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Эпизод со штучкой Росса
The One with Ross's Thing
Сезон: 03Серия: 23
Описание
Росс, страдающий от загадочного кожного заболевания на спине, обращается за советом к травнику Фиби (Кевин Макдональд). Не в силах выбрать между привлекательным пожарным и умной воспитательницей детского сада, Фиби пытается встречаться с обоими, хотя ни один из них не является тем, кем она его считает. Моника думает, что Пит хочет расстаться после того, как он говорит, что им «нужно поговорить», вернувшись из Атланты. Моника думает, что Пит собирается сделать предложение, когда находит квитанцию от дизайнера колец. К ее первоначальному облегчению, а затем и шоку, Пит заказал себе профессиональное спортивное кольцо, чтобы осуществить свою мечту стать чемпионом по смешанным боевым искусствам.
Субтитры
- 00:00:03,253 --> 00:00:06,380 Hey, wouldn't it be cool if our duck and our chick had a little baby?
- 00:00:06,548 --> 00:00:08,674 We could call it Chuck.
- 00:00:10,343 --> 00:00:12,219 Or Dick.
- 00:00:13,722 --> 00:00:15,681 - Hey. CHANDLER & JOEY: Hey.
- 00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:18,392 Listen, I need a favor.
- 00:00:19,185 --> 00:00:21,729 I was in the shower, and as I was...
- 00:00:21,896 --> 00:00:25,482 ...cleansing myself, I, uh... Well, I felt something.
- 00:00:25,942 --> 00:00:28,861 Was it like a sneeze, only better?
- 00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:33,157 No, no. I mean, like, a thing on my body.
- 00:00:33,783 --> 00:00:34,992 Well, what was it?
- 00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:38,954 Well, I don't know. It's kind of in a place that's not...
- 00:00:39,122 --> 00:00:43,208 It's not visually accessible to me. And I was hoping maybe you guys...
- 00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:44,626 ...could help me out.
- 00:00:44,794 --> 00:00:46,503 - Whoa! - Whoa! No.
- 00:00:47,422 --> 00:00:49,131 Come on, you guys. It's no big deal.
- 00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:51,050 BOTH: Hey, hey, hey.
- 00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:53,469 Huh.
- 00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:56,221 Well, what is it? Is it a mole?
- 00:00:58,308 --> 00:01:00,851 No, it's too wrinkly to be a mole.
- 00:01:01,019 --> 00:01:03,228 Ew. Is it...? What, a pimple?
- 00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:08,150 No, it's...
- 00:01:08,318 --> 00:01:10,652 ...fancier than a pimple.
- 00:01:10,820 --> 00:01:12,821 - Look, Ross, just go see a doc... - Guys, what's...?
- 00:01:18,411 --> 00:01:21,080 Okay, well, it's definite. Two more weeks of winter.
- 00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:22,623 - Yeah, right. - Ah.
- 00:02:14,551 --> 00:02:18,387 And, um, this is the coffeehouse. This is where I play my music.
- 00:02:18,555 --> 00:02:20,556 - Good deal. - Yeah, and these are my friends.
- 00:02:20,723 --> 00:02:22,975 People? This is Vince. Vince, the people.
- 00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:24,309 RACHEL: Hi.
- 00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:27,312 - Hey. - Vince is a fireman.
- 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:30,941 Wow. Have you ever rescued anyone from a burning building before?
- 00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:33,569 Ninety-eight hot saves. Highest on the force.
- 00:02:33,736 --> 00:02:35,737 Well, you know, if Joey and I play with matches...
- 00:02:35,905 --> 00:02:37,823 ...we could get you up to an even 100.
- 00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:42,536 - Fire safety is not a joke, son. - Ha, ha. Oh.
- 00:02:44,622 --> 00:02:46,707 You're right. I know.
- 00:02:47,417 --> 00:02:49,543 Look, I gotta go. I'm on call tonight.
- 00:02:49,711 --> 00:02:51,670 - See you Saturday. - Okay.
- 00:02:52,755 --> 00:02:53,797 [CHUCKLES]
- 00:02:54,132 --> 00:02:55,674 Wow, he's cute, Pheebs.
- 00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:57,926 But I thought you just started dating that teacher.
- 00:02:58,094 --> 00:02:59,178 - Oh, Jason? RACHEL: Yeah.
- 00:02:59,345 --> 00:03:01,388 Uh-huh. We're seeing each other tonight. Ahem.
- 00:03:01,556 --> 00:03:03,223 Well, Pheebs?
- 00:03:03,391 --> 00:03:06,059 Two dates in one day? That's so unlike you.
- 00:03:06,227 --> 00:03:09,730 I know, I know. I'm, like, playing the field, you know?
- 00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:13,817 I'm juggling two guys. I'm sowing my wild oats, you know?
- 00:03:13,985 --> 00:03:18,280 You know, this kind of, like, you know, oat-sowing, field-playing juggler.
- 00:03:18,448 --> 00:03:20,282 So, Pheebs, do they know about each other?
- 00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:23,243 Does a dog's lips move when he reads?
- 00:03:27,665 --> 00:03:29,666 Okay, no, they don't know.
- 00:03:31,794 --> 00:03:33,712 - Hey, guys. ALL: Hi.
- 00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:38,217 JOEY: Well? - How'd it go at the doctor's?
- 00:03:38,426 --> 00:03:42,304 Well, he said there's definitely nothing to worry about. It's totally benign.
- 00:03:42,805 --> 00:03:44,806 - Well, what is it? - He couldn't even tell me.
- 00:03:44,974 --> 00:03:50,604 He said it was just some sort of skin abnormality.
- 00:03:50,939 --> 00:03:54,441 And the worse thing is, he said not being able to identify it...
- 00:03:54,609 --> 00:03:56,360 ...he was reluctant to remove it.
- 00:03:56,527 --> 00:03:58,278 You know what? You should go to my guy.
- 00:03:58,446 --> 00:04:00,864 Because when I went in there with my third nipple...
- 00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:04,201 ...he just lopped it right off, you know? - Yeah?
- 00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:06,328 - So I guess I'm lucky. - Heh.
- 00:04:06,496 --> 00:04:10,540 I mean, not as lucky as people who are born with two nipples.
- 00:04:11,167 --> 00:04:14,878 At least they knew what yours was. You know? Yours had a name.
- 00:04:15,046 --> 00:04:18,590 Oh. Maybe they'll name yours after you.
- 00:04:19,175 --> 00:04:21,843 You know? They'd call it The Ross.
- 00:04:22,011 --> 00:04:25,555 And then people would be, like, "Oh, he's got a Ross."
- 00:04:27,308 --> 00:04:29,309 Yeah, that'd be cool.
- 00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:32,938 Pete's breaking up with me.
- 00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:34,273 ALL: What?
- 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:36,358 Yeah, I just checked my messages.
- 00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:39,945 He said that when he gets back from Atlanta, "We need to talk."
- 00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:41,863 - And? MONICA: Well, that's it.
- 00:04:42,031 --> 00:04:45,409 People never say, "We need to talk," unless it's something bad.
- 00:04:45,576 --> 00:04:48,495 Whoa. That doesn't necessarily mean he's breaking up with you.
- 00:04:48,663 --> 00:04:49,997 PHOEBE: Yeah. - Really?
- 00:04:50,164 --> 00:04:52,833 Yeah. Maybe he just cheated on you.
- 00:04:57,797 --> 00:05:01,675 And I know I'll never get rich doing it, but I gotta tell you, it's pretty cool...
- 00:05:01,843 --> 00:05:04,386 ...knowing you're making a difference in a kid's life.
- 00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:06,555 That is so great.
- 00:05:07,849 --> 00:05:09,433 - Oh, my God. - Oh.
- 00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:10,892 - Oh, my God! - Ooh.
- 00:05:11,060 --> 00:05:13,395 - Uh, we'd better call the fire department. - No. No.
- 00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:16,565 - No, no? - Well, we don't need a fireman.
- 00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:18,734 We need, like, a good mechanic.
- 00:05:18,901 --> 00:05:20,444 [SIRENS WAILING]
- 00:05:20,737 --> 00:05:23,238 Oh, my God. Here they come. We gotta get out of here.
- 00:05:23,406 --> 00:05:24,489 Wait. Why?
- 00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:27,367 Look, if I wanted to see a fireman, I would date one, okay?
- 00:05:30,246 --> 00:05:32,122 That's all it is, a third nipple.
- 00:05:32,290 --> 00:05:35,917 You know? Just your run-of-the-mill third nipple. Yeah.
- 00:05:36,085 --> 00:05:39,629 You can take it off. Just slice that baby right off.
- 00:05:39,797 --> 00:05:42,924 Take your shirt off and let's see what we're dealing with here.
- 00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:47,304 What are you doing?
- 00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:52,726 Just showing you my run-of-the-mill, slice-it-right-off third nipple.
- 00:05:52,894 --> 00:05:55,729 - Well, that's not a third nipple. - Oh?
- 00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:58,190 First of all, it's on your ass.
- 00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:00,525 Well, then what is it?
- 00:06:01,152 --> 00:06:02,944 Wait a minute. Hold it.
- 00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:08,116 - Jansen, will you come in here a moment? JANSEN: I'm with Hamilton.
- 00:06:08,284 --> 00:06:10,619 He's good with weird things. Bring him in too.
- 00:06:13,414 --> 00:06:15,457 I gotta go water Pete's plants.
- 00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:19,795 You know what? If he's gonna break up with me, maybe I won't water his plants.
- 00:06:19,962 --> 00:06:23,882 Well, if he's gonna break up with you, maybe Joey and I should water his plants...
- 00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:28,804 ...if you know what I mean.
- 00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:30,931 Or, ha, ha...
- 00:06:31,099 --> 00:06:33,433 ...we could go over there and pee on them.
- 00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:38,063 I can't take it, you know?
- 00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:40,941 I'm always afraid one of them is gonna catch me with the other.
- 00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:42,651 It's making me crazy.
- 00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:45,320 Well, honey, why don't you break up with one of them?
- 00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:49,658 Whoa, whoa, whoa. What happened to playing the field?
- 00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:51,993 Well, it doesn't feel like playing anymore.
- 00:06:52,161 --> 00:06:55,330 It's feels like work. It's like I'm working in the field.
- 00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:59,167 - So, Pheebs, pick one of them. - Yeah, which one do you like more?
- 00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:03,672 Well, Vince is great, you know? Because he's, like, a "guy" guy.
- 00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:07,968 You know? He's just so burly, so very burly.
- 00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:12,514 Okay, good. So there you go. Go with Vince.
- 00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:14,516 Yeah, but Jason's really sensitive.
- 00:07:14,684 --> 00:07:18,019 - Well, sensitive is important. Pick him. - Yeah.
- 00:07:18,187 --> 00:07:20,981 Oh, sure. Go with the sissy.
- 00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:24,317 Jason is not a sissy.
- 00:07:24,485 --> 00:07:26,695 Oh, no, no, no. I meant Chandler.
- 00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:32,200 [DOCTORS CHATTERING]
- 00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:40,709 You know, I have dinner plans.
- 00:07:41,627 --> 00:07:45,213 Thank you so much for coming on such a short notice.
- 00:07:45,381 --> 00:07:49,468 Ladies and gentlemen, I've been practicing medicine for 23 years...
- 00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:52,262 ...and I'm stumped.
- 00:07:55,391 --> 00:07:56,683 [DOCTORS CHATTERING]
- 00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:05,775 Okay, this is the den.
- 00:08:05,943 --> 00:08:08,487 All right, check this out. Lights.
- 00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:12,073 Whoa. All right, less lights. Bad lights.
- 00:08:12,241 --> 00:08:14,201 Lights, go away.
- 00:08:15,912 --> 00:08:18,205 Aw, see? You just need to find the right command.
- 00:08:18,372 --> 00:08:20,957 Yes. And the dimmer switch.
- 00:08:21,125 --> 00:08:24,503 Whoa. For a rich guy, that's a pretty small TV.
- 00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:26,379 No, no, no. That's the videophone.
- 00:08:26,547 --> 00:08:30,258 But hey, guys, you're not supposed to be here, so please don't touch anything.
- 00:08:30,426 --> 00:08:33,720 IKEA, this is comfortable.
- 00:08:34,722 --> 00:08:36,973 This place is amazing.
- 00:08:37,141 --> 00:08:39,809 - Oh, God. That is the nicest kitchen. - I know.
- 00:08:39,977 --> 00:08:41,520 No, no. It's the nicest kitchen.
- 00:08:41,687 --> 00:08:43,939 The refrigerator told me to have a great day.
- 00:08:45,566 --> 00:08:47,609 Look at this, a millionaire's checkbook.
- 00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:49,152 Joey, put that down.
- 00:08:49,445 --> 00:08:50,779 [PHONE RINGS]
- 00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:52,948 Oh, my God, that's Pete. Okay, get out.
- 00:08:53,115 --> 00:08:56,284 - How the hell do you answer a videophone? - Monica?
- 00:08:59,038 --> 00:09:00,455 I guess that's how.
- 00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:02,249 Hey, Monica, how's it going?
- 00:09:02,416 --> 00:09:05,210 Oh, it's good. It's, um... It's good.
- 00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:07,128 Just here, watering the plants.
- 00:09:07,296 --> 00:09:09,464 Well, don't forget that ficus over there by Rachel.
- 00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:13,552 Ha. Chandler's on the couch.
- 00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:18,306 Yeah, I see him. You guys are just the worst hiders ever.
- 00:09:18,474 --> 00:09:21,560 - Hi, Pete. - How you doing?
- 00:09:21,727 --> 00:09:23,311 Uh, Pete, um...
- 00:09:23,479 --> 00:09:25,564 The other day when you said you needed to talk...
- 00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:29,317 ...um, just so I know, is it good news or bad news?
- 00:09:29,485 --> 00:09:31,820 Oh, it's good news. No, it's definitely good news.
- 00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:34,573 Hold on a second, I have another call.
- 00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:36,157 Hey, how's it going?
- 00:09:36,325 --> 00:09:38,118 No, no, no, it's still me.
- 00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:40,203 No, it's not. I've got picture-in-picture here.
- 00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:45,500 Yeah. Yeah, okay. I'm gonna have to call you back later.
- 00:09:46,335 --> 00:09:48,295 Monica? You. I'm gonna have to call you back.
- 00:09:48,462 --> 00:09:51,172 Oh. Oh, okay. Um, so I'll see you soon.
- 00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:53,341 - Okay. I love you. - I love you.
- 00:09:53,509 --> 00:09:55,885 ALL: We love you too.
- 00:09:57,179 --> 00:09:58,263 MONICA: Okay.
- 00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:00,682 Well, it's good news. It's good news.
- 00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:04,060 - So, what do you think the good news is? JOEY: Look at this.
- 00:10:04,228 --> 00:10:08,565 He wrote a check for $50,000 to Hugo Lindgren's Ring Design.
- 00:10:10,776 --> 00:10:12,861 Oh. Sorry. Uh, what do you think the good news is?
- 00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:16,656 Oh, my.
- 00:10:16,824 --> 00:10:18,825 Monica's gonna marry a millionaire.
- 00:10:19,535 --> 00:10:22,704 Hey, you gotta get Mom on the phone. Call Mom. Call Mom.
- 00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:24,706 Hello?
- 00:10:25,541 --> 00:10:27,208 And that's Pete's mom. Ha, ha.
- 00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:34,799 No, Mon, you have to make it a theme wedding.
- 00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:36,509 And the theme could be:
- 00:10:36,677 --> 00:10:38,845 "Look How Much Money We've Got."
- 00:10:40,556 --> 00:10:43,224 You know? I mean, you could put money in the invitations.
- 00:10:43,392 --> 00:10:46,353 You could have, like, little-money place settings.
- 00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:48,563 And, uh, you could start with a money salad.
- 00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:52,400 I mean, it'll be dry, but people will like it.
- 00:10:52,568 --> 00:10:53,902 Would you stop?
- 00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:57,364 We've only gone out a couple of weeks. We don't know if he'll propose.
- 00:10:57,531 --> 00:11:00,116 Yes, but this is Pete, okay? He's not like other people.
- 00:11:00,284 --> 00:11:01,993 On your first date, he took you to Rome.
- 00:11:02,161 --> 00:11:06,164 For most guys, that's like a third or fourth date kind of thing.
- 00:11:07,416 --> 00:11:10,126 Well, if that's what it is, then it's crazy.
- 00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:13,254 Monica's right. We're talking about getting married here.
- 00:11:13,422 --> 00:11:15,674 Okay? She can't just rush into this.
- 00:11:15,841 --> 00:11:19,219 Oh, what do you know? You married a lesbian.
- 00:11:25,017 --> 00:11:27,519 All right. I gotta go. I have to break up with Vince.
- 00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,854 Oh. So you're going with the teacher, huh?
- 00:11:30,022 --> 00:11:33,858 Yeah. I like Vince a lot, you know? But Jason is so sensitive, you know?
- 00:11:34,026 --> 00:11:37,445 And in the long run, I think sensitive is better than having...
- 00:11:37,613 --> 00:11:41,700 ...just, like, a really, really, really nice body.
- 00:11:44,954 --> 00:11:47,205 Jason. Definitely Jason.
- 00:11:47,373 --> 00:11:49,624 - Wish me luck. ALL: Good luck.
- 00:11:52,002 --> 00:11:53,503 Oh, my God.
- 00:11:56,132 --> 00:12:00,635 Sorry. I was just imagining what it'd be like to catch the money bouquet.
- 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,852 Excuse me. Um, is Vince here?
- 00:12:09,019 --> 00:12:10,145 Oh, sure.
- 00:12:10,312 --> 00:12:11,604 - Vince. VINCE: Yo.
- 00:12:14,442 --> 00:12:17,819 PHOEBE: Wow. I didn't know you guys actually used those.
- 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:20,113 So, what's up?
- 00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:21,489 Um...
- 00:12:21,824 --> 00:12:23,116 Wow.
- 00:12:23,284 --> 00:12:25,744 This isn't gonna be easy. Um...
- 00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:29,873 I don't think we should see each other anymore.
- 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:31,499 Uh-huh.
- 00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:34,502 Good deal.
- 00:12:35,546 --> 00:12:37,672 - I'm sorry. - No, it's okay.
- 00:12:38,549 --> 00:12:42,719 It's just that, uh, I thought we had something pretty special here.
- 00:12:42,887 --> 00:12:47,098 An you know, I felt like you were someone I could finally open up to.
- 00:12:47,266 --> 00:12:50,769 There's so much in me I haven't shared with you yet.
- 00:12:50,936 --> 00:12:54,981 - Oh, my God. I didn't know you were so... - I'm sorry. I can't talk.
- 00:12:56,692 --> 00:12:58,985 I'm gonna go write in my journal.
- 00:13:02,531 --> 00:13:03,948 PHOEBE: Wait. Wait. Wait.
- 00:13:06,410 --> 00:13:10,205 I'm telling you, if you wanna take care of that thing, go see my herbal guy.
- 00:13:10,748 --> 00:13:15,043 Thank you, but I wanna remove it, Pheebs. I don't wanna make it savory.
- 00:13:16,253 --> 00:13:19,964 You know, when girls sleep with guys with weird things on their body...
- 00:13:20,132 --> 00:13:22,300 ...they tell their friends about it.
- 00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:24,511 Give me that.
- 00:13:27,389 --> 00:13:31,392 Hi. Okay, don't be mad at me, but I couldn't resist.
- 00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:32,727 Bride's magazines?
- 00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:35,605 Yes, and I know that you said you'd say no if he asked you...
- 00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:38,942 ...but I'm sorry, how great would you look walking down the aisle...
- 00:13:39,151 --> 00:13:41,236 ...in this Donna Karan?
- 00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:44,322 Oh, you so would.
- 00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:46,115 Oh, you should get that anyway.
- 00:13:48,285 --> 00:13:49,869 Well, for clubbing.
- 00:13:51,038 --> 00:13:52,247 It is so weird.
- 00:13:52,414 --> 00:13:55,583 I know what I said. But, um, this morning...
- 00:13:55,751 --> 00:13:59,254 ...I was lying in bed, I was imagining what it'd be like to say yes.
- 00:14:02,341 --> 00:14:05,426 I know it's a little sudden, and it's rushed...
- 00:14:05,594 --> 00:14:08,179 ...and it's totally not like me to do something like this.
- 00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:11,432 But that doesn't mean I can't. Right?
- 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:13,393 I mean, I'm crazy about Pete.
- 00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:16,145 And I know that we want the same things.
- 00:14:16,313 --> 00:14:18,815 And when I thought about saying yes...
- 00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:20,817 ...it made me really happy.
- 00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:22,777 Oh, my God.
- 00:14:24,196 --> 00:14:25,989 I know.
- 00:14:26,156 --> 00:14:27,866 I need more pie.
- 00:14:30,119 --> 00:14:33,955 Hey, Mon, um, if you do get married, can I bring two guests?
- 00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:38,960 You didn't break up with that fireman?
- 00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:41,045 No, that was my way of telling you.
- 00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:44,632 Well, it turns out he's incredibly sensitive.
- 00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:47,051 He keeps a journal and he paints.
- 00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:49,429 He even showed me charcoal drawings that he drew of me.
- 00:14:49,597 --> 00:14:50,638 Wow.
- 00:14:50,806 --> 00:14:54,851 He'd prefer watercolors, but, you know, he has easy access to a lot of charcoal.
- 00:14:57,813 --> 00:14:59,355 So then are you gonna dump Jason?
- 00:14:59,523 --> 00:15:02,817 Well, yeah, because I have to break up with someone and...
- 00:15:02,985 --> 00:15:06,988 Okay, so Jason is sensitive. But now, so is Vince.
- 00:15:07,156 --> 00:15:09,574 Plus Vince has the body. You know?
- 00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:11,159 So...
- 00:15:12,661 --> 00:15:15,371 It's really just about the math.
- 00:15:20,669 --> 00:15:21,878 [DRILL WHIRRING]
- 00:15:22,254 --> 00:15:25,173 - Jason. JASON: Yeah, come on in.
- 00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:35,058 Uh, Phoebe, you sounded serious on the phone.
- 00:15:35,225 --> 00:15:37,226 Is, uh, anything wrong?
- 00:15:37,394 --> 00:15:38,686 No.
- 00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:57,163 You must be Ross.
- 00:15:58,082 --> 00:16:01,376 - Hi. - I am Guru Saj.
- 00:16:03,170 --> 00:16:08,049 Listen, I gotta tell you, I've never been to a guru before, so...
- 00:16:08,217 --> 00:16:11,135 Well, relax. If it makes you feel any better, I've attended...
- 00:16:11,303 --> 00:16:14,639 ...some of the finest medical schools in Central America.
- 00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:18,726 Well, then, let's take a look at this skin abnormality of yours.
- 00:16:18,894 --> 00:16:20,812 Come on, have a seat.
- 00:16:21,438 --> 00:16:23,231 Aha.
- 00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:27,860 Aha. As I suspected, it's a kundus.
- 00:16:30,072 --> 00:16:31,197 What's a "kundus"?
- 00:16:31,365 --> 00:16:34,951 I don't know. What's a kundus with you?
- 00:16:39,289 --> 00:16:40,832 Please lie down.
- 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,918 I've got a salve that ought to shrink that right up.
- 00:16:44,086 --> 00:16:46,254 Well, I guess it's worth a try.
- 00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:48,506 Oh, sure. We should see results...
- 00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:51,426 Whoa! Clearly not the way to go.
- 00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:54,512 What? What?
- 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:56,806 We appear to have angered it.
- 00:16:57,266 --> 00:16:59,225 We? We angered it?
- 00:17:00,310 --> 00:17:03,479 Oh. I think I see the problem.
- 00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:07,608 And I'm afraid we're gonna have to use a much stronger tool.
- 00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:10,778 Love.
- 00:17:11,947 --> 00:17:13,072 Oh, God.
- 00:17:14,408 --> 00:17:18,703 Ross, there is absolutely no way this is gonna come off...
- 00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:20,580 ...unless you start to... - Ow.
- 00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:23,124 - Oops. - What was that?
- 00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:25,585 Well, it's gone.
- 00:17:26,670 --> 00:17:27,712 How's that?
- 00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:29,922 Got caught in my watch.
- 00:17:31,341 --> 00:17:32,508 Hey, ha, ha.
- 00:17:35,387 --> 00:17:36,721 Lights.
- 00:17:37,973 --> 00:17:40,058 Uh, romantic lights.
- 00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:42,977 Ooh, nice. Ha, ha.
- 00:17:43,145 --> 00:17:46,564 So, uh, there was this thing I wanted to talk to you about.
- 00:17:47,024 --> 00:17:50,610 Oh, right. I completely forgot about that.
- 00:17:51,779 --> 00:17:53,321 Well, uh...
- 00:17:53,489 --> 00:17:55,656 I've been doing a lot of thinking.
- 00:17:56,158 --> 00:17:57,784 And I look at my life...
- 00:17:57,951 --> 00:17:59,494 Yeah?
- 00:17:59,661 --> 00:18:02,997 - And I feel like I've conquered the business world.
- 00:18:03,874 --> 00:18:06,876 And I feel like I've conquered the intellectual world.
- 00:18:08,003 --> 00:18:10,630 And now I have the most beautiful woman in the world.
- 00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:13,591 Wow.
- 00:18:14,676 --> 00:18:16,385 But there's one thing missing.
- 00:18:17,679 --> 00:18:18,930 What's that?
- 00:18:20,516 --> 00:18:23,559 It's time for me to conquer the physical world.
- 00:18:26,063 --> 00:18:27,563 Okay.
- 00:18:28,857 --> 00:18:32,401 Monica? I wanna become...
- 00:18:32,861 --> 00:18:35,363 ...the Ultimate Fighting Champion.
- 00:18:36,532 --> 00:18:38,241 You wanna what?
- 00:18:39,034 --> 00:18:41,285 I wanna become the Ultimate Fighting Champion.
- 00:18:41,453 --> 00:18:44,080 It's the most intense physical competition in the world.
- 00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:45,957 It's banned in 49 states.
- 00:18:46,542 --> 00:18:48,376 What are you talking about?
- 00:18:48,544 --> 00:18:50,211 Okay, my trainer, Hoshi, is teaching me...
- 00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:53,047 ...a combination of Jeet Kune Do and Brazilian street-fighting.
- 00:18:53,215 --> 00:18:56,592 I even had my own octagon training ring designed.
- 00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:59,679 And I suppose you used a ring designer for that.
- 00:19:00,055 --> 00:19:01,389 Yeah.
- 00:19:02,307 --> 00:19:05,810 Monica, I want you there in the front row when I win.
- 00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:08,479 I want you close enough to smell the blood.
- 00:19:10,482 --> 00:19:12,150 What do you think?
- 00:19:13,402 --> 00:19:15,653 My parents will be so happy.
- 00:19:20,909 --> 00:19:23,828 [SINGING] Crazy underwear Creeping up my butt
- 00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:29,500 Crazy underwear Always in a rut
- 00:19:29,668 --> 00:19:32,336 Crazy underwear
- 00:19:33,964 --> 00:19:37,091 PHOEBE: Oh, no. What is he doing here?
- 00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:39,177 All right, just keep playing, just keep playing.
- 00:19:39,344 --> 00:19:42,013 You'll get through this. You'll be fine.
- 00:19:42,931 --> 00:19:44,599 [SINGING INDISTINCTLY]
- 00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:53,858 Okay, thank you.
- 00:19:54,526 --> 00:19:58,154 And as always, no one talk to me after the show.
- 00:19:58,322 --> 00:19:59,614 [CROWD APPLAUDING]
- 00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:03,201 Hey.
- 00:20:03,368 --> 00:20:05,703 I just was passing by and saw you were playing.
- 00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:07,538 This is kind of cool, seeing you up there.
- 00:20:07,706 --> 00:20:09,165 Well, hey.
- 00:20:09,541 --> 00:20:11,125 Whoa, hey, hey.
- 00:20:11,293 --> 00:20:13,377 What's going on here? Who's this guy?
- 00:20:14,421 --> 00:20:18,049 I don't know. He just started kissing me. Get him, Vince.
- 00:20:19,843 --> 00:20:21,260 BOTH: What?
- 00:20:21,970 --> 00:20:24,722 Yeah, okay, I've been dating both of you.
- 00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:29,310 And it's been really horrible, because, you know, it's been...
- 00:20:29,478 --> 00:20:31,729 ...a lot of fun for me.
- 00:20:34,358 --> 00:20:37,360 But I like you both...
- 00:20:37,527 --> 00:20:39,987 ...and I didn't know how to choose.
- 00:20:40,155 --> 00:20:43,950 So I'm sorry. I'm terrible. I'm a terrible person. I'm terrible.
- 00:20:44,117 --> 00:20:47,620 Phoebe, Phoebe. Relax. It's okay. I mean...
- 00:20:47,788 --> 00:20:49,830 We never said this was exclusive.
- 00:20:49,998 --> 00:20:53,084 Yeah, neither did we. So give yourself a break.
- 00:20:54,002 --> 00:20:55,044 Really?
- 00:20:55,212 --> 00:20:58,339 Yeah, I mean, you know, we haven't been going out that long.
- 00:20:58,507 --> 00:21:02,051 Come on, we haven't even slept together yet. Ha, ha.
- 00:21:02,344 --> 00:21:03,719 You haven't?
- 00:21:06,807 --> 00:21:09,934 - You have? - Okay, well, this is none of my business.
- 00:21:12,688 --> 00:21:15,856 I can't believe this. You slept with him?
- 00:21:16,066 --> 00:21:18,818 Well, I made you a candlelight dinner in the park.
- 00:21:19,695 --> 00:21:22,989 You know, Phoebe, I'm gonna make this real easy for you.
- 00:21:28,787 --> 00:21:32,123 Well, that could've been really awkward.
- 00:21:35,252 --> 00:21:38,129 You made him a candlelight dinner in the park?
- 00:21:38,714 --> 00:21:42,133 Yeah, but I can do that for you. I'm gonna do that for you.
- 00:21:42,301 --> 00:21:44,552 You know, I can't believe I went out with somebody...
- 00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:48,597 ...who'd actually have an open flame in the middle of a wooded area.
- 00:21:57,691 --> 00:22:00,401 Everything's gonna be all right.
- 00:22:01,278 --> 00:22:03,237 Okay, Dick?
- 00:22:05,907 --> 00:22:07,783 Hello. I am Guru Saj.
- 00:22:08,410 --> 00:22:09,744 Whoa.
- 00:22:11,288 --> 00:22:13,456 He's supposed to be a duck, right? Because otherwise...
- 00:22:13,623 --> 00:22:16,000 ...this is way out of my league.
- 00:22:16,168 --> 00:22:20,838 Yeah, yeah. He's got a really bad cough, and our vet, he can't do anything about it.
- 00:22:21,006 --> 00:22:23,132 - Is there something you can do? - Hmm.
- 00:22:23,300 --> 00:22:27,887 Let me see.
- 00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:31,682 Do you think you could get him to eat a bat?
- 00:22:42,986 --> 00:22:44,987 [English - US - SDH]
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