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Эпизод, где все вспоминают свои Дни благодарения
The One with All the Thanksgivings
Сезон: 05Серия: 08
Описание
Моника готовит ужин на День благодарения. После этого все делятся историями о своих худших Днях благодарения: Чендлер узнал о разводе родителей; Джои застрял сырой индейкой на голове; недавно похудевшая юная Моника случайно отрезала кончик пальца Чендлера острым ножом после того, как он назвал её толстой в прошлом году.
Субтитры
- 00:00:02,460 --> 00:00:04,753 [ALL GROANS]
- 00:00:08,299 --> 00:00:10,926 Monica, that was the best Thanksgiving dinner ever.
- 00:00:11,094 --> 00:00:13,721 It was so good. I think you killed us.
- 00:00:15,473 --> 00:00:17,766 I couldn't possibly eat another bite.
- 00:00:18,143 --> 00:00:20,269 I need something sweet.
- 00:00:21,604 --> 00:00:23,230 Does anyone wanna watch TV?
- 00:00:23,398 --> 00:00:24,940 GROUP: Yeah. Sure.
- 00:00:27,235 --> 00:00:29,278 Monica, your remote doesn't work.
- 00:00:29,446 --> 00:00:32,448 Phoebe, you have to lift it and point.
- 00:00:32,615 --> 00:00:33,866 Oh.
- 00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:36,994 Oh, forget it.
- 00:00:37,912 --> 00:00:39,538 Hey, you know what we should all do?
- 00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:43,125 We should play that game where everyone says one thing they're thankful for.
- 00:00:43,293 --> 00:00:48,088 Oh, I... I am thankful for this beautiful fall we've been having.
- 00:00:48,256 --> 00:00:49,923 - Very nice. - Sweet, Joe.
- 00:00:50,341 --> 00:00:52,342 Yeah, the other day, I was at the bus stop...
- 00:00:52,510 --> 00:00:54,928 ...and this lovely fall breeze came in out of nowhere...
- 00:00:55,096 --> 00:00:57,097 ...and blew this chick's skirt right up.
- 00:00:58,683 --> 00:01:02,895 Oh, which reminds me, I'm also thankful for thongs.
- 00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:57,157 It's not so much an underpant as it is a feat of engineering.
- 00:01:58,576 --> 00:02:02,913 It's amazing how much they can do with so little material.
- 00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:07,668 And the way they play with your mind. I mean, is it there? Is it not there?
- 00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:10,838 Are you aware that you're still talking?
- 00:02:12,006 --> 00:02:15,592 Is anyone thankful for anything else besides a thong?
- 00:02:16,010 --> 00:02:17,302 Huh. I don't know what to pick.
- 00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:20,389 Am I more thankful for my divorce, or my eviction? Hmm.
- 00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:23,851 Wow, see, and I didn't think you'd be able to come up with anything.
- 00:02:26,271 --> 00:02:29,273 I'm sorry. It's just this is the worst Thanksgiving ever.
- 00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:31,817 No, no, no. I am the king of bad Thanksgivings.
- 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,153 You can't just swoop in here with your bad marriage...
- 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,029 ...and take that away from me.
- 00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:38,073 You're not gonna tell the whole story...
- 00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:40,242 ...about how your parents got divorced, are you?
- 00:02:40,535 --> 00:02:42,035 GROUP: No, no.
- 00:02:42,203 --> 00:02:44,204 Come on. I want to hear it.
- 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:49,710 It wouldn't be Thanksgiving without Chandler bumming us out.
- 00:02:50,753 --> 00:02:52,713 It's a tradition, like the parade.
- 00:02:52,881 --> 00:02:57,301 If the parade decided it was gay, moved out and abandoned its entire family.
- 00:03:00,388 --> 00:03:01,763 Now, Chandler, dear.
- 00:03:01,931 --> 00:03:04,099 Just because your father and I are getting a divorce...
- 00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:06,059 ...doesn't mean we don't love you.
- 00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:07,769 It just means...
- 00:03:07,937 --> 00:03:11,648 ...he would rather sleep with the houseboy than with me.
- 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:16,987 More turkey, Mr. Chandler?
- 00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:24,786 You're right, yours is worse. You are the king of bad Thanksgivings.
- 00:03:25,121 --> 00:03:27,289 I don't know about that. I've got one that's worse.
- 00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:28,457 Really? Worse than:
- 00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:30,876 [IN SPANISH ACCENT] "More turkey, Mr. Chandler?"
- 00:03:33,129 --> 00:03:35,297 Did the little rich boy had a problem with the butler?
- 00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:37,633 Yes, mine's worse.
- 00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:40,928 [GUNFIRE AND BOMBS EXPLODING]
- 00:03:43,264 --> 00:03:46,725 More bandages! More bandages!
- 00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:49,770 Please, can I get some more bandages in here?
- 00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:52,564 This man is... Aah!
- 00:03:56,152 --> 00:03:58,070 Oh, no.
- 00:04:00,865 --> 00:04:02,991 In this life, Phoebe.
- 00:04:04,118 --> 00:04:05,118 Oh, this life.
- 00:04:05,286 --> 00:04:06,995 Oh, okay. No, Chandler's is worse.
- 00:04:08,831 --> 00:04:11,333 Man, it must be so cool remembering stuff like that.
- 00:04:11,501 --> 00:04:14,044 I don't have any past life memories.
- 00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:17,798 Of course, you don't, sweetie. You're brand-new.
- 00:04:19,968 --> 00:04:22,010 I know Monica's worst Thanksgiving.
- 00:04:22,178 --> 00:04:24,721 - Oh, let's not tell this story. - Oh, come on.
- 00:04:24,889 --> 00:04:26,431 Oh, no! I know! I know!
- 00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:30,394 It's the one where Joey got Monica's turkey stuck on his head.
- 00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:32,604 - What? - What?
- 00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:35,524 Joey got a turkey stuck on his head?
- 00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:37,109 Hey, it's not like it sounds.
- 00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,361 It's exactly like it sounds.
- 00:04:46,619 --> 00:04:48,078 JOEY: Hello?
- 00:04:50,081 --> 00:04:51,748 Hello?
- 00:04:54,210 --> 00:04:56,461 JOEY: Phoebe? - Joey?
- 00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:58,630 What's going on?
- 00:04:59,257 --> 00:05:00,757 [PHOEBE GASPS]
- 00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:02,801 Oh, my God.
- 00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:04,344 JOEY: I know.
- 00:05:04,804 --> 00:05:06,596 It's stuck.
- 00:05:08,182 --> 00:05:10,892 PHOEBE: Step. How did it get on?
- 00:05:11,060 --> 00:05:13,645 I put it on to scare Chandler.
- 00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:17,316 Oh, my God. Monica's going to totally freak out.
- 00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:18,984 JOEY: Well, then help me get it off.
- 00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:21,945 Plus, it smells really bad in here.
- 00:05:22,530 --> 00:05:26,825 Of course it smells really bad. You have your head up a dead animal.
- 00:05:27,618 --> 00:05:29,202 [KEYS JINGLE]
- 00:05:32,915 --> 00:05:35,125 - Hey. - Hey.
- 00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:38,670 Hey, did you get the turkey...? Oh, my God!
- 00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:40,505 Oh, my God!
- 00:05:40,923 --> 00:05:42,466 Who is that?
- 00:05:42,633 --> 00:05:44,384 JOEY: It's Joey.
- 00:05:45,261 --> 00:05:47,512 What are you doing? Is this supposed to be funny?
- 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:51,058 No, it's not supposed to be funny. It's supposed to be scary.
- 00:05:52,143 --> 00:05:53,435 Get that off now.
- 00:05:53,603 --> 00:05:55,520 JOEY: I can't. It's stuck.
- 00:05:55,688 --> 00:05:58,190 Well, I don't care. That turkey has to feed 20 people.
- 00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,400 They're not going to eat it off your head.
- 00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:04,696 Hold on, okay? Let's just all think.
- 00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:11,411 Okay, I got it. Phoebe?
- 00:06:11,579 --> 00:06:12,954 All right. You pull.
- 00:06:13,122 --> 00:06:15,582 I'm gonna spread the legs as wide as I can.
- 00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:17,542 [JOEY LAUGHING]
- 00:06:18,669 --> 00:06:21,463 - Joey, now is not the time. JOEY: Yeah. Sorry. Right, sorry.
- 00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:25,342 Okay, count to three. One, two...
- 00:06:25,510 --> 00:06:27,010 ...three.
- 00:06:27,178 --> 00:06:28,678 [CHANDLER YELLS]
- 00:06:30,264 --> 00:06:34,267 JOEY: It worked. I scared you. I knew it. Ha, ha!
- 00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:39,147 - I'm over here, big guy. JOEY: Yeah, you are. Ha, ha!
- 00:06:39,315 --> 00:06:42,526 I scared you. Whoo!
- 00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:44,444 [CHUCKLES]
- 00:06:44,612 --> 00:06:46,780 You did look like an idiot.
- 00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:50,534 Hey, I wasn't the only one who looked like an idiot, all right?
- 00:06:51,285 --> 00:06:53,912 Remember when Ross tried to say "butternut squash"...
- 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:57,499 ...and it came out, "squatternut bosh"?
- 00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:58,834 [LAUGHING]
- 00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:02,170 Yeah, that's the same.
- 00:07:04,006 --> 00:07:05,799 That's it. That's my worst Thanksgiving.
- 00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:08,760 Oh, wait. That can't be the one that Rachel was talking about...
- 00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:11,388 ...because she didn't even know that that happened.
- 00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:13,723 - So, what's yours? CHANDLER: What was it?
- 00:07:13,891 --> 00:07:16,351 Um, I really don't wanna tell this story.
- 00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:17,519 Oh, come on, Monica.
- 00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:21,648 Reliving past pain and getting depressed is what Thanksgiving's all about.
- 00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:25,735 You know, for me, anyway. And, of course, the Indians.
- 00:07:27,363 --> 00:07:30,240 Look, of all people, you do not want me to tell this story.
- 00:07:30,408 --> 00:07:32,200 What is that supposed to mean?
- 00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:33,410 [DOORBELL RINGS]
- 00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:35,454 Monica, I think Rachel's here.
- 00:07:35,621 --> 00:07:37,205 MONICA: I'll get it.
- 00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:46,965 - Happy Thanksgiving. - Not for me.
- 00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:48,758 Chip and I broke up.
- 00:07:48,926 --> 00:07:51,178 Oh. Why?
- 00:07:51,345 --> 00:07:52,554 Well, what happened?
- 00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:55,932 You know how my parents are out of town, and Chip was gonna come over?
- 00:07:56,100 --> 00:07:58,643 Yeah, yeah. And you were gonna give him, you know...
- 00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:00,437 ...your "flower."
- 00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,356 Okay, Monica, can you just call it sex?
- 00:08:03,524 --> 00:08:06,610 It really creeps me out when you call it that.
- 00:08:06,777 --> 00:08:08,153 Okay, and by the way...
- 00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:12,073 ...while we're at it, a guy's thing is not called his "tenderness."
- 00:08:15,119 --> 00:08:16,995 Believe me.
- 00:08:18,706 --> 00:08:20,582 - Hi. BOTH: Hi, Rachel.
- 00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:22,876 RACHEL: Happy Thanksgiving. JUDY: You too, sweetheart.
- 00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,628 Hey.
- 00:08:24,795 --> 00:08:27,047 JACK: Oh. Hi.
- 00:08:29,550 --> 00:08:30,884 Uh, everyone...
- 00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:33,178 ...this is Chandler.
- 00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:37,390 My roommate and lead singer of our band. Heh.
- 00:08:39,435 --> 00:08:40,435 Ross?
- 00:08:40,603 --> 00:08:42,437 Oh. This is Monica.
- 00:08:42,980 --> 00:08:44,981 Hi, I'm Ross' little sister.
- 00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:47,400 Okay.
- 00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:51,613 I'm so glad you could come, Chandler.
- 00:08:51,781 --> 00:08:53,949 We've got plenty of food, so I hope you're hungry.
- 00:08:54,116 --> 00:08:56,243 Oh, Mom, no, no, Chandler hates Thanksgiving...
- 00:08:56,410 --> 00:08:58,411 ...and doesn't eat any Thanksgiving food.
- 00:08:58,579 --> 00:09:02,165 Oh. Well, I'm so glad you brought him here, then.
- 00:09:03,084 --> 00:09:04,626 Hey, Chandler, um...
- 00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:07,629 If you want, I can make you some macaroni and cheese for dinner.
- 00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:09,798 As long as the Pilgrims didn't eat it, then I'm in.
- 00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:11,508 [LAUGHS THEN CHOKES]
- 00:09:14,136 --> 00:09:15,720 Damn it.
- 00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:25,647 So, uh, Rach...
- 00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:28,650 Does it...? Does it feel weird around here now?
- 00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:31,695 You know, since I've been away at college?
- 00:09:31,862 --> 00:09:33,113 Oh.
- 00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:34,281 No, not really.
- 00:09:35,491 --> 00:09:37,367 That's cool.
- 00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,327 So...
- 00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:49,129 Ugh! I cannot believe Chip dumped me for that slut, Nancy Branson.
- 00:09:49,297 --> 00:09:50,880 I am never going out with him again.
- 00:09:51,048 --> 00:09:53,592 I don't care how much he begs.
- 00:09:53,801 --> 00:09:56,845 I think his begging days are over, now that he's with Nancy Branson.
- 00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:01,808 You know what? I've just had it with high-school boys.
- 00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:03,602 They're just silly.
- 00:10:03,769 --> 00:10:06,855 They're just silly, stupid boys.
- 00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:08,398 I'm gonna start dating men.
- 00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:11,943 Uh, I'm sorry, Judy.
- 00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:15,780 I couldn't find that bowl you and Jack were looking for.
- 00:10:18,242 --> 00:10:20,619 Call them Mom and Dad, you loser.
- 00:10:22,705 --> 00:10:23,830 Monica.
- 00:10:29,086 --> 00:10:30,545 Hey, Chandler?
- 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,217 Did you like the macaroni and cheese?
- 00:10:36,385 --> 00:10:38,428 Oh, yeah. It was great. You should be a chef.
- 00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:40,764 Okay.
- 00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:45,935 Guess what.
- 00:10:46,103 --> 00:10:49,314 All this stuff about Nancy Branson being a slut was all a rumor.
- 00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:52,859 Chip dumped her, and he wants to come over to my house tonight.
- 00:10:53,027 --> 00:10:55,403 - Oh, that is so great. RACHEL: I know.
- 00:10:55,571 --> 00:10:58,406 Oh, gosh. Listen, if you and Chip do it tonight...
- 00:10:58,574 --> 00:11:01,368 ...um, promise me you'll tell me everything?
- 00:11:01,535 --> 00:11:05,413 Oh, totally, totally. It's not that big a deal. We already kind of did it once, you know.
- 00:11:05,581 --> 00:11:08,917 I know, but this time you're gonna definitely know whether or not you did it.
- 00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:10,335 I know.
- 00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:15,590 Oh, and Chip promised that this time it would last at least for an entire song.
- 00:11:18,469 --> 00:11:20,512 So I'm thinking of asking Rachel out tonight.
- 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,223 You know, maybe playing her that song we wrote last week.
- 00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:26,059 - "Emotional Knapsack"? Right on. - Right on.
- 00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:31,606 Oh, uh, but don't take long, okay? Because we're testing our fake ID's tonight.
- 00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:33,775 Right, Clifford Alvarez?
- 00:11:35,611 --> 00:11:38,488 Listen, Roland Cheng...
- 00:11:39,281 --> 00:11:42,325 ...if things go well, I may be out with her all night.
- 00:11:42,993 --> 00:11:44,786 Dude, don't do that to me.
- 00:11:44,954 --> 00:11:47,497 Oh, no. It's cool, you can stay here. My parents won't mind.
- 00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:50,709 It's not that. I don't wanna be stuck here all night with your fat sister.
- 00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:52,168 Hey.
- 00:11:55,506 --> 00:11:57,549 Monica, why don't you finish off these pies?
- 00:11:57,717 --> 00:12:00,135 I don't have any more room in the fridge.
- 00:12:02,304 --> 00:12:03,596 No.
- 00:12:04,181 --> 00:12:06,182 No, thank you.
- 00:12:06,350 --> 00:12:07,767 Well, Judy, you did it.
- 00:12:07,935 --> 00:12:10,478 She's finally full.
- 00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,067 I called you fat?
- 00:12:16,235 --> 00:12:18,611 - I don't even remember that. - Well, I do.
- 00:12:19,071 --> 00:12:22,615 I'm so sorry. I really am. But, come on, I was an idiot back then.
- 00:12:22,783 --> 00:12:25,535 I rushed the stage at a Wham! Concert, for crying out loud.
- 00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:29,664 Oh, I can't believe you called her fat.
- 00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:33,084 I can't believe you let George Michael slap you.
- 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:35,879 I am really sorry.
- 00:12:36,046 --> 00:12:39,340 That is so terrible. I'm so, so sorry.
- 00:12:39,508 --> 00:12:42,260 Actually, that's not the Thanksgiving I was talking about.
- 00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:45,138 - Yes, it was. - No, it wasn't. It was actually...
- 00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:47,056 Thanksgiving's over. Get ready for Christmas.
- 00:12:47,224 --> 00:12:48,558 Who wants to get a Christmas tree?
- 00:12:49,977 --> 00:12:53,146 Oh, no. I have the cutest Christmas story.
- 00:12:53,314 --> 00:12:55,190 We wanna hear Monica's Thanksgiving story.
- 00:12:55,357 --> 00:12:57,942 Fine, all right. Mine had a dwarf that got broke in half.
- 00:12:58,110 --> 00:13:00,069 But, you know, whatever.
- 00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:04,449 So, Rachel, your mom tells me you changed your major again?
- 00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:05,950 Oh, yeah, I had to.
- 00:13:06,118 --> 00:13:09,245 There was never any parking by the Psychology building.
- 00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:11,581 - Hi, Rachel. - Oh, hi.
- 00:13:11,749 --> 00:13:14,667 - Wow. Love your new nose. - Jack.
- 00:13:15,336 --> 00:13:17,420 What? Dr. Wolfson's an artist.
- 00:13:17,588 --> 00:13:19,005 He removed my mole cluster.
- 00:13:19,173 --> 00:13:20,590 Want to see?
- 00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:21,925 [DOORBELL RINGS]
- 00:13:22,092 --> 00:13:24,010 No, God. Please, let me.
- 00:13:27,556 --> 00:13:29,808 - Hey. - Hey.
- 00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:35,104 - Happy Thanksgiving. - Hi.
- 00:13:35,773 --> 00:13:37,607 God, your hair sure is different.
- 00:13:37,775 --> 00:13:39,526 Yeah, we were just talking about that.
- 00:13:39,693 --> 00:13:42,445 Can't we can't believe how stupid we used to look.
- 00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,283 So, uh, where's Monica?
- 00:13:47,451 --> 00:13:49,285 She's upstairs. Monica.
- 00:13:49,453 --> 00:13:51,204 Come down, everyone's here.
- 00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:55,208 Ross, Rachel and the boy who hates Thanksgiving.
- 00:13:58,712 --> 00:13:59,921 Hi, Chandler.
- 00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,131 Oh, my God.
- 00:14:02,883 --> 00:14:04,592 What's the matter?
- 00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:07,220 Is there something on my dress?
- 00:14:09,306 --> 00:14:11,933 You just... You look so different. Terrific.
- 00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:13,685 That dress, that body...
- 00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,186 - Dude. - Sorry.
- 00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:19,148 Yes, yes, Monica is thin. It's wonderful.
- 00:14:19,316 --> 00:14:22,652 But what we really want to hear about is Ross' new girlfriend.
- 00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:25,196 Oh, Mom... Okay.
- 00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:27,490 Um, ahem, her name is Carol...
- 00:14:27,658 --> 00:14:29,701 ...and she's really pretty and smart.
- 00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:33,204 And, uh, she's on the lacrosse team and the golf team.
- 00:14:33,372 --> 00:14:34,914 Can you believe it?
- 00:14:35,082 --> 00:14:37,000 She plays for both teams.
- 00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:42,714 So, Chandler, I guess I'll see you at dinner.
- 00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:46,050 - Dude. - Sorry.
- 00:14:47,344 --> 00:14:48,553 Oh, my God.
- 00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,305 That was so awesome.
- 00:14:50,472 --> 00:14:52,599 You totally got him back for calling you fat.
- 00:14:52,766 --> 00:14:54,517 He was just drooling all over you.
- 00:14:54,685 --> 00:14:57,312 - That must have felt so great. - Well, it didn't.
- 00:14:57,479 --> 00:14:59,063 What?
- 00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:01,357 Yeah, I mean, I look great.
- 00:15:01,525 --> 00:15:04,235 And yeah, I feel great, and, yeah, my heart's not in trouble anymore.
- 00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:06,029 Blah, blah, blah.
- 00:15:06,822 --> 00:15:08,907 I just don't feel like I got him back, you know?
- 00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:11,242 I mean, I just want to humiliate him.
- 00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:13,119 I want him to be, like, naked...
- 00:15:13,287 --> 00:15:16,039 ...and I want to point at him and I wanna laugh.
- 00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:20,627 Okay. That, we may be able to do.
- 00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:22,754 How?
- 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:26,716 Well, guys tend to get naked before they're gonna have sex.
- 00:15:26,884 --> 00:15:30,428 What? I mean, I didn't work this hard and lose all this weight...
- 00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:34,057 ...just so I could give my flower to someone like him.
- 00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:38,269 Okay, first of all, if you keep calling it that, no one is ever gonna take it.
- 00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:42,106 And then second of all, you're not gonna actually have sex with him.
- 00:15:42,274 --> 00:15:44,525 You're just gonna make him think that you are.
- 00:15:45,694 --> 00:15:47,570 - Yeah. - Yeah.
- 00:15:47,738 --> 00:15:49,030 And then when he's naked...
- 00:15:49,198 --> 00:15:51,032 ...I can throw him out, lock the door...
- 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,743 ...and all our neighbors will just humiliate him.
- 00:15:53,911 --> 00:15:56,329 And then you will definitely get him back.
- 00:15:56,497 --> 00:15:58,665 Okay, so how do I make him think I want to have sex?
- 00:15:58,916 --> 00:16:00,917 Uh, Oh! Here's what you do.
- 00:16:01,085 --> 00:16:05,546 Just act like everything around you turns you on.
- 00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:10,802 - What do you mean? - Well, like, anything can be sexy.
- 00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:14,681 Like, um... Oh, okay. Like this dish towel.
- 00:16:14,848 --> 00:16:17,850 Ooh, ooh.
- 00:16:18,435 --> 00:16:21,729 This feels so good against my cheek.
- 00:16:21,897 --> 00:16:25,608 And if I get a little hot, I can just dab myself with it.
- 00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:30,113 Or I can bring it down to my side and maybe run it through my fingers...
- 00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:31,781 ...while I talk to him.
- 00:16:32,324 --> 00:16:34,909 - I can do that. - Okay, good, good, good.
- 00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:36,744 Get busy. He's coming. He's coming.
- 00:16:37,746 --> 00:16:39,706 - Hey, what's up? - Hey.
- 00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:44,460 I was wondering if you could make me some mac and cheese...
- 00:16:44,628 --> 00:16:46,087 ...like last year?
- 00:16:47,297 --> 00:16:48,923 I'd love to.
- 00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:55,388 Ooh.
- 00:16:55,556 --> 00:16:58,099 I love macaroni and cheese.
- 00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:03,896 I love the way this box feels against my cheek.
- 00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:12,530 - Okay. - Ooh, and I love carrots.
- 00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:13,948 Oh!
- 00:17:16,326 --> 00:17:19,579 Sometimes I like to put them between my fingers.
- 00:17:21,331 --> 00:17:22,915 Like this.
- 00:17:23,083 --> 00:17:26,002 And hold them down here while I talk to you.
- 00:17:30,632 --> 00:17:33,259 Um, and, you know, if I get really hot...
- 00:17:33,427 --> 00:17:37,138 ...um, I like to pick up this knife.
- 00:17:37,431 --> 00:17:42,769 And, um, I put the cool steel...
- 00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:44,604 ...against, um...
- 00:17:45,272 --> 00:17:47,023 ...my body.
- 00:17:49,151 --> 00:17:50,902 Are you all right?
- 00:17:51,653 --> 00:17:53,279 I'm fine.
- 00:18:07,878 --> 00:18:09,712 - What do got? - Twenty-year-old male.
- 00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,090 He's got a severed toe on his right foot.
- 00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:13,508 Ow!
- 00:18:14,718 --> 00:18:16,844 Could you please not do that feet first?
- 00:18:17,012 --> 00:18:20,389 You know where his injury is. Severed toe, you just said it!
- 00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:24,393 It says here the knife went right through your shoe.
- 00:18:24,561 --> 00:18:26,979 Of course it did. They're made of wicker.
- 00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:29,273 - Did you bring the toe? - Oh, yes.
- 00:18:29,441 --> 00:18:31,609 I have it right here on ice.
- 00:18:32,486 --> 00:18:35,655 Don't worry, son. We'll just reattach it and then...
- 00:18:36,073 --> 00:18:38,908 - What is it? - You brought a carrot.
- 00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,620 - What? - This isn't your toe.
- 00:18:42,788 --> 00:18:46,040 This is a small, very cold piece of carrot.
- 00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:48,376 You brought a carrot?
- 00:18:48,544 --> 00:18:50,336 Oh, my God.
- 00:18:50,504 --> 00:18:52,588 There's a toe in my kitchen.
- 00:18:54,591 --> 00:18:56,300 God, I'm sorry. I'll go back and get it.
- 00:18:56,468 --> 00:18:58,469 It's too late. All we can do is sew up the wound.
- 00:18:58,637 --> 00:19:00,930 - Without my toe? I need my toe. MONICA: Okay.
- 00:19:01,098 --> 00:19:04,433 No, no, no. I can go really fast. Dad, give me the keys to your Porsche.
- 00:19:04,601 --> 00:19:06,978 Oh, I'm not falling for that one.
- 00:19:08,689 --> 00:19:11,524 That's why I lost my toe? Because I called you fat?
- 00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:16,279 I didn't mean to cut it off. It was an accident.
- 00:19:16,446 --> 00:19:20,116 That's why for an entire year people called me Sir Limps-a-lot?
- 00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:22,827 I'm sorry.
- 00:19:23,871 --> 00:19:25,288 It wasn't your whole toe.
- 00:19:25,455 --> 00:19:27,623 Yeah, well, I miss the tip.
- 00:19:27,791 --> 00:19:28,958 It's the best part.
- 00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:31,794 It has the nail.
- 00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:35,590 MONICA: Chandler...
- 00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:38,551 Sir Limps-a-lot.
- 00:19:38,719 --> 00:19:40,761 I came up with that.
- 00:19:43,223 --> 00:19:44,891 You're a dork.
- 00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:49,478 - I can't believe this. - Chandler, I said I was sorry.
- 00:19:49,646 --> 00:19:53,649 Yeah, well, "sorry" doesn't bring back the little piggy that cried all the way home.
- 00:19:54,985 --> 00:19:58,487 I hate this stupid day and everything about it.
- 00:19:58,655 --> 00:20:00,615 - I'll see you later. - Wait, Chandler.
- 00:20:00,782 --> 00:20:02,158 Come here.
- 00:20:02,326 --> 00:20:05,119 Is there anything I can do? Anything?
- 00:20:05,829 --> 00:20:09,081 Yeah, just leave me alone for a little while.
- 00:20:14,296 --> 00:20:15,296 [QUACKING]
- 00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:18,925 Oh, I'm a duck. I go quack-quack. I'm happy all the time.
- 00:20:19,092 --> 00:20:20,593 [KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- 00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:31,520 Nice try.
- 00:20:31,688 --> 00:20:33,522 MONICA: Wait, wait, wait.
- 00:20:36,526 --> 00:20:37,735 - Look, Monica... - Look.
- 00:20:42,366 --> 00:20:43,699 This is not gonna work.
- 00:20:43,867 --> 00:20:45,660 I bet this will work.
- 00:20:49,206 --> 00:20:50,581 [CHUCKLES]
- 00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:56,754 You're so great. I love you.
- 00:21:06,431 --> 00:21:07,765 What?
- 00:21:07,933 --> 00:21:11,852 Nothing. I said you're so great, and then I just stopped talking.
- 00:21:13,563 --> 00:21:15,815 MONICA: You said you loved me. I can't believe this.
- 00:21:15,983 --> 00:21:17,108 No, I didn't.
- 00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:21,404 - Yes, you did. - No, I didn't.
- 00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:23,823 MONICA: You love me.
- 00:21:24,032 --> 00:21:26,993 No, I don't. Stop it, stop it, stop it.
- 00:21:27,577 --> 00:21:29,203 [YELLS]
- 00:21:37,045 --> 00:21:39,046 [GUNFIRE AND BOMBS EXPLODING]
- 00:21:40,299 --> 00:21:41,674 [IN FRENCH ACCENT] Gauze!
- 00:21:41,842 --> 00:21:45,261 Gauze! I need to get some gauze in here!
- 00:21:45,429 --> 00:21:48,931 Can I please get some more gauze?
- 00:21:58,984 --> 00:22:01,360 This is getting ridiculous.
- 00:22:07,492 --> 00:22:09,493 [English - US - SDH]
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