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Эпизод с Маком и Чизом
The One with Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
Сезон: 06Серия: 20
Описание
Джоуи претендует на роль в малобюджетном сериале на кабельном телевидении, где он играет научно-фантастического героя Мака Макиавелли, напарника по борьбе с преступностью крутого робота C.H.E.E.S.E., что расшифровывается как «Компьютеризированный человекоподобный электронно-усовершенствованный секретный исполнитель». Моника врывается в квартиру, прерывая Чендлера, когда тот пишет Джоуи записку о том, что его второе прослушивание перенесено, из-за чего Джоуи пропускает его. Друзья вспоминают другие случаи своих ошибок. Джоуи получает ещё один шанс на прослушивание, который Чендлер правильно записывает. Один из шести эпизодов-нарезок за 10 сезонов.
Субтитры
- 00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:07,297 "We've got three minutes till the reactor blows.
- 00:00:07,465 --> 00:00:08,549 We'll never make it!"
- 00:00:08,717 --> 00:00:11,802 "You've got to get out of here! Save yourself!"
- 00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:15,014 "No, I won't leave you."
- 00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:20,060 "Don't worry about me. I'm a robot. I'm just a machine!"
- 00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:25,274 - "No, you're not. Not to me." - Oh, my God.
- 00:00:25,442 --> 00:00:28,610 - What? - I am extremely talented.
- 00:00:29,446 --> 00:00:30,863 - Yeah. You're great. - Yeah.
- 00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:35,159 - Okay, let's take it from... - No, I was really acting my ass off.
- 00:00:36,327 --> 00:00:38,078 I thought I was pretty good too.
- 00:00:38,246 --> 00:00:40,789 Yeah, you're solid. You're just no me.
- 00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:44,668 You know what? I think that's enough for now.
- 00:00:44,836 --> 00:00:46,962 I don't want to be over-rehearsed. Ha-ha-ha.
- 00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:50,215 Fine. I'll do it without you!
- 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:53,552 I don't need you or anybody else!
- 00:00:53,803 --> 00:00:56,346 I'm gonna make it on my own!
- 00:00:57,682 --> 00:01:00,517 You'll see! You'll all see!
- 00:01:42,143 --> 00:01:44,353 So, what's this thing you're auditioning for?
- 00:01:44,521 --> 00:01:46,271 It's a new TV show. Yeah.
- 00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:49,817 I'm up for the part of Mac, Machiavelli, or "Mac"!
- 00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:56,031 I'm a detective and I solve crimes with the help of my robot partner.
- 00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:58,784 He's a computerized, humanoid...
- 00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:02,037 ...electronically enhanced secret enforcer.
- 00:02:02,205 --> 00:02:04,081 Or, "C.H.E.E.S.E."
- 00:02:06,084 --> 00:02:10,420 - So, Mac and C.H.E.E.S. E? - That's the title!
- 00:02:12,215 --> 00:02:14,967 They really lucked out that the initials spell "cheese."
- 00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:17,344 That is lucky.
- 00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:21,265 Huh. So, Joey, if you get this, you're gonna be, like...
- 00:02:21,432 --> 00:02:23,142 ...the star of your own TV show.
- 00:02:23,309 --> 00:02:27,771 I mean, you'll be like the "Big Cheese" or the "Big Mac." Hey, you love those!
- 00:02:28,314 --> 00:02:31,483 Don't get your hopes up, because it's probably not gonna happen.
- 00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:33,402 Now, why would you say that, Joseph?
- 00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:36,655 Well, I mean, come on, you guys. My own TV show?
- 00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:39,575 - I don't know if I'm good enough. - I am. Heh.
- 00:02:41,578 --> 00:02:44,454 What are you talking about? You're a terrific actor.
- 00:02:44,789 --> 00:02:48,125 - You really think so? - How can you even ask that question?
- 00:02:49,711 --> 00:02:53,088 CHANDLER: She's pretty. - Yeah. And she's really nice too.
- 00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:56,383 She taught me all about, you know, how to work with cameras...
- 00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:58,552 ...and "smell the fart" acting.
- 00:03:01,472 --> 00:03:04,016 - I'm sorry, what'd you say? ROSS: Excuse me?
- 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:07,269 It's like you got so many lines to learn so fast...
- 00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:10,439 ...that sometimes you need a minute to remember your next one.
- 00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:15,736 So while you're thinking of it, you take this big pause where you look all intense.
- 00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:17,404 You know, like this:
- 00:03:19,824 --> 00:03:21,158 RACHEL: Oh. CHANDLER: Okay.
- 00:03:21,367 --> 00:03:22,409 [GUNSHOT ON TV]
- 00:03:22,577 --> 00:03:24,703 Here's my scene! Here's my scene!
- 00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:29,041 Mrs. Wallace? I'm Dr. Drake Ramoray, your sister's neurosurgeon.
- 00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:31,710 You sister is suffering from a...
- 00:03:36,799 --> 00:03:42,179 [IN AUSTRIAN ACCENT] Well, Eva, we've done some excellent work here.
- 00:03:43,514 --> 00:03:50,145 And I would have to say, your problem is quite clear.
- 00:03:51,272 --> 00:03:54,524 [SINGING] All you want is a dinkle
- 00:03:55,109 --> 00:03:57,694 What you envy's a schwang
- 00:03:57,862 --> 00:04:01,073 A thing through which you can tinkle
- 00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:04,243 Or play with or simply let hang
- 00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:06,828 I play Al Pacino's butt.
- 00:04:08,957 --> 00:04:13,335 All right? He goes into the shower and then, I'm his butt.
- 00:04:14,170 --> 00:04:16,713 - Oh, my God. - Come on, you guys.
- 00:04:16,881 --> 00:04:20,217 This is a real movie and Al Pacino's in it, and that's big!
- 00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:24,304 No, it's terrific. You deserve this after all your years of struggling...
- 00:04:24,472 --> 00:04:27,975 ...you've finally been able to crack your way into show business.
- 00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:35,023 Okay, fine, make jokes. I don't care. This is a big break for me.
- 00:04:35,191 --> 00:04:37,401 - No, you're right, it is. - Yeah.
- 00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:40,570 So, you gonna invite us all to the big opening?
- 00:04:42,740 --> 00:04:44,908 All right, I'm out of here. Wish me luck.
- 00:04:45,076 --> 00:04:51,081 [SINGING] Good luck, good luck We all wish you good luck
- 00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:54,418 Yeah, whatever.
- 00:04:59,507 --> 00:05:00,924 It's your turn.
- 00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:03,885 Oh, are we playing this?
- 00:05:06,097 --> 00:05:07,764 - Hey. - Hey. How did the audition go?
- 00:05:07,932 --> 00:05:12,144 Terrible. I messed up every line. I shouldn't even be an actor.
- 00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:15,897 Wait. Are you doing that thing where you pretend it didn't go well...
- 00:05:16,065 --> 00:05:17,482 ...but it really did go well?
- 00:05:18,609 --> 00:05:23,280 - Yeah, did I fool you? - Totally!
- 00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:25,949 - So, it did go well? - It went amazingly well!
- 00:05:26,117 --> 00:05:27,159 - Great. - That's great.
- 00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,703 - It's down to me and two other guys. CHANDLER: Oh, my God.
- 00:05:29,871 --> 00:05:32,039 I know both of them, and they're really good.
- 00:05:32,206 --> 00:05:35,334 One's from those allergy commercials who's always being chased...
- 00:05:35,501 --> 00:05:38,378 ...by those big flowers. - Oh, I love that guy.
- 00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:41,465 Oh. What are you doing?
- 00:05:41,632 --> 00:05:43,300 What am I doing?
- 00:05:45,053 --> 00:05:48,805 I'm so nervous, you know? The callback isn't till tomorrow at 5.
- 00:05:48,973 --> 00:05:50,724 I feel like my head's gonna explode.
- 00:05:50,892 --> 00:05:53,101 Well, it is overdue.
- 00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:56,104 Don't worry, okay? You're gonna be fine.
- 00:05:56,272 --> 00:05:58,065 Yeah, but it's so much pressure.
- 00:05:58,232 --> 00:06:00,984 No offense, but what you guys all do is very different.
- 00:06:01,152 --> 00:06:02,903 I don't know if you'd understand.
- 00:06:03,071 --> 00:06:06,365 Yeah, none of the rest of us have to deal with pressure at our jobs.
- 00:06:06,532 --> 00:06:08,492 Yes, I know what time it is...
- 00:06:08,659 --> 00:06:11,370 ...but I'm looking at the WENIS and I'm not happy.
- 00:06:12,580 --> 00:06:14,915 Well, I'm tearing the lettuce.
- 00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:18,335 - Uh-huh? Is it dirty? - No, don't worry, I'm gonna wash it.
- 00:06:18,503 --> 00:06:20,379 Don't. I like it dirty.
- 00:06:23,257 --> 00:06:25,092 That's your call.
- 00:06:25,259 --> 00:06:28,178 So, uh, what are you going to do next?
- 00:06:28,346 --> 00:06:31,098 Well, I thought that I would cut up the tomatoes.
- 00:06:31,265 --> 00:06:33,266 Are they firm?
- 00:06:35,436 --> 00:06:36,770 They're all right.
- 00:06:36,938 --> 00:06:41,775 You sure they haven't gone bad? You sure they're not very, very bad?
- 00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:46,655 No, really. They're okay.
- 00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:49,574 You gonna slice them up real nice?
- 00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:51,701 Ahem. Actually, I was gonna do them julienne.
- 00:06:51,869 --> 00:06:54,037 [MOANS]
- 00:06:54,205 --> 00:06:55,831 I'm out of here.
- 00:06:55,998 --> 00:06:59,543 Monica, I'm quitting. I just helped an 81 -year-old woman put on a thong...
- 00:06:59,710 --> 00:07:01,461 ...and she didn't even buy it.
- 00:07:02,171 --> 00:07:05,382 I'm quitting. That's it. I'm talking to my boss right now.
- 00:07:05,550 --> 00:07:07,634 Yes, I am. Yes, I am.
- 00:07:08,636 --> 00:07:11,263 Okay, bye. Call me when you get this message.
- 00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:12,556 Well, what happened?
- 00:07:12,723 --> 00:07:17,227 Well, he came in for a massage, and everything was fine until...
- 00:07:20,648 --> 00:07:22,190 Oh, my God.
- 00:07:22,358 --> 00:07:25,610 PHOEBE: And all of a sudden, his hands weren't the problem anymore.
- 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:33,702 - Was it? - Oh, Boy Scouts could've camped under there.
- 00:07:35,329 --> 00:07:36,955 You ate my sandwich.
- 00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:39,666 It was a simple mistake. It could happen to anyone.
- 00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:42,043 Oh, really?
- 00:07:42,253 --> 00:07:44,087 Now calm down.
- 00:07:44,380 --> 00:07:47,424 Come look in my office. Some of it may still be in the trash.
- 00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:51,887 - What? - Well, it was quite large.
- 00:07:52,054 --> 00:07:54,431 I had to throw most of it away.
- 00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:55,849 [STAMMERING]
- 00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:59,102 You threw my sandwich away?
- 00:08:00,229 --> 00:08:02,147 ROSS: My sandwich?
- 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:05,066 My sandwich!
- 00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:09,279 It's just, I want this part so much, you know?
- 00:08:09,447 --> 00:08:13,575 If I don't get this part, I'm never gonna eat macaroni and cheese again.
- 00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:16,328 No, I didn't say that. That doesn't count.
- 00:08:20,374 --> 00:08:23,460 Come on, guys. It's not like I moved to Europe.
- 00:08:23,628 --> 00:08:25,629 I just moved across the hall.
- 00:08:25,796 --> 00:08:28,006 And we would have you over all the time...
- 00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:32,344 ...if it weren't for Monica's allergies.
- 00:08:33,721 --> 00:08:36,097 You're right, I could never lie to you.
- 00:08:36,265 --> 00:08:37,641 She hates you.
- 00:08:38,935 --> 00:08:39,976 [PHONE RINGS]
- 00:08:40,144 --> 00:08:42,312 Should I get that? Ha-ha-ha.
- 00:08:44,148 --> 00:08:47,484 Hello? Uh, no, Joey's not here right now.
- 00:08:47,652 --> 00:08:49,194 Can I take a message?
- 00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:53,073 Yeah, okay. So the audition's been moved from 5 to 2:30?
- 00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:55,200 Okay, great. Bye.
- 00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:03,500 [YELLS]
- 00:09:04,627 --> 00:09:08,880 - Aren't you dressed yet? - Am I naked again?
- 00:09:09,715 --> 00:09:12,133 We're supposed to meet my parents in 15 minutes.
- 00:09:12,301 --> 00:09:15,011 Okay. I was just talking to the guys. Just look at them.
- 00:09:15,179 --> 00:09:17,722 I mean, is it okay if they come visit?
- 00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:20,100 What about my allergies?
- 00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:23,019 Right. Your allergies.
- 00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:27,023 All her. She hates you.
- 00:09:27,191 --> 00:09:28,567 [QUACKING]
- 00:09:37,076 --> 00:09:39,077 CHANDLER: Ooh, ooh, ooh.
- 00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:41,621 Yes! All right.
- 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:47,043 How cool would it be if you could watch like a real life-size version of this?
- 00:09:47,211 --> 00:09:51,256 - I mean, how crazy would that be? - As crazy as soccer?
- 00:09:51,465 --> 00:09:52,966 [PHONE RINGS]
- 00:09:53,759 --> 00:09:55,427 [JOEY CLEARS THROAT]
- 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:56,636 Hello?
- 00:09:58,014 --> 00:10:01,182 What are you talking about? The audition's not till 5.
- 00:10:04,103 --> 00:10:05,979 Well, nobody told me.
- 00:10:06,647 --> 00:10:08,023 Who'd you talk to?
- 00:10:12,695 --> 00:10:14,070 Never mind.
- 00:10:14,905 --> 00:10:17,449 You mean you didn't get it from this?
- 00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:20,243 The allergy guy got the part. Thanks.
- 00:10:20,411 --> 00:10:22,120 Maybe we can fix it, you know?
- 00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:26,082 Maybe we can send him some big, big flowers and scare him!
- 00:10:26,917 --> 00:10:28,293 How could you do this to me?
- 00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:31,046 This part could've turned my whole career around.
- 00:10:31,213 --> 00:10:34,049 I messed up, okay? I'm sorry. I really messed up.
- 00:10:34,216 --> 00:10:37,177 You don't even live here anymore. Why'd you answer my phone?
- 00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:39,846 - I have a machine! - Which I bought for you.
- 00:10:41,098 --> 00:10:44,476 Taught you how to use it. You thought it was a copier.
- 00:10:45,728 --> 00:10:48,480 If there was anything I could do, I would do it, okay?
- 00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:51,775 But everybody's allowed one mistake, right?
- 00:10:51,942 --> 00:10:55,111 He could have gotten me a VCR. He could have gotten me golf clubs.
- 00:10:55,279 --> 00:10:57,697 But no, he has to get me the "woman repeller."
- 00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:01,117 The eyesore from the "Liberace House of Crap!"
- 00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:04,079 - It's not that bad. - Easy for you to say.
- 00:11:04,246 --> 00:11:07,290 You don't have to sport a reject from the "Mr. T Collection."
- 00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:08,792 Chandler. Chandler.
- 00:11:08,959 --> 00:11:12,253 [AS MR. T] I pity the fool who puts on my jewelry! I do! I do!
- 00:11:12,713 --> 00:11:14,005 I pity the fool that...
- 00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:15,799 Hi...
- 00:11:16,634 --> 00:11:20,095 When you were late last night, Kathy and I got to talking...
- 00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:23,348 ...and one thing led to another and...
- 00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:26,017 And what? Did you sleep with her?
- 00:11:26,185 --> 00:11:30,063 - No! No, I just kissed her. - What? That's even worse!
- 00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:33,817 - How is that worse? - I don't know! But it's the same!
- 00:11:33,984 --> 00:11:37,362 You're right, I have no excuses. I was totally over the line.
- 00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:38,697 "Over the line?"
- 00:11:38,864 --> 00:11:42,075 You're so far past the line that you can't even see the line!
- 00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:43,827 Yeah, the line is a dot to you!
- 00:11:45,162 --> 00:11:47,664 I'm not saying that you should magically forgive me.
- 00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:51,710 But you're not perfect. You've made some errors in judgment too.
- 00:11:52,002 --> 00:11:53,086 Name one.
- 00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:56,047 What happened?
- 00:11:56,632 --> 00:11:59,968 Aw, man! He promised he wouldn't take the chairs!
- 00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:03,221 What the hell happened? How were you locked in?
- 00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:05,306 And where the hell's all of our stuff?
- 00:12:05,766 --> 00:12:07,684 This guy came by to look at the unit...
- 00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:11,146 ...and he said he didn't think it was big enough to fit a grown man.
- 00:12:11,772 --> 00:12:14,441 So you got in voluntarily?
- 00:12:14,608 --> 00:12:16,568 I was trying to make a sale!
- 00:12:17,445 --> 00:12:20,822 Oh, man, if I ever run into that guy again, you know what I'm gonna do?
- 00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:22,741 Bend over?
- 00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:24,743 There's Lorraine.
- 00:12:24,910 --> 00:12:29,289 Okay, now remember, no trading. You get the pretty one, I get the mess.
- 00:12:29,498 --> 00:12:31,374 - Hi, Joey. JOEY: Hey.
- 00:12:32,168 --> 00:12:34,002 [JOEY AND LORRAINE CHUCKLE]
- 00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:37,714 Well, well. Look what you brought.
- 00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:39,549 And what did you bring?
- 00:12:41,552 --> 00:12:43,428 She's checking her coat.
- 00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:46,890 Joey, I'm gonna go wash the cab smell off my hands.
- 00:12:47,057 --> 00:12:50,685 Will you get me a white Zinfandel and a glass of red for Janice?
- 00:12:55,608 --> 00:13:00,820 Janice?
- 00:13:01,405 --> 00:13:06,326 Oh, my God!
- 00:13:06,535 --> 00:13:09,746 Joey's tailor took advantage of me.
- 00:13:10,706 --> 00:13:11,748 What?
- 00:13:11,916 --> 00:13:15,418 No way. I've been going to the guy for 12 years.
- 00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:17,504 He said he was gonna do my inseam...
- 00:13:17,671 --> 00:13:21,466 ...then he ran his hand up my leg and then there was definite...
- 00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:22,801 What?
- 00:13:23,469 --> 00:13:25,261 Cupping.
- 00:13:28,098 --> 00:13:30,600 That's how they do pants!
- 00:13:32,561 --> 00:13:33,728 Ross, will you tell him?
- 00:13:33,896 --> 00:13:38,191 - Isn't that how a tailor measures pants? - Yes, yes, it is. In prison!
- 00:13:40,778 --> 00:13:42,111 I said name one!
- 00:13:49,787 --> 00:13:53,915 - I can't believe I did this. What an idiot. - Stop beating yourself up.
- 00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:56,751 People make mistakes. These things happen.
- 00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:02,048 There aren't any messages you've forgotten to give me, are there?
- 00:14:02,424 --> 00:14:04,926 Apparently, you're not very good at it.
- 00:14:05,427 --> 00:14:08,263 - Do you think he'll ever forgive me? - Of course he will.
- 00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:11,516 Chandler, the most important thing is that you forgive yourself.
- 00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:14,602 - You know what, I kind of have. - Already?
- 00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:16,688 That was pretty bad, what you did.
- 00:14:17,773 --> 00:14:19,649 You know what? He will forgive you.
- 00:14:19,817 --> 00:14:24,362 I like to bring a pad with me when I go answer the phone, just in case. Okay.
- 00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:26,489 You didn't see how mad he was, you know?
- 00:14:26,657 --> 00:14:28,283 I'm sure he will forgive you.
- 00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:31,411 Look, we've all been there, you know? You fight, you make up.
- 00:14:31,579 --> 00:14:32,829 That's the way it works.
- 00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:36,040 It took two people to break up this relationship!
- 00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:38,376 Yeah! You and that girl from the copy place...
- 00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:41,212 ...which yesterday you took full responsibility for!
- 00:14:41,505 --> 00:14:44,382 I didn't know what I was taking responsibility for, okay?
- 00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:46,342 I didn't finish the whole letter.
- 00:14:46,510 --> 00:14:48,219 - What? - I fell asleep.
- 00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:50,096 You fell asleep?
- 00:14:51,098 --> 00:14:54,058 It was 5:30 in the morning.
- 00:14:54,226 --> 00:15:00,356 And you had rambled on for 18 pages.
- 00:15:00,524 --> 00:15:03,151 Front and back!
- 00:15:04,528 --> 00:15:09,407 And by the way? Y-O-U, apostrophe R-E means, "you are."
- 00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:11,826 Y-O-U-R means "your."
- 00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:15,288 I can't believe I thought of getting back together with you.
- 00:15:15,456 --> 00:15:17,290 We are so over!
- 00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:18,958 [WHIMPERING]
- 00:15:19,126 --> 00:15:20,418 Fine by me!
- 00:15:22,129 --> 00:15:25,340 And just so you know, it's not that common...
- 00:15:25,507 --> 00:15:28,843 ...it doesn't happen to every guy, and it is a big deal!
- 00:15:30,387 --> 00:15:31,888 I knew it!
- 00:15:33,098 --> 00:15:36,392 - You had no right to go out with him. - That is the most ridiculous...
- 00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:38,895 - You sold me out! - I did not sell you out!
- 00:15:39,188 --> 00:15:42,565 - Yes, you did! You absolutely sold me... - Would you let me talk?
- 00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:47,362 Did you just flick me?
- 00:15:48,405 --> 00:15:51,282 Okay, well, you wouldn't let me finish and I was just... Ow!
- 00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:53,910 - Stop it! Ow! - Ow!
- 00:15:54,078 --> 00:15:55,411 - Stop. - Stop.
- 00:15:55,579 --> 00:15:58,498 - All right. No, let's not do this. RACHEL: No!
- 00:15:58,666 --> 00:15:59,958 [BOTH YELL]
- 00:16:00,125 --> 00:16:02,001 - Happy thoughts. RACHEL: No!
- 00:16:02,169 --> 00:16:03,753 [YELLING]
- 00:16:03,921 --> 00:16:06,297 - Stop it! PHOEBE: Oh! Oh!
- 00:16:06,465 --> 00:16:09,384 Okay, now I'm gonna kick some ass!
- 00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:12,845 - Ow! - Ow!
- 00:16:13,013 --> 00:16:15,682 MONICA & RACHEL: Ow. Ow. Ow. PHOEBE: I know, I know.
- 00:16:17,184 --> 00:16:22,063 All right. Now, I will let go if you both stop.
- 00:16:22,231 --> 00:16:23,898 - Fine. - Fine.
- 00:16:24,692 --> 00:16:26,025 There we go.
- 00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:31,781 Ha. You know what? If we were in prison, you guys would be like my bitches.
- 00:16:39,873 --> 00:16:42,083 Okay, buddy boy, here it is.
- 00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:46,546 You hide my clothes? I'm wearing everything you own.
- 00:16:47,089 --> 00:16:49,382 Oh, my God!
- 00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:54,387 Look at me, I'm Chandler! Could I be wearing any more clothes?
- 00:16:55,806 --> 00:16:58,266 Maybe if I wasn't going "commando."
- 00:16:58,434 --> 00:17:00,518 [GROANS]
- 00:17:01,478 --> 00:17:07,275 Whew. I tell you, it's hot with all this stuff on. I'd better not do any lunges.
- 00:17:59,661 --> 00:18:00,828 Joey?
- 00:18:01,955 --> 00:18:05,708 Got you the Joey special. Two pizzas!
- 00:18:06,668 --> 00:18:08,086 Joe?
- 00:18:08,295 --> 00:18:09,587 [PHONE RINGS]
- 00:18:09,755 --> 00:18:11,798 Hello? Damn it!
- 00:18:14,051 --> 00:18:15,093 Hello?
- 00:18:15,469 --> 00:18:19,222 No, Joey's not here right now, but I can take a message. I think.
- 00:18:20,474 --> 00:18:23,976 He's still got a chance for the part? That's great news!
- 00:18:24,269 --> 00:18:28,106 Well, no, obviously not for the actor who was mauled by his dog.
- 00:18:29,024 --> 00:18:32,110 Well, that's great. I will give Joey the message. Thank you.
- 00:18:32,277 --> 00:18:33,319 Yes!
- 00:18:34,696 --> 00:18:35,738 Okay.
- 00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:37,532 Mac...
- 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:39,909 ...audition...
- 00:18:40,744 --> 00:18:42,703 ...at 2.
- 00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:45,373 Allergy...
- 00:18:45,916 --> 00:18:47,166 ...actor...
- 00:18:48,335 --> 00:18:49,919 ...attacked.
- 00:18:54,883 --> 00:18:57,260 By dog...
- 00:18:57,678 --> 00:18:59,095 ...not...
- 00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:01,055 ...flowers.
- 00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:12,150 - Hey. - Please tell me you got the message.
- 00:19:12,484 --> 00:19:15,111 - What message? - The actor playing Mac couldn't do it.
- 00:19:15,279 --> 00:19:19,115 - They needed to see you at 2:00. - What? It's 6:00!
- 00:19:19,408 --> 00:19:21,659 Look! I wrote it! I wrote it on the board!
- 00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:24,745 I wrote it on the board, then went looking all over for you!
- 00:19:24,913 --> 00:19:26,664 I went to Ross's, the coffee house.
- 00:19:26,832 --> 00:19:29,667 I went to any place that they make sandwiches!
- 00:19:30,294 --> 00:19:33,171 - I can't believe this, Chandler! - I'm sorry.
- 00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:35,214 I don't know what to say!
- 00:19:35,757 --> 00:19:38,885 You might say, "Congratulations."
- 00:19:39,052 --> 00:19:42,930 I saw the board, I went to the audition, I got the part!
- 00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:46,267 Was that supposed to be funny? I was worried over here.
- 00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:50,313 - I'm sorry. - At times that fake-out thing is mean.
- 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,940 Okay, man. I'm sorry. I did not mean to make you feel bad.
- 00:19:53,108 --> 00:19:54,734 Well, that's good.
- 00:19:54,902 --> 00:19:58,112 Because you didn't. And I'm incredibly happy for you!
- 00:19:58,739 --> 00:20:00,448 That's mean!
- 00:20:02,242 --> 00:20:04,911 - You had me going there! - We could do this all day.
- 00:20:05,078 --> 00:20:06,621 Yeah, you're right.
- 00:20:07,331 --> 00:20:10,041 Look, let's talk about what a huge star I'm gonna be.
- 00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:12,418 You are gonna be a huge star. I'm gonna hug you.
- 00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:14,253 - You hug me. - All right.
- 00:20:15,172 --> 00:20:17,256 [INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
- 00:20:43,325 --> 00:20:46,160 - Do we do this too much? - I think so.
- 00:20:46,370 --> 00:20:48,329 - Yeah. Get off me. - Yeah.
- 00:20:56,338 --> 00:20:58,881 "Come on, C.H.E.E.S.E., I'm not leaving without you.
- 00:20:59,049 --> 00:21:02,218 Try routing your backup power source through your primary CPU."
- 00:21:02,386 --> 00:21:07,014 "I can't! My circuits are fried! They're fried, I tell you!"
- 00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:10,643 Wow.
- 00:21:11,228 --> 00:21:13,312 "Well, then I'll just have to carry you."
- 00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:15,481 "That'll be a neat trick...
- 00:21:15,649 --> 00:21:19,318 ...when you're dead!"
- 00:21:20,362 --> 00:21:22,071 Ross, you don't have to yell.
- 00:21:22,239 --> 00:21:26,367 There was just an explosion, okay? My hearing would be impaired.
- 00:21:27,494 --> 00:21:28,911 I thought you were excellent.
- 00:21:29,079 --> 00:21:32,081 In fact, for a minute there, I was like, "Ooh, where did Ross go?"
- 00:21:33,333 --> 00:21:37,003 Thank you. And I have to say that first scene where you meet Mac...
- 00:21:37,170 --> 00:21:39,297 - Yeah. - Oh, my God. I mean...
- 00:21:39,464 --> 00:21:40,589 You know what?
- 00:21:40,757 --> 00:21:43,843 I think that's enough for today. Thanks for your help.
- 00:21:46,221 --> 00:21:48,556 - Holding us back. - Totally.
- 00:21:52,269 --> 00:21:54,270 [English - US - SDH]
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