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Эпизод с акулами
The One with the Sharks
Сезон: 09Серия: 04
Описание
Моника навещает Чендлера в Талсе, заставая его врасплох, когда он смотрит порно в своем гостиничном номере. В панике он включает документальный фильм о акулах, из-за чего Моника думает, что морские существа его возбуждают. Джои думает, что уже переспал с девушкой, с которой встречается. Фиби боится потерять Майка после того, как Росс говорит ему, что у нее никогда не было длительных отношений. Чтобы загладить вину, Росс разговаривает с Майком, но придумывает историю о том, что у Фиби были шестилетние отношения с мужчиной из Восточной Индии по имени Викрам.
Субтитры
- 00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:03,961 Oh. Hey, Ross.
- 00:00:04,129 --> 00:00:07,923 I'm so glad someone's here. Could you zip me up?
- 00:00:10,552 --> 00:00:11,969 - Sure. - Thank you.
- 00:00:12,137 --> 00:00:14,847 Can you believe no one between my apartment and here...
- 00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:17,099 ...offered to do that for me?
- 00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:18,809 People.
- 00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:22,688 So why are you so dressed up?
- 00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,356 Oh, Mike's picking me up for a date.
- 00:00:24,524 --> 00:00:28,193 Oh, yeah? Now, how's that going? Is it getting serious?
- 00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:31,822 I don't know. I don't know. I mean, you know, I like him.
- 00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:35,325 But, you know, am I ready to take my Grade A loins off the meat market?
- 00:00:35,493 --> 00:00:37,619 I'm not quite sure.
- 00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:43,167 You know, I really admire your whole dating attitude.
- 00:00:43,334 --> 00:00:46,462 It's so healthy. I'm always like, "Is this moving too fast?
- 00:00:46,629 --> 00:00:49,214 Is this moving too slow? Where's this going?"
- 00:00:49,424 --> 00:00:51,633 Yeah, I know. You are a bit of a drama queen.
- 00:00:53,136 --> 00:00:57,598 You're so much better off, you know? You just go from guy to guy having fun...
- 00:00:57,766 --> 00:01:00,768 ...and not worrying that it never turns into anything serious.
- 00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:04,271 I wouldn't say "never."
- 00:01:04,439 --> 00:01:06,815 You know, there is that guy.
- 00:01:07,484 --> 00:01:09,610 Okay, well, what about?
- 00:01:10,111 --> 00:01:12,696 Okay, well, there has gotta be someone.
- 00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:17,618 - There isn't! That's what I'm saying. - Oh, my God, you're right!
- 00:01:17,786 --> 00:01:21,371 I know. And yet, here you are, all ready for the next date.
- 00:01:22,707 --> 00:01:25,709 I can't believe I never realized this before.
- 00:01:25,877 --> 00:01:30,130 I'm in my 30s, and I've never been in a long-term relationship.
- 00:01:30,298 --> 00:01:33,050 Oh, my God, what's wrong with me?
- 00:01:34,010 --> 00:01:36,762 No, no, no.
- 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,680 Um, there's nothing wrong with you.
- 00:01:38,848 --> 00:01:44,269 I mean, you don't strike me as the type of person that wants to get married anyway.
- 00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:46,772 I want to get married!
- 00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:49,233 No, please... Please don't cry because of me.
- 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:51,777 Pheebs, I don't know what I'm talking about, okay?
- 00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:53,695 I've been divorced three times.
- 00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:56,198 Well, at least you've been married.
- 00:01:56,366 --> 00:01:59,868 Oh, my God. I want to trade lives with Ross?
- 00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:04,748 Phoebe.
- 00:02:05,041 --> 00:02:07,960 - What's wrong? - Nothing. I'm excited about our date.
- 00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:13,048 Mike, this is Ross Geller. Ross, this is Mike...
- 00:02:13,216 --> 00:02:14,383 [CRYING]
- 00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:18,303 - Sorry, I didn't catch that. - Mike Hannigan.
- 00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:20,055 - Oh, Ross Geller. - Hey.
- 00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:24,476 - Uh, so are you sure you're ready to go? - Uh-huh.
- 00:02:24,644 --> 00:02:26,353 How do I look?
- 00:02:28,022 --> 00:02:31,525 - Do you have a compact in your purse? - No.
- 00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:33,527 You look great.
- 00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:18,697 - Hey, Joey. - This girl won't turn around.
- 00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:21,408 I can't tell whether she's hot or not. What do you think?
- 00:03:22,577 --> 00:03:26,622 Joey, I am not going to objectify women with you.
- 00:03:26,956 --> 00:03:28,916 But if her face is as nice as her ass...
- 00:03:29,083 --> 00:03:31,835 - Whoo, Mama. - All right. Thanks.
- 00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:35,380 - Hey, have you talked to Chandler? - He has to stay in Tulsa this weekend.
- 00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:37,716 - How come? - I don't know. He has to work.
- 00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:40,677 There's some big rush on the...
- 00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:43,764 Uh...
- 00:03:43,932 --> 00:03:46,308 One of these days, I'm gonna have to start listening...
- 00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:48,018 ...when he talks about his job.
- 00:03:49,812 --> 00:03:52,731 Hey, why don't you fly out there and surprise him?
- 00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:55,275 Maybe I will go.
- 00:03:55,693 --> 00:04:00,656 Yeah. We'll have a little second honeymoon at the Tulsa Ramada.
- 00:04:00,823 --> 00:04:02,366 Oh, and you know what you should bring?
- 00:04:02,533 --> 00:04:05,953 Your black see-through teddy with the attached garters.
- 00:04:09,415 --> 00:04:12,334 - How do you know I have one of those? - Didn't until just now.
- 00:04:15,463 --> 00:04:18,298 Ugh. Hot. Not hot.
- 00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:20,342 Hot!
- 00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:23,595 Excuse me?
- 00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:28,725 Uh, I said that I think you're hot.
- 00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:32,145 And, uh, now I'm embarrassed. Heh.
- 00:04:32,313 --> 00:04:34,481 Oh, I thought you said "hi."
- 00:04:35,191 --> 00:04:37,234 That would've been better.
- 00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:40,612 I'll try that. Hi, I'm Joey.
- 00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:41,989 I'm Hayley.
- 00:04:42,156 --> 00:04:46,451 Oh. Look, I don't normally ask out women that I meet in coffeehouses.
- 00:04:46,619 --> 00:04:48,412 Ha!
- 00:04:51,874 --> 00:04:53,458 Gesundheit.
- 00:04:59,173 --> 00:05:01,383 - But... - I would love to go out with you.
- 00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:04,386 Really? Great.
- 00:05:04,929 --> 00:05:07,389 Did I...? Did I actually ask you?
- 00:05:07,557 --> 00:05:10,767 Oh, um, that's just where you were going. I figured I'd help you out.
- 00:05:10,935 --> 00:05:14,062 You don't seem like the kind of guy who does this a lot?
- 00:05:14,230 --> 00:05:16,273 Ha!
- 00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:20,861 Seriously, Gunther. You should see someone about that cold.
- 00:05:21,029 --> 00:05:22,738 If it gets much worse, you could die.
- 00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:30,245 - So how'd the date go? - Well, it was awful.
- 00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:33,040 Every time I thought about what you said, I started crying.
- 00:05:33,207 --> 00:05:36,001 - So he hasn't called? - Would you call this girl:
- 00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:39,421 [CRYING] "Thanks for a lovely evening"?
- 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,799 Now I feel terrible. This is all my fault.
- 00:05:42,967 --> 00:05:45,552 [IN NORMAL VOICE] You know what you should feel terrible about?
- 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,846 This could have been my serious guy.
- 00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:50,515 He was sweet and smart and funny.
- 00:05:50,683 --> 00:05:53,101 Do you know how hard it is to meet a guy like that?
- 00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:55,729 We are a rare breed.
- 00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:02,402 What a great dinner.
- 00:06:02,570 --> 00:06:04,029 Yeah, and hey, thanks again...
- 00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:06,740 ...for letting me have that last piece of cake at the restaurant.
- 00:06:06,949 --> 00:06:11,119 Ha, ha. You're welcome again. I'm gonna go make some coffee.
- 00:06:11,287 --> 00:06:13,914 - Can I get you anything? - Uh, do you have any cake?
- 00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:15,624 [LAUGHING]
- 00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:22,214 JOEY: So this is going pretty good.
- 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:25,634 Dinner was nice. We've got a lot in common.
- 00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:27,844 Ooh, Victoria's Secret. Huh.
- 00:06:28,012 --> 00:06:29,805 We even like the same books.
- 00:06:32,016 --> 00:06:34,893 Ooh. There's a scary painting.
- 00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:37,104 Wait a minute.
- 00:06:37,271 --> 00:06:39,773 I think I've been scared by that painting before.
- 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:44,861 You know what? This whole place looks familiar.
- 00:06:45,029 --> 00:06:47,155 I have definitely been in this apartment.
- 00:06:47,323 --> 00:06:50,158 I know I've seen this weird plant before.
- 00:06:50,326 --> 00:06:53,662 Ow! It did that the last time!
- 00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:56,790 Oh, my God. I've gone out with this girl before.
- 00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:59,334 Yeah! We had sex on this couch!
- 00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:02,212 And then on that chair, and... No.
- 00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:04,339 No, we didn't do it here...
- 00:07:04,507 --> 00:07:08,301 ...which is weird, because it seems like a perfectly good place.
- 00:07:08,469 --> 00:07:10,178 Ow. That's why.
- 00:07:12,765 --> 00:07:14,766 [KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- 00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:22,482 Hey, Mike. Uh, sorry to just drop by like this. Can I come in?
- 00:07:22,650 --> 00:07:24,109 Sure.
- 00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:26,403 Who are you?
- 00:07:26,904 --> 00:07:29,406 I'm Ross. Phoebe's friend from the coffeehouse?
- 00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:30,574 Right, yeah.
- 00:07:30,741 --> 00:07:32,784 I really, really need to talk to you about something.
- 00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:35,245 Okay. Unless...
- 00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:38,582 You're not gonna try and get me to join a cult, are you?
- 00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:41,209 - No. - Oh...
- 00:07:41,377 --> 00:07:44,588 No, it's just, you know, you have that look.
- 00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:47,257 Damn Supercuts.
- 00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:53,305 - Well, what's up? Is Phoebe okay? - Oh, yeah, yeah. No.
- 00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:56,725 Oh, Phoebe is great. But, um...
- 00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:58,894 I'm an idiot, okay?
- 00:07:59,061 --> 00:08:03,607 Look, right before you guys went out, I accidentally got her all upset.
- 00:08:03,774 --> 00:08:05,984 Oh. That's why she was weird.
- 00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:08,945 Yes, yeah. I said something stupid...
- 00:08:09,113 --> 00:08:11,573 ...about her never having had a serious relationship.
- 00:08:11,741 --> 00:08:15,785 But you should know, she is so much fun. A wonderful person.
- 00:08:15,953 --> 00:08:20,123 - Please, don't blow her off. - I'm not gonna blow her off.
- 00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:23,251 I actually just got off the phone with her. We're going out tomorrow night.
- 00:08:23,419 --> 00:08:28,131 I mean, I hope that's okay with you, stranger from the coffeehouse.
- 00:08:29,133 --> 00:08:31,426 Well, then, I didn't need to bother you.
- 00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:36,264 Um, you or the four other Mike Hannigans I bothered.
- 00:08:38,935 --> 00:08:42,562 Hey, wait, wait, wait. Is that true what you said?
- 00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:44,940 Phoebe's never had a serious relationship?
- 00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:48,443 Of course she has.
- 00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:51,154 If she's never had a serious relationship...
- 00:08:51,322 --> 00:08:53,615 ...do you think I'd go around broadcasting it...
- 00:08:53,783 --> 00:08:58,203 ...like some kind of unstoppable moron?
- 00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:03,166 - But you did say it. - Yes. Yes, I did.
- 00:09:04,877 --> 00:09:07,337 And I will also say...
- 00:09:07,505 --> 00:09:09,839 ...what I'm about to say...
- 00:09:10,758 --> 00:09:12,842 ...vis-à-vis...
- 00:09:13,010 --> 00:09:14,761 ...the following.
- 00:09:16,722 --> 00:09:21,560 Phoebe has never had a serious relationship...
- 00:09:22,603 --> 00:09:24,312 ...since...
- 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:28,984 ...her super-serious relationship...
- 00:09:29,151 --> 00:09:30,402 ...with...
- 00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,153 ...Vikram.
- 00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:36,408 - Vikram? - What? That's a real name.
- 00:09:40,496 --> 00:09:43,456 [SINGING] Oklahoma, where the wind comes
- 00:09:43,624 --> 00:09:45,417 sweeping down the plain
- 00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:47,544 Stop it.
- 00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:50,255 Why couldn't they have sent me to Texas?
- 00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:52,632 Seven o'clock.
- 00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:55,552 Maybe I'll hit the gym.
- 00:10:01,475 --> 00:10:04,728 Ah, who am I kidding? Pay-per-view porn.
- 00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:20,535 - Do not disturb! Do not disturb! - Surprise!
- 00:10:23,789 --> 00:10:26,458 - Monica? - Is everything all right?
- 00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:28,793 Yeah, everything's great. I was just, uh...
- 00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:31,630 ...watching some regular television there.
- 00:10:32,214 --> 00:10:35,050 What a pleasant surprise.
- 00:10:42,516 --> 00:10:45,852 - I'm gonna go freshen up, okay? - Okay, honey.
- 00:10:50,524 --> 00:10:52,901 Ooh. That was close.
- 00:10:53,110 --> 00:10:54,819 [PHONE RINGS]
- 00:10:56,405 --> 00:10:57,864 - Hello. MONICA: Rach, it's me.
- 00:10:58,032 --> 00:11:02,327 Okay, I just got to Chandler's room, and I caught him...
- 00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,579 ...molesting himself.
- 00:11:05,206 --> 00:11:08,458 Ugh. That couldn't have been pretty.
- 00:11:08,626 --> 00:11:10,752 But you know, guys do that.
- 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,420 Uh, well, the weird part is...
- 00:11:12,588 --> 00:11:16,049 ...he was getting off to a shark-attack show.
- 00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:20,970 - No! - Yes! Chandler watches shark porn!
- 00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:29,479 - While watching sharks? - Yeah.
- 00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:31,981 Are you sure that's what he was doing?
- 00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:35,068 Do you know how many times I've seen him jump up like that?
- 00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:37,320 Believe me, I know what he was doing.
- 00:11:38,322 --> 00:11:40,782 Man. Sharks.
- 00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:43,243 I always knew there was something weird about that dude.
- 00:11:45,037 --> 00:11:46,830 You promised to love him no matter what.
- 00:11:46,997 --> 00:11:51,167 "What" means, like, if he gets a disease or kills someone.
- 00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:55,130 - Not if he gets his jollies to Jaws. - Oh.
- 00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:58,425 You know what, honey? Guys are just different.
- 00:11:58,592 --> 00:12:01,177 They like things that we can't understand.
- 00:12:01,345 --> 00:12:03,680 You know, I once dated this guy who wanted to pretend...
- 00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:07,016 ...that he was an archeologist, and that I was this...
- 00:12:07,184 --> 00:12:11,938 ...naughty cavewoman who he unfroze from a block of ice.
- 00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:15,859 Ew, are you talking about my brother?
- 00:12:16,026 --> 00:12:18,236 Yeah, I didn't disguise that very well, did I?
- 00:12:21,115 --> 00:12:22,157 - Hey. - Hi.
- 00:12:22,324 --> 00:12:24,534 Listen to this. I went out with this girl last night.
- 00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:26,661 Halfway through our date I realized...
- 00:12:26,829 --> 00:12:28,246 ...I already slept with her.
- 00:12:30,207 --> 00:12:32,167 You've slept with all the women in New York...
- 00:12:32,334 --> 00:12:34,669 ...and now you're going around again?
- 00:12:34,879 --> 00:12:36,337 That's not even the weird part.
- 00:12:36,505 --> 00:12:38,715 I don't think she remembered sleeping with me!
- 00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:40,675 But you don't remember sleeping with her.
- 00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:44,012 Yeah, but she should remember sleeping with me. I am very memorable!
- 00:12:45,723 --> 00:12:47,640 - You guys know. - How do we know?
- 00:12:47,808 --> 00:12:50,185 - We've never slept with you. - And whose fault is that?
- 00:12:52,354 --> 00:12:54,689 What's the big deal? You forgot, she forgot.
- 00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:57,776 - Maybe you were having an off night. - Hey!
- 00:13:00,654 --> 00:13:03,239 I never have an off night. Okay?
- 00:13:03,407 --> 00:13:06,785 Although, sometimes if I'm a little bloated, I don't feel that sexy.
- 00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:09,037 But even then, I'm better than most.
- 00:13:10,539 --> 00:13:13,666 Honey, why don't you just let it go and ask her out again?
- 00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:16,669 Yeah, you're both so slutty, you don't remember who you slept with.
- 00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:18,546 You're made for each other.
- 00:13:20,382 --> 00:13:22,342 Interesting. Yeah.
- 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:27,013 All right, well, I'll go out with her again and I'll try to get past it.
- 00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:29,557 No salt! Bloaty!
- 00:13:30,017 --> 00:13:31,476 - Joey? - What?
- 00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,728 You don't think sharks are sexy, do you?
- 00:13:33,896 --> 00:13:35,355 No.
- 00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:38,650 Wait a minute. Wait, what was the Little Mermaid?
- 00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:43,321 [KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- 00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:44,572 It's open!
- 00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:48,117 - Hey. - Hey. Mike called! We're going out again!
- 00:13:48,285 --> 00:13:50,203 - Yay! Yay! - Yay.
- 00:13:52,706 --> 00:13:55,083 - Quick thing. I went to talk to Mike. - Yeah.
- 00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:56,459 What?
- 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:59,212 What did you...? What did you do, Ross?
- 00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:01,798 Oh, boy. You got mad at that part.
- 00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:06,010 I went over there, you know, to tell him how...
- 00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:09,806 How great you are. Ahem, but...
- 00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:12,642 Well, you know me. Blah, blah, blah.
- 00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:18,731 - And I ended up telling him, um, that... - What?
- 00:14:18,899 --> 00:14:23,194 Um, you had a six-year-long relationship...
- 00:14:23,362 --> 00:14:25,280 ...with a guy named Vikram.
- 00:14:26,907 --> 00:14:28,950 What? Why?
- 00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:31,744 Well, he seemed...
- 00:14:31,912 --> 00:14:36,791 ...to bum hard when I told him you'd never been in a serious relationship.
- 00:14:41,171 --> 00:14:44,007 If you hadn't just had a baby with my best friend...
- 00:14:44,174 --> 00:14:47,552 ...I swear to Lucifer...
- 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:51,806 ...a rabid dog would be feasting on your danglers right now.
- 00:14:53,392 --> 00:14:56,311 Phoebe, I think you'll feel differently when you know...
- 00:14:56,478 --> 00:14:58,855 ...a little bit about Vikram.
- 00:14:59,398 --> 00:15:01,399 Okay, he's, um...
- 00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:04,861 He's a kite designer.
- 00:15:06,697 --> 00:15:10,158 And he used to date Oprah.
- 00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:15,496 I'm not going along with some lie you made up, Ross.
- 00:15:15,664 --> 00:15:18,082 - I'm just gonna be honest with him. - Good.
- 00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:19,584 Yeah, just be honest with him.
- 00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:22,253 - Yeah, I have nothing to be ashamed of. - No.
- 00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:24,756 Okay, so, all right, I haven't been in a relationship...
- 00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,883 ...that lasted longer than a month.
- 00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:29,510 Okay? I haven't had a real boyfriend.
- 00:15:29,678 --> 00:15:34,307 You know, if he can't handle it, then he can leave. Which he will.
- 00:15:34,475 --> 00:15:38,102 And, you know, that's okay. So I'll just be alone forever.
- 00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:41,022 You know, all right. It'll be fine. It'll be fine.
- 00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:44,817 I'll go on walking tours with widows and lesbians.
- 00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:46,861 [KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- 00:15:47,237 --> 00:15:49,197 - I'll get it. PHOEBE: Okay.
- 00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:56,204 I'm trying to remember the last time I opened a door and you weren't there.
- 00:15:59,291 --> 00:16:01,960 Phoebe, are you okay?
- 00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:07,006 Uh-huh. Yeah. There's just, um...
- 00:16:07,883 --> 00:16:09,634 There's something you should know.
- 00:16:12,554 --> 00:16:14,347 Vikram just called.
- 00:16:16,892 --> 00:16:19,811 So it was really a shock after 25 years of marriage...
- 00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,897 ...my parents getting divorced. I took it the hardest...
- 00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:25,525 ...because I was the youngest. - Mm-hm. Sure. Yeah.
- 00:16:25,693 --> 00:16:28,194 How can you not remember me?
- 00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,071 What?
- 00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:32,198 How could you not remember that we slept together?
- 00:16:32,366 --> 00:16:35,326 - What? When? - I don't know.
- 00:16:35,911 --> 00:16:39,205 I really, really think I would remember sleeping with you.
- 00:16:39,373 --> 00:16:42,792 Come on, come on. Search your brain, all right? It was...
- 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:46,587 ...a certain amount of time ago. Okay, I was here. You were here.
- 00:16:46,755 --> 00:16:49,215 We had sex here, here, here...
- 00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:51,300 Not there.
- 00:16:51,468 --> 00:16:54,595 - Anything? - No, it's not ringing any bells.
- 00:16:54,763 --> 00:16:56,931 My God, woman.
- 00:16:57,099 --> 00:16:59,976 How many people have you been with not to remember this?
- 00:17:00,144 --> 00:17:03,271 Hey, Hayley. We really gotta fix that doorknob.
- 00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:06,149 Joey?
- 00:17:06,775 --> 00:17:08,401 Oh.
- 00:17:10,738 --> 00:17:12,780 I slept with you!
- 00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:18,369 And you obviously remember me. Hey, I still got it!
- 00:17:18,537 --> 00:17:19,787 So we're good.
- 00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:23,291 I'll let myself out.
- 00:17:25,335 --> 00:17:28,337 And I said, "Okay, Vikram...
- 00:17:28,505 --> 00:17:30,673 ...you can't just call every time you get lonely.
- 00:17:30,841 --> 00:17:31,924 - Yeah. - You know?
- 00:17:32,092 --> 00:17:35,553 You gave up that right when you slept with Rachel."
- 00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:39,098 Rachel? I thought she just had a baby with Ross.
- 00:17:39,266 --> 00:17:41,559 Yeah, well...
- 00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:43,227 Yeah.
- 00:17:43,562 --> 00:17:46,647 You know, but Emma's birth certificate might say "Geller"...
- 00:17:46,815 --> 00:17:49,776 ...but her eyes say "Mukherjee."
- 00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:54,947 That is so wrong. And on top of that, he's a glue sniffer?
- 00:17:55,115 --> 00:17:58,034 I know. But he calls, and my heart goes to him.
- 00:17:58,202 --> 00:18:03,414 You know, that bastard is one smooth-talking freelance kite designer.
- 00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:07,960 I think there's somebody better out there for you.
- 00:18:08,128 --> 00:18:11,589 I mean, you know, I'm... I'm not saying me, but...
- 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:15,176 Maybe me.
- 00:18:16,553 --> 00:18:17,595 Oh.
- 00:18:17,805 --> 00:18:20,723 And you don't have to worry about glue-sniffing with me.
- 00:18:20,891 --> 00:18:24,102 Although, I do smell the occasional Magic Marker.
- 00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:28,689 Yeah. Uh, anyway, I just...
- 00:18:29,066 --> 00:18:31,442 I think I can make you happy.
- 00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:37,365 - Okay, I can't do this. - What's wrong?
- 00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:41,577 Well, there is no Vikram. Ross made him up.
- 00:18:41,745 --> 00:18:43,204 Because I...
- 00:18:43,372 --> 00:18:46,290 I really never have been in a long-term relationship.
- 00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:51,003 I've never lived with a guy. I've never even celebrated an anniversary.
- 00:18:51,338 --> 00:18:52,713 So...
- 00:18:54,258 --> 00:18:57,176 You know, if that's too weird for you...
- 00:18:57,344 --> 00:18:59,512 ...and you want to leave, I totally understand.
- 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:03,099 In fact, I'll close my eyes to make it less awkward.
- 00:19:10,524 --> 00:19:12,567 You kissed me.
- 00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:15,027 Uh-huh.
- 00:19:15,195 --> 00:19:18,406 - So you don't think I'm a total freak? - No.
- 00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:20,283 Well...
- 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,618 Look, can I?
- 00:19:22,786 --> 00:19:25,830 Can I think you're a little weird and also cool...
- 00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:28,666 ...for telling me the truth and also want to kiss you?
- 00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:30,835 I guess so.
- 00:19:31,211 --> 00:19:33,671 Can I think it's cool that you kissed me...
- 00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:36,424 ...and also want to kiss you again?
- 00:19:38,135 --> 00:19:42,305 And, um, be a little concerned about the Magic Markers?
- 00:19:42,472 --> 00:19:43,764 Definitely.
- 00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:49,353 [PHONE RINGS]
- 00:19:49,521 --> 00:19:50,771 [ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS]
- 00:19:50,939 --> 00:19:53,357 ROSS [IN FOREIGN ACCENT]: This is Vikram.
- 00:20:01,575 --> 00:20:04,076 Hi, honey, I'm home.
- 00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:05,995 Hi.
- 00:20:06,163 --> 00:20:09,749 - How was your flight? - Oh, it was great.
- 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,876 Why don't you sit down.
- 00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:13,502 Get yourself comfortable.
- 00:20:13,670 --> 00:20:16,339 Because I have a little...
- 00:20:16,506 --> 00:20:18,758 ...surprise for you.
- 00:20:19,843 --> 00:20:22,470 Well, well, well. It must be 5 in Tulsa...
- 00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:26,390 ...because it's sex o'clock in N.Y. C!
- 00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:32,396 Okay. This is how much I love you.
- 00:20:33,607 --> 00:20:35,733 NARRATOR [ON TV]: The great white...
- 00:20:41,406 --> 00:20:42,990 Honey?
- 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:46,619 Why am I watching a bunch of sharks swimming around?
- 00:20:47,788 --> 00:20:49,789 Oh, is this...? Is this not the good part?
- 00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:54,669 Do you want me to fast-forward to something toothier?
- 00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:59,090 No, I'm just not sure that you got the right movie, that's all.
- 00:20:59,299 --> 00:21:02,802 Oh. This is the only one they had at our video store.
- 00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:06,097 Though they did have something called Crocodile Killers.
- 00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:09,058 Or does it always have to be sharks?
- 00:21:11,186 --> 00:21:13,229 Does what always have to be sharks?
- 00:21:13,397 --> 00:21:15,606 Honey, look, we can do something else.
- 00:21:15,774 --> 00:21:19,902 Do you want me to get into the tub and thrash?
- 00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:25,074 - What's going on? - Sweetie, it's okay. It's okay.
- 00:21:25,242 --> 00:21:27,076 I still love you.
- 00:21:27,244 --> 00:21:31,247 - Let me be a part of this. - Let me be a part of this!
- 00:21:32,624 --> 00:21:34,834 I saw what you were doing in Tulsa.
- 00:21:35,002 --> 00:21:37,753 Angry sharks turn you on!
- 00:21:39,131 --> 00:21:40,715 No, they don't.
- 00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:45,553 Then why were you watching them and giving yourself a treat?
- 00:21:46,096 --> 00:21:49,390 Oh, my God. When you came in, I switched the channel.
- 00:21:49,558 --> 00:21:52,226 I was just watching regular porn.
- 00:21:53,353 --> 00:21:54,478 Really?
- 00:21:54,646 --> 00:21:58,983 Yes. Just some good, old-fashioned, American, girl-on-girl action.
- 00:22:00,944 --> 00:22:04,405 - Can I tell you how happy that makes me? - Oh.
- 00:22:05,657 --> 00:22:08,617 You are an amazing wife.
- 00:22:08,785 --> 00:22:12,163 Really, you are amazing. You were actually gonna do this for me?
- 00:22:12,331 --> 00:22:15,791 I mean, where do you find the strength and the understanding for that?
- 00:22:17,878 --> 00:22:19,670 I'm very, very drunk right now.
- 00:22:28,180 --> 00:22:31,724 See, ordinarily, I would talk to her, but my confidence is shaken.
- 00:22:31,892 --> 00:22:34,477 Did I sleep with her? Did I not sleep with her?
- 00:22:34,811 --> 00:22:36,937 You know, maybe this is a wake-up call.
- 00:22:37,105 --> 00:22:40,232 You know, about your whole dating attitude.
- 00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:43,986 You're in your 30s and you have never been in a long-term relationship.
- 00:22:45,739 --> 00:22:47,656 Here you go from woman to woman...
- 00:22:47,824 --> 00:22:50,201 ...meaningless experience to meaningless experience.
- 00:22:50,369 --> 00:22:53,746 Never even worrying that it doesn't turn into something more serious.
- 00:22:53,914 --> 00:22:55,915 You're right. I love my life!
- 00:23:01,421 --> 00:23:03,881 I actually did sleep with her. Heh.
- 00:23:10,013 --> 00:23:12,014 [English - US - SDH]
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