04:49,402 By the way, I really enjoyed your paper...
- 00:04:49,569 --> 00:04:53,030 ...on the connection between geographic isolation and rapid mutagenesis.
- 00:04:53,197 --> 00:04:57,160 I wrote that in one night.
- 00:04:58,870 --> 00:05:01,414 Twenty bucks says they're married within the month.
- 00:05:02,415 --> 00:05:04,709 Well, we should probably get going.
- 00:05:05,626 --> 00:05:07,670 We've got a lot of ground to cover.
- 00:05:07,837 --> 00:05:10,548 Isn't another professor supposed to come with us?
- 00:05:11,340 --> 00:05:13,426 I don't think so.
- 00:05:13,801 --> 00:05:16,429 I'm pretty sure. A Professor Spafford from Cornell?
- 00:05:16,596 --> 00:05:19,682 Well, he's obviously late, and the rule in my class is:
- 00:05:19,849 --> 00:05:23,811 If you can't come on time, then don't come at all.
- 00:05:23,978 --> 00:05:27,148 An option that many of my students use.
- 00:05:28,024 --> 00:05:30,109 - Shall we? - We shouldn't wait for him?
- 00:05:30,276 --> 00:05:33,529 You know what, he's a big boy. I'm sure he'll find us, okay?
- 00:05:33,696 --> 00:05:36,073 - Professor Geller? - Oh, damn it!
- 00:05:44,999 --> 00:05:46,584 [MACHINE BEEPS]
- 00:05:46,751 --> 00:05:49,462 <i>JAN [ON MACHINE]: Hi, it's Jan Rogers. Can't wait for your party tonight.</i>
- 00:05:49,629 --> 00:05:54,258 <i>Listen, I forgot your address. Can you give me a call? Thanks. Bye.</i>
- 00:05:55,676 --> 00:05:57,553 - Hey! - Hey!
- 00:05:57,720 --> 00:05:58,888 What's happening?
- 00:05:59,138 --> 00:06:03,351 It's a real shame you can't make it to that one-woman show tonight.
- 00:06:03,518 --> 00:06:06,562 I'd love to, but I gotta get up so early the next day.
- 00:06:06,729 --> 00:06:10,441 - You know me, work comes first. - Oh, yeah, yeah.
- 00:06:10,650 --> 00:06:11,776 [MACHINE BEEPS]
- 00:06:11,943 --> 00:06:15,488 <i>JAN: Hi, it's Jan Rogers. Can't wait for your party tonight.</i>
- 00:06:17,281 --> 00:06:19,575 Stupid Jan Rogers!
- 00:06:20,576 --> 00:06:22,578 You are having a party tonight?
- 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:26,290 I'm kind of having a thing for the Days of our <i>Lives</i> people.
- 00:06:26,457 --> 00:06:27,834 You weren't gonna tell us?
- 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:30,419 How did you think you'd get away with that?
- 00:06:30,586 --> 00:06:32,421 I do it every year.
- 00:06:34,048 --> 00:06:36,092 You do that every year?!
- 00:06:36,259 --> 00:06:38,427 I didn't have to tell you that!
- 00:06:38,761 --> 00:06:41,472 God, I'm stupider than Jan Rogers!
- 00:06:42,473 --> 00:06:45,685 That's why you got us tickets to that play, to get rid of us!
- 00:06:45,852 --> 00:06:46,936 Yeah.
- 00:06:47,103 --> 00:06:50,565 Last year is that why you sent us to that Medieval Times restaurant?
- 00:06:50,731 --> 00:06:51,941 Yeah.
- 00:06:52,817 --> 00:06:57,446 The year before that, you set up that nighttime tour of that button factory?
- 00:06:57,613 --> 00:06:59,782 I can't believe you guys went for that one.
- 00:06:59,949 --> 00:07:03,160 Why wouldn't you invite us to your parties?
- 00:07:03,411 --> 00:07:07,665 You're fine, okay? But everyone else acts like an idiot around famous people.
- 00:07:07,832 --> 00:07:10,710 Well, then, so just invite me.
- 00:07:11,294 --> 00:07:14,547 Please, I was trying to be nice. You're the worst one.
- 00:07:14,714 --> 00:07:18,718 Joey, come on! Please, please? Let me come. I will behave. I promise.
- 00:07:18,885 --> 00:07:22,388 - I will behave. Please, please, please. - Okay, fine. You can come.
- 00:07:22,555 --> 00:07:26,183 But don't tell anybody else. It's up on the roof at 8.
- 00:07:26,434 --> 00:07:27,935 A soap-opera roof party?!
- 00:07:28,102 --> 00:07:31,772 I'm going to a soap-opera roof party! Uh, my God! Oh, my God!
- 00:07:34,442 --> 00:07:36,527 And it's out of my system.
- 00:07:42,158 --> 00:07:47,747 And then my wife and I went on a cruise to the Galépagos.
- 00:07:47,914 --> 00:07:52,126 There was a seafood buffet you wouldn't believe.
- 00:07:52,501 --> 00:07:57,423 There were clams and mussels and oysters...
- 00:07:57,590 --> 00:07:59,884 ...and cracked crab...
- 00:08:00,051 --> 00:08:02,219 ...and snow crab...
- 00:08:02,386 --> 00:08:04,889 ...and king crab.
- 00:08:05,056 --> 00:08:08,184 It's a pity I'm allergic to shellfish.
- 00:08:09,769 --> 00:08:12,688 So where did you get your undergraduate degree?
- 00:08:12,855 --> 00:08:16,609 - And that's not all I'm allergic to. - Oh, it's not over.
- 00:08:16,776 --> 00:08:20,905 I'm also allergic to peanuts and cashews...
- 00:08:21,072 --> 00:08:23,240 ...and almonds and filberts--
- 00:08:23,407 --> 00:08:25,076 So basically all nuts!
- 00:08:25,368 --> 00:08:27,495 Interestingly, no.
- 00:08:28,329 --> 00:08:32,166 You're kind of playing it fast and loose with the word "interesting."
- 00:08:33,876 --> 00:08:37,546 If you'll excuse me, I'm going to use the restroom.
- 00:08:38,756 --> 00:08:40,383 Qh, my God!
- 00:08:40,549 --> 00:08:42,718 I've lost the will to live.
- 00:08:44,428 --> 00:08:45,930 - Let's ditch him. - What?
- 00:08:46,097 --> 00:08:48,808 While he's still in the bathroom. I am begging you.
- 00:08:48,975 --> 00:08:52,770 Okay. Okay, fine, but I just have one question for you.
- 00:08:52,937 --> 00:08:56,023 When we exit, should we walk or run...
- 00:08:56,190 --> 00:08:58,567 ...or prance or stroll--?
- 00:08:58,734 --> 00:09:03,572 Stop it! Stop it! He talks slow, but he might pee fast. Okay, let's move!
- 00:09:13,290 --> 00:09:15,543 Oh, hey, you guys, this is Charlie.
- 00:09:15,793 --> 00:09:18,629 Charlie, this is Phoebe and my sister, Monica.
- 00:09:18,796 --> 00:09:21,966 PHOEBE <i>&</i> MONICA: Hi. - Charlie will be joining my department.
- 00:09:22,133 --> 00:09:24,301 - You're a paleontologist too? - Yeah.
- 00:09:24,635 --> 00:09:26,679 Oh, okay. Now, what do you think...
- 00:09:26,846 --> 00:09:31,183 ...of Renyard's new theory of species variegation in segmented arthropods?
- 00:09:33,060 --> 00:09:36,397 I think he's a little out there, but he does have some interesting ideas.
- 00:09:36,564 --> 00:09:38,357 [CELL PHONE RINGING]
- 00:09:38,524 --> 00:09:41,402 Oh, I'm sorry. I have to take this. Excuse me.
- 00:09:41,694 --> 00:09:44,280 Renyard's theory of species variegation?
- 00:09:44,447 --> 00:09:49,618 I saw the article on your coffee table. I memorized the title to freak you out.
- 00:09:51,787 --> 00:09:53,456 So did you two have fun?
- 00:09:53,622 --> 00:09:56,083 Oh, my God. She's great.
- 00:09:56,250 --> 00:10:00,546 We have so much in common, and she's just cool, you know? And funny.
- 00:10:00,713 --> 00:10:04,425 And I don't know if you've noticed, but she's a hottie!
- 00:10:04,759 --> 00:10:05,801 Hi!
- 00:10:10,514 --> 00:10:11,766 - Hey. PHOEBE: Hey.
- 00:10:11,932 --> 00:10:15,728 Hi, you guys. Listen, you know what, I'm not feeling really well...
- 00:10:15,895 --> 00:10:19,315 ...and I don't think I'm gonna get to go to the play.
- 00:10:19,482 --> 00:10:20,816 Really? What's wrong?
- 00:10:20,983 --> 00:10:23,194 I don't know. I think it's kind of serious.
- 00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:26,822 You know, I was watching this thing on TV this morning...
- 00:10:26,989 --> 00:10:31,243 ...about Newcastle disease, and I think I might have it.
- 00:10:31,619 --> 00:10:34,121 Newcastle disease is a secretion-borne virus...
- 00:10:34,288 --> 00:10:37,041 ...that only affects chickens and other poultry.
- 00:10:39,210 --> 00:10:40,961 Okay, who's this?
- 00:10:41,504 --> 00:10:44,840 I'm sorry. Rachel, this is Charlie Wheeler. She's a colleague.
- 00:10:45,007 --> 00:10:46,926 Hi. Well, I would shake your hand...
- 00:10:47,093 --> 00:10:50,387 ...but I'm sure you don't want to get my chicken disease.
- 00:10:50,930 --> 00:10:54,141 - Rachel, can I see you for a second? RACHEL: Sure.
- 00:10:57,478 --> 00:10:58,938 [RACHEL GROANS]
- 00:10:59,355 --> 00:11:00,606 You're not sick.
- 00:11:00,940 --> 00:11:02,733 What? Yes, I am!
- 00:11:02,900 --> 00:11:05,361 Okay, then why are you all dressed up?
- 00:11:05,569 --> 00:11:06,821 [RACHEL GASPS]
- 00:11:07,488 --> 00:11:11,408 When you're sick, you do whatever you can to make yourself feel better.
- 00:11:12,993 --> 00:11:16,288 You just want to stay home so you can make a move on Joey.
- 00:11:16,455 --> 00:11:19,250 No, I heard you before. That is so not what this is.
- 00:11:19,416 --> 00:11:21,669 Okay, then what is this?
- 00:11:22,336 --> 00:11:23,379 Okay.
- 00:11:24,463 --> 00:11:27,633 Joey is having a secret Days of our <i>Lives</i> party up on the roof.
- 00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:30,344 And he sent you guys to the play to get rid of you.
- 00:11:30,761 --> 00:11:32,513 What?!
- 00:11:33,347 --> 00:11:34,598 What? What's going on?
- 00:11:34,765 --> 00:11:38,394 Joey is having a secret Days of our <i>Lives</i> party up on the roof!
- 00:11:38,561 --> 00:11:42,982 He didn't want you to know about it, but I came over here to tell you.
- 00:11:43,566 --> 00:11:47,111 - You came to say you were sick. - All right, professor or detective?
- 00:11:48,195 --> 00:11:51,824 Wait, Joey's having a party, and he wasn't gonna invite us?
- 00:11:51,991 --> 00:11:55,578 He does it every year. That's why he's sending you to the play.
- 00:11:55,744 --> 00:11:59,957 That's why he sent us to that medieval restaurant and to that button factory.
- 00:12:00,124 --> 00:12:02,376 And that horrible museum tour?
- 00:12:02,710 --> 00:12:04,503 No, I arranged that.
- 00:12:07,298 --> 00:12:08,340 [KNOCKING]
- 00:12:08,507 --> 00:12:11,302 Hey, you guys, I'm turning in. Have fun.
- 00:12:14,722 --> 00:12:16,432 We know about your party, Joey.
- 00:12:16,599 --> 00:12:20,102 - What party? - The game's over. Take off your robe.
- 00:12:21,270 --> 00:12:23,063 Okay, I mean...
- 00:12:23,689 --> 00:12:25,441 ALL: No!
- 00:12:25,608 --> 00:12:28,986 Close it up! Close it up!
- 00:12:30,988 --> 00:12:32,323 Nice to meet you.
- 00:12:42,374 --> 00:12:44,293 JOEY: Hey, you made it! All right!
- 00:12:44,460 --> 00:12:46,670 Glad you could make it. Thanks for coming.
- 00:12:47,046 --> 00:12:50,007 - Oh, my God. Kyle Lowder! - Hi.
- 00:12:50,674 --> 00:12:52,426 I love you!
- 00:12:52,593 --> 00:12:56,263 Hey. That's why I didn't invite you. You have to calm down, all right?
- 00:12:56,430 --> 00:12:58,432 Just get yourself a drink or something.
- 00:12:58,599 --> 00:13:01,477 Oh, yeah, that's what you want. My inhibitions lowered.
- 00:13:01,685 --> 00:13:02,728 PHOEBE: Hey.
- 00:13:02,895 --> 00:13:05,314 My God, can you believe we're surrounded by all this?
- 00:13:05,481 --> 00:13:07,024 I can barely control myself.
- 00:13:07,191 --> 00:13:09,818 You might want to remember that you're married.
- 00:13:09,985 --> 00:13:12,238 Where is Chandler anyway?
- 00:13:12,404 --> 00:13:13,989 Oh, my God! Chandler!
- 00:13:20,579 --> 00:13:23,332 Where the hell is everybody?
- 00:13:25,501 --> 00:13:28,170 <i>Why Don '2' You Like Me?</i>
- 00:13:32,132 --> 00:13:35,386 Chapter 1: My First Period.
- 00:13:39,974 --> 00:13:42,059 Hey, Joey said no autographs.
- 00:13:42,226 --> 00:13:44,353 But if she's getting one, I want one too!
- 00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:48,649 "To Monica." And none of this "best wishes" crap. I want "love."
- 00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:53,862 Okay, actually, Mon, Matthew was giving me his phone number.
- 00:13:54,029 --> 00:13:56,824 Oh, man! lfl had known I was coming to this party...
- 00:13:56,991 --> 00:13:58,867 ...I never would've gotten married!
- 00:14:00,035 --> 00:14:02,121 - It was nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.
- 00:14:02,288 --> 00:14:04,373 - Call me. - We will!
- 00:14:06,166 --> 00:14:09,169 - Look at you with all the guys! - Yeah.
- 00:14:09,336 --> 00:14:10,713 I guess you've forgotten Joey.
- 00:14:10,879 --> 00:14:13,674 Yeah, well, I guess I have forgotten aboutJoey.
- 00:14:13,841 --> 00:14:16,218 And clearly, you've forgotten about Chandler.
- 00:14:17,219 --> 00:14:19,346 Please. Chandler's the love of my life.
- 00:14:19,513 --> 00:14:21,598 Oh, leather pants! Have mercy!
- 00:14:24,601 --> 00:14:28,564 So it's probably gonna be hard for you to leave Boston, huh?
- 00:14:28,731 --> 00:14:32,609 Actually, I'm kind of happy to be leaving. I just broke up with someone.
- 00:14:32,776 --> 00:14:35,029 Oh, so sad.
- 00:14:35,571 --> 00:14:38,282 Still, it can't be easy for you to leave Harvard.
- 00:14:38,449 --> 00:14:42,536 Especially after working with a Nobel Prize winner like Albert Wintermeyer.
- 00:14:42,953 --> 00:14:45,748 Actually, Albie is the guy I broke up with.
- 00:14:45,914 --> 00:14:49,043 - You dated Albert Wintermeyer? - Yeah.
- 00:14:49,209 --> 00:14:52,129 And you called him "Albie"?
- 00:14:52,963 --> 00:14:57,176 I mean, that's like calling Albert Einstein...
- 00:14:57,968 --> 00:14:59,011 Albie.
- 00:15:00,846 --> 00:15:03,057 Yeah, well, he is a brilliant man.
- 00:15:03,223 --> 00:15:05,392 You think? I mean, you dated the guy...
- 00:15:05,559 --> 00:15:09,021 ...who improved the accuracy of radiocarbon dating by a factor of 10!
- 00:15:09,188 --> 00:15:13,525 Yes, and while that is everything one looks for in a boyfriend...
- 00:15:13,692 --> 00:15:15,361 ...he had a lot of issues.
- 00:15:15,527 --> 00:15:17,404 Oh, like what?
- 00:15:17,780 --> 00:15:20,949 I'm sorry. I don't mean to pry. It's just that this must be...
- 00:15:21,116 --> 00:15:25,287 ...what regular people experience when they watch <i>Access</i> Hollywood.
- 00:15:25,746 --> 00:15:27,498 Okay, you want the dirt?
- 00:15:27,664 --> 00:15:29,792 Albie was seriously insecure.
- 00:15:29,958 --> 00:15:33,170 He was really intimidated by the guy I dated before him.
- 00:15:33,337 --> 00:15:36,757 Who's intimidating to a guy who won the Nobel Prize?
- 00:15:36,924 --> 00:15:38,926 A guy who won two.
- 00:15:39,468 --> 00:15:40,761 Two? What--?
- 00:15:40,928 --> 00:15:43,889 Don't tell me you dated Benjamin Hobart?
- 00:15:44,056 --> 00:15:45,933 Yeah, for three years.
- 00:15:46,100 --> 00:15:47,476 Oh, my God.
- 00:15:48,352 --> 00:15:52,648 Have you ever dated someone who hasn't won the Nobel Prize?
- 00:15:54,149 --> 00:15:55,776 No.
- 00:15:56,568 --> 00:15:58,695 But there was my first boyfriend, Billy.
- 00:15:58,862 --> 00:16:01,198 Oh, yeah? No Nobel Prizes for him?
- 00:16:01,365 --> 00:16:04,660 No, but he did just win a MacArthur "genius grant."
- 00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:07,663 What a loser.
- 00:16:09,248 --> 00:16:11,125 Some more wine?
- 00:16:15,295 --> 00:16:17,714 Hey, Ross. How's it going with Charlie?
- 00:16:17,881 --> 00:16:19,758 Oh, great. After I finish my wine...
- 00:16:19,925 --> 00:16:23,846 ...I'm gonna blow my average-sized brains out.
- 00:16:24,304 --> 00:16:25,597 What's the matter?
- 00:16:25,764 --> 00:16:30,394 She only dates geniuses and Nobel Prize winners.
- 00:16:30,561 --> 00:16:33,355 Oh, my God, at the Chinese restaurant earlier today...
- 00:16:33,522 --> 00:16:37,860 ...I put chopsticks in my mouth and pretended to be a woolly mammoth.
- 00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:40,279 I always loved that.
- 00:16:40,446 --> 00:16:43,949 Of course you would! Your brains are smaller than mine!
- 00:16:45,409 --> 00:16:48,120 I can't compete with the guys she goes out with.
- 00:16:48,287 --> 00:16:50,831 They're so out of my league.
- 00:16:51,331 --> 00:16:52,458 Qh, my God!
- 00:16:52,624 --> 00:16:54,585 - Worse? - Oh, much, much worse.
- 00:16:54,751 --> 00:16:58,922 I did my impression of Joan Rivers as one of the earliest amphibians.
- 00:16:59,089 --> 00:17:00,215 "Can we walk?"
- 00:17:02,426 --> 00:17:04,720 - Oh, you like that? - No.
- 00:17:04,887 --> 00:17:06,138 What?
- 00:17:06,305 --> 00:17:09,641 Come on! I think that's funny!
- 00:17:10,309 --> 00:17:11,935 Woolly mammoth.
- 00:17:12,102 --> 00:17:13,812 L'I'S good!
- 00:17:15,939 --> 00:17:20,110 I bet you're thinking that now would be a great time for an intermission, huh?
- 00:17:20,277 --> 00:17:22,905 Oh, yes. God, yes.
- 00:17:23,489 --> 00:17:25,407 Well, you're not gonna get one!
- 00:17:25,574 --> 00:17:28,994 Because in life, there are no intermissions, people!
- 00:17:30,245 --> 00:17:34,041 Now, Chapter 7: Divorce is a Four-Letter Word!
- 00:17:35,876 --> 00:17:38,337 How could he leave me?!
- 00:17:40,088 --> 00:17:42,758 I don't know. You seem lovely.
- 00:17:49,723 --> 00:17:53,977 Ross, this is one of my costars, Dirk. Dirk, this is my good friend Ross.
- 00:17:54,144 --> 00:17:56,563 - Nice to meet you. - So, what show are you on?
- 00:17:56,730 --> 00:18:00,108 I'm not an actor. I'm a professor of paleontology.
- 00:18:00,943 --> 00:18:02,694 - That's science. - Oh.
- 00:18:03,237 --> 00:18:05,989 Hey, well, listen, I play a scientist on Days.
- 00:18:06,156 --> 00:18:09,034 Yeah, my character just won a Nobel Prize.
- 00:18:10,953 --> 00:18:15,874 Dirk was wondering about the woman you brought and if you two are together?
- 00:18:16,083 --> 00:18:18,293 Oh. Well, no, but...
- 00:18:18,460 --> 00:18:22,381 I mean, she only goes out with really, really smart guys.
- 00:18:22,548 --> 00:18:25,676 Hey, I got a 690 on my SATs.
- 00:18:27,386 --> 00:18:28,971 I'd lead with that.
- 00:18:31,265 --> 00:18:34,059 That's it. Just sign right on the bra.
- 00:18:34,935 --> 00:18:35,978 JOEY: Monica!
- 00:18:36,478 --> 00:18:39,690 Don't worry, Joe. I won't come next year!
- 00:18:43,735 --> 00:18:44,987 What the--?
- 00:18:45,153 --> 00:18:46,446 What do you got there?
- 00:18:46,613 --> 00:18:49,116 Just some boys gave me their phone numbers.
- 00:18:49,283 --> 00:18:51,535 - Oh, really? Let me see. - Oh.
- 00:18:52,327 --> 00:18:54,746 Damn, that's a lot of guys.
- 00:18:54,913 --> 00:18:57,207 Are you a little slutty?
- 00:18:58,959 --> 00:19:01,169 I think I am.
- 00:19:01,420 --> 00:19:04,381 Let me see if I approve of any of these clowns.
- 00:19:04,548 --> 00:19:06,800 - This guy wears a rug. - Well...
- 00:19:06,967 --> 00:19:09,386 This guy's Canadian.
- 00:19:09,886 --> 00:19:12,472 Oh, and this guy is in a cult, okay?
- 00:19:12,639 --> 00:19:17,394 It'll cost you $5000 to get to level three, and I don't feel any different.
- 00:19:18,979 --> 00:19:21,064 Pass. Pa-- Oh, pass. Pass.
- 00:19:21,231 --> 00:19:24,443 - Why? What's wrong with these guys? - Well, nothing major.
- 00:19:24,610 --> 00:19:28,030 It's just that, you know, they're not really good enough for you...
- 00:19:28,196 --> 00:19:30,407 ...and you deserve the best.
- 00:19:30,574 --> 00:19:32,826 Joey, you're so sweet.
- 00:19:32,993 --> 00:19:37,372 It's true, but it doesn't matter. I already know who you're going home with.
- 00:19:37,539 --> 00:19:39,249 Who?
- 00:19:42,794 --> 00:19:44,129 Me.
- 00:19:44,338 --> 00:19:45,922 What?
- 00:19:46,506 --> 00:19:48,258 Really?
- 00:19:48,592 --> 00:19:51,762 Yeah, because we live together. It's a joke! It's a joke.
- 00:19:51,928 --> 00:19:54,222 Right! That's funny! I get it!
- 00:19:54,389 --> 00:19:57,309 - Got you! - You're funny, Joey.
- 00:19:57,809 --> 00:19:59,561 Oh, my God.
- 00:20:05,609 --> 00:20:08,362 So how did you enjoy the play?
- 00:20:08,862 --> 00:20:13,742 Oh, my God. Honey, I am so, so, so, so sorry.
- 00:20:13,909 --> 00:20:14,951 You should be.
- 00:20:15,118 --> 00:20:19,331 You missed the most powerful three hours in the history of the theater.
- 00:20:19,498 --> 00:20:22,668 - You really liked it? - Oh, yeah. I mean, at first I hated it.
- 00:20:22,834 --> 00:20:27,047 But why wouldn't I? Because as a man, I've been trained not to listen!
- 00:20:30,008 --> 00:20:35,180 But after Chapter 16: Fat, Single and Ready to Mingle...
- 00:20:36,056 --> 00:20:38,183 ...I was uplifted.
- 00:20:39,267 --> 00:20:40,352 - Oh, really? - Oh, yeah.
- 00:20:40,519 --> 00:20:43,772 I had no idea the amazing journey you go through as a woman.
- 00:20:44,189 --> 00:20:47,901 Tell me-- Tell me about your first period.
- 00:20:49,653 --> 00:20:50,904 No!
- 00:20:52,656 --> 00:20:54,282 Did somebody sign your bra?
- 00:20:54,449 --> 00:20:58,453 So I got it when I was 13. Very difficult.
- 00:20:59,663 --> 00:21:04,334 Hey, Ross? So listen, about you and the dinosaur girl?
- 00:21:04,501 --> 00:21:08,171 Are you really just gonna let a couple of Nobel Prizes scare you off?
- 00:21:08,338 --> 00:21:10,674 What is that? Come on, a piece of paper?
- 00:21:10,841 --> 00:21:12,926 It's actually a million-dollar prize.
- 00:21:13,301 --> 00:21:15,262 Go, Charlie!
- 00:21:15,804 --> 00:21:18,181 But my point is...
- 00:21:18,348 --> 00:21:22,269 ...okay, so she dated them, but she also broke up with them.
- 00:21:22,436 --> 00:21:28,024 Maybe she's looking to, you know, slum it with some average Joe Ph.D.
- 00:21:29,359 --> 00:21:33,989 Yeah, maybe, and I do have my whole career in front of me.
- 00:21:34,156 --> 00:21:35,615 I mean...
- 00:21:35,782 --> 00:21:38,702 I could still win a Nobel Prize.
- 00:21:38,869 --> 00:21:44,708 Although the last two papers I've written were widely discredited.
- 00:21:46,543 --> 00:21:51,590 You're so much more than just brains. You are sweet and kind and funny.
- 00:21:51,882 --> 00:21:53,258 And sexy.
- 00:21:53,425 --> 00:21:56,553 Okay, well, give her a chance to see all that.
- 00:21:56,970 --> 00:21:58,889 Yeah. Yeah. You're right.
- 00:21:59,055 --> 00:22:01,600 - Thanks. I'm gonna go find her. - Good for you.
- 00:22:01,767 --> 00:22:06,688 Your paper on punctuated equilibrium in the Devonian Era was topnotch.
- 00:22:06,855 --> 00:22:08,857 Stop going through my stuff!
- 00:22:11,943 --> 00:22:13,195 - Hey. MONICA: Hey.
- 00:22:13,361 --> 00:22:16,198 I just wanted to let you know I've changed my mind.
- 00:22:16,364 --> 00:22:18,408 I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna kiss Joey.
- 00:22:18,575 --> 00:22:22,037 No! You can't! Friends hooking up is a bad idea.
- 00:22:22,204 --> 00:22:24,247 Please! What about you and Chandler?
- 00:22:24,414 --> 00:22:27,375 That's different. I was drunk and stupid.
- 00:22:27,542 --> 00:22:29,878 Well, hello?
- 00:22:30,796 --> 00:22:34,257 What about all the guys that you got the phone numbers from?
- 00:22:34,424 --> 00:22:37,010 - Why don't you just kiss one of them. - I could...
- 00:22:37,177 --> 00:22:40,722 ...but I don't want to. I want to kiss Joey.
- 00:22:41,389 --> 00:22:45,393 All right. I think it's a big mistake, but it's your decision.
- 00:22:50,148 --> 00:22:51,274 I'm gonna do it.
- 00:22:51,441 --> 00:22:54,361 - And I can't stop you? - No.
- 00:23:07,457 --> 00:23:10,710 Hey, Rach, have you seen Charlie anywhere?
- 00:23:16,466 --> 00:23:18,844 I'm smarter than him!
- 00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:28,478 Hey, thank you so much for these tickets, Chandler.
- 00:23:28,645 --> 00:23:33,024 This was a really important experience for me. I wanted to share it with you.
- 00:23:33,191 --> 00:23:34,985 You're so wonderful.
- 00:23:36,319 --> 00:23:38,405 <i>Why Don '2' You Like Me?</i>
- 00:23:39,865 --> 00:23:43,285 Chapter 1: My First Period.
- 00:23:45,287 --> 00:23:48,790 I can't believe you guys bought that. Enjoy your slow death.
- 00:23:53,753 --> 00:23:55,755 [English - US - SDH]
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