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Эпизод с фантазией о принцессе Лее
The One with the Princess Leia Fantasy
Сезон: 03Серия: 01
Описание
Росс рассказывает Рэйчел о своей сексуальной фантазии, в которой фигурирует золотое бикини принцессы Леи из «Возвращения джедая». Моника страдает бессонницей после расставания с Ричардом. Чендлер, снова сошвшись с Дженис, хочет, чтобы Джои сблизился с ней, что кажется невыполнимой просьбой. Чтобы исправить ситуацию, Дженис настаивает, чтобы они с Джои провели вместе веселый день, чтобы наконец-то сблизиться. Позже Джои признается Чендлеру, что все еще терпеть не может Дженис, но говорит, что они оба пережили этот день без происшествий, чего достаточно, чтобы удовлетворить Чендлера.
Субтитры
- 00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:05,713 - She totally winked at me! - She did not wink at you.
- 00:00:05,880 --> 00:00:08,882 You always think somebody's winking at you.
- 00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:16,390 Huh.
- 00:01:11,946 --> 00:01:14,448 I say "Tupelo Honey" by Van Morrison.
- 00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:15,991 No way!
- 00:01:16,159 --> 00:01:18,994 The most romantic song ever was "The Way We Were."
- 00:01:19,162 --> 00:01:24,333 Ah, I think the one that Elton John wrote for, um, that guy on Who's the Boss?
- 00:01:26,336 --> 00:01:28,295 - What song was that? - Um.
- 00:01:28,463 --> 00:01:31,673 [SINGING] Hold me close, young Tony Danza
- 00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:37,846 PHOEBE: Hi, Monica. ROSS: Hi, Mon.
- 00:01:38,014 --> 00:01:39,681 RACHEL: Hey, Mon.
- 00:01:41,559 --> 00:01:42,976 Oh, my God!
- 00:01:43,144 --> 00:01:44,978 - Has she slept at all? ROSS: Nope.
- 00:01:45,146 --> 00:01:47,064 It's been three nights in a row.
- 00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:49,066 She finally stopped crying yesterday.
- 00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:52,361 But then she found one of Richard's cigar butts on the terrace...
- 00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:56,949 Oh. Okay, that explains it. I got a call at 2 in the morning...
- 00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:59,368 ...and all I could hear was this squeaky sound.
- 00:01:59,577 --> 00:02:02,204 So I thought, "Oh, it's a mouse or a possum."
- 00:02:03,873 --> 00:02:07,209 Then I realized, like, okay...
- 00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:11,421 ...where would a mouse or a possum get the money to make the phone call?
- 00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:16,635 CHANDLER: Morning. - Morning. Hey.
- 00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:18,637 You made pancakes?
- 00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:19,888 [SCOFFS]
- 00:02:20,056 --> 00:02:22,307 Yeah, like there's any way I could ever do that.
- 00:02:22,934 --> 00:02:26,019 [SINGING] Monica and Rachel had syrup
- 00:02:26,187 --> 00:02:29,439 Uh, uh Now I can get my man to cheer up
- 00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:31,859 [LAUGHING NASALLY]
- 00:02:32,026 --> 00:02:33,443 Good morning, Joey.
- 00:02:33,611 --> 00:02:34,903 Good morning.
- 00:02:35,947 --> 00:02:37,030 Here's a thought.
- 00:02:37,198 --> 00:02:40,075 Why don't you stay home from work and just hang out with me?
- 00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:41,326 Oh, I wish.
- 00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:44,705 You have that report to finish, and I've got to see my lawyer.
- 00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:48,041 I can't believe I date a girl who's getting divorced.
- 00:02:48,209 --> 00:02:50,669 - I'm such a grownup. - Ha-ha-ha.
- 00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:52,546 I gotta go, I gotta go.
- 00:02:52,714 --> 00:02:54,089 Not without a kiss.
- 00:02:54,257 --> 00:02:56,383 Maybe I won't kiss you so you'll stay.
- 00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:58,760 Kiss her. Kiss her!
- 00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:00,470 [BOTH MOAN]
- 00:03:00,638 --> 00:03:03,223 I'll see you later, sweetie. Bye, Joey.
- 00:03:03,391 --> 00:03:05,434 [MOCKING TONE] Bye-bye, Janice.
- 00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:09,146 So when are you dumping her?
- 00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:10,397 Nope.
- 00:03:10,565 --> 00:03:11,648 Not this time.
- 00:03:11,816 --> 00:03:14,318 Heh. Come on, quit yanking me.
- 00:03:17,655 --> 00:03:19,448 I'm not yanking you.
- 00:03:20,909 --> 00:03:23,035 - This is Janice. - Yeah, I know.
- 00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:24,786 She makes me happy.
- 00:03:24,954 --> 00:03:26,038 [JOEY SCOFFS]
- 00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:28,081 Okay. All right.
- 00:03:28,249 --> 00:03:31,752 You look me in the eye and tell me, without blinking...
- 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:34,755 ...that you're not breaking up with her. No blinking.
- 00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:37,507 [JOEY CHUCKLES]
- 00:03:37,675 --> 00:03:39,384 I'm not breaking up with her!
- 00:03:45,099 --> 00:03:46,558 Ah!
- 00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:47,851 [MOUTHS] What's that?
- 00:03:48,019 --> 00:03:50,520 God, look what I found in the drain!
- 00:03:50,688 --> 00:03:52,147 What?
- 00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,525 It's some of Richard's hair!
- 00:03:55,693 --> 00:03:57,236 What do I do with this?
- 00:03:57,403 --> 00:04:00,405 Getting it away from me would be job one.
- 00:04:01,532 --> 00:04:04,660 It's weird, but I don't want to throw this away.
- 00:04:04,827 --> 00:04:06,870 This is all I have left of him.
- 00:04:07,038 --> 00:04:08,622 Gross...
- 00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:10,624 ...drain hair.
- 00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:12,292 Ew!
- 00:04:17,006 --> 00:04:22,261 Cool! Oh, it looks like a tiny little person drowning in your cereal.
- 00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:24,596 [MONICA SIGHS]
- 00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:27,808 - God, what is wrong with me? - You need to get some sleep.
- 00:04:27,976 --> 00:04:29,309 I need to get some Richard.
- 00:04:32,855 --> 00:04:35,065 You broke up with him for a reason.
- 00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:39,236 I know. I know. I'm just so tired of missing him.
- 00:04:39,404 --> 00:04:42,531 Tired of wondering why he hasn't called. Why hasn't he?
- 00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:44,825 Maybe because you told him not to?
- 00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:47,911 What are you, the Memory Woman?
- 00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:51,915 They're not breaking up! Chandler and Janice?
- 00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:54,584 They're not breaking up! He didn't blink!
- 00:04:56,045 --> 00:04:58,505 I'm not surprised. Have you seen them together?
- 00:04:58,673 --> 00:04:59,965 They're really cute.
- 00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:03,093 "Cute"? This is Janice!
- 00:05:03,344 --> 00:05:04,594 You remember Janice?
- 00:05:04,762 --> 00:05:07,264 Yes, I remember. She's annoying. But you know what?
- 00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:10,183 She's his girlfriend now. I mean, what can we do?
- 00:05:10,351 --> 00:05:14,021 There you go! That's the spirit I'm looking for! "What can we do?"
- 00:05:14,772 --> 00:05:15,856 Huh?
- 00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:18,567 All right, who's first, huh? Ross?
- 00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:21,403 Chandler's our friend, and Janice makes him happy.
- 00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:24,364 So I say we be adult about it and accept her.
- 00:05:24,532 --> 00:05:26,366 We'll call that Plan B.
- 00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:49,931 Honey...
- 00:05:50,099 --> 00:05:52,434 ...I was wondering... - Mm.
- 00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:56,438 ...do you still have that, um, Navy uniform?
- 00:05:57,857 --> 00:06:00,609 No, I had to return it to the costume place.
- 00:06:00,777 --> 00:06:01,860 Oh.
- 00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:04,196 I think I have an old band uniform from high school.
- 00:06:05,114 --> 00:06:07,324 You remember not having sex in high school, right?
- 00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:09,368 Yeah.
- 00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:14,623 Well, honey, what about you?
- 00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:15,874 - What? - I mean...
- 00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:17,125 [SIGHS]
- 00:06:17,293 --> 00:06:22,297 Do you have any fun, you know, fantasy-type things?
- 00:06:23,299 --> 00:06:24,883 No.
- 00:06:26,302 --> 00:06:28,178 Come on. You gotta have one.
- 00:06:29,138 --> 00:06:30,180 Nope.
- 00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:32,849 - Ross, you know what? - What?
- 00:06:33,017 --> 00:06:36,728 If you tell me, I might do it.
- 00:06:43,152 --> 00:06:44,236 [ROSS CLEARS THROAT]
- 00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,154 Okay.
- 00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,073 - Ahem. - Um.
- 00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:52,160 Did you ever see, um, Return of the Jedi?
- 00:06:58,167 --> 00:06:59,876 Yeah.
- 00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:03,839 Do you remember the scene...
- 00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:07,676 ...with, um, Jabba the Hutt?
- 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:13,515 Jabba had as his prisoner...
- 00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:14,891 ...Princess Leia.
- 00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:18,687 Oh.
- 00:07:19,188 --> 00:07:20,856 Princess Leia was wearing...
- 00:07:21,023 --> 00:07:25,694 ...this, um, gold bikini thing.
- 00:07:27,989 --> 00:07:30,031 It was pretty cool.
- 00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:36,705 Yeah, Princess Leia and the gold bikini? Oh, every guy our age loved that.
- 00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:40,333 - Really? - Mm-hm. Mm.
- 00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:44,421 It's huge! That's the moment when she stopped being a princess...
- 00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:47,424 ...and she became, like, you know, a woman.
- 00:07:49,218 --> 00:07:52,220 Did you ever do the Leia thing?
- 00:07:52,388 --> 00:07:53,972 Oh, yeah. Mm-hm.
- 00:07:55,892 --> 00:07:57,392 [GIGGLES]
- 00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:00,270 Really? That great, huh?
- 00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:03,773 No, it's just that I got this new pager, and I have it on "vibrate."
- 00:08:03,941 --> 00:08:05,275 [CHUCKLES]
- 00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:10,489 See you.
- 00:08:10,656 --> 00:08:11,740 Hey.
- 00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:12,991 RACHEL: Hi, you guys!
- 00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:15,744 Look who I found standing outside the Szechuan Dragon...
- 00:08:15,912 --> 00:08:18,622 ...staring at a parking meter.
- 00:08:18,789 --> 00:08:23,084 - Ahem. Mon. Hi. - Hi.
- 00:08:23,252 --> 00:08:26,463 - Why aren't you at work? - Oh, they sent me home.
- 00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:28,131 Why?
- 00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:31,176 Because I don't work at the Szechuan Dragon.
- 00:08:31,385 --> 00:08:33,512 RACHEL: You really need to get some sleep.
- 00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:34,846 I know I do.
- 00:08:35,014 --> 00:08:36,473 - Hi. - Hi.
- 00:08:36,641 --> 00:08:38,517 Guess what? They published my paper.
- 00:08:38,684 --> 00:08:41,853 - Oh! Really? Let me see, let me see. - Uh-huh.
- 00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:43,230 Rach, look!
- 00:08:43,439 --> 00:08:44,564 RACHEL: No. - Ooh.
- 00:08:44,732 --> 00:08:46,316 Hi. Ha, ha.
- 00:08:47,318 --> 00:08:49,236 Ha, ha! Oh.
- 00:08:49,445 --> 00:08:52,030 Where is my strong Ross Skywalker to come rescue me?
- 00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:53,823 [LAUGHS]
- 00:08:58,454 --> 00:08:59,579 There he is!
- 00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:05,585 - Hey. - Wheel!
- 00:09:05,753 --> 00:09:08,088 - Of! - Fortune!
- 00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:10,590 This guy's so stupid.
- 00:09:10,758 --> 00:09:12,259 It's Count Rushmore!
- 00:09:16,472 --> 00:09:18,473 You should really go on this show.
- 00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:24,020 I got three tickets to the Rangers tonight. What do you say?
- 00:09:24,188 --> 00:09:26,231 I say I am there!
- 00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,108 Cool! Oh.
- 00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:29,359 Is Ross going too?
- 00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:30,902 No. Janice.
- 00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:33,113 Janice?
- 00:09:33,864 --> 00:09:37,242 Because I just feel bad for Ross, you know?
- 00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:42,163 We always go together. We're like The Three Hockey-teers, you know?
- 00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:47,210 I may be way out on a limb here, but do you have a problem with Janice?
- 00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:49,004 No!
- 00:09:49,630 --> 00:09:50,880 Yes...
- 00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:54,175 Oh, God, how do I say this? Uh...
- 00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:57,095 Oh! Ah!
- 00:09:57,555 --> 00:10:00,140 You know that girl from the restaurant with the hair?
- 00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:03,351 Ooh! That girl that I hate? Ugh! She drives me crazy. Ew.
- 00:10:03,519 --> 00:10:05,312 Oh.
- 00:10:05,521 --> 00:10:09,774 Look, I don't hate Janice. She's just a lot to take, you know?
- 00:10:12,361 --> 00:10:14,738 - Well, there you go. - Oh.
- 00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:16,698 Don't look at me like that.
- 00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:19,326 She drove you nuts before too, remember?
- 00:10:19,535 --> 00:10:22,621 I'm crazy about her now. This could be the real thing.
- 00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:24,873 Capital R, capital T!
- 00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:29,711 Don't worry, those are the right letters.
- 00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:33,632 Look, what do you want me to say?
- 00:10:34,425 --> 00:10:36,217 I want you to say that you like her!
- 00:10:36,385 --> 00:10:39,346 I can't. It's like this chemical thing, you know?
- 00:10:39,513 --> 00:10:42,474 Every time she starts laughing, I just wanna...
- 00:10:45,019 --> 00:10:48,396 ...pull my arm off so I have something to throw at her.
- 00:10:50,691 --> 00:10:51,775 Thanks for trying.
- 00:10:52,234 --> 00:10:53,318 [SIGHS]
- 00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:57,489 Oh, and by the way, there is no Count Rushmore!
- 00:10:57,990 --> 00:11:00,909 Then who's the guy that painted the faces on the mountain?
- 00:11:06,749 --> 00:11:08,416 - Ugh. - How could you tell her?
- 00:11:08,584 --> 00:11:11,461 I didn't think it would be that big a deal!
- 00:11:11,629 --> 00:11:13,505 Oh. She didn't think it would be a big deal!
- 00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,965 Who are you talking to when you do that?
- 00:11:17,259 --> 00:11:21,596 Look, that was supposed to be a private, personal thing between us.
- 00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:26,017 Phoebe is my girlfriend, okay? We tell each other everything.
- 00:11:26,185 --> 00:11:28,019 Guys do the same thing.
- 00:11:28,187 --> 00:11:31,106 I mean, what about all that locker-room stuff?
- 00:11:31,273 --> 00:11:34,150 That's different. That's like, uh, who dated a stripper?
- 00:11:34,318 --> 00:11:37,821 Or who did it on the back of the Staten Island ferry?
- 00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:39,781 - Both of those Joey? - Yeah.
- 00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:41,282 [CHUCKLES]
- 00:11:41,450 --> 00:11:44,536 But you don't talk about your girlfriend...
- 00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:47,914 ...and the intimate stuff you do with her.
- 00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:50,792 - Not even with your best friend? - No.
- 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:52,043 That is so sad.
- 00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:56,131 You're missing out on so much.
- 00:11:56,424 --> 00:11:59,050 I mean, the bonding and the sharing...
- 00:11:59,301 --> 00:12:02,971 ...and knowing they're going through the same thing you are.
- 00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:07,642 Oh. So, what, you tell each other everything?
- 00:12:08,477 --> 00:12:09,561 Pretty much.
- 00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:16,025 Did you talk about the Night of Five Times?
- 00:12:19,238 --> 00:12:22,157 Do you tell people about the Night of Five Times?
- 00:12:22,324 --> 00:12:24,659 Uh, honey, that was with Carol.
- 00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:28,079 I know, but it's still worth mentioning, I think.
- 00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:33,209 Relax every muscle in your body.
- 00:12:33,377 --> 00:12:34,878 [SOOTHING MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO]
- 00:12:35,045 --> 00:12:39,174 Listen to the plinky-plunky music.
- 00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:42,844 Okay, now close your eyes...
- 00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:46,014 ...and think of a happy place.
- 00:12:46,390 --> 00:12:48,057 Tell me your happy place.
- 00:12:48,225 --> 00:12:50,685 Richard's living room, drinking wine.
- 00:12:50,853 --> 00:12:56,065 No, no, no. Not a Richard thing. Just put down the glass and get out.
- 00:12:56,692 --> 00:12:59,194 I'm sorry, but that's my happy place.
- 00:12:59,361 --> 00:13:04,199 Okay, fine. Use my happy place. Just don't move anything in there.
- 00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:06,618 I'll try not to.
- 00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:10,872 Okay. All right, so, you're in a meadow...
- 00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,917 ...millions of stars in the sky...
- 00:13:14,084 --> 00:13:16,127 You think breaking up was a mistake?
- 00:13:16,295 --> 00:13:18,713 There are no questions in the happy place.
- 00:13:19,882 --> 00:13:26,387 Just the warm breeze and the moonlight flowing through the trees.
- 00:13:26,555 --> 00:13:28,890 I'll bet he's over me. I'll bet he's fine.
- 00:13:29,058 --> 00:13:32,769 Betting and wagering of any kind are not permitted in the happy place.
- 00:13:33,145 --> 00:13:34,229 Okay?
- 00:13:34,396 --> 00:13:37,899 There's just, you know, the lovely waterfalls...
- 00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:40,610 ...and the trickling fountains...
- 00:13:40,778 --> 00:13:45,740 ...and the calming sounds of the babbling brook.
- 00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:47,742 - Okay, this isn't working. - Oh.
- 00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:49,452 I'm still awake, and now I have to pee.
- 00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:51,079 Oh.
- 00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,122 So I hear...
- 00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:54,707 ...you hate me!
- 00:13:55,918 --> 00:14:00,421 I, uh, never said hate. I was very careful about that.
- 00:14:00,589 --> 00:14:05,844 A little birdie told me you wanting to rip your arm off and throw it at me.
- 00:14:07,304 --> 00:14:11,558 And you got "hate" from that? You're taking a big leap there, I, uh...
- 00:14:11,725 --> 00:14:13,601 All right, fine, fine, fine!
- 00:14:13,769 --> 00:14:17,605 We have got to do something about our little situation here.
- 00:14:17,773 --> 00:14:19,399 So this is my idea.
- 00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:23,486 You and me spending some quality time together.
- 00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:26,030 But what does that...?
- 00:14:26,198 --> 00:14:27,615 For Chandler!
- 00:14:29,159 --> 00:14:30,577 Okay. I'm in.
- 00:14:30,744 --> 00:14:36,749 Okay! This is what we'll call it: Joey and Janice's Day of Fun!
- 00:14:37,626 --> 00:14:39,002 Does it have to be a day?
- 00:14:39,169 --> 00:14:43,631 Yes, because that's how long it takes to love me.
- 00:14:44,174 --> 00:14:48,303 Yeah, I know. Ha. I sleep in the next room.
- 00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:54,559 I went down to the post office...
- 00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:57,645 ...and it turns out it was those videos that I ordered...
- 00:14:57,813 --> 00:15:00,815 ...for Richard about the Civil War.
- 00:15:00,983 --> 00:15:03,109 He loved the Civil War.
- 00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:04,527 [MONICA SOBS]
- 00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:07,739 Do you want us to take you home?
- 00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:09,073 Uh-huh.
- 00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:11,034 [SNIFFLES]
- 00:15:11,368 --> 00:15:13,995 Or maybe to a galaxy far, far away.
- 00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:25,173 Women tell each other everything. Did you know that?
- 00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:27,508 Ha, ha. Yeah.
- 00:15:27,885 --> 00:15:30,511 No, Chandler, everything.
- 00:15:31,513 --> 00:15:34,265 Like stuff you like. Stuff she likes.
- 00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:37,852 Technique. Stamina. Girth.
- 00:15:39,188 --> 00:15:40,730 Girth?
- 00:15:41,565 --> 00:15:43,191 Why? Why? Why?
- 00:15:43,359 --> 00:15:45,401 Why would they do this?
- 00:15:46,487 --> 00:15:49,906 Rachel says sharing's great and supposedly...
- 00:15:50,074 --> 00:15:52,575 ...we ought to be doing it.
- 00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:55,954 Uh, do you want to?
- 00:15:57,581 --> 00:16:00,041 - We're not gonna talk about girth? - No.
- 00:16:00,876 --> 00:16:02,418 - Yeah. Okay. Yeah. - Yeah?
- 00:16:02,586 --> 00:16:04,712 All right, you go first.
- 00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:07,632 - Okay. Okay, I'll go first. - Okay.
- 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,884 So, uh, the other night...
- 00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:13,638 ...Rachel and I are in bed talking about fantasies...
- 00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:17,809 ...and I happened to describe a particular...
- 00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:19,894 ...Star Wars thing...
- 00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:22,271 - Princess Leia and the gold bikini. - Yes.
- 00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,524 - I know! - Yes.
- 00:16:25,693 --> 00:16:27,694 Whoa. Wow.
- 00:16:27,903 --> 00:16:29,404 - Well, that was easy. Ha, ha. - Ha, ha.
- 00:16:29,571 --> 00:16:30,655 Okay, you go.
- 00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:31,906 - Okay. - Okay.
- 00:16:32,491 --> 00:16:35,451 Okay, you know when you're in bed with a woman...
- 00:16:35,619 --> 00:16:36,703 Uh.
- 00:16:36,912 --> 00:16:40,248 ...and, uh, ahem, you know, you're fooling around...
- 00:16:40,416 --> 00:16:43,209 ...and you get all these mental images in your brain?
- 00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:46,671 Like Elle MacPherson or the girl at the Xerox place?
- 00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:49,549 - With the bellybutton ring? Oh. - Oh! I know.
- 00:16:49,717 --> 00:16:52,301 And then all of a sudden, your mom pops into your head.
- 00:16:52,469 --> 00:16:53,886 [CHUCKLES]
- 00:16:54,054 --> 00:16:57,724 And you're, like, "Mom, get out of here!"
- 00:16:57,975 --> 00:17:00,601 But after that, you can't think of anything else.
- 00:17:00,769 --> 00:17:06,065 And you can't stop what you're doing. So it's kind of like you're...
- 00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:08,860 ...you know, you know...
- 00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:11,029 You don't know!
- 00:17:12,573 --> 00:17:14,449 Your mom?
- 00:17:14,658 --> 00:17:18,202 You're telling me about your mom? What's the matter with you?
- 00:17:19,079 --> 00:17:22,123 - You said... - I said "share," not "scare"!
- 00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:24,375 Go sit over there!
- 00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:32,216 - We're back! JOEY: Hey.
- 00:17:33,260 --> 00:17:35,178 What are you guys doing together?
- 00:17:35,345 --> 00:17:38,306 Joey and Janice's Day of Fun!
- 00:17:38,474 --> 00:17:40,558 [LAUGHS NASALLY]
- 00:17:41,101 --> 00:17:42,518 - Really? JOEY: Yeah, yeah.
- 00:17:42,686 --> 00:17:45,021 We went to a Mets game. We got Chinese food.
- 00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:48,232 And, uh, you know, I love this woman. Ha-ha-ha.
- 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:49,567 [JANICE LAUGHS NASALLY]
- 00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:51,277 You have got competition, buddy.
- 00:17:51,487 --> 00:17:52,528 [JOEY CHUCKLES]
- 00:17:52,696 --> 00:17:56,199 Well, I just came by to give you a kiss.
- 00:17:56,366 --> 00:17:57,617 BOTH: Mwah.
- 00:17:57,826 --> 00:18:02,997 I have to go pick up the baby. So I'll see you later, sweetheart.
- 00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:04,373 You too, Chandler.
- 00:18:04,541 --> 00:18:07,043 [LAUGHS NASALLY]
- 00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:13,007 [BOTH CHUCKLE]
- 00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:18,429 - You still can't stand her, can you? - I'm sorry, man. I tried! I really did!
- 00:18:18,806 --> 00:18:19,931 [SIGHS]
- 00:18:20,557 --> 00:18:22,600 I appreciate you giving it a shot.
- 00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:25,103 But you know, the good thing...
- 00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:28,731 ...is that we spent the whole day together and I survived.
- 00:18:28,899 --> 00:18:32,151 And what's even more amazing, so did she. Ha, ha.
- 00:18:32,319 --> 00:18:34,278 It was Bat Day at Shea Stadium.
- 00:18:36,448 --> 00:18:37,657 I guess that's something.
- 00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:39,659 Oh, man, that's huge!
- 00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:43,246 Now I know I can stand to be around her. Which means...
- 00:18:43,413 --> 00:18:45,123 ...I get to hang out with you.
- 00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:48,167 Which is kind of the whole point anyway. Ha, ha.
- 00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:50,878 Okay.
- 00:18:52,923 --> 00:18:57,552 Oh, hey! We, uh, stopped by the coffee shop and, uh, ran into Ross.
- 00:19:02,099 --> 00:19:04,350 Oh, God.
- 00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:07,103 If it makes you feel any better, I do it too.
- 00:19:08,188 --> 00:19:09,814 [MOUTHS] Oh.
- 00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:11,899 - Really? - Oh, yeah!
- 00:19:12,067 --> 00:19:14,569 I always picture your mom when I'm having sex.
- 00:19:19,616 --> 00:19:22,076 MAN [ON TV]: April 12, 1861.
- 00:19:26,081 --> 00:19:28,875 The United States garrison at Fort Sumter was fired upon.
- 00:19:29,084 --> 00:19:30,293 [KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- 00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:32,253 It is now under bombardment by...
- 00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:33,921 [PAUSES VIDEO]
- 00:19:36,091 --> 00:19:37,925 [KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- 00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:45,391 Dad, what are you doing here?
- 00:19:45,601 --> 00:19:49,687 It's your mother's bridge night, so I came into the city for a Moni-cuddle.
- 00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:51,689 Oh.
- 00:19:53,942 --> 00:19:56,360 Since when did you start smoking cigars?
- 00:19:57,321 --> 00:20:01,282 I don't. I just like the smell of them.
- 00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:04,827 So, uh, what are you really doing here?
- 00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:07,205 I just wanted to make sure you're okay.
- 00:20:08,832 --> 00:20:10,625 Why wouldn't I be okay?
- 00:20:10,792 --> 00:20:12,210 I saw Richard.
- 00:20:13,629 --> 00:20:15,171 Oh?
- 00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:17,215 So how you doing?
- 00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:18,799 I'm fine.
- 00:20:18,967 --> 00:20:22,094 I'm just a little tired, but I'm okay.
- 00:20:22,262 --> 00:20:25,097 - Ahem. How's Richard doing? - You don't want to know.
- 00:20:25,265 --> 00:20:28,017 No, I really, really do.
- 00:20:28,185 --> 00:20:30,811 Well, he's doing terrible!
- 00:20:33,023 --> 00:20:34,565 Really?
- 00:20:35,192 --> 00:20:37,485 Worse than when he broke up with Barbara.
- 00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:43,199 - You're not just saying that, are you? - No, the man is a mess!
- 00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:46,661 - Was he crying? - No.
- 00:20:46,954 --> 00:20:50,539 Do you think he was waiting till after you left, so he could cry?
- 00:20:50,707 --> 00:20:52,416 Maybe.
- 00:20:53,961 --> 00:20:55,544 I think so.
- 00:20:55,712 --> 00:20:58,923 Honey, relationships are hard. Like with your mom and me.
- 00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:02,927 You know, after we graduated from college, we broke up for a while.
- 00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:05,638 It seems her father, your grandfather...
- 00:21:05,806 --> 00:21:08,432 ...wanted her to travel around Europe like he did.
- 00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:11,352 Of course, he got to do it on Uncle Sam's nickel...
- 00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:15,773 ...because he was also strafing German troop trains at the time.
- 00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:17,024 However...
- 00:21:35,210 --> 00:21:37,586 [VIDEO RESUMES]
- 00:21:46,054 --> 00:21:49,140 [HUMMING "STAR WARS" THEME]
- 00:21:58,984 --> 00:22:00,609 Okay, here we go.
- 00:22:00,777 --> 00:22:03,946 I am Jabba's prisoner. And you...
- 00:22:04,614 --> 00:22:07,116 ...have a really weird look on your face.
- 00:22:07,284 --> 00:22:08,743 What? Honey, what is it?
- 00:22:08,910 --> 00:22:10,411 Did I get the hair wrong?
- 00:22:10,579 --> 00:22:13,039 Or what? Did you just picture it differently? What?
- 00:22:13,248 --> 00:22:17,043 No, no. It's, um... It's not you. It's, um...
- 00:22:21,882 --> 00:22:26,052 What is it? Come on, sweetie. You're, like, freaking me out here.
- 00:22:27,262 --> 00:22:28,346 [SIGHS]
- 00:22:28,513 --> 00:22:31,307 I hate Chandler. The bastard ruined my life!
- 00:22:38,148 --> 00:22:40,149 [English - US - SDH]
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