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Эпизод с джемом
The One with the Jam
Сезон: 03Серия: 03
Описание
Фиби преследует мужчина по имени Малкольм, который принимает её за её идентичную сестру-близнеца Урсулу. Фиби пытается помочь Малкольму пережить расставание с Урсулой. Росс и Рэйчел дают Чендлеру уроки "бойфренда", один из которых в конечном итоге оборачивается против Росса. Моника справляется с расставанием с Ричардом, варяя варенье, а затем подумывает о том, чтобы завести ребёнка с помощью искусственного оплодотворения через банк спермы. Рука Джоуи в повязке после того, как он повредил плечо, прыгая на кровати. (Мэтт Леблан вывихнул плечо в предыдущем эпизоде, что было включено в сюжет).
Субтитры
- 00:00:03,753 --> 00:00:05,754 [BEDSPRINGS SQUEAKING]
- 00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:12,720 [JOEY YELLS AND FALLS DOWN]
- 00:00:16,599 --> 00:00:20,769 See, Joe, that's why your parents told you not to jump on the bed.
- 00:01:11,654 --> 00:01:14,865 Hey, look at me. I'm making jam.
- 00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:19,286 - I've been at it since 4:00 this morning. - Where'd you get fruit at 4 in the morning?
- 00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:20,913 Went down at the docks.
- 00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:23,040 Bet you didn't know you can get it wholesale.
- 00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:24,917 I didn't know there were docks.
- 00:01:25,794 --> 00:01:26,877 [KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- 00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:28,128 BOTH: Hey.
- 00:01:28,296 --> 00:01:30,089 - Aw, is it broken? - Aw.
- 00:01:30,340 --> 00:01:32,800 No, but I gotta wear this thing for a couple weeks.
- 00:01:33,176 --> 00:01:36,095 Did you tell the doctor you did it jumping up and down on your bed?
- 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:40,390 No. I had a whole story worked out, but then...
- 00:01:40,558 --> 00:01:41,850 ...Chandler sold me out.
- 00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:43,102 I'm sorry, Joe.
- 00:01:43,269 --> 00:01:47,022 I didn't think the doctor was gonna buy that it just fell out of his socket.
- 00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:50,859 What is this? Fruit?
- 00:01:54,197 --> 00:01:55,364 Monica's making jam.
- 00:01:56,032 --> 00:02:00,410 Jam? I love jam. Hey, how come we never have jam at our place?
- 00:02:00,703 --> 00:02:02,746 Because the kids need new shoes.
- 00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:07,960 I'm going into business, people. I'm sick of being depressed about Richard.
- 00:02:08,211 --> 00:02:10,879 I needed a plan. A plan to get over my man.
- 00:02:11,047 --> 00:02:14,091 What's the opposite of man? Jam.
- 00:02:16,219 --> 00:02:18,095 Joey, don't. It's way too hot.
- 00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:19,680 [GROANS]
- 00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:27,396 This will just be my batch.
- 00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:48,125 Um, that's it. No. Hey you. J. Crew guy...
- 00:02:48,376 --> 00:02:50,127 Yeah. Why are you following me?
- 00:02:50,378 --> 00:02:52,629 All week long, everywhere I look, there's you.
- 00:02:53,131 --> 00:02:55,883 You wouldn't return my calls. You sent back my letters.
- 00:02:56,050 --> 00:02:58,886 - What? - One more chance, Ursula. Please.
- 00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:02,389 Oh. Oh.
- 00:03:02,557 --> 00:03:03,640 Oh. Well, this is awkward.
- 00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:05,475 - Why? - Um...
- 00:03:05,643 --> 00:03:09,438 Yeah, because you want Ursula, and I'm Phoebe. Twin sisters.
- 00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:12,274 Seriously.
- 00:03:12,984 --> 00:03:16,153 Oh. That's great. I'm stalking the wrong woman.
- 00:03:16,321 --> 00:03:19,031 I am such a dingus!
- 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,200 Oh, you're not a dingus.
- 00:03:21,367 --> 00:03:24,995 I just... I want you to know I didn't used to be like this.
- 00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:27,414 Before I met your sister, I was, like, this normal guy...
- 00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:29,625 ...who sold beepers and cellular phones.
- 00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:34,296 Well... I mean, look, it's not your fault, you know?
- 00:03:34,464 --> 00:03:37,257 I mean, this is just what she does to guys, okay?
- 00:03:37,425 --> 00:03:38,717 Just...
- 00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:41,470 Well, thanks.
- 00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:43,972 Wait. You know what? I got a little story.
- 00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:46,141 When I was in junior high school...
- 00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:48,769 ...I went through this period where I thought I was a witch.
- 00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:51,647 And there was this guidance counselor who said something to me...
- 00:03:51,814 --> 00:03:53,482 ...that I think will help you a lot.
- 00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:57,236 He said, "Okay, you're not a witch. You're just an average student."
- 00:03:58,571 --> 00:04:01,365 - See what I'm saying? - Not really.
- 00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:04,034 Um, well, get over it.
- 00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:10,165 I mean, you just... You seem like a really nice guy.
- 00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:13,835 You know, I just... Don't be so hard on yourself, okay?
- 00:04:14,045 --> 00:04:18,215 Wait, you're right. I know you're right. And thanks for being so nice.
- 00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:20,550 - Here. - Aah!
- 00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:22,594 Thanks a lot.
- 00:04:23,346 --> 00:04:24,846 Do you wanna get a cup of coffee or...?
- 00:04:25,014 --> 00:04:27,015 - Yeah, okay. - Okay.
- 00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:31,353 You don't have to walk behind me anymore.
- 00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:32,562 Sorry.
- 00:04:32,730 --> 00:04:34,064 [BOTH CHUCKLING]
- 00:04:34,232 --> 00:04:35,899 - Mon? - Mon?
- 00:04:38,027 --> 00:04:41,446 "Gone for more jars. Back later. Monica Geller."
- 00:04:43,366 --> 00:04:44,950 Wait a minute. Look.
- 00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:46,743 - Look, look, look. - What, what, what?
- 00:04:46,911 --> 00:04:49,204 - It's an empty apartment. - Mm.
- 00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:51,707 We're all alone in an empty apartment.
- 00:04:51,874 --> 00:04:55,919 Aw, honey, come on. I have to be at work in, like, 10 minutes and, oh...
- 00:04:56,754 --> 00:05:01,091 All right. Well, it's not like I'm employee of the year or anything.
- 00:05:01,259 --> 00:05:03,343 Ha, ha. Whoo!
- 00:05:06,597 --> 00:05:07,639 - There it is. RACHEL: Oh.
- 00:05:07,807 --> 00:05:09,766 - Oh, that's what you're talking about. ROSS: Ahem.
- 00:05:09,934 --> 00:05:11,727 RACHEL: Hey. - Hey.
- 00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:13,645 Do I look fat?
- 00:05:14,397 --> 00:05:15,772 BOTH: No.
- 00:05:15,940 --> 00:05:17,941 Okay, I accept that.
- 00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:19,901 When Janice asked me and I said no...
- 00:05:20,069 --> 00:05:22,988 ...she took that to mean that I was calling her a cow.
- 00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:27,075 Okay, walk us through it, honey. Walk us through it.
- 00:05:27,243 --> 00:05:28,744 Okay, well, Janice said, uh:
- 00:05:28,911 --> 00:05:31,913 "Hi. Do I look fat today?" And I looked at her...
- 00:05:32,081 --> 00:05:33,707 Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- 00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:35,542 You looked at her?
- 00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:36,960 [BOTH CHUCKLING]
- 00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:39,629 - You never look. - Mm-mm.
- 00:05:40,757 --> 00:05:44,968 You just answer. It's like a reflex. "Do I look fat?" "No."
- 00:05:47,805 --> 00:05:50,432 "Is she prettier than I am?" "No."
- 00:05:51,476 --> 00:05:52,768 - "Does size matter?" - No.
- 00:05:52,935 --> 00:05:54,603 And it works both ways.
- 00:05:57,648 --> 00:06:00,859 Okay, so you both just know this stuff?
- 00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:04,404 You know, after about 30 or 40 fights, you kind of catch on.
- 00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:07,616 Okay. For instance, ahem:
- 00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:12,120 Let's say Janice is coming back from a trip and she gives you two options.
- 00:06:12,288 --> 00:06:15,457 Option number one: She'll take a cab home from the airport.
- 00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:19,378 Or option two: You can meet her at baggage claim. What do you do?
- 00:06:19,545 --> 00:06:20,670 That's easy. Baggage claim.
- 00:06:20,838 --> 00:06:22,756 Ehh! Wrong. Now you're single.
- 00:06:25,301 --> 00:06:28,595 It's actually secret option number three.
- 00:06:28,763 --> 00:06:32,057 You meet her at the gate. That way she knows you love her.
- 00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:34,476 RACHEL: Hmm. - Okay, this is good. This is good.
- 00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:38,563 All right, listen, I have one. Janice likes to cuddle...
- 00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:41,024 ...at night, which I'm all for. - Mm.
- 00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:44,986 But, uh, you know, when you want to go to sleep, you want some space.
- 00:06:45,154 --> 00:06:47,989 So, uh, you know, how do I tell her that without...
- 00:06:48,157 --> 00:06:51,243 ...you know, accidentally calling her fat or something?
- 00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:56,039 Oh. Honey, I'm sorry. We can't help you there, because we're cuddly sleepers.
- 00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:57,290 [ROSS & RACHEL GROANING]
- 00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:59,167 - Okay, I'm late for work. - Oh.
- 00:06:59,335 --> 00:07:02,838 - Are you guys gonna come down? - Uh, yeah. I'm right behind you.
- 00:07:03,005 --> 00:07:05,215 - Good luck, Chandler. CHANDLER: Thank you, Rachel.
- 00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:07,050 ROSS: Bye, sweetie. - Bye, honey.
- 00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:08,635 [DOOR CLOSES]
- 00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:11,054 Okay, the sleeping thing.
- 00:07:11,973 --> 00:07:14,558 Very tricky business but there is something you can do.
- 00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:17,894 - I thought you were cuddly sleepers. - No.
- 00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:22,524 No, not cuddly. Not me. Just her.
- 00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:24,943 I'm like you. I need the room. Ahem.
- 00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:27,529 Okay, come here. Ahem.
- 00:07:30,366 --> 00:07:32,117 Okay. You're in bed.
- 00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:33,618 Yeah?
- 00:07:37,248 --> 00:07:39,624 - I'm gonna use the cushion. - Yeah.
- 00:07:41,043 --> 00:07:45,338 Okay. You're in bed. She's over on your side cuddling.
- 00:07:45,506 --> 00:07:48,550 Now, you wait for her to drift off...
- 00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:51,219 ...and then you hug her...
- 00:07:51,387 --> 00:07:56,141 ...and roll her over to her side of the bed.
- 00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,435 And then you...
- 00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:02,189 ...roll away.
- 00:08:03,191 --> 00:08:05,358 Hug for her.
- 00:08:08,070 --> 00:08:10,906 Roll for you.
- 00:08:11,824 --> 00:08:13,742 - Okay, the old "hug and roll." - Yep.
- 00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:15,994 - Okay. One question. - Shoot.
- 00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:18,538 You're pretending the pillow's a girl, right?
- 00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:22,959 Remember when you were a kid...
- 00:08:23,127 --> 00:08:25,337 ...and your mom would drop you off at the movies...
- 00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:28,423 ...with a jar ofjam and a little spoon?
- 00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:33,345 You're so pretty.
- 00:08:38,434 --> 00:08:40,393 - Hi. ALL: Hey, Phoebe.
- 00:08:40,561 --> 00:08:44,314 Hey, oh! You know that guy who's been following me? I talked to him today.
- 00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:47,150 [MUMBLING] You talked to him? Are you crazy?
- 00:08:49,153 --> 00:08:52,989 Okay, first, I'm not crazy. And second, say it. Don't spray it.
- 00:08:53,157 --> 00:08:54,199 [JOEY GROANS]
- 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:57,744 Anyway, his name is Malcolm, and he wasn't following me.
- 00:08:57,954 --> 00:09:00,789 I mean, he was, but just because he thought I was Ursula. Ick.
- 00:09:03,292 --> 00:09:07,337 And that's why... That's why he couldn't just come up and talk to me.
- 00:09:07,505 --> 00:09:09,798 Because of the restraining order.
- 00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:14,678 Hmm. Not feeling better about Malcolm.
- 00:09:15,137 --> 00:09:18,390 Oh! No, no, no, he's not like a kook.
- 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:22,686 No, he's just this, like, very passionate, incredibly romantic guy...
- 00:09:22,853 --> 00:09:25,564 ...that just got a teensy bit carried away, you know?
- 00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:28,817 And we just get along really well, and he's so cute.
- 00:09:29,777 --> 00:09:34,906 Oh, my God. You've got a crush on your sister's stalker.
- 00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:38,034 No, I'm just gonna help him, you know, get "de-Ursula-ized."
- 00:09:38,202 --> 00:09:41,121 Like, you know... Like I did for Joey after he went out with her.
- 00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:43,665 Yeah, but I didn't stalk her. I mean...
- 00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:45,750 I asked for the news, not the weather.
- 00:09:45,918 --> 00:09:47,085 [GROANS]
- 00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:50,755 - Hey, guys. ALL: Hey, Mon.
- 00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:54,217 Joey, this is for you. It's blackberry currant.
- 00:09:54,385 --> 00:09:55,677 Aw.
- 00:09:57,847 --> 00:09:59,222 Oh.
- 00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:00,557 Yeah.
- 00:10:01,058 --> 00:10:02,851 Hey, Joe, I gotta ask.
- 00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:06,229 The girl from the Xerox place, buck naked...
- 00:10:06,814 --> 00:10:09,357 ...or a big tub of jam?
- 00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:12,569 Put your hands together.
- 00:10:16,699 --> 00:10:19,242 Joey, take your time with that. That's my last batch.
- 00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:21,453 No more jam?
- 00:10:22,538 --> 00:10:24,581 What happened to your jam plan?
- 00:10:24,832 --> 00:10:28,335 Well, I figured out I'd need to charge 17 bucks a jar just to break even.
- 00:10:28,669 --> 00:10:31,838 So I've got a new plan now. Babies.
- 00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:35,508 Well, you're gonna need much bigger jars.
- 00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:41,556 - What are you talking about? - About me having a baby.
- 00:10:41,724 --> 00:10:43,767 - Are you serious? - Yeah.
- 00:10:43,934 --> 00:10:47,646 The great thing about the jam plan was I was take control of my life.
- 00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:50,690 So I asked myself, "What is the most important thing to me?"
- 00:10:50,858 --> 00:10:53,568 And that's when I came up with the baby plan.
- 00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:56,571 Well, aren't you forgetting something?
- 00:10:56,739 --> 00:10:59,949 What is, uh...? What is that guy's name? Dad.
- 00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:04,996 It took me 28 years to find one man that I wanted to spend my life with.
- 00:11:05,164 --> 00:11:09,167 If I have to wait another 28 years, then I'll be 56 before I can have a baby.
- 00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:11,336 And that's just stupid.
- 00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:14,756 That's what's stupid?
- 00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:21,262 I don't need an actual man. Just a couple of his best swimmers.
- 00:11:21,597 --> 00:11:25,809 You know? And there are places that you can go to get that stuff.
- 00:11:25,976 --> 00:11:28,019 Down at the docks again?
- 00:11:30,898 --> 00:11:32,440 [POLICE SIRENS WAILING IN THE DISTANCE]
- 00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:40,782 Night-night, Bing-a-ling.
- 00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:43,993 Night-night...
- 00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:46,413 ...Janice.
- 00:11:49,750 --> 00:11:52,961 CHANDLER: Look at all that room on her side.
- 00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:55,004 You could fit a giant penguin over there.
- 00:11:57,174 --> 00:11:58,883 That'd be weird, though.
- 00:12:00,428 --> 00:12:01,886 Hug and roll time.
- 00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:04,347 I'm hugging. I'm hugging.
- 00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:07,308 You're rolling, and...
- 00:12:07,476 --> 00:12:09,561 Yes! Freedom!
- 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:12,147 Except for this arm.
- 00:12:12,314 --> 00:12:15,066 I'm stuck. Stuck arm.
- 00:12:16,527 --> 00:12:19,696 Okay, time for the old tablecloth trick. One fluid motion.
- 00:12:19,864 --> 00:12:21,698 Quick like a cat. Quick like a cat.
- 00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:24,993 And one, two...
- 00:12:25,161 --> 00:12:26,619 ...three.
- 00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,003 Here's my binoculars.
- 00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:37,630 Oh, great. Great. You're doing great.
- 00:12:37,798 --> 00:12:41,009 You know, real strong. Going strong. Keep going.
- 00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:43,970 These are my night-vision goggles.
- 00:12:44,972 --> 00:12:48,349 This is the book I pretend to read when I'm watching her in the park.
- 00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:52,479 And these are Madlibs. They're just for fun.
- 00:12:52,646 --> 00:12:54,689 Oh, yeah. Ha, ha. What's this?
- 00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:59,569 Oh. This is the log I kept, recording her every movement.
- 00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:03,698 - You want to hear something from it? - Um, not even a little bit.
- 00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:07,160 - It's about you. - Oh, okay, then.
- 00:13:07,328 --> 00:13:08,536 [BOTH CHUCKLING]
- 00:13:13,083 --> 00:13:15,251 - "I met Phoebe today. - Ha, ha.
- 00:13:15,419 --> 00:13:17,879 She was really nice to me even though I'm such a loser."
- 00:13:18,047 --> 00:13:19,255 Oh.
- 00:13:20,132 --> 00:13:23,092 "And then when I was walking home, I thought about her a lot.
- 00:13:23,385 --> 00:13:26,387 It was weird but kind of cool."
- 00:13:27,556 --> 00:13:28,932 Good. Ha, ha.
- 00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:31,726 So, what were you thinking?
- 00:13:33,103 --> 00:13:35,730 I was thinking what it'd be like to kiss you.
- 00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:37,065 - Really? - No.
- 00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:38,483 Oh.
- 00:13:40,611 --> 00:13:43,905 See, that's just something I said now so that maybe I could kiss you.
- 00:13:44,406 --> 00:13:46,324 - Oh, okay. - Ha!
- 00:13:52,289 --> 00:13:55,124 No, it's all right. I just had a jar of mustard.
- 00:13:56,585 --> 00:14:01,714 Okay. Sperm donor number 03815, come on down!
- 00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:04,592 Okay, he's 6'2", 170 pounds.
- 00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:07,804 And he describes himself as a male Geena Davis.
- 00:14:07,972 --> 00:14:10,056 You mean there's more than one of us?
- 00:14:12,142 --> 00:14:15,353 You can't do this, Mon, all right? If you do this, I'm gonna...
- 00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:18,314 - You're gonna what? - I'm gonna tell Mom.
- 00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:22,777 Honey, I'm sorry, but he's right. I love you, but you're crazy.
- 00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:25,947 - Crazy. - What? Why? Why is this crazy?
- 00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:28,825 - So this isn't the ideal way to do something... - Oh, it's not...
- 00:14:28,993 --> 00:14:31,035 Lips moving. Still talking.
- 00:14:32,162 --> 00:14:33,830 It may not be ideal...
- 00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:36,291 ...but I'm so ready.
- 00:14:36,458 --> 00:14:39,168 You know, I see the way Ben looks at you.
- 00:14:39,628 --> 00:14:41,796 It makes me ache, you know?
- 00:14:42,006 --> 00:14:44,132 Check it out. Jam crackers.
- 00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:50,722 Okay. All right, how's this?
- 00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:53,933 Twenty-seven. Italian-American guy.
- 00:14:54,101 --> 00:14:55,768 He's an actor.
- 00:14:55,936 --> 00:14:57,687 Born in Queens.
- 00:14:57,855 --> 00:15:01,441 Wow. Big family. Seven sisters...
- 00:15:01,984 --> 00:15:05,194 ...and he's the only boy.
- 00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:11,910 Oh, my God. Under personal comments: "New York Knicks rule."
- 00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:13,620 Yeah, the Knicks rule.
- 00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:19,667 Joey, this is you.
- 00:15:20,127 --> 00:15:21,502 Let me see.
- 00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:25,006 Oh, right.
- 00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:28,176 When did you go to a sperm bank?
- 00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:31,137 Right after I did that sex study at NYU.
- 00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:33,932 Hey, remember that sweater I gave you for your birthday?
- 00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:36,517 And that's how you bought it?
- 00:15:37,478 --> 00:15:40,480 No. That's what I was wearing when I donated.
- 00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:46,235 I'm kind of surprised there's any of my boys left.
- 00:15:46,403 --> 00:15:48,613 Well, honey, it is pretty competitive.
- 00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:51,366 I mean, I've got an actual rocket scientist here.
- 00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:53,284 Hey, maybe I should call this place...
- 00:15:53,452 --> 00:15:55,954 ...and get them to put my Days ofour Lives gig on here.
- 00:15:56,121 --> 00:15:57,872 You know? Juice this puppy up a little.
- 00:15:58,707 --> 00:15:59,707 [DOOR OPENS]
- 00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,250 ROSS: Hey! - Hello.
- 00:16:01,418 --> 00:16:02,669 ROSS: How's the maniac?
- 00:16:02,836 --> 00:16:06,130 Oh, he's yummy. We did a little kissing. Aah!
- 00:16:07,299 --> 00:16:08,716 Phoebe, what are you doing?
- 00:16:08,884 --> 00:16:10,551 Oh, no, no, no. You know what?
- 00:16:10,719 --> 00:16:13,888 He's not into that anymore. He quit for me. Mm-hm.
- 00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:17,725 Pheebs, this guy has been obsessed with your sister...
- 00:16:17,893 --> 00:16:19,894 ...for God knows how long, okay?
- 00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:22,063 You don't just give up something like that.
- 00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:25,692 Look, he gave me his night-vision goggles and everything.
- 00:16:26,694 --> 00:16:30,655 You're taking the word of a guy who has night-vision goggles?
- 00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:34,701 What? He's not still following her. You think he's still following her?
- 00:16:34,868 --> 00:16:37,954 Pheebs, wake up and smell the restraining order.
- 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:41,249 What should I do?
- 00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:44,502 I think that if you really like this guy, you should just trust him.
- 00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:45,920 Thank you, Monica.
- 00:16:46,088 --> 00:16:48,673 Or you could follow him and see where he goes.
- 00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:51,175 Oh, that's what I would do. Forget mine.
- 00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,680 RACHEL: Oh, my God. What happened?
- 00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:58,433 Oh, God. Crazy Chandler, he spun me...
- 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:00,393 ...off the bed.
- 00:17:00,644 --> 00:17:04,272 - Wow. Spinning. That sounds like fun. - Oh.
- 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:05,523 [LAUGHING NASALLY]
- 00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:07,108 I wish.
- 00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:11,404 No, you know, he was just trying Ross' "hug and roll" thing.
- 00:17:14,450 --> 00:17:15,491 Ross' what?
- 00:17:15,659 --> 00:17:20,038 You know, like, where he hugs you and then he kind of rolls you away, and...
- 00:17:22,958 --> 00:17:27,045 Oh, my God.
- 00:17:59,578 --> 00:18:02,538 - Phoebe? - Yes? Yes! Oh.
- 00:18:03,665 --> 00:18:04,791 What are you doing?
- 00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:07,585 Oh, I was just here looking for my, um...
- 00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:11,631 My part of an old sandwich. Here it is! Oh!
- 00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:15,176 Were you following me?
- 00:18:15,844 --> 00:18:17,261 Um, perhaps.
- 00:18:18,305 --> 00:18:20,223 Yes. Yes. I'm sorry.
- 00:18:20,390 --> 00:18:24,102 I'm sorry. I was just afraid that you were still hung up on my sister.
- 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:26,437 So you spied on me.
- 00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:29,232 I can't believe you don't trust me.
- 00:18:35,322 --> 00:18:39,534 Oh, well, what do you know? There goes my identical twin sister.
- 00:18:39,701 --> 00:18:42,328 Just walking along, looking like me.
- 00:18:43,705 --> 00:18:47,667 What is this, just a freakish coincidence, or did you know that she takes this train?
- 00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:50,628 I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- 00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:53,047 I tried to stop, but I couldn't.
- 00:18:53,423 --> 00:18:55,466 I'm so pathetic.
- 00:18:55,634 --> 00:18:59,804 No, no, it's not your fault. You know, it's partly my fault.
- 00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:02,348 It's because I made you quit cold turkey.
- 00:19:02,516 --> 00:19:03,766 It's too hard, you know?
- 00:19:03,934 --> 00:19:07,937 Okay, well, I mean, I can't date you anymore, because you're, you know:
- 00:19:08,105 --> 00:19:09,605 Wow!
- 00:19:09,940 --> 00:19:15,236 But, um... But I will definitely, definitely help you get over my sister. Okay?
- 00:19:15,404 --> 00:19:18,447 Just stalk me for a while, huh?
- 00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:22,869 Yeah, and I'll be like an Ursula patch.
- 00:19:23,036 --> 00:19:24,871 Uh-huh. I don't know.
- 00:19:25,038 --> 00:19:27,748 Yeah, just... Okay, look, I'm going.
- 00:19:27,916 --> 00:19:29,208 Um, come on.
- 00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:34,255 Ooh, ooh, behind the pillar. Ooh, which way am I gonna go? Aah!
- 00:19:36,049 --> 00:19:37,258 - Hey. - Hey.
- 00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:39,010 - Where you going? - To the bank.
- 00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:41,804 Huh. Sperm or regular?
- 00:19:43,098 --> 00:19:44,765 Sperm.
- 00:19:44,933 --> 00:19:46,309 So you're really doing it, huh?
- 00:19:46,476 --> 00:19:49,854 Oh, yeah. I picked a guy, 37135.
- 00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,147 He sounds nice.
- 00:19:51,315 --> 00:19:54,275 I'd say so. He's got brown hair and green eyes.
- 00:19:54,443 --> 00:19:56,360 No kidding? Hmm.
- 00:19:56,528 --> 00:19:59,280 - What? - I figured you'd have picked a blond guy.
- 00:19:59,823 --> 00:20:01,240 Really? Why?
- 00:20:01,408 --> 00:20:03,284 I don't know. I always pictured you ending up...
- 00:20:03,452 --> 00:20:06,954 ...with one of those tall, smart, blond guys, name like...
- 00:20:07,122 --> 00:20:08,122 ...Hoyt.
- 00:20:09,708 --> 00:20:12,001 - Hoyt? - It's a name. Yeah.
- 00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:17,798 I saw you in this... You know, this great house with a big pool.
- 00:20:17,966 --> 00:20:20,676 - Yeah? Is he a swimmer? - Ha.
- 00:20:21,386 --> 00:20:23,554 He's got the body for it. Ha, ha.
- 00:20:23,722 --> 00:20:25,806 I like that.
- 00:20:26,308 --> 00:20:27,975 [LAUGHING]
- 00:20:28,143 --> 00:20:31,562 - Ha, ha. What? - You guys have one of those signs that says:
- 00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:34,440 "We don't swim in your toilet, so don't pee in our pool."
- 00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:36,692 We do not have one of those signs.
- 00:20:36,860 --> 00:20:38,444 Sure you do. It was a gift from me.
- 00:20:40,197 --> 00:20:42,907 Oh! And you have three great kids.
- 00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:46,160 - Two girls and a boy? - Yeah!
- 00:20:46,703 --> 00:20:49,163 And they wear those little water wings, you know...
- 00:20:49,331 --> 00:20:50,998 ...and they're running around on the deck.
- 00:20:51,208 --> 00:20:54,085 And then Hoyt wraps this big towel around all three of them.
- 00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:55,670 Sure.
- 00:21:01,510 --> 00:21:04,595 Uh, but, hey, you know, this way sounds good too.
- 00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:07,682 Yeah.
- 00:21:11,228 --> 00:21:12,853 Oh, Monica.
- 00:21:20,153 --> 00:21:22,363 Wow, this guy's an astronaut?
- 00:21:24,032 --> 00:21:26,284 That would have been cool...
- 00:21:26,868 --> 00:21:28,911 ...for, like, a day. Ah-ah!
- 00:21:36,044 --> 00:21:37,420 I called the sperm bank today.
- 00:21:37,838 --> 00:21:40,840 They haven't sold a single unit of Tribbiani.
- 00:21:41,383 --> 00:21:42,883 Nobody wants my product.
- 00:21:44,886 --> 00:21:47,013 I mean, I don't get it, you know?
- 00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:52,518 I mean...
- 00:21:53,478 --> 00:21:55,313 ...maybe if they met me in person.
- 00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:58,733 Uh, honey, you got a little thing on your...
- 00:21:58,900 --> 00:22:01,068 - Oh. RACHEL: Yeah.
- 00:22:03,822 --> 00:22:05,114 Get it?
- 00:22:05,741 --> 00:22:07,074 Yeah.
- 00:22:07,242 --> 00:22:08,576 [DOOR OPENS]
- 00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:13,456 Hello.
- 00:22:17,210 --> 00:22:18,627 Hey.
- 00:22:19,838 --> 00:22:21,088 Uh...
- 00:22:21,757 --> 00:22:24,133 Chan, can I, uh...? Could I talk to you for a second?
- 00:22:24,343 --> 00:22:26,385 - Sure. What's up? - Uh, ha, ha.
- 00:22:26,553 --> 00:22:29,347 Just one, uh... One additional relationship thought.
- 00:22:29,514 --> 00:22:32,475 Um, something you're probably, uh, already familiar with.
- 00:22:32,642 --> 00:22:34,352 Uh, women talk.
- 00:22:42,986 --> 00:22:44,987 [English - US - SDH]
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