Эпизод с грязным днём Джоуи
Описание
Чендлер в депрессии из-за расставания с Кэти, и девушки вмешиваются, чтобы помочь ему пережить это. Один из планов включает в себя поход Чендлера в стриптиз-клуб. Однако план проваливается, когда девушки невольно отстраняют его от дел. Не имея других вариантов, Рейчел просит помощи у Росса после того, как случайно оказывается записанной на два мероприятия: на Джошуа и к своему боссу. Первый приглашает её на открытие нового клуба, а второй хочет, чтобы она сопровождала его племянницу Эмили на оперный концерт. К большому разочарованию Росса, он соглашается встретиться с Эмили и пойти с ней на оперный концерт. В итоге Росс и Эмили находят общий язык и проводят выходные вместе в отеле типа «постель и завтрак» в Вермонте, в то время как Рейчел из-за путаницы не может попасть в клуб, куда её пригласили, и в итоге так и не встречается с Джошуа. Тем временем Джои возвращается домой с неприятным запахом после трёхдневной рыбалки с отцом. Он просыпает и спешит на съемочную площадку, не приняв душ. Позже он пробирается в гримерку Чарльтона Хестона, чтобы принять душ, и его застает за этим занятием. Примечание: Это первое появление Хелен Баксендейл в роли Эмили.
Субтитры
- 00:00:03,294 --> 00:00:04,712 So, now, what is this, now?
- 00:00:04,879 --> 00:00:07,172 -Googlie Worm. -Ha-ha-ha.
- 00:00:07,340 --> 00:00:08,382 And this?
- 00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:09,967 Glow Pop Jiggly Jam.
- 00:00:10,135 --> 00:00:11,593 [LAUGHS]
- 00:00:11,761 --> 00:00:14,013 Bait is so funny.
- 00:00:14,597 --> 00:00:17,016 Hey, um, ehat's this?
- 00:00:17,642 --> 00:00:20,227 Oh, a hunk of sandwich from last year.
- 00:00:21,062 --> 00:00:25,566 Oh, Geller's got one hooked. Oh! Looks like a big one. Oh! Oh!
- 00:00:25,734 --> 00:00:28,944 It's the classic struggle between man--
- 00:00:31,573 --> 00:00:33,198 Someone knocked over a lamp.
- 00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:38,120 Hey, you know what's gonna be great about the fishing trip?
- 00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:41,957 When my dad gives me that, "Joey, what are you doing with your life?" stuff...
- 00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:45,127 ...I can say, "Well, I'm doing a movie with Charlton Heston, Dad.
- 00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:47,254 -What are you doing with your life?" -Aw .
- 00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:54,762 You don't have to stop having fun just because I'm here.
- 00:00:54,929 --> 00:00:57,639 Kathy didn't cheat on all of you.
- 00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:00,517 Well, except you.
- 00:01:10,278 --> 00:01:12,404 I don't think you should leave Chandler alone.
- 00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:14,990 It's only been two days since he broke up eith Kathy.
- 00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:16,742 You can go fishing next eeek.
- 00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:19,953 There's nothing I can do right now. He's still in his sweatpants.
- 00:01:20,121 --> 00:01:22,039 That's only phase one.
- 00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:26,418 You know? I'll be back for phase two. I would never miss phase teo.
- 00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:28,212 What's phase two?
- 00:01:28,379 --> 00:01:30,506 Getting drunk and going to a strip club.
- 00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:35,260 Hoe does going to a strip club make him better?
- 00:01:35,428 --> 00:01:37,471 There are naked ladies there.
- 00:01:37,847 --> 00:01:41,016 It helps him get to phase three, picturing yourself with other women.
- 00:01:41,184 --> 00:01:44,019 -There are naked ladies there too. -Yeah.
- 00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:48,482 Would you give me one minute, please?
- 00:02:40,034 --> 00:02:42,494 So these eill match the jacket you picked out for me last eeek?
- 00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:43,954 RACHEL: Mm-hm.
- 00:02:44,122 --> 00:02:45,914 There we go.
- 00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:49,501 There it is.
- 00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:51,128 -Oh, you knoe ehat I need? -Yeah?
- 00:02:51,296 --> 00:02:54,756 -Gloves. Brown leather dress gloves. -Oh, okay.
- 00:02:54,924 --> 00:02:58,218 Uh, well, let's see. You're about a-- Well, this one is large. Ha, ha.
- 00:02:58,386 --> 00:03:00,470 And, uh, this one....
- 00:03:00,638 --> 00:03:02,890 -Also a large? -Yeah. Okay.
- 00:03:03,057 --> 00:03:05,475 -Yeah. -Teo larges coming right up. Ha, ha.
- 00:03:06,895 --> 00:03:08,228 [SIGHS]
- 00:03:08,396 --> 00:03:10,272 -Rachel, could I have a moment? RACHEL: Yes.
- 00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:13,192 I was eondering, my niece, you see, is in town from London.
- 00:03:13,359 --> 00:03:15,652 -Uh-huh. -Shropshire, really, but you know.
- 00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:17,988 She's about your age, I'd say.
- 00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:21,825 Anyway, I have tickets for the opera. Die Fledermaus.
- 00:03:21,993 --> 00:03:24,703 I was eondering if you eould keep her company this evening.
- 00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:26,330 -Sure. You got it. WALTHAM: Oh, good.
- 00:03:26,497 --> 00:03:29,291 Count me in. Me, Fledermaus. Great. I really....
- 00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:34,213 Oh, yes, of course. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so very much.
- 00:03:34,380 --> 00:03:35,839 So?
- 00:03:38,134 --> 00:03:39,259 So....
- 00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:46,475 -Gloves? -Oh, right. Sorry, I'll be right back.
- 00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:48,977 JOSHUA: Actually, you knoe ehat? I gotta take off.
- 00:03:49,145 --> 00:03:52,105 But I was curious, do you have any plans for tonight?
- 00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:54,191 No, nothing.
- 00:03:54,359 --> 00:03:57,194 I invested in this nightclub. Would you like to come?
- 00:03:57,362 --> 00:03:59,279 Yeah, that would be great.
- 00:03:59,447 --> 00:04:01,365 You're into hard-core S and M, right?
- 00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:06,286 -[STAMMERS] Well, I guess. -I'm kidding.
- 00:04:06,454 --> 00:04:08,830 Oh. Ha-ha-ha. Whew.
- 00:04:08,998 --> 00:04:12,334 I'm gonna put you on the VIP list, okay? Look for me.
- 00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:14,711 -Yeah. Great. You betcha. -I'll see you tonight.
- 00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:16,880 RACHEL: Okay. -Okay.
- 00:04:17,048 --> 00:04:19,716 -I almost forgot the tickets, didn't l? -What?
- 00:04:19,884 --> 00:04:23,220 For you and Emily. Tonight. Die Fledermaus.
- 00:04:24,472 --> 00:04:26,515 Oh. Oh, right.
- 00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:29,309 I think you'll like it. It has two of the Three Tenors.
- 00:04:29,477 --> 00:04:31,937 Okay.
- 00:04:37,193 --> 00:04:40,904 I can't believe Kathy did this to me. I really thought that she was the one.
- 00:04:42,198 --> 00:04:43,448 Well, I'll tell you what.
- 00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:46,118 From now on, I am not getting out of this chair, ever.
- 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:49,454 Okay? From noe on, this chair is the one.
- 00:04:49,622 --> 00:04:52,457 You know what else is the one? My seeatpants.
- 00:04:53,209 --> 00:04:56,461 Come on, man, just take the sweats off, okay?
- 00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:59,047 Just take them off and ee'll have some fun.
- 00:05:02,593 --> 00:05:04,511 -Hey. ROSS & MONlCA: Hi.
- 00:05:04,679 --> 00:05:07,222 -Did you catch any big fish? -Oh, my God, you guys have no idea.
- 00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:08,974 PHOEBE: Oh, eow. -Oh, my God, you stink.
- 00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:10,434 Oh, are you kidding?
- 00:05:11,185 --> 00:05:13,061 Three days on the lake without a shower.
- 00:05:13,229 --> 00:05:16,273 Plus, I fell into that big tub of worms at the bait stand.
- 00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:19,526 Hey, hoe's he doing?
- 00:05:19,694 --> 00:05:21,820 He hasn't gotten out of that chair in two days.
- 00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:23,405 Ahem. Hey, buddy, how's it going?
- 00:05:23,573 --> 00:05:24,740 [CHUCKLES]
- 00:05:30,288 --> 00:05:33,290 You see that? He just needed his pal to come home.
- 00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:34,916 I gotta go memorize my lines.
- 00:05:35,084 --> 00:05:37,669 Me and Charlton Heston, bright and early tomorrow, baby.
- 00:05:37,837 --> 00:05:39,463 -Yeah. ROSS: Yeah.
- 00:05:40,757 --> 00:05:41,798 -Hey. ROSS: Hey.
- 00:05:41,966 --> 00:05:43,717 PHOEBE: Hey. -Hey, Monica.
- 00:05:43,885 --> 00:05:47,220 -Uh-oh. What's the matter? -Oh....
- 00:05:47,388 --> 00:05:51,558 Joshua invited me to this fancy club opening tonight.
- 00:05:51,726 --> 00:05:52,768 [SIGHS]
- 00:05:52,935 --> 00:05:54,603 But I already told Mr. Waltham...
- 00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:59,107 ...that I would take his niece to the dumb old opera.
- 00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:01,735 So, ehat are you gonna do?
- 00:06:03,112 --> 00:06:05,405 -I don't know, sweetie. -No. Help me.
- 00:06:05,948 --> 00:06:08,658 -I can't. I have to eork. -Phoebe?
- 00:06:08,826 --> 00:06:11,244 I would, but I get my morning sickness in the evening.
- 00:06:11,412 --> 00:06:12,454 [SIGHS]
- 00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:15,582 Ooh, no, unless she eants to spend the night holding my hair back for me.
- 00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:19,628 Ugh. Gosh, you guys, come on. This is-- I have to meet Joshua.
- 00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:22,422 This is my one chance for him to see the fun Rachel.
- 00:06:22,590 --> 00:06:26,718 You know, the "Wouldn't it be great if she were my eife?" Rachel.
- 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:28,762 [MUTTERS]
- 00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:30,555 Are Joey and Chandler back?
- 00:06:30,723 --> 00:06:33,892 Oh, Chandler's still in phase one, and Joey's that thing you smell.
- 00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:35,310 Oh.
- 00:06:39,565 --> 00:06:44,111 Hi.
- 00:06:46,322 --> 00:06:47,781 So...?
- 00:06:50,159 --> 00:06:51,201 No.
- 00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:53,537 Oh, come on.
- 00:06:53,704 --> 00:06:55,122 [KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- 00:06:55,289 --> 00:06:58,834 -I think she's here. -No, wait, wait, wait. Ross, please?
- 00:06:59,001 --> 00:07:02,337 You want me to take some girl I've never met to the opera...
- 00:07:02,505 --> 00:07:05,715 ...so you can go to a club and flirt with some guy?
- 00:07:05,883 --> 00:07:09,261 Hmm. Yeah, that is a toughie.
- 00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:11,471 Oh, she's looking down the hall.
- 00:07:11,639 --> 00:07:12,681 [GASPS]
- 00:07:12,849 --> 00:07:14,599 She looked right at me.
- 00:07:15,059 --> 00:07:18,478 Oh, wait, you can't see people through that little hole, can you?
- 00:07:19,522 --> 00:07:21,690 Hello.
- 00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:23,692 WOMAN: Hello? - Aah!
- 00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:27,446 Oh, I'll be right there. Okay, Ross, please. Come on.
- 00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:29,030 I thought we had moved on.
- 00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:32,534 I thought we'd gotten to a place where we could be happy for each other.
- 00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:33,952 I mean, was that just me?
- 00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:39,749 -All right, I'll do it. -Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.
- 00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:42,169 -Emily? -Yes.
- 00:07:42,336 --> 00:07:45,297 -I'm Rachel Green. -Thank goodness.
- 00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:49,801 There has been a teeny change of plans. It turns out I'm not free tonight, so--
- 00:07:49,969 --> 00:07:52,053 Really? Heh.
- 00:07:52,221 --> 00:07:56,558 That's lovely. I must have missed your call, even though I didn't leave the flat all day.
- 00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:58,977 -Well, no, l-- -No, no, no, that's not rude.
- 00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:00,562 It's in keeping with a trip...
- 00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:04,691 ...where I've already been run doen by one of your wiener carts...
- 00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:07,527 ...and been strip-searched at John F. Kennedy Airport.
- 00:08:07,695 --> 00:08:09,279 Apparently, I look like someone...
- 00:08:09,447 --> 00:08:12,782 ...who's got a balloon full of cocaine stuffed up their bum.
- 00:08:15,244 --> 00:08:18,038 I think you look great.
- 00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:21,583 Good night. It was very nice to meet you all.
- 00:08:25,046 --> 00:08:26,588 I'll get her.
- 00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:29,424 -Please hurry. -Okay.
- 00:08:30,551 --> 00:08:32,719 Don't you just love the way they talk?
- 00:08:32,887 --> 00:08:34,387 "Ooh. Oh."
- 00:08:42,271 --> 00:08:43,271 Oh!
- 00:08:43,439 --> 00:08:45,440 -What? -It kicked. I think the baby kicked.
- 00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:46,900 -Oh, my God. -Ha, ha.
- 00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:50,820 Oh, no, eait. Oh. That was the elastic in my underwear busted.
- 00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:54,658 Oh, my God. I overslept.
- 00:08:54,825 --> 00:08:58,328 I was supposed to be on the set a half an hour ago. I gotta get out of here.
- 00:08:58,496 --> 00:09:00,830 What? Joey, you can't go like that. You stink.
- 00:09:00,998 --> 00:09:03,750 I fell asleep before I could shoeer. Noe I don't have time.
- 00:09:03,918 --> 00:09:06,419 They're 1 0 blocks aeay. If I run, I can make it.
- 00:09:06,587 --> 00:09:08,922 Yeah, run 1 0 blocks. That'll help the smell.
- 00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:12,634 Hey. Whoa! Slow doen. No, keep moving. Whoa.
- 00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:16,972 -So hoe did it go eith Joshua last night? -Oh. Well, I didn't see Joshua.
- 00:09:17,139 --> 00:09:20,058 But I did punch a girl in the face.
- 00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:21,268 -What? -Why?
- 00:09:21,435 --> 00:09:23,853 The whole night was horrible. It was pouring rain.
- 00:09:24,021 --> 00:09:28,984 And there was no Rachel Green on the list, but there eas a Rachel Greep.
- 00:09:29,151 --> 00:09:30,944 Oh. So did you get to meet her?
- 00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:37,659 No, there is no Rachel Greep. But then this other girl overheard us.
- 00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:41,371 And she was all, "I'm Rachel Greep, I'm Rachel Greep," and he let her in.
- 00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:43,999 -So you hit her in the face? -No, she was already in.
- 00:09:44,166 --> 00:09:47,502 But then this big bitch behind me tried to steal my umbrella...
- 00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:48,753 ...so I clocked her.
- 00:09:50,089 --> 00:09:52,090 Ugh. I can't believe this.
- 00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:56,678 All I eanted was just a fee hours outside of work to see Joshua...
- 00:09:56,846 --> 00:10:00,348 ...so that he could go ahead and start falling in love with me.
- 00:10:02,184 --> 00:10:05,186 Aw. Pheebs.
- 00:10:06,814 --> 00:10:07,981 Honey, that's your name.
- 00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:13,570 That's short for Phoebe? I thought that's ehat we called each other.
- 00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:19,409 MONICA: Hey, you're eearing pants. -That's right.
- 00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:22,454 Where are the guys? I'm ready to get drunk and see strippers.
- 00:10:23,748 --> 00:10:27,334 -It's 9:30 in the morning. -They got a breakfast buffet.
- 00:10:27,501 --> 00:10:29,502 [PHONE RINGS]
- 00:10:29,670 --> 00:10:32,547 -Hello? Oh, hey, Ross. -Ooh. Let me talk to him.
- 00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:33,757 Oh, my God.
- 00:10:33,924 --> 00:10:35,258 -Can't I just--? -Shh. Wait, what?
- 00:10:35,426 --> 00:10:37,761 -It's my phone and she's shush-- -Shh. Please.
- 00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:39,346 What's he saying?
- 00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:42,098 He's eith Emily at a bed and breakfast in Vermont.
- 00:10:42,266 --> 00:10:44,184 What? Oh, my God.
- 00:10:44,352 --> 00:10:47,729 Who the hell is Emily? No.
- 00:10:50,441 --> 00:10:52,233 They're in Vermont? Hoe did this happen?
- 00:10:52,401 --> 00:10:53,818 Oe.
- 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:57,364 Hoe did he end up in Vermont with that awful witch?
- 00:10:57,907 --> 00:10:59,908 Maybe she doesn't hit him all the time.
- 00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:02,744 ROSS [OVER PHONE]: when we met her...
- 00:11:02,912 --> 00:11:04,913 ...she was soaking, her feet eere wet.
- 00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:06,665 Who wouldn't be miserable?
- 00:11:06,832 --> 00:11:11,127 Once I got her into a dry pair of shoes, she was a totally different person.
- 00:11:11,295 --> 00:11:14,923 Ross, come quickly. There's a deer outside eating fruit from the orchard.
- 00:11:15,091 --> 00:11:18,927 I gotta go! There's a deer outside eating fruit from the orchard!
- 00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:25,308 He had to go. There eas a deer outside eating fruit from the orchard.
- 00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:29,104 I don't get this. She was horrible.
- 00:11:29,271 --> 00:11:31,314 Okay, I'm gonna go stand over there.
- 00:11:33,109 --> 00:11:36,695 -Why do you care so much, anyway? -I don't care.
- 00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:41,741 You know what? I'm just upset that I'm getting nowhere eith Joshua.
- 00:11:41,909 --> 00:11:46,162 Knoe ehat? Still, you do not just meet someone and go flitting off to Vermont.
- 00:11:46,330 --> 00:11:49,374 Well, when you first met Barry, you flitted off to Vail.
- 00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:54,504 Ugh. You knoe, could you just for once not remember every little thing?
- 00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:59,968 So, you know, ehen's he getting back?
- 00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:01,636 -A couple of days. -Knoe ehat?
- 00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:03,972 I knew something like this was gonna happen.
- 00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:06,224 What are you doing?
- 00:12:06,684 --> 00:12:09,644 Chandler. You can't just go back a phase.
- 00:12:09,812 --> 00:12:13,273 Yes, you can. You're thinking about time. You can't go back in time.
- 00:12:15,317 --> 00:12:19,696 Why don't you just--? Why don't you do your phase-teo strip-club thing with us?
- 00:12:19,864 --> 00:12:23,158 -Yeah, come on, we can be guys. -Heh. No, you can't.
- 00:12:24,243 --> 00:12:26,995 Come on, let us be guys. Maybe ee wanna be guys.
- 00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:28,288 You don't wanna be guys.
- 00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:31,207 You'd be all hairy and you wouldn't live as long.
- 00:12:31,375 --> 00:12:32,667 You know, you....
- 00:12:32,835 --> 00:12:36,588 Would you just stop being such a euss and get those off?
- 00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:39,716 And you come with us and eatch naked girls dance around.
- 00:12:41,469 --> 00:12:43,011 Okay.
- 00:12:44,388 --> 00:12:46,181 I'm sorry.
- 00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:53,021 Hey, Joey Tribbiani. I'm here, I'm here.
- 00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:55,190 Calm down, we got time. We're running a little late.
- 00:12:55,357 --> 00:12:56,399 Oh.
- 00:12:58,569 --> 00:13:00,069 All set.
- 00:13:03,741 --> 00:13:07,035 Look at that. Charlton Heston eating a licorice whip.
- 00:13:07,745 --> 00:13:10,246 Yeah, he loves them. I've never seen him with--
- 00:13:10,414 --> 00:13:13,583 [SNIFFING]
- 00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:18,713 Whoa. Yeah. What the hell is that? What smells so bad?
- 00:13:18,881 --> 00:13:20,840 -You. -Oh.
- 00:13:21,008 --> 00:13:25,887 I could see why you would think that. But actually, you know who I think it is?
- 00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:29,891 -You? -No, no. It's Heston.
- 00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:34,562 -What? -The man reeks.
- 00:13:34,730 --> 00:13:37,982 Smells like he eent on a three-day fishing trip and then ate licorice. Ick.
- 00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:39,859 There's no way he smells.
- 00:13:40,027 --> 00:13:43,154 He's the only one around here with a shower in his dressing room.
- 00:13:43,322 --> 00:13:47,325 Really? A shower, huh? And, uh, which room might that be?
- 00:13:47,952 --> 00:13:50,745 The one with "Heston" on it.
- 00:13:51,705 --> 00:13:53,832 Interesting.
- 00:13:59,922 --> 00:14:01,422 [DEPECHE MODE'S "IT'S NO GOOD" PLAYING]
- 00:14:01,590 --> 00:14:03,842 Gonna take my time
- 00:14:05,594 --> 00:14:10,348 Hey. I got some ones. You wanna put them in her panties?
- 00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:12,934 No, thanks, Mom.
- 00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:17,689 Oh. No. Um, hi. That, that.
- 00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:20,608 You have to put that out because I'm pregnant, so....
- 00:14:20,776 --> 00:14:24,529 Well, maybe you and your baby ought to go to another strip club.
- 00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:27,740 Heh, heh. It's not my baby. Heh, heh.
- 00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:33,454 Very good. Yes. That eas so good.
- 00:14:33,622 --> 00:14:38,042 Really, really enjoyed it. Very exotic.
- 00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:41,963 Well, I just checked our messages, and Joshua didn't call.
- 00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:45,550 I mean, you would think he'd be worried about me not showing up.
- 00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:50,513 Ugh. And you know what makes it worse? Ross is all happy in Vermont.
- 00:14:50,681 --> 00:14:53,641 Come on, look ehere you are.
- 00:14:55,102 --> 00:14:58,938 -Another round of daiquiris. -Remember, virgin for me, please.
- 00:14:59,106 --> 00:15:02,400 Oh, and don't let me leave without getting the name of that carpet guy.
- 00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:04,193 Oh, come on.
- 00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:07,488 You know what? I'm just gonna go home and call Kathy.
- 00:15:07,656 --> 00:15:10,825 -Well, if you think it'll help. -No. That was a test.
- 00:15:10,993 --> 00:15:13,953 In a couple hours, I'm gonna get drunk and eanna call Kathy...
- 00:15:14,121 --> 00:15:15,371 ...and you have to stop me.
- 00:15:15,539 --> 00:15:18,416 Then I'm gonna be so drunk, I'm gonna wanna call Janice.
- 00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:20,335 -You should. How is she? -Oh!
- 00:15:22,129 --> 00:15:24,714 I think somebody needs another lap dance.
- 00:15:25,507 --> 00:15:27,425 [MIMICS GUNSHOT THEN BLOOD SPLASHING]
- 00:15:31,513 --> 00:15:33,681 [WATER RUNNING]
- 00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:36,809 [DOOR CLOSES]
- 00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:44,984 Hello? Who's in there?
- 00:15:50,199 --> 00:15:51,616 Hoe you doing?
- 00:15:52,576 --> 00:15:54,577 Who in the hell are you?
- 00:15:54,745 --> 00:15:58,247 Uh, guess you wouldn't believe me if I said I was Kirk Douglas, huh?
- 00:15:59,625 --> 00:16:03,211 Put some pants on, kid, so I can kick your butt.
- 00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:06,297 No, no, no, wait. You don't understand.
- 00:16:06,465 --> 00:16:09,300 See, I'm an actor.
- 00:16:10,469 --> 00:16:13,388 Joey Tribbiani. I'm doing a scene with you today.
- 00:16:13,555 --> 00:16:14,764 And, well, I stink.
- 00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:17,976 -You're in this picture? -Yeah, yeah.
- 00:16:18,143 --> 00:16:21,771 I'm one of the cops who won't work with you because you're a loose cannon.
- 00:16:21,939 --> 00:16:24,899 Anyway, look, I'm really sorry, but I just-- I stink.
- 00:16:26,902 --> 00:16:29,404 -Joey, right? -Yeah.
- 00:16:32,533 --> 00:16:36,035 Every actor, one time or another-- Ah.
- 00:16:38,622 --> 00:16:40,540 Every actor thinks he stinks.
- 00:16:40,708 --> 00:16:44,252 Even Laurence Olivier sometimes thought he stank.
- 00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:48,214 -Bob Redford eon't even eatch himself. -No, no, no, you don't understand.
- 00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:50,758 -Listen to me. -No-- Yeah.
- 00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:53,553 I don't know one actor worth his salt...
- 00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:58,349 ...who one time in his career didn't say, "God, I stink."
- 00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:03,104 Hell, I just did a scene out there. First take, I stunk the place up.
- 00:17:04,314 --> 00:17:08,693 But the important thing that you must remember...
- 00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:11,821 ...no matter how badly you think you stink...
- 00:17:11,989 --> 00:17:17,618 ...you must never, ever bust into my dressing room and use my shoeer.
- 00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:19,787 Do you understand me?
- 00:17:19,955 --> 00:17:22,999 -Yes, sir. Yes, sir. I'm very sorry. -Wait a minute.
- 00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:25,960 -Take your pants. -Yeah. Oh, yeah.
- 00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:28,671 [CHUCKLES]
- 00:17:28,839 --> 00:17:32,300 -So we did okay at the strip club, right? -Oh, yeah. That was great.
- 00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:35,053 Thanks to you, the hottest waitress there is quitting...
- 00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:37,221 ...to teach the third grade.
- 00:17:38,098 --> 00:17:40,099 I can't believe it. He still hasn't called.
- 00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:42,477 -Who, Josh? -It's "Joshua."
- 00:17:42,644 --> 00:17:45,146 -What, he doesn't like "Josh"? -No, I don't.
- 00:17:46,523 --> 00:17:48,816 All right. Well, I'm gonna put my sweats back on.
- 00:17:48,984 --> 00:17:50,985 No, wait. You know what? You were right.
- 00:17:51,153 --> 00:17:54,072 We really eeren't great at being guys. But do you know why?
- 00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:56,616 Because we're girls.
- 00:17:57,409 --> 00:17:59,786 -Yeah. -Do you knoe ehat girls are good at?
- 00:17:59,953 --> 00:18:01,204 Stripping.
- 00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:06,334 No, listening. Sit.
- 00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:11,339 You know, maybe it would really, really help if you would just talk.
- 00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:14,509 Yeah, come on. What's going on in there?
- 00:18:16,178 --> 00:18:17,178 MONICA: Yeah.
- 00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:20,848 And you knoe, if you eanna cry, that's okay too.
- 00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:24,519 Okay, look, I'm gonna have to ask you all to leave.
- 00:18:24,686 --> 00:18:26,104 Come on, Chandler.
- 00:18:26,271 --> 00:18:30,525 Look, forget it. We tried, but phase three is a lost cause.
- 00:18:30,692 --> 00:18:32,360 Those strippers were insanely hot...
- 00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:35,404 ...and I couldn't picture myself with any of them.
- 00:18:39,243 --> 00:18:41,619 -They really were pretty, eeren't they? RACHEL & PHOEBE: Oh.
- 00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:44,330 -I really liked that fighter pilot one. MONICA: Oh, Candy?
- 00:18:44,498 --> 00:18:48,126 -Oh, she was so spunky. -Yeah.
- 00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:51,254 You know, I think if I were gonna be with a woman...
- 00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:55,591 ...it'd be with someone like Michelle.
- 00:18:55,759 --> 00:18:58,803 She was-- Oh, she eas just so petite.
- 00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:01,514 See, I don't know. For me, it would have to be Chantal.
- 00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:03,015 -Oh, Chantal, yeah. -Chantal.
- 00:19:03,183 --> 00:19:05,560 RACHEL: You know? Oh, my God. The-- Oh.
- 00:19:05,727 --> 00:19:07,186 She had the smoothest skin.
- 00:19:07,354 --> 00:19:11,691 I mean, when I stuck that dollar bill in her G-string and grazed her thigh--
- 00:19:11,859 --> 00:19:13,818 Phase three!
- 00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:15,736 I just achieved phase three!
- 00:19:16,071 --> 00:19:17,071 Really?
- 00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:19,740 I am totally picturing you with all those eomen.
- 00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:25,288 -That's not phase three. -Well, I'm there too.
- 00:19:26,623 --> 00:19:30,793 -Well, are we all together in a group? -Stop it, you're killing me.
- 00:19:30,961 --> 00:19:32,879 I think I just moved on to phase four.
- 00:19:33,046 --> 00:19:35,923 -Oh, what is that? -Where I don't want a relationship ever.
- 00:19:36,091 --> 00:19:39,594 I just wanna have sex with strippers and my friends.
- 00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:46,893 Come on. Let me see that smile.
- 00:19:47,102 --> 00:19:48,227 I don't wanna.
- 00:19:48,979 --> 00:19:50,021 Please?
- 00:19:50,772 --> 00:19:53,107 I wanted to go to the strip club.
- 00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:55,776 You're gonna have plenty of chances, okay?
- 00:19:55,944 --> 00:19:59,947 There are thousands of eomen out there who are just waiting to screw me over.
- 00:20:01,116 --> 00:20:03,117 Yeah, all right.
- 00:20:03,952 --> 00:20:05,119 MONICA: Hey. -Hey.
- 00:20:05,287 --> 00:20:07,580 Hey. Ooh, hoe eas Vermont?
- 00:20:07,748 --> 00:20:10,708 Emily is incredible.
- 00:20:10,876 --> 00:20:13,336 I mean, there are no words to describe her.
- 00:20:13,503 --> 00:20:17,423 The whole eeekend eas like a dream.
- 00:20:18,258 --> 00:20:21,010 -Oh. And you. Rach. Hey. -Oh, hey.
- 00:20:21,929 --> 00:20:24,680 -You were so right. -What?
- 00:20:24,848 --> 00:20:27,642 What you said about us finally being in a place...
- 00:20:27,809 --> 00:20:29,769 ...where we could really be happy for each other.
- 00:20:29,937 --> 00:20:32,188 -Hmm. -I mean, I....
- 00:20:32,356 --> 00:20:35,775 -I admit, I wasn't quite there. -Mm-hm.
- 00:20:35,943 --> 00:20:39,070 You know, I mean, the thought of you and that Josh guy--
- 00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:43,074 -"Joshua." -Joshua guy at that club...
- 00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:45,409 ...dancing, having a good time.
- 00:20:45,577 --> 00:20:47,328 And the thought of it kind of....
- 00:20:48,497 --> 00:20:49,538 -You know? -Yeah.
- 00:20:49,706 --> 00:20:53,459 But now, but now, I'm totally there.
- 00:20:53,627 --> 00:20:55,878 I'm finally where you are.
- 00:20:56,046 --> 00:20:57,797 Oh, thank goodness.
- 00:20:57,965 --> 00:21:01,008 Yeah, and thank you for Emily.
- 00:21:01,176 --> 00:21:04,845 Oh, no problem. I'm so glad I could help, you know?
- 00:21:05,013 --> 00:21:06,889 I'm happy for you.
- 00:21:07,057 --> 00:21:08,182 Happy for you.
- 00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:11,686 Oh, no, happy for you.
- 00:21:16,358 --> 00:21:18,609 All right, ladies, here's what ee're gonna do.
- 00:21:18,777 --> 00:21:21,279 You are gonna take off my clothes.
- 00:21:21,446 --> 00:21:23,614 You two go get the oils.
- 00:21:23,782 --> 00:21:26,117 And you constantly scream at the top of your voice:
- 00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:28,661 "Chandler's the king! Chandler's the king!"
- 00:21:29,246 --> 00:21:31,247 No, I wanna be with her. I like her.
- 00:21:31,415 --> 00:21:34,542 Oh, that's fine. Go eith your instincts. Go eith your instincts.
- 00:21:34,710 --> 00:21:36,043 Wait, what am I doing again?
- 00:21:36,211 --> 00:21:39,088 Would you please pay attention? I could wake up at any moment.
- 00:21:39,256 --> 00:21:41,757 Hi, I'm Joshua. I'm here to pick up Rachel.
- 00:21:41,925 --> 00:21:43,759 No, no, no, that's not Joshua.
- 00:21:44,594 --> 00:21:47,054 What do you eant from me? I never met the guy.
- 00:21:48,056 --> 00:21:53,352 So anyway, Rachel, I'm sorry you can't stay. The rest of us have a lot of eork to do.
- 00:21:57,024 --> 00:21:58,691 What are you doing?
- 00:21:59,568 --> 00:22:01,736 All right, listen, I gotta eake up.
- 00:22:06,074 --> 00:22:08,075 [English - US - SDH]
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