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Эпизод с метафорическим туннелем
The One with the Metaphorical Tunnel
Сезон: 03Серия: 04
Описание
Фиби притворяется агентом Джои и ей удаётся устраивать ему прослушивания, но первоначальный восторг быстро проходит, когда ей приходится объяснять ему, почему ему постоянно отказывают. Бен привозит куклу Барби, которую он лично выбрал для себя во время своего визита к Россу на выходные. Это раздражает Росса, который затем пытается убедить его отказаться от Барби в пользу Джи Ай Джо. Чендлер развивает отношения с Дженис и, осознавая свой страх перед обязательствами, обращается за советом к девушкам.
Субтитры
- 00:00:02,127 --> 00:00:04,086 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING ON TV]
- 00:00:05,755 --> 00:00:08,882 Welcome, everybody. Welcome to Amazing Discoveries.
- 00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:10,134 [RACHEL SQUEALS]
- 00:00:10,301 --> 00:00:11,593 Oh, oh! It's on again.
- 00:00:11,761 --> 00:00:14,638 - Guys, could we please not watch this? ALL: Shh.
- 00:00:14,806 --> 00:00:18,183 Folks, this ever happen to you? You go to get a nice glass of milk...
- 00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:21,645 ...but these darn cartons are so flinging, flanging hard to open.
- 00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:23,772 Boy, you said it, Mike.
- 00:00:24,441 --> 00:00:26,108 Aw. Aw.
- 00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:30,029 - There's gotta be a better way. - And there is, Kevin.
- 00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:33,449 - Can we please turn this off? - No way, Kevin.
- 00:00:33,658 --> 00:00:37,369 What if I told you there's a new product that guarantees...
- 00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:40,497 ...you'll never have to open up milk cartons again?
- 00:00:40,665 --> 00:00:42,916 Meet the Milkmaster 2000.
- 00:00:43,084 --> 00:00:44,501 AUDIENCE [ON TV]: Ooh.
- 00:00:45,128 --> 00:00:47,796 - Intrigued? - You're flinging, flanging right I am.
- 00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:54,053 This is his first time. He's never used this. You're gonna see how easy this is to do.
- 00:00:54,929 --> 00:00:58,015 - This works in any milk carton. - Wow, it is easy. Ha, ha.
- 00:00:58,183 --> 00:01:00,601 Now I can have milk every day.
- 00:01:00,769 --> 00:01:02,019 AUDIENCE: Ah.
- 00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:56,240 It's official. There are no good movies.
- 00:01:56,407 --> 00:01:58,992 So let's go to a bad one and make out.
- 00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:00,869 [JANICE LAUGHS]
- 00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:03,580 Ew.
- 00:02:03,748 --> 00:02:08,085 Perhaps you would like me to turn like this so you can bunny-bump against my back?
- 00:02:09,879 --> 00:02:10,879 - Hey. - Hey.
- 00:02:11,047 --> 00:02:13,924 - Hey, man. What's up? - Maybe you can tell me.
- 00:02:14,175 --> 00:02:17,886 My agent would like to know why I didn't show up at my audition today...
- 00:02:18,054 --> 00:02:21,932 ...the first good thing she gets me in weeks. How could you not give me the message?
- 00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:24,518 I'll tell you, I do enjoy guilt...
- 00:02:25,061 --> 00:02:26,812 ...but it wasn't me.
- 00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,939 Yes, it was. It was him. Uh-huh.
- 00:02:30,900 --> 00:02:32,234 Okay, it was me.
- 00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:37,739 - How was it you? - Well, it was all so crazy, you know?
- 00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:40,993 Chandler was in the closet counting to 10 and was up to seven...
- 00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:43,162 ...and I hadn't found a place to hide yet.
- 00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:48,959 Look, I meant to tell you, and I wrote it all down on my hand. See? All of it.
- 00:02:49,419 --> 00:02:51,253 JOEY: Yep, that's my audition. - Yeah.
- 00:02:51,546 --> 00:02:54,423 See? Now, this is why I keep notepads everywhere.
- 00:02:54,591 --> 00:02:57,509 Yep. And that's why we don't invite you to play.
- 00:02:58,595 --> 00:03:02,097 What is the great tragedy here? Get yourself another appointment.
- 00:03:02,348 --> 00:03:06,393 Well, Estelle tried. The casting director told her I missed my chance.
- 00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:07,811 Well, that is unfair.
- 00:03:07,979 --> 00:03:10,647 I'll call her. I'll tell her it was totally my fault.
- 00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:13,775 You can't. The casting director doesn't talk to friends.
- 00:03:13,985 --> 00:03:17,279 - She only talks to agents. - What a sad little life she must lead.
- 00:03:18,781 --> 00:03:20,782 Okay. Ooh.
- 00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:24,578 - What are you doing? What are you doing? - No, I know, I know. Ooh.
- 00:03:25,079 --> 00:03:28,332 [IN HIGH VOICE] Hi, this is Caitlin from Phoebe Buffay's office.
- 00:03:28,499 --> 00:03:32,252 Um, is, um, Anne there for Phoebe?
- 00:03:32,420 --> 00:03:34,755 She'll know what it's about.
- 00:03:34,923 --> 00:03:36,882 Hang up. Hang up right...
- 00:03:38,384 --> 00:03:41,970 [IN BROOKLYN ACCENT] Annie? Hi. Listen, we've got a problem with Joey Tribbiani.
- 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:45,682 Apparently, he missed his audition. Who did you speak to in my office?
- 00:03:45,975 --> 00:03:48,268 Estelle? I don't know what I'm gonna do with her.
- 00:03:48,436 --> 00:03:52,648 So your husband leaves and burns down the apartment. The world does not stop.
- 00:03:53,816 --> 00:03:55,400 Is anybody else scared?
- 00:03:56,986 --> 00:04:00,906 If Joey loses this audition, then that is it for Estelle. I don't care.
- 00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:04,576 Annie, you are a doll. What time can you see him?
- 00:04:04,744 --> 00:04:06,870 [WHISPERS] I need a pen. Pen.
- 00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:16,588 Get the woman a pad. Get the woman a pad. A pad! A pad!
- 00:04:16,756 --> 00:04:19,424 Oh, now you want a pad.
- 00:04:21,552 --> 00:04:22,594 [KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- 00:04:22,762 --> 00:04:24,054 - Hey. - Hello.
- 00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:26,223 Where's my boy?
- 00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:28,517 Here's my boy.
- 00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:32,479 And here's his Barbie.
- 00:04:36,567 --> 00:04:39,778 What's, uh...? What's my boy doing with a Barbie?
- 00:04:40,863 --> 00:04:43,532 He picked it out at the toy store himself. He loves it.
- 00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:46,368 He carries it everywhere, like a security blanket.
- 00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:49,579 But with ski boots and a kicky beret.
- 00:04:50,498 --> 00:04:52,207 Yeah, it's cute.
- 00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:55,377 Why does he have it again?
- 00:04:55,586 --> 00:04:58,547 So he's got a doll. So what?
- 00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:02,926 Unless you're afraid he's gonna grow up to be...
- 00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:04,720 ...in show business.
- 00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:09,057 This wouldn't have to do with the fact that he's being raised by two women?
- 00:05:11,102 --> 00:05:16,064 You know what? It's fine. If you're okay with the Barbie thing, so am I.
- 00:05:16,232 --> 00:05:19,526 Give Daddy the Barbie. Give me the Barbie. Okay, how about...?
- 00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:22,070 Don't you wanna play with a monster truck?
- 00:05:22,238 --> 00:05:23,739 [MIMICS ENGINE REVVING]
- 00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:25,407 No? Okay.
- 00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:28,327 Ooh, ooh. How about a Dino-Soldier?
- 00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:30,495 [SQUAWKING]
- 00:05:34,083 --> 00:05:35,500 You are so pathetic.
- 00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:39,129 Why can't your son just play with his doll?
- 00:05:45,428 --> 00:05:47,095 I gotta go to work.
- 00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:50,474 Has anybody seen my left boob?
- 00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:54,102 I loved that movie.
- 00:05:58,274 --> 00:06:00,275 Here it is. Joey, what are you doing?
- 00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:03,153 I'm sorry. It just felt nice.
- 00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:06,114 [PHONE RINGING]
- 00:06:06,282 --> 00:06:08,533 Joe. Joe. Answer the phone.
- 00:06:08,701 --> 00:06:12,287 I only got one arm. You should do stuff for me. Get me a sweater.
- 00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:15,457 Just do it. It's Janice.
- 00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:17,626 And if I get it, I'm gonna have to see her tonight.
- 00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:19,169 [PHONE STOPS RINGING]
- 00:06:20,296 --> 00:06:22,672 Oh, that's great. I'm gonna have to see her tonight.
- 00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:25,133 Why don't you wanna see Janice?
- 00:06:25,301 --> 00:06:27,552 Last night at dinner, when the meals came...
- 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:32,474 ...she put half her chicken piccata on my plate and took all my tomatoes.
- 00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,520 And that's bad...
- 00:06:36,687 --> 00:06:38,980 ...because you hate chicken piccata?
- 00:06:39,649 --> 00:06:40,816 No.
- 00:06:40,983 --> 00:06:45,362 You didn't wanna share your tomatoes. Tomatoes are very important to you.
- 00:06:45,530 --> 00:06:47,489 All of a sudden, we were this couple.
- 00:06:47,698 --> 00:06:50,325 And this alarm started going off in my head.
- 00:06:50,493 --> 00:06:52,661 "Run for your life! Get out of the building!"
- 00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:55,914 Ugh. Men are unbelievable.
- 00:06:56,165 --> 00:06:57,707 What is it with you people?
- 00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,919 The minute you feel something, you have to run away?
- 00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,338 I know. That...
- 00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:09,136 That's why I don't wanna go tonight. I'm afraid I'm gonna say something stupid.
- 00:07:09,345 --> 00:07:12,180 Oh. You mean that guy thing where you act mean and distant...
- 00:07:12,348 --> 00:07:14,558 ...until you get us to break up with you? RACHEL: Mm-hm.
- 00:07:14,725 --> 00:07:15,934 Hey, you know about that?
- 00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:19,521 What do I do? I wanna get past this.
- 00:07:19,689 --> 00:07:22,023 I don't wanna be afraid of the commitment thing.
- 00:07:22,191 --> 00:07:25,694 I wanna go through the tunnel to the other side.
- 00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:29,948 - Where there's no fear of commitment. - Ah.
- 00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:32,075 Do we have any...?
- 00:07:36,372 --> 00:07:37,914 Do we have any thoughts here?
- 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,500 I've never been through the tunnel myself because...
- 00:07:40,668 --> 00:07:43,336 ...you're not allowed through with more than one girl in the car.
- 00:07:43,504 --> 00:07:44,629 Hmm.
- 00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:51,178 But it seems to me it's pretty much like anything else. Face your fear.
- 00:07:51,387 --> 00:07:54,389 You have a fear of heights? Go to the top of the building.
- 00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:56,558 You're afraid of bugs.
- 00:07:57,185 --> 00:07:58,435 Get a bug.
- 00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:01,062 Right?
- 00:08:01,230 --> 00:08:02,981 You have a fear of commitment.
- 00:08:03,232 --> 00:08:07,694 So I say you go in there and you be the most committed guy there ever was.
- 00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:10,113 Amazingly, that makes sense.
- 00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:14,075 - Do you think? - Oh, yeah. Go for it, man.
- 00:08:14,243 --> 00:08:15,410 Jump off the high dive.
- 00:08:15,578 --> 00:08:19,247 Stare down the barrel of the gun. Pee into the wind.
- 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,460 Joe, if I'm staring down the barrel of a gun...
- 00:08:23,628 --> 00:08:26,713 ...I'm gonna be pretty much peeing every which way.
- 00:08:30,051 --> 00:08:31,801 [PAGER BEEPING]
- 00:08:31,969 --> 00:08:33,595 Ooh, it's your audition from this morning.
- 00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:34,804 RACHEL: Ooh. JOEY: Oh.
- 00:08:34,972 --> 00:08:36,014 Can I use the phone?
- 00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:39,809 Sure, that's what it's there for. Emergencies and, uh, pretend agents.
- 00:08:39,977 --> 00:08:41,061 [CLEARS THROAT]
- 00:08:41,812 --> 00:08:43,813 Come on, baby. Come on.
- 00:08:45,441 --> 00:08:48,443 [IN HIGH VOICE] Hi. I have Phoebe Buffay returning a page.
- 00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:52,197 Okay, well, she's in her car. I'll have to patch you through.
- 00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:54,032 Very nice touch.
- 00:08:55,451 --> 00:08:56,660 Okay, go ahead.
- 00:08:56,827 --> 00:08:58,078 [PHOEBE GIGGLES]
- 00:08:58,246 --> 00:09:00,372 - Talk, talk, talk. - Oh, oh. Um... Ahem.
- 00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,332 [IN BROOKLYN ACCENT] Hi, Annie?
- 00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:03,833 Fantastic.
- 00:09:04,001 --> 00:09:06,336 - [IN NORMAL VOICE] You got it. - Oh! You got it.
- 00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:09,297 [IN BROOKLYN ACCENT] Um, will he work for scale, you ask me?
- 00:09:09,465 --> 00:09:10,674 Well, I don't know about that.
- 00:09:10,841 --> 00:09:13,468 JOEY: Ahem. - Except that I do and he will.
- 00:09:14,178 --> 00:09:16,555 Great. Oh, you are such a sweetheart.
- 00:09:16,764 --> 00:09:19,140 I would love to have lunch with you.
- 00:09:19,308 --> 00:09:22,143 How about we have lunch next...?
- 00:09:22,311 --> 00:09:24,396 [IN NORMAL VOICE] Oop, went through a tunnel. Ha, ha.
- 00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:25,689 Unbelievable.
- 00:09:25,856 --> 00:09:27,899 - Oh, thank you so much. PHOEBE: Ha, ha.
- 00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:32,696 It was really fun. I mean, I've never talked on a car phone before.
- 00:09:32,863 --> 00:09:36,116 Oh. You are so amazing. Could you do me this huge favor?
- 00:09:36,284 --> 00:09:39,786 There's this one other audition I want, and Estelle couldn't get me in.
- 00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:42,497 Uh, I don't know. It was fun one time, but...
- 00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:45,166 Come on, please? It would just be this one more.
- 00:09:45,334 --> 00:09:46,835 Well, actually it's two.
- 00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:48,169 - Two? - Yeah.
- 00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:49,879 Well, really it's three.
- 00:09:50,339 --> 00:09:54,092 Please? You're so good at it. I love you.
- 00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:56,761 Okay. But just these three, right?
- 00:09:56,929 --> 00:09:58,221 No, it's four.
- 00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:04,853 So how come you wanted to eat in tonight?
- 00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,731 Because I wanted...
- 00:10:07,898 --> 00:10:09,524 ...to give you this.
- 00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:14,446 Oh. Are you a puppy!
- 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:19,576 Contact paper.
- 00:10:21,037 --> 00:10:24,039 You never know what to say when someone you're sleeping with...
- 00:10:24,206 --> 00:10:25,957 ...gives you contact paper. Ha, ha.
- 00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:30,920 Wait, there's more. See, the contact paper is to go...
- 00:10:31,088 --> 00:10:33,965 ...in your brand-new drawer.
- 00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:38,386 See, the drawer actually goes in my dresser.
- 00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:42,098 Oh. You didn't have to do this.
- 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:43,767 Yes, I did.
- 00:10:43,934 --> 00:10:46,478 Yes, I did. Because you're my girlfriend...
- 00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:50,065 ...and that's what girlfriends should get.
- 00:10:50,691 --> 00:10:54,069 Oh. Well, I gotta buy a vowel...
- 00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:59,449 ...because, oh, my God. Mwah.
- 00:10:59,617 --> 00:11:01,785 Who would've thought that someday...
- 00:11:01,994 --> 00:11:05,080 ...Chandler Bing would buy me a drawer?
- 00:11:06,457 --> 00:11:08,458 Well, not me.
- 00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:13,463 But that's what's happened. And, uh, there's more.
- 00:11:14,757 --> 00:11:16,424 We should take a trip.
- 00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:18,093 We should?
- 00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:21,096 Yup. We're a couple, and that's what couples do.
- 00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:23,807 And I wanna meet your parents.
- 00:11:23,974 --> 00:11:26,810 We should take a trip with your parents.
- 00:11:27,603 --> 00:11:29,604 [LAUGHING]
- 00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:36,319 I don't think we need to, because you're tripping me out right now.
- 00:11:36,487 --> 00:11:38,738 - Are you okay? - No, I am.
- 00:11:38,906 --> 00:11:41,324 Ha, ha. I actually am. This is amazing.
- 00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:44,786 My entire life, I have feared this place.
- 00:11:45,037 --> 00:11:47,747 And now that I'm here, it's like, what was the big deal?
- 00:11:47,915 --> 00:11:51,793 I could probably say, "Let's move in together," and I'd be okay.
- 00:11:52,294 --> 00:11:54,629 You probably want us to move in together?
- 00:11:54,797 --> 00:11:55,839 [SPUTTERS]
- 00:11:56,006 --> 00:11:59,050 - It doesn't scare me. - Yeah, well it scares me.
- 00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:03,138 I'm not even divorced yet. You just invited me over here for pasta...
- 00:12:03,305 --> 00:12:06,307 ...and all of a sudden you're talking about moving in together.
- 00:12:06,475 --> 00:12:08,560 And I wasn't even that hungry.
- 00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:12,689 You know what? It's getting really late, and I should just, um...
- 00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:15,859 Don't go. I've scared you. I've said too much.
- 00:12:16,026 --> 00:12:19,070 I'm hopeless and awkward and desperate for love.
- 00:12:26,203 --> 00:12:27,996 Hey, Janice, it's me.
- 00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:29,330 Uh, ahem.
- 00:12:29,498 --> 00:12:33,418 I wanted to apologize in advance for having chased you down the street.
- 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,378 Bye-bye.
- 00:12:40,342 --> 00:12:42,635 Here you go, honey. This will help.
- 00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:45,472 So I catch up to her and she says...
- 00:12:45,639 --> 00:12:48,099 ...this relationship's going too fast and we have to slow down.
- 00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:51,019 - Ugh. - Ugh. That is never good.
- 00:12:51,228 --> 00:12:52,979 Then I got all...
- 00:12:53,522 --> 00:12:55,690 ...needy and clingy.
- 00:12:55,858 --> 00:12:59,611 Now, wait a minute. Maybe it's not so bad. How did you leave it?
- 00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:00,820 She said she'd call me.
- 00:13:00,988 --> 00:13:02,447 [RACHEL & MONICA GROAN]
- 00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:05,241 Oh, God.
- 00:13:05,409 --> 00:13:08,745 Ugh. Welcome to our side of the tunnel.
- 00:13:09,538 --> 00:13:11,831 This ice cream tastes like crap, by the way.
- 00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:15,627 Yeah, well, it's that low-cal, nondairy, soy-milk junk.
- 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:18,755 We save the real stuff for the truly terminal cases.
- 00:13:19,548 --> 00:13:23,176 When you start getting screwed over all the time, you gotta switch to low-fat.
- 00:13:23,344 --> 00:13:25,261 Yeah, you do.
- 00:13:25,429 --> 00:13:27,680 So you don't think I'm terminal?
- 00:13:27,848 --> 00:13:32,101 Oh, no, not at all. You're not terminal. We just need some damage control.
- 00:13:32,269 --> 00:13:34,145 Okay. Okay. So should I call her?
- 00:13:34,313 --> 00:13:36,064 RACHEL & MONICA: No.
- 00:13:37,066 --> 00:13:40,735 It's a critical time. If you feel yourself reaching for that phone...
- 00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:43,404 ...you go shopping, you get your butt in a bubble bath.
- 00:13:43,572 --> 00:13:47,158 If you want her back, you have got to start acting aloof.
- 00:13:47,409 --> 00:13:49,410 She has to know you're not needy.
- 00:13:49,578 --> 00:13:51,371 So, what you have to do is...
- 00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:54,499 ...you have to accidentally run into her on purpose...
- 00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:56,501 ...and then act aloof.
- 00:13:58,170 --> 00:14:00,755 So I'm not gonna lose her?
- 00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:03,508 Oh, honey, you're not a total loser.
- 00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:09,264 I said, so I'm not gonna lose her?
- 00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:12,058 Oh.
- 00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:18,189 Guess who's here.
- 00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:21,401 It's the toughest guy in Toyland, Ben.
- 00:14:21,610 --> 00:14:25,655 [SINGING] Real American hero I'm G.I. Joe
- 00:14:25,823 --> 00:14:28,324 Drop the Barbie. Drop the Barbie.
- 00:14:28,534 --> 00:14:32,120 G.I. Joe? You really think he's gonna fall for that?
- 00:14:33,372 --> 00:14:36,749 G.I. Joe? Cool. Can I play?
- 00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:42,255 Look, Ben. It's a toy that protects U.S. Oil interests overseas.
- 00:14:42,423 --> 00:14:44,507 BOTH: Go, Joe!
- 00:14:45,676 --> 00:14:46,968 Hello. Oh.
- 00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:49,387 - Phoebe, there you are. - No, it's not. Sorry.
- 00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:52,307 But, Phoebe, wait, wait. Phoebe. Phoebe.
- 00:14:52,474 --> 00:14:55,602 Oh, Joey. Oh, okay. See, I didn't recognize you...
- 00:14:55,769 --> 00:14:57,353 ...in those pants.
- 00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:01,649 That TV movie I went in for, did you hear anything?
- 00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,610 I think I got a shot at it.
- 00:15:03,777 --> 00:15:05,528 Yes, they called. You didn't get it.
- 00:15:05,696 --> 00:15:06,738 [JOEY SIGHS]
- 00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:10,617 Okay? I mean, you didn't get it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- 00:15:10,784 --> 00:15:13,286 That's okay. These things happen.
- 00:15:13,454 --> 00:15:16,289 But they shouldn't happen. You know what?
- 00:15:16,498 --> 00:15:18,625 You're in a terrible, terrible business.
- 00:15:19,877 --> 00:15:23,421 I don't wanna be the person who makes your face look like that. Ugh.
- 00:15:23,631 --> 00:15:26,424 I'm okay. See?
- 00:15:27,259 --> 00:15:29,844 Now you're sad and creepy.
- 00:15:30,387 --> 00:15:32,639 You know what? I'm sorry. I quit, okay?
- 00:15:32,806 --> 00:15:36,476 No, no, no, you can't quit. You're the best agent I ever had.
- 00:15:36,685 --> 00:15:40,188 Look, rejection is part of being an actor. You can't take it personal.
- 00:15:40,439 --> 00:15:45,026 Not personal? They said they'd never met an Italian actor with a worse Italian accent.
- 00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:47,153 They actually said that?
- 00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:51,324 Yeah. Oh, God, there's that face again. See? I can't do this job.
- 00:15:51,492 --> 00:15:53,743 No, this is why you have to do this job.
- 00:15:53,911 --> 00:15:55,119 Agents always lie.
- 00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:58,289 Estelle just says stuff like, "They went another way."
- 00:15:58,540 --> 00:16:00,333 But this? I can use this.
- 00:16:00,542 --> 00:16:03,378 [IN BAD ITALIAN ACCENT] I can work on a new accent.
- 00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:07,507 Yeah, okay. No. If it helps you, okay. Yeah.
- 00:16:07,716 --> 00:16:11,135 [IN SLOW MOTION] You'll never get me, Joe!
- 00:16:11,303 --> 00:16:13,304 [MIMICS GUNFIRE IN SLOW MOTION]
- 00:16:16,183 --> 00:16:17,225 [GROANS]
- 00:16:24,191 --> 00:16:26,025 No, thank you.
- 00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:29,821 Chandler.
- 00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:32,323 [IN BRITISH ACCENT] Hello, Janice.
- 00:16:34,576 --> 00:16:36,869 What are you doing here?
- 00:16:37,037 --> 00:16:38,830 Uh, just a bit of shopping.
- 00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:40,873 How have you been?
- 00:16:41,917 --> 00:16:44,419 Are you being British?
- 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:46,087 [IN NORMAL VOICE] No.
- 00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:48,256 Not anymore.
- 00:16:48,716 --> 00:16:52,051 Why are you shopping here? You don't live in this neighborhood.
- 00:16:52,219 --> 00:16:54,262 Were you here waiting for me?
- 00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:55,722 [CHANDLER SCOFFS]
- 00:16:55,889 --> 00:16:57,181 Yuh-huh.
- 00:16:58,392 --> 00:17:00,059 I'm just, uh, you know...
- 00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:02,687 ...picking up some things for a party.
- 00:17:04,606 --> 00:17:06,399 Barley?
- 00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:08,693 What kind of a party serves barley?
- 00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:11,988 Well, I'm sorry if my friends aren't as sophisticated as yours.
- 00:17:13,574 --> 00:17:15,950 - Where is this party? - Here in Chelsea.
- 00:17:16,493 --> 00:17:17,910 Whose party is it?
- 00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:20,455 - A woman's. - What woman?
- 00:17:21,957 --> 00:17:23,708 Chelsea.
- 00:17:25,085 --> 00:17:28,421 Either you're seeing somebody behind my back...
- 00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:31,257 ...which would make you the biggest jerk on the planet...
- 00:17:31,425 --> 00:17:33,676 ...or you're pretending you're seeing somebody...
- 00:17:33,844 --> 00:17:37,513 ...which just makes you so pathetic I could just start crying right here.
- 00:17:37,681 --> 00:17:41,267 So which of these two guys do you wanna be?
- 00:17:42,311 --> 00:17:44,479 Can I be that guy?
- 00:17:46,648 --> 00:17:50,902 Okay, we got some more good rejections. Lots of stuff to work on.
- 00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:53,237 Oh. Okay. Shoot.
- 00:17:53,405 --> 00:17:56,115 Okay. Um... Oh, the zoo commercial.
- 00:17:56,325 --> 00:17:57,533 - I didn't get it? - No.
- 00:17:57,701 --> 00:18:01,662 They said that you "weren't believable as a human being."
- 00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:05,583 So you can work on that.
- 00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:07,543 Great. What else?
- 00:18:07,711 --> 00:18:11,672 Um, the off-Broadway-play people said that you were "pretty but dumb."
- 00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:14,175 - Oh. - No, wait, I'm sorry. That's "pretty dumb."
- 00:18:14,343 --> 00:18:18,012 Oh. Look, it's okay, no, no, no. Really.
- 00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:19,514 Look, um...
- 00:18:19,681 --> 00:18:22,308 ...I really appreciate this, Pheebs...
- 00:18:22,476 --> 00:18:24,894 ...but I'm gonna have to go back to Estelle.
- 00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:26,104 Oh.
- 00:18:26,271 --> 00:18:28,689 Don't get me wrong. You're a better agent than she is...
- 00:18:28,857 --> 00:18:32,735 ...but at least with her, I don't wanna blow my pretty dumb brains out.
- 00:18:33,987 --> 00:18:35,947 Yeah, no, I understand.
- 00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:37,824 - You do? Thanks. Okay. - Yeah.
- 00:18:37,991 --> 00:18:39,617 Sorry.
- 00:18:42,830 --> 00:18:44,038 - Wait a minute. PHOEBE: What?
- 00:18:44,206 --> 00:18:45,456 Wait a minute.
- 00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:49,085 Did you just make all that stuff up to get out of being my agent?
- 00:18:49,253 --> 00:18:51,629 Oh, he caught me.
- 00:18:53,048 --> 00:18:54,215 I am so busted.
- 00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:55,758 [BOTH CHUCKLE]
- 00:18:55,926 --> 00:18:58,594 [IN BAD ITALIAN ACCENT] That's what I suspected.
- 00:19:01,723 --> 00:19:04,058 And then I just, you know...
- 00:19:04,476 --> 00:19:08,229 ...threw the bag of barley at her and ran out of the store.
- 00:19:08,397 --> 00:19:12,733 My God, Chandler, we said be aloof, not a doof.
- 00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:17,238 I've actually ruined this, haven't I?
- 00:19:18,198 --> 00:19:20,324 It's time for the good ice cream now, right?
- 00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:22,827 - Yeah, it is. - Okay.
- 00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:26,205 You know what? Everything's gonna be okay.
- 00:19:26,373 --> 00:19:28,583 [PHONE RINGS]
- 00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:30,459 Hello?
- 00:19:31,378 --> 00:19:33,045 Hi, Janice.
- 00:19:33,213 --> 00:19:34,922 Can you hold on for a second?
- 00:19:35,090 --> 00:19:36,757 Okay. Okay.
- 00:19:36,925 --> 00:19:38,050 What do I do?
- 00:19:38,218 --> 00:19:40,178 I don't know. This is unprecedented.
- 00:19:40,429 --> 00:19:43,055 If we ever did what you did, a man would never call.
- 00:19:43,223 --> 00:19:44,265 Hello?
- 00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:47,435 I got it. Pretend you just woke up. That'll throw her off.
- 00:19:47,644 --> 00:19:49,770 - Be sleepy. - Yes. And grumpy.
- 00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:52,648 What are you...? Stop naming dwarves.
- 00:19:55,569 --> 00:19:57,778 Hello, Janice. Hi.
- 00:19:57,946 --> 00:20:00,573 I'm so glad that you called.
- 00:20:01,783 --> 00:20:06,204 I know I've been acting really weird lately...
- 00:20:07,539 --> 00:20:10,583 ...and it's just because I'm crazy about you...
- 00:20:13,253 --> 00:20:17,423 ...and I just got stupid and scared...
- 00:20:17,591 --> 00:20:19,550 ...and stupid a couple more times.
- 00:20:20,844 --> 00:20:21,886 And I'm sorry.
- 00:20:23,388 --> 00:20:24,931 Really?
- 00:20:25,766 --> 00:20:28,434 Ha, ha. Really?
- 00:20:28,602 --> 00:20:30,937 He's so lucky. If Janice were a guy...
- 00:20:31,104 --> 00:20:33,940 ...she'd be sleeping with somebody else by now.
- 00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:36,525 I love you too.
- 00:20:36,693 --> 00:20:38,402 Ugh. It's so unfair.
- 00:20:46,495 --> 00:20:48,788 G.I. Joe? G.I. Joe?
- 00:20:48,956 --> 00:20:52,792 Hey, I don't know what to tell you guys. That's the doll he chose.
- 00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:55,503 What'd you do, dip it in sugar?
- 00:20:55,754 --> 00:20:58,130 Look, G.I. Joe's in, Barbie's out.
- 00:20:58,298 --> 00:21:01,717 And if you guys can't deal with it, that's just your too bad.
- 00:21:03,679 --> 00:21:07,640 What are you being such a weenie for? So he has a Barbie. Big deal.
- 00:21:07,849 --> 00:21:09,934 You used to dress up like a woman.
- 00:21:16,024 --> 00:21:17,775 What?
- 00:21:17,943 --> 00:21:20,278 The way you used to dress up in Mom's clothes?
- 00:21:20,487 --> 00:21:22,363 What are you talking about?
- 00:21:22,614 --> 00:21:25,533 The big hat, the pearls, the little pink handbag?
- 00:21:25,826 --> 00:21:28,369 Okay. You are totally making this up.
- 00:21:28,870 --> 00:21:30,871 How can you not remember?
- 00:21:31,039 --> 00:21:32,748 You made us call you "Bea"?
- 00:21:39,381 --> 00:21:41,173 Oh, God.
- 00:21:41,717 --> 00:21:45,261 I've literally never been this happy.
- 00:21:45,429 --> 00:21:47,555 Wasn't there a little song?
- 00:21:47,764 --> 00:21:50,182 Oh, please, God, let there be a song.
- 00:21:50,350 --> 00:21:52,560 There was no song. There was no song.
- 00:21:52,728 --> 00:21:54,145 [SINGING] I am Bea
- 00:21:54,646 --> 00:21:56,397 - I drink tea... - That's enough.
- 00:21:56,565 --> 00:21:57,982 MONICA: Won't you?
- 00:21:58,150 --> 00:21:59,191 Oh.
- 00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:00,776 [SINGING] Won't you?
- 00:22:01,486 --> 00:22:02,778 Won't you?
- 00:22:04,406 --> 00:22:06,866 - Won't you dance around with me? - Ha-ha-ha.
- 00:22:13,206 --> 00:22:16,000 [SINGING] I am Bea
- 00:22:16,168 --> 00:22:18,878 I drink tea
- 00:22:19,046 --> 00:22:23,632 Won't you dance around with...?
- 00:22:26,511 --> 00:22:28,596 [WHINES]
- 00:22:31,141 --> 00:22:32,308 [GRUNTS]
- 00:22:33,685 --> 00:22:35,603 Ross!
- 00:22:44,196 --> 00:22:46,197 [English - US - SDH]
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