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Эпизод с другой сестрой Рэйчел
The One with Rachel's Other Sister
Сезон: 09Серия: 08
Описание
Сестра Рэйчел, Эми (Кристина Эпплгейт), неожиданно появляется на День благодарения, и Рэйчел приглашает её присоединиться к компании за ужином. Встреча с Эммой заставляет Эми странным образом поднять вопрос об опеке над Эммой, если, гипотетически, Рэйчел и Росс умрут. Ответ Рэйчел и Росса расстраивает и Эми, и Чендлера. Тем временем Моника очень переживает из-за дорогих фарфоровых тарелок, которые они впервые используют, а Фиби пытается научить Джои убедительно лгать после того, как Джои забыл пойти на парад в честь Дня благодарения в сериале «Дни нашей жизни». Специальный гость: Кристина Эпплгейт в роли Эми.
Субтитры
- 00:00:05,422 --> 00:00:07,548 Hey, hon? Would you help me get the plates down?
- 00:00:07,716 --> 00:00:11,635 Hey, here's an idea. Why don't we use our wedding china today?
- 00:00:11,803 --> 00:00:14,972 No, I think we should save our china for something really special.
- 00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:17,474 Like if the queen of England comes over.
- 00:00:18,059 --> 00:00:21,061 Honey, she keeps canceling on us. Take the hint.
- 00:00:22,188 --> 00:00:24,273 What if something breaks? They're expensive.
- 00:00:24,482 --> 00:00:27,526 What is the point of having them if we never use them?
- 00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:30,654 Okay. But if something breaks and then the queen comes over...
- 00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:34,491 - I will explain it to her. - Like I'd let you talk to the queen.
- 00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:39,455 The parade is really good this year.
- 00:00:39,622 --> 00:00:42,416 Man, those horses can crap.
- 00:00:43,084 --> 00:00:45,586 ANNOUNCER: Next up is a marching band from Muskogee, Oklahoma.
- 00:00:45,754 --> 00:00:50,841 Muskogee? That's like four hours from Tulsa!
- 00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:53,969 Here's the float with the stars of the popular daytime soap...
- 00:00:54,179 --> 00:00:56,305 ...Days of our Lives.
- 00:00:59,517 --> 00:01:01,685 Oh, my God!
- 00:01:01,853 --> 00:01:04,438 Aren't you one of the stars of the popular daytime soap Days ofour Lives?
- 00:01:04,606 --> 00:01:08,901 I forgot! I'm supposed to be there!
- 00:01:10,195 --> 00:01:13,947 I can't believe I forgot! I usually write stuff like this down on my arm!
- 00:01:15,867 --> 00:01:19,495 Stupid long sleeves!
- 00:01:20,872 --> 00:01:23,749 - What are you gonna do? - I'll come up with a good reason...
- 00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:25,501 ...why I wasn't there.
- 00:01:25,668 --> 00:01:28,462 The producers are gonna be mad. They sat us down and said:
- 00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:33,675 "Everyone has to be there, 6 a.m. Sharp. That means you, Tribbiani."
- 00:01:33,843 --> 00:01:36,678 Like I was some kind of idiot.
- 00:01:38,556 --> 00:01:40,724 - Well, you proved them wrong. - Yeah.
- 00:02:31,067 --> 00:02:33,318 Oh, Emma.
- 00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:36,530 This is your first Thanksgiving.
- 00:02:36,698 --> 00:02:39,074 What are you thankful for?
- 00:02:39,242 --> 00:02:41,285 Mommy's boobies?
- 00:02:42,078 --> 00:02:44,788 A lot of people are thankful for those.
- 00:02:45,790 --> 00:02:47,040 [KNOCKING]
- 00:02:47,208 --> 00:02:49,126 WOMAN: Hello? Rachel?
- 00:02:49,335 --> 00:02:50,460 Who is it?
- 00:02:50,628 --> 00:02:53,714 WOMAN: It's your favorite sister.
- 00:02:53,882 --> 00:02:56,258 - Jill? AMY: Amy!
- 00:02:56,467 --> 00:02:58,343 Hide my rings.
- 00:03:03,266 --> 00:03:06,476 Amy! Happy Thanksgiving.
- 00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:13,358 Do you have a hair straightener?
- 00:03:13,568 --> 00:03:16,612 Um... Hi.
- 00:03:16,946 --> 00:03:18,238 - Hi. - Hi.
- 00:03:18,406 --> 00:03:20,782 Hair straightener.
- 00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:25,329 - I haven't seen you in, like, a year. - I know. I know. I've just been crazed.
- 00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:28,749 Well, me too. I had a baby.
- 00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:31,919 I decorated Dad's office.
- 00:03:32,086 --> 00:03:37,966 Yeah? Well, unless you pushed a desk out of your vagina, not the same thing.
- 00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:41,637 About that hair straightener, honey, I really need one.
- 00:03:41,804 --> 00:03:43,347 I'm gonna have dinner at my boyfriend's house.
- 00:03:43,514 --> 00:03:45,432 [EMMA COOING]
- 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:47,684 - Oh, my God. - Uh-huh.
- 00:03:47,852 --> 00:03:50,229 Is this Emmett?
- 00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:56,109 It's Emma.
- 00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:57,736 AMY: It's a girl?
- 00:03:59,656 --> 00:04:02,282 - Hey, Amy. RACHEL: Amy, you remember Ross?
- 00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:05,327 Not really.
- 00:04:05,495 --> 00:04:09,206 But you are much cuter than that geeky guy she used to date.
- 00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:14,044 That was me.
- 00:04:14,545 --> 00:04:18,590 No, he was this creepy guy from high school who had this huge crush on her...
- 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,634 ...since, like, the ninth grade.
- 00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:22,219 Still me.
- 00:04:23,054 --> 00:04:24,721 No, I'm not talking about you.
- 00:04:24,889 --> 00:04:27,724 It was your fat friend's brother with that bad Afro.
- 00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:31,937 Okay, Amy, I'm gonna save you some time, okay? All me!
- 00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:40,153 Careful. Careful.
- 00:04:40,446 --> 00:04:42,322 Careful!
- 00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:45,033 I'll tell you what. For the rest of our lives...
- 00:04:45,201 --> 00:04:47,619 ...I'll be careful until told otherwise.
- 00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:52,291 - This isn't the china we picked out. MONICA: I know.
- 00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:55,836 After you left the store, I chose different ones.
- 00:04:56,462 --> 00:05:00,465 - Why? - Your taste is a little feminine for me.
- 00:05:00,675 --> 00:05:03,218 Suddenly flowers are feminine?
- 00:05:04,345 --> 00:05:07,264 Hey, everybody! Happy Thanksgiving!
- 00:05:07,473 --> 00:05:09,808 - Happy Thanksgiving. Pheebs! - What's going on, Joe?
- 00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:12,227 Listen, I need a good lie.
- 00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:13,770 Okay.
- 00:05:14,063 --> 00:05:18,066 How about the whole "man walking on the moon" thing, you know?
- 00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:22,112 You can see the strings, people!
- 00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:26,158 No, no, no. I need a good lie to explain why I wasn't at a work thing today.
- 00:05:26,367 --> 00:05:29,119 - Honey, you stink at lying. - I do not.
- 00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:32,664 Really? Let me ask you something. Yesterday at the coffeehouse...
- 00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:36,501 ...I went to the bathroom. When I came back, my muffin was gone. Who took it?
- 00:05:37,962 --> 00:05:40,172 Somebody opened the door to the coffeehouse...
- 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:44,301 ...and a raccoon ran in and went straight for your muffin. I said:
- 00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:47,763 "Hey, don't eat that! That's Phoebe's!" And he said...
- 00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:53,810 He said, "Joey, you stink at lying." What am I gonna do?
- 00:05:53,978 --> 00:05:56,688 Don't worry. We'll come up with a lie. I'll help you.
- 00:05:56,898 --> 00:06:00,525 - Great. That'd be great. Thank you. - Sure. What was the work thing?
- 00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:02,152 Uh...
- 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:05,447 - "Pick up Grandma at the airport." - Oh, man!
- 00:06:08,701 --> 00:06:10,994 She's precious.
- 00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:15,248 Do you ever worry that she's gonna get your real nose?
- 00:06:15,416 --> 00:06:17,334 Amy...
- 00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:20,837 Yes, I do. I really do.
- 00:06:21,005 --> 00:06:23,006 [PHONE RINGING]
- 00:06:25,259 --> 00:06:26,843 Hello?
- 00:06:27,011 --> 00:06:30,555 Yeah, hang on, one sec. Can I take this upstairs?
- 00:06:30,723 --> 00:06:32,974 Sure. We don't live there, but...
- 00:06:33,976 --> 00:06:37,938 Seriously? It's just these rooms?
- 00:06:38,648 --> 00:06:42,484 - I thought you were a doctor. - Yeah. No, Ross has a Ph.D.
- 00:06:42,735 --> 00:06:44,903 Ew!
- 00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:51,576 God, she is unbelievable.
- 00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:54,871 I know. I mean, a Ph.D. Is just as good as an MD.
- 00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:56,832 Sure, Ross, yeah!
- 00:06:56,999 --> 00:07:01,420 If I have a heart attack at a restaurant, I want you there with your fossil brush.
- 00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:05,465 - Stupid Thanksgiving. RACHEL: What?
- 00:07:05,633 --> 00:07:08,802 - What? What happened? - My boyfriend canceled on me.
- 00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:11,471 I mean, I finally find a real relationship.
- 00:07:11,639 --> 00:07:16,601 Someone that I can spend this day with, and then his wife comes back into town!
- 00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:20,021 I swear, it's almost not even worth dating married guys.
- 00:07:20,481 --> 00:07:22,232 Don't say that.
- 00:07:23,651 --> 00:07:26,111 God, I was so looking forward to this.
- 00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:29,322 It was gonna be such a beautiful Thanksgiving.
- 00:07:29,490 --> 00:07:31,908 We were gonna have sushi.
- 00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:36,788 Amy, don't cry.
- 00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:40,667 - Ross, can I talk to you in private? - Sure, you wanna go upstairs, or?
- 00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:48,550 Look, I was thinking, if it's okay with Monica...
- 00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:51,303 ...I would like to invite Amy to Thanksgiving.
- 00:07:51,637 --> 00:07:57,559 I think that's a great idea. It'll be like the Pilgrims bringing the Indians syphilis.
- 00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:01,813 Look, I know she's a little tough to take.
- 00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:06,318 But she has nowhere else to go, and she's my sister. She's Emma's aunt.
- 00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:11,490 - And I would like them to bond. - I don't want them bonding too much.
- 00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:14,201 I don't want her telling Emma she needs a nose job.
- 00:08:14,410 --> 00:08:18,371 Ross, she may need one. We're just gonna have to make our peace with that!
- 00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:27,547 - Hi! PHOEBE: Hey.
- 00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:30,926 Hey, you guys. This is my sister Amy.
- 00:08:31,093 --> 00:08:34,554 This is Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and you know Mon.
- 00:08:34,722 --> 00:08:36,890 MONICA: Hi. - Oh, my God.
- 00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:39,267 You're on Days of our Lives!
- 00:08:39,435 --> 00:08:40,810 Yeah.
- 00:08:40,978 --> 00:08:44,397 Wow! They must put a lot of makeup on you.
- 00:08:46,567 --> 00:08:48,902 Happy Thanksgiving.
- 00:08:49,946 --> 00:08:51,780 MONICA: Hey. ROSS: Hi.
- 00:08:54,116 --> 00:08:57,160 So welcome. Is this the first time you're seeing Emma?
- 00:08:57,370 --> 00:09:00,497 Yeah, I think so. It's nice to meet you, Emma.
- 00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:06,044 - Phoebe. - That's a funny noise.
- 00:09:09,757 --> 00:09:13,593 - Pheebs? I still need some help here. - Right. Okay.
- 00:09:13,761 --> 00:09:18,181 So it's not just the lie you tell, but it's the way you tell it. For example...
- 00:09:18,349 --> 00:09:21,685 ...if you look at the ground when you talk, people know you're lying.
- 00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:26,565 I don't know why this is so hard for me. Lying is basically just acting...
- 00:09:26,732 --> 00:09:30,151 ...and I am a terrific actor. - You are a terrific actor.
- 00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:36,908 - Hey. Where's the baby? - We just put her down for a nap.
- 00:09:37,076 --> 00:09:40,787 Listen, I was just thinking. You know what would be incredible?
- 00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:43,707 If you guys died!
- 00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:47,210 Thank you, Amy.
- 00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:50,255 No, no, then I would get the baby.
- 00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:54,759 It would be just like a movie. At first I wouldn't know what to do with her.
- 00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:59,055 And then I would rise to the occasion. Then I'd get a makeover and get married.
- 00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:01,600 That's a great movie!
- 00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:06,229 Yeah. Listen, not that you guys could stop me or anything...
- 00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:08,815 ...because, you know, you'd be dead.
- 00:10:08,983 --> 00:10:11,276 But I was thinking about changing her name.
- 00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,862 I'm just not really a big fan of Emily.
- 00:10:15,489 --> 00:10:17,115 Emma.
- 00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:19,784 Emma? Ross wants you.
- 00:10:22,121 --> 00:10:24,205 Phoebe!
- 00:10:25,499 --> 00:10:28,501 Why does she keep making that noise?
- 00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:33,381 Honey, I don't know how to tell you this...
- 00:10:33,549 --> 00:10:37,886 ...but if something were to happen to Ross or myself...
- 00:10:38,095 --> 00:10:41,348 ...you wouldn't get the baby. - Well, who would?
- 00:10:42,016 --> 00:10:45,644 Well, we haven't officially asked them yet...
- 00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:48,521 ...but we would want Monica and Chandler.
- 00:10:48,689 --> 00:10:50,607 I can't believe you'd want us to raise Emma.
- 00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:53,068 Oh, my God, I'm so moved.
- 00:10:53,277 --> 00:10:55,945 I don't believe this. Hold on a second. You guys die...
- 00:10:56,113 --> 00:10:58,615 ...and I don't get your baby?
- 00:10:58,824 --> 00:11:02,160 Amy, see, we're a lot closer to Monica and Chandler.
- 00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:06,581 We see them every day. And truthfully, you don't seem connected to the baby.
- 00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:10,377 Connected? To what? She's a lump.
- 00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:15,840 You know, guys, I've gotta say this means so much to me.
- 00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:19,344 I mean, that you would trust me with your child.
- 00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:22,138 I mean, we all know that Monica and I have been...
- 00:11:22,306 --> 00:11:24,641 ...trying to have a baby of our own.
- 00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:30,021 You know, I've had my doubts about my skills as a father, but...
- 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,608 That you two...
- 00:11:34,151 --> 00:11:37,278 - That you two... - This guy?
- 00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:40,073 Seriously?
- 00:11:45,496 --> 00:11:47,706 Okay, it's time for dinner.
- 00:11:47,873 --> 00:11:50,583 Everyone, we're using our fancy china...
- 00:11:50,751 --> 00:11:54,671 ...and it's very expensive, so please be careful.
- 00:11:55,965 --> 00:12:00,677 Whoa. Whoa. Whoa...
- 00:12:01,512 --> 00:12:05,223 Okay, just to be clear, comedy with the plates will not be well-received.
- 00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:14,649 Hey!
- 00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:18,737 How come my plate's less fancy than everyone else's?
- 00:12:19,864 --> 00:12:22,449 Do you not trust me with a fancy plate?
- 00:12:22,616 --> 00:12:25,744 No, honey. That's a special plate.
- 00:12:25,911 --> 00:12:29,622 See, it's a game. Whoever gets that plate wins.
- 00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:33,960 I can't believe I won!
- 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:38,214 You know, this is such a slap in the face. I mean, I'm your sister...
- 00:12:38,382 --> 00:12:42,343 ...and you would give your baby to these strangers over me.
- 00:12:42,553 --> 00:12:45,054 Monica is Ross' sister.
- 00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:49,392 No, Ross' sister was really fat.
- 00:12:50,936 --> 00:12:52,353 That was me.
- 00:12:52,563 --> 00:12:57,525 No, she was this dorky girl in school who followed Rachel around like a puppy...
- 00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:00,069 Amy, you've got to stop doing that!
- 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:09,037 Okay, listen, I know you're having a bit of a family crisis...
- 00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:11,790 ...but you don't have to take it out on the plates.
- 00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:14,793 I mean, in fact, I think that everyone...
- 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:18,880 ...should cut their food like this:
- 00:13:21,175 --> 00:13:24,093 Now, see? This way, you protect the plates...
- 00:13:24,428 --> 00:13:26,346 ...and let's face it, you have fun.
- 00:13:28,098 --> 00:13:30,892 Okay, how about this? If you guys die...
- 00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:34,896 ...and the crazy plate lady dies...
- 00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:39,108 ...then do I get the baby? - No, if crazy plate lady...
- 00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:45,698 If Monica dies, then I would get Emma. Right?
- 00:13:49,161 --> 00:13:51,454 - Well, actually... - Actually what?
- 00:13:51,622 --> 00:13:55,542 It's just... It's just that in that case...
- 00:13:55,709 --> 00:13:57,627 ...then Emma would go to my parents.
- 00:13:58,128 --> 00:14:00,255 - What? - Hurts, doesn't it?
- 00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:07,011 Who has to die for me to get her?
- 00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:17,856 So if Monica's not around, I'm not good enough to raise Emma?
- 00:14:18,065 --> 00:14:20,483 No, that is not what we're saying.
- 00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:22,402 Yeah, he's lying. He looked down.
- 00:14:24,947 --> 00:14:27,073 Well, what's wrong with me? Am I incompetent?
- 00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:30,869 Because I managed to survive whatever it is that killed the three of you!
- 00:14:33,622 --> 00:14:38,668 You're taking this the wrong way. We think you'll be a wonderful parent.
- 00:14:38,836 --> 00:14:42,505 It's just... You're more the, you know, fun parent.
- 00:14:42,673 --> 00:14:46,885 Yeah, and we wanna make sure Emma also has someone like Monica...
- 00:14:47,052 --> 00:14:48,928 ...who's more of a disciplinarian.
- 00:14:49,096 --> 00:14:51,973 Someone who can be firm and strict.
- 00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:54,726 That's not how you see me, is it?
- 00:14:55,811 --> 00:14:58,354 No, you're all about the fun.
- 00:15:04,528 --> 00:15:08,197 I may not know a lot about babies, but do you really think I'm not capable?
- 00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:11,117 No. You both are equally capable.
- 00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:13,870 It's just you're strongest when you're together.
- 00:15:14,079 --> 00:15:17,916 Okay. So if we both had Emma, and I died...
- 00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:20,293 ...she'd have to give her up.
- 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,588 Sure. Monica would have to give her up.
- 00:15:24,173 --> 00:15:27,091 I lie better than that, right?
- 00:15:28,469 --> 00:15:32,430 Let me just get this straight. So my two friends die, I get Emma.
- 00:15:32,598 --> 00:15:36,684 Then my wife dies. Then Emma, the one tiny ray of hope left in my life...
- 00:15:36,852 --> 00:15:40,355 ...gets taken away from me? - There's your movie.
- 00:15:44,026 --> 00:15:46,736 Hey, there you are.
- 00:15:46,904 --> 00:15:50,114 - You disappeared after dinner. - Did somebody miss me?
- 00:15:50,324 --> 00:15:53,242 Was there a child to raise poorly?
- 00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:55,995 Ross and Rachel don't know what they're saying.
- 00:15:56,205 --> 00:15:58,081 It's not like they're so responsible.
- 00:15:58,248 --> 00:16:02,710 Emma is a product of a bottle of merlot and a five-year-old condom.
- 00:16:04,546 --> 00:16:08,549 No, but they're right. I'm not a strong father figure, and I never will be.
- 00:16:08,759 --> 00:16:11,386 No, you learn these things. You grow into it.
- 00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:13,388 Yeah, but it's not who I am.
- 00:16:13,597 --> 00:16:18,726 Everything they said is exactly why I was worried about having a kid. And it's true.
- 00:16:18,894 --> 00:16:21,854 - And look, everybody knows it. - I don't know it.
- 00:16:22,022 --> 00:16:25,608 I wanna have a kid with you because I think you'll be an amazing dad.
- 00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:28,403 At the fun parts and at the hard parts.
- 00:16:28,612 --> 00:16:32,115 Well, can you picture me saying, "Go to your room, you're grounded"?
- 00:16:32,449 --> 00:16:35,326 Can you hear me say, "You're grounded"?
- 00:16:35,494 --> 00:16:37,954 You said that to me last week.
- 00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:43,292 How hard is it? "No shoes on the furniture!"
- 00:16:48,257 --> 00:16:53,970 The producer from Days left a message asking why I wasn't at the parade.
- 00:16:54,179 --> 00:16:58,349 They said everybody's really pissed off at me. And they all got to meet Santa!
- 00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:02,437 It's okay. I thought of the perfect lie for you.
- 00:17:02,646 --> 00:17:06,107 It's easy to remember, and it doesn't invite a lot of questions.
- 00:17:06,316 --> 00:17:10,153 You weren't at the parade, because you had a family emergency.
- 00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:12,905 I like that! Yeah!
- 00:17:13,073 --> 00:17:15,950 I wasn't at the parade, because I had a family emergency.
- 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:17,201 What happened?
- 00:17:17,411 --> 00:17:21,372 - My sister's raccoon came... - No, nothing with a raccoon!
- 00:17:24,501 --> 00:17:27,336 - Wait, what are you doing? - Setting the table.
- 00:17:27,504 --> 00:17:30,882 We thought it might be nice to use the fancy china for dessert too.
- 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:35,136 How nice. Maybe later we can all blow our noses on my wedding dress.
- 00:17:42,394 --> 00:17:44,729 Hey, dude, you okay? Sorry about before.
- 00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:49,108 That's okay. You're totally right. I don't know anything about disciplining a child.
- 00:17:49,276 --> 00:17:53,821 But it did hurt my feelings, and I want you to know that if I die...
- 00:17:53,989 --> 00:17:56,240 ...you don't get Joey.
- 00:18:02,998 --> 00:18:08,544 [SNARLS]
- 00:18:10,005 --> 00:18:12,048 In case you hadn't noticed, I'm not talking to you.
- 00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:13,508 [SNARLS]
- 00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:17,929 You know, this is just... This is classic Rachel.
- 00:18:18,138 --> 00:18:22,600 Right. Remember in high school when I died and didn't give you my baby?
- 00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:28,106 This might be my one chance to have a child, Rachel.
- 00:18:28,315 --> 00:18:31,359 I mean, you know that I have been so busy focusing on my career...
- 00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:35,613 - What career? - I'm a decorator.
- 00:18:35,823 --> 00:18:39,200 You decorate Dad's office and now you're a decorator?
- 00:18:39,368 --> 00:18:44,038 Okay, I went to the zoo yesterday, now I'm a koala bear.
- 00:18:46,875 --> 00:18:50,670 - Why can't you ever be supportive? - You want to talk supportive?
- 00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:54,632 You didn't come and visit me when I was in the hospital having the baby!
- 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:58,803 You didn't come see me in the hospital when I was getting my lips done!
- 00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:02,473 I did the first time.
- 00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:08,104 You know what? You want to know why I am not giving Emily to you?
- 00:19:08,272 --> 00:19:10,690 - Emma. - Whose side are you on?!
- 00:19:12,067 --> 00:19:16,612 I'm not giving you Emma, because you can't handle the responsibility of a child.
- 00:19:16,864 --> 00:19:19,073 Well, how hard could it be? You do it.
- 00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:21,117 Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo.
- 00:19:24,872 --> 00:19:28,166 You wanna know why you don't want me to have the baby?
- 00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:30,585 Because you don't want me to be happy.
- 00:19:30,752 --> 00:19:34,380 - You have always been jealous of me. - Jealous of what?
- 00:19:34,548 --> 00:19:38,259 Of your lack of responsibility? Your immaturity?
- 00:19:38,427 --> 00:19:41,429 Your total disregard for other people's feelings?
- 00:19:41,638 --> 00:19:43,973 To name a few.
- 00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:47,476 You've always been like this.
- 00:19:47,644 --> 00:19:51,063 You had to have everything, and I couldn't have anything.
- 00:19:51,231 --> 00:19:54,442 Like in junior high, when you stole Timmy from me.
- 00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:57,486 I mean, do you even realize how much that hurt me?
- 00:19:57,696 --> 00:20:00,156 Timmy was my boyfriend, and you made out with him!
- 00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:02,325 Come on, that was 20 years ago. Get over it.
- 00:20:02,534 --> 00:20:06,704 I cannot believe that I invited you here today!
- 00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:10,791 Yeah, well, you know what I cannot believe? That my so-called sister...
- 00:20:10,959 --> 00:20:15,796 ...gets a 30% discount from Ralph Lauren, and I still have to pay retail?
- 00:20:16,006 --> 00:20:18,049 [CHUCKLES]
- 00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:19,759 It's 45.
- 00:20:21,136 --> 00:20:22,970 You bitch.
- 00:20:25,515 --> 00:20:27,475 You just think you're so perfect...
- 00:20:27,643 --> 00:20:31,354 ...with your new baby and your small apartment.
- 00:20:32,814 --> 00:20:37,318 Well, let me tell you something. Your baby isn't even that cute.
- 00:20:37,486 --> 00:20:39,195 [GASPING]
- 00:20:39,363 --> 00:20:43,074 Too far, Amy. Too far.
- 00:20:45,285 --> 00:20:47,328 - You take that back. - No.
- 00:20:47,537 --> 00:20:49,956 - Take it back! - No. What are you gonna do? Make me?
- 00:20:50,165 --> 00:20:53,084 Hey, man, I work out!
- 00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:56,587 - So do I. - I do Pilates.
- 00:20:56,797 --> 00:20:58,506 - I do yoga. - Bring it on!
- 00:20:59,049 --> 00:21:01,926 Put the plates in the boxes! Put the plates in the boxes!
- 00:21:04,388 --> 00:21:06,806 - Did you just push me? - Yeah, I think I did.
- 00:21:07,015 --> 00:21:08,307 All right, that's it.
- 00:21:08,517 --> 00:21:11,310 Forget the bubble wrap! There isn't time!
- 00:21:13,563 --> 00:21:15,356 Frizzy, frizzy, frizzy!
- 00:21:19,528 --> 00:21:22,822 - Shouldn't we stop this? - Are you out of your mind?
- 00:21:22,990 --> 00:21:25,366 Let's throw some Jell-O on them!
- 00:21:26,743 --> 00:21:28,494 [SPITTING]
- 00:21:29,204 --> 00:21:31,664 Gross!
- 00:21:43,302 --> 00:21:48,306 All right, that is it! This is our apartment, and you cannot behave this way!
- 00:21:48,473 --> 00:21:51,225 If you can't act your age, you shouldn't be here at all.
- 00:21:51,435 --> 00:21:56,314 Those plates may not be as nice as the pretty pink ones that I picked out...
- 00:21:57,190 --> 00:22:02,278 ...but they're important to Monica. And I want you to apologize to her now.
- 00:22:02,529 --> 00:22:05,072 AMY: I'm sorry. RACHEL: Mon, I'm so sorry.
- 00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:07,158 Okay. That's better.
- 00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:10,703 Now, I want you to apologize to each other and mean it.
- 00:22:11,288 --> 00:22:12,705 - Sorry. - Sorry.
- 00:22:12,914 --> 00:22:16,250 By the way, that fight was totally arousing.
- 00:22:20,464 --> 00:22:22,381 Dude, well done.
- 00:22:22,591 --> 00:22:27,636 If I die and Rachel dies and Monica dies, you can totally take care of Emma.
- 00:22:28,347 --> 00:22:30,139 Yeah? Well, thanks.
- 00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:33,768 So... So now do I get Joey?
- 00:22:35,645 --> 00:22:40,483 Okay. But you should know he eats a lot and shoves pennies up his nose.
- 00:22:45,614 --> 00:22:47,782 - Are you okay, Mon? - Uh-huh.
- 00:22:47,949 --> 00:22:51,660 I mean, these things happen. I mean, it's just a plate.
- 00:22:51,828 --> 00:22:55,581 - It's not like somebody died. - It's all right. You can mourn.
- 00:22:55,957 --> 00:22:59,919 Thank you. It was so beautiful!
- 00:23:02,047 --> 00:23:04,298 I'm gonna go to Joey's and get the pies.
- 00:23:04,508 --> 00:23:08,260 Actually, not pies. It's just pie.
- 00:23:09,638 --> 00:23:11,847 I don't care.
- 00:23:12,015 --> 00:23:15,601 Oh, my God, I've lost the will to scold.
- 00:23:19,648 --> 00:23:21,774 RACHEL: Look, Amy...
- 00:23:22,234 --> 00:23:23,818 ...we got a little...
- 00:23:23,985 --> 00:23:26,821 ...a little out-of-control over there.
- 00:23:27,531 --> 00:23:28,989 And I'm sorry.
- 00:23:29,157 --> 00:23:31,742 You're my sister...
- 00:23:31,910 --> 00:23:34,328 ...and if it really means that much to you...
- 00:23:34,663 --> 00:23:37,623 - So you're gonna give me the baby? - No, I was...
- 00:23:37,791 --> 00:23:40,876 I was gonna let you use my Ralph Lauren discount.
- 00:23:42,254 --> 00:23:45,172 You are not gonna regret this.
- 00:23:46,716 --> 00:23:47,842 [EMMA CRIES]
- 00:23:48,051 --> 00:23:51,262 - She needs changing. - No, no, no. I'll get her.
- 00:23:51,471 --> 00:23:55,975 I am super confident, totally responsible and fourth in line to raise Emma.
- 00:23:56,143 --> 00:24:00,521 I'll be right there, Emma! Just let me get my trusty diaper bag here.
- 00:24:06,069 --> 00:24:09,155 Well, what do you know? I guess I'll be the one who dies first.
- 00:24:20,584 --> 00:24:24,253 - Does Monica know about her plates? CHANDLER: Nope.
- 00:24:24,463 --> 00:24:25,963 - Broke them all, huh? - Yep.
- 00:24:26,173 --> 00:24:28,007 - You gonna tell her? - Nope.
- 00:24:30,093 --> 00:24:33,679 Hey. So I'm gonna put the plates back.
- 00:24:33,847 --> 00:24:37,391 I think you're right. We shouldn't use these plates for a long time.
- 00:24:37,601 --> 00:24:41,103 - Like only if the queen comes? - Maybe not even then.
- 00:24:42,147 --> 00:24:43,689 Hey. I did it.
- 00:24:43,899 --> 00:24:47,401 I told my producer I had a family emergency. He totally bought it.
- 00:24:47,569 --> 00:24:52,239 - Thanks for teaching me how to lie. - No problem. Next week, stealing.
- 00:24:53,617 --> 00:24:56,577 - Bye, plates. - You told her you broke all the plates?
- 00:24:58,914 --> 00:25:01,749 What?! Something happened with the plates?
- 00:25:02,417 --> 00:25:07,129 Yeah, this raccoon came in...
- 00:25:10,509 --> 00:25:12,510 [English - US - SDH]
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