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Эпизод, где мистер Хекклс умирает
The One Where Heckles Dies
Сезон: 02Серия: 03
Описание
Когда Чендлер отказывается встречаться с коллегой, утверждая, что у неё слишком большие ноздри, компания заявляет, что это его обычный способ избегать серьёзных отношений. Сосед Рейчел и Моники снизу, мистер Хеклз, внезапно умирает, оставляя им всё своё имущество, которое представляет собой сплошной хлам, от которого им приходится избавляться. Росс и Фиби спорят о теории эволюции. Чендлер, заметив сходство между своей жизнью и жизнью мистера Хеклза, считает, что он тоже умрёт в одиночестве. В панике он звонит Дженис и договаривается о встрече, но с ужасом обнаруживает, что она появляется замужем и беременна.
Субтитры
- 00:00:05,130 --> 00:00:06,920 -Hey. GROUP: Hey.
- 00:00:07,170 --> 00:00:08,170 So how was Joan?
- 00:00:08,340 --> 00:00:09,340 Broke up with her.
- 00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:10,880 GROUP: Oh, why?
- 00:00:11,130 --> 00:00:13,880 Don't tell me. Because of the big nostril thing?
- 00:00:15,010 --> 00:00:16,800 They were huge.
- 00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:20,060 When she sneezed, bats flew out of them.
- 00:00:21,020 --> 00:00:22,850 Come on, they were not that huge.
- 00:00:23,100 --> 00:00:26,350 I'm telling you, she leaned back, I could see her brain.
- 00:00:28,310 --> 00:00:30,070 How many women will you reject...
- 00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:32,570 ...over the most superficial, insignificant things?
- 00:00:32,820 --> 00:00:35,490 Hold it. Hold it. I gotta side with Chandler on this one.
- 00:00:35,740 --> 00:00:38,320 When I first moved to the city, I went out with this girl.
- 00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:40,950 Really hot. Great kisser...
- 00:00:41,290 --> 00:00:44,330 ...but she had the biggest Adam's apple.
- 00:00:45,460 --> 00:00:46,580 Drove me nuts.
- 00:00:48,170 --> 00:00:50,790 -You or me? -I got it.
- 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:53,590 Joey, women don't have Adam's apples.
- 00:01:00,510 --> 00:01:03,520 Heh, heh. You guys are messing with me, right?
- 00:01:05,390 --> 00:01:07,270 GROUP: Yeah. We are.
- 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:12,070 That's a good one. For a second there, I was like, whoa!
- 00:01:59,990 --> 00:02:05,240 So you name one woman that you broke up with for an actual real reason.
- 00:02:06,330 --> 00:02:07,410 Maureen Rasillo.
- 00:02:07,660 --> 00:02:10,330 Because she doesn't hate Yanni is not a real reason.
- 00:02:10,500 --> 00:02:12,540 [KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- 00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:17,380 Hello, Mr. Heckles.
- 00:02:18,510 --> 00:02:19,590 You're doing it again.
- 00:02:20,180 --> 00:02:21,300 We're not doing anything.
- 00:02:21,550 --> 00:02:24,430 You're stomping. It's disturbing my birds.
- 00:02:26,310 --> 00:02:28,850 You don't have birds.
- 00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:31,310 I could have birds.
- 00:02:32,270 --> 00:02:34,190 Okay, we'll try to keep it down.
- 00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:35,730 Thank you.
- 00:02:35,940 --> 00:02:38,440 I'm going to rejoin my dinner party.
- 00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:41,160 RACHEL: All right, bye-bye.
- 00:02:42,700 --> 00:02:43,700 CHANDLER: Okay, Janice.
- 00:02:43,950 --> 00:02:46,830 You gotta give me Janice. That wasn't about being picky.
- 00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:48,200 ROSS: We'll give you Janice.
- 00:02:48,450 --> 00:02:50,330 I miss Janice, though.
- 00:02:50,620 --> 00:02:52,670 [MlMlCS JANlCE] Hello, Chandler Bing!
- 00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:54,670 [MONlCA LAUGHS]
- 00:02:54,920 --> 00:02:58,590 [MlMlCS JANlCE] Oh, my God!
- 00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:00,420 JOEY [MIMlCS JANlCE]: Oh, Chandler!
- 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:02,720 Now! Now!
- 00:03:05,140 --> 00:03:06,180 That's it.
- 00:03:07,100 --> 00:03:08,720 There! Faster!
- 00:03:08,890 --> 00:03:09,930 [LAUGHS]
- 00:03:15,020 --> 00:03:16,190 [THUMPING FROM BELOW]
- 00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:20,360 Ugh. Stop with the broom! We're not making noise!
- 00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:26,660 [THUMPING FROM BELOW]
- 00:03:30,410 --> 00:03:31,580 RACHEL: We won.
- 00:03:31,790 --> 00:03:33,870 -We won! Whoo! -Whoo!
- 00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:36,040 [ALL GROAN]
- 00:03:36,630 --> 00:03:38,090 Mr. Heckles.
- 00:03:42,380 --> 00:03:44,800 -How did this happen? -He was sweeping.
- 00:03:45,050 --> 00:03:47,260 They found a broom in his hand.
- 00:03:48,390 --> 00:03:50,390 GROUP: Oh. RACHEL: Oh, dear God.
- 00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:52,060 -That's terrible. -I know.
- 00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:54,480 I was sweeping yesterday.
- 00:03:54,730 --> 00:03:57,230 -It could've been me. RACHEL: Yeah.
- 00:03:58,110 --> 00:04:00,190 JOEY: Sure. -Sweeping. You never know.
- 00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:01,570 Never know.
- 00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:09,990 Okay, it's very faint, but I can still sense him in the building.
- 00:04:10,790 --> 00:04:13,540 Go into the light, Mr. Heckles!
- 00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:18,340 CHANDLER: Okay, Phoebe.
- 00:04:19,130 --> 00:04:21,300 I'm sorry, but sometimes they need help.
- 00:04:23,010 --> 00:04:24,590 JOEY: Yeah. -Here we go.
- 00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:27,300 That's fine, go ahead and scoff.
- 00:04:27,550 --> 00:04:30,010 There are a lot of things I don't believe in...
- 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:32,350 ...but that doesn't mean they're not true.
- 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:33,770 Such as?
- 00:04:34,140 --> 00:04:38,650 Like crop circles or the Bermuda Triangle or evolution.
- 00:04:38,860 --> 00:04:40,610 Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- 00:04:40,900 --> 00:04:42,400 [CHUCKLES]
- 00:04:42,570 --> 00:04:44,820 What, you don't believe in evolution?
- 00:04:45,070 --> 00:04:46,280 No. Not really.
- 00:04:48,950 --> 00:04:50,450 You don't believe in evolution?
- 00:04:50,950 --> 00:04:53,080 I don't know. It's just, you know....
- 00:04:53,330 --> 00:04:58,080 Monkeys, Darwin, it's a nice story. I just think it's a little too easy.
- 00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:04,300 "Too easy"? Too--
- 00:05:04,510 --> 00:05:07,930 The process of every living thing on this planet evolving...
- 00:05:08,140 --> 00:05:12,430 ...over millions of years from single-celled organisms is "too easy"?
- 00:05:13,270 --> 00:05:15,270 Yeah, I just don't buy it.
- 00:05:16,190 --> 00:05:20,400 Excuse me. Evolution is not for you to buy, Phoebe.
- 00:05:20,650 --> 00:05:24,440 Evolution is scientific fact, like the air we breathe...
- 00:05:24,690 --> 00:05:26,240 ...like gravity.
- 00:05:26,450 --> 00:05:28,740 Okay, don't get me started on gravity.
- 00:05:32,830 --> 00:05:35,750 You, uh-- You don't believe in gravity?
- 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:41,170 Well, it's not so much that, you know, I don't believe in it.
- 00:05:41,420 --> 00:05:43,300 Lately I get the feeling that...
- 00:05:43,500 --> 00:05:46,720 ...I'm not so much being pulled down as I am being pushed.
- 00:05:47,010 --> 00:05:48,050 Pushed.
- 00:05:49,090 --> 00:05:50,140 [KNOCK ON DOOR]
- 00:05:50,390 --> 00:05:52,720 Uh-oh. It's Isaac Newton and he's pissed.
- 00:05:55,930 --> 00:05:59,100 There she is. And over there, that's the other one.
- 00:05:59,310 --> 00:06:01,610 This is Mr. Buddy Boyle, Heckles' attorney.
- 00:06:01,810 --> 00:06:02,860 He'd like to talk to you.
- 00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:04,480 What can we do for you?
- 00:06:04,730 --> 00:06:06,780 All right, kids, here's the deal.
- 00:06:07,030 --> 00:06:09,070 According my client's will...
- 00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:13,780 ...he wants to leave all his earthly possessions...
- 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:17,830 ...to "the noisy girls in the apartment above mine."
- 00:06:19,290 --> 00:06:20,500 What about his family?
- 00:06:20,750 --> 00:06:23,170 -He didn't have any. JOEY: Whoa.
- 00:06:24,170 --> 00:06:26,380 Okay, so let's talk money.
- 00:06:28,220 --> 00:06:29,550 All right, there was none.
- 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:31,430 Now, let's talk signing.
- 00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:34,850 You be noisy girl number one. You be noisy girl number two.
- 00:06:36,470 --> 00:06:39,560 I can't believe that this whole time we thought he hated us.
- 00:06:39,810 --> 00:06:43,310 Isn't it amazing how much you can touch someone's life...
- 00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:45,520 ...without even knowing it?
- 00:06:45,780 --> 00:06:47,230 Would you look at this dump?
- 00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:49,780 He hated us! This was his final revenge!
- 00:06:50,030 --> 00:06:52,280 Ever seen so much crap!
- 00:06:52,530 --> 00:06:56,120 Actually, I think this apartment sullies the good name of crap.
- 00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:58,700 Check this out.
- 00:07:00,710 --> 00:07:02,250 Can I have this?
- 00:07:03,670 --> 00:07:06,420 How can you not believe in evolution?
- 00:07:07,420 --> 00:07:10,380 I don't know, just don't. Look at this funky shirt!
- 00:07:11,180 --> 00:07:14,050 Pheebs, I've studied evolution my entire adult life.
- 00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:17,640 And I can tell you, we've collected fossils from all over the world...
- 00:07:17,930 --> 00:07:21,350 ...that actually show the evolution of different species.
- 00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:24,350 I mean, you can literally see them...
- 00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:28,110 ...evolving through time.
- 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:31,280 Really? You can actually see it?
- 00:07:31,530 --> 00:07:36,120 You bet! ln the U.S., China, Africa, all over!
- 00:07:36,870 --> 00:07:38,740 See, I didn't know that.
- 00:07:39,330 --> 00:07:41,460 Well, there you go.
- 00:07:41,620 --> 00:07:43,080 PHOEBE: Huh.
- 00:07:43,250 --> 00:07:48,170 So now the real question is, who put those fossils there and why?
- 00:07:51,010 --> 00:07:55,640 Hey. Look at this. My Big Book of Grievances.
- 00:07:58,310 --> 00:07:59,810 Hey, there's me.
- 00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:03,350 "April 1 7th, excessive noise...
- 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:07,020 ...Italian guy comes home with a date." Yeah.
- 00:08:07,190 --> 00:08:08,610 Chandler, you're in here too.
- 00:08:09,150 --> 00:08:11,530 "April 1 8th, excessive noise...
- 00:08:11,780 --> 00:08:15,450 ...Italian guy's gay roommate brings home dry cleaning."
- 00:08:22,410 --> 00:08:24,210 Well, that's excellent.
- 00:08:25,500 --> 00:08:26,880 Monica, look at this lamp.
- 00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:29,460 Is this tacky or what? We have to have this.
- 00:08:30,670 --> 00:08:32,880 I think we have enough regular lamps.
- 00:08:33,130 --> 00:08:35,260 What? Come on, it's not like...
- 00:08:35,470 --> 00:08:38,180 ...I'm asking for this girlie clock or anything.
- 00:08:38,430 --> 00:08:41,310 Which, by the way, I also think is really cool.
- 00:08:42,140 --> 00:08:44,560 Look, it doesn't go with any of my stuff.
- 00:08:45,770 --> 00:08:47,480 Well, what about my stuff?
- 00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:49,770 You don't have any stuff.
- 00:08:51,070 --> 00:08:53,860 You still think of it as your apartment, don't you?
- 00:08:54,030 --> 00:08:55,610 Mmm.... No.
- 00:08:55,860 --> 00:08:56,950 Yes, you do.
- 00:08:57,200 --> 00:09:00,490 You think of it as your apartment and I just rent a room.
- 00:09:01,790 --> 00:09:03,040 Mmm....
- 00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:07,460 Okay, while you "mmm" on that, I'll go find a place for my new lamp.
- 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:14,380 Okay, Pheebs. See how I'm making these little toys move?
- 00:09:17,550 --> 00:09:18,590 Opposable thumbs!
- 00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:25,100 Without evolution, how do you explain opposable thumbs?
- 00:09:26,020 --> 00:09:29,940 Maybe the Overlords needed them to steer their spacecrafts.
- 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:32,360 Tell me you're joking.
- 00:09:32,900 --> 00:09:36,820 Look, can't we just say that you believe in something and I don't?
- 00:09:37,070 --> 00:09:39,780 -No. No, Pheebs, we can't. -Why not?
- 00:09:40,030 --> 00:09:43,410 What is this obsessive need you have to make everybody agree with you?
- 00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:46,710 No, what's that all about? You know what I think?
- 00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:52,210 I think maybe it's time you put Ross under the microscope.
- 00:09:56,550 --> 00:09:58,630 Is there blood coming out of my ears?
- 00:10:01,220 --> 00:10:03,890 Check it out. Heckles' high-school yearbook.
- 00:10:05,390 --> 00:10:06,730 Wow. He looks so normal.
- 00:10:06,980 --> 00:10:08,980 He's even kind of cute.
- 00:10:09,190 --> 00:10:11,480 "Heckles, you crack me up in science class.
- 00:10:11,730 --> 00:10:13,730 You're the funniest kid in school."
- 00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:16,280 -Funniest? Heckles? -That's what it says.
- 00:10:17,530 --> 00:10:20,780 Wow. Heckles was voted class clown, and so was l.
- 00:10:21,030 --> 00:10:22,450 [THUMPING FROM ABOVE]
- 00:10:22,700 --> 00:10:24,950 He was right. Would you listen to that?
- 00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:27,450 I'd call that excessive.
- 00:10:27,620 --> 00:10:29,250 -Whoa. -What?
- 00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:32,420 Heckles played clarinet in band, and I played clarinet.
- 00:10:33,090 --> 00:10:36,210 And he was in the scale modeler's club and I was--
- 00:10:36,420 --> 00:10:39,550 Well, there was no club, but I sure thought they were cool.
- 00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:42,260 So? You were both dorks.
- 00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:43,720 Big deal.
- 00:10:44,220 --> 00:10:46,310 I just think it's weird, you know? Heckles and me--
- 00:10:46,470 --> 00:10:47,890 [THUMPING FROM ABOVE]
- 00:10:48,060 --> 00:10:49,480 Heckles and me. Me--
- 00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:51,020 Me and Heckles.
- 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:53,730 Hey, would you knock it off!
- 00:10:57,940 --> 00:10:59,110 Ah!
- 00:11:12,210 --> 00:11:13,420 Have you been here all night?
- 00:11:14,170 --> 00:11:15,460 Look at this.
- 00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:18,000 Pictures of all the women Heckles went out with.
- 00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:21,930 Look what he wrote on them. "Vivian, too tall."
- 00:11:22,180 --> 00:11:23,800 "Madge, big gums."
- 00:11:25,010 --> 00:11:26,050 "Too loud."
- 00:11:26,310 --> 00:11:28,390 "Too smart." "Makes noise when she eats."
- 00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:30,270 This is me.
- 00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:32,350 This is what I do.
- 00:11:34,060 --> 00:11:36,480 I'm gonna end up alone, just like he did.
- 00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:38,360 Chandler, Heckles was a nut case.
- 00:11:38,610 --> 00:11:40,530 Our trains are on the same track.
- 00:11:40,780 --> 00:11:44,280 I'm coming up 30 years behind him, but the stops are all the same.
- 00:11:44,530 --> 00:11:46,120 Bitter Town...
- 00:11:46,530 --> 00:11:49,080 ...Alone-ville, Hermit Junction!
- 00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:53,040 You know what we gotta do? Get you out of here.
- 00:11:53,290 --> 00:11:54,960 Come on, I'll buy you breakfast.
- 00:11:55,210 --> 00:11:58,040 What if I never find somebody? Or worse, what if I found her...
- 00:11:58,300 --> 00:12:02,170 ...but I dumped her because she pronounces it "supposably"?
- 00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:05,840 Chandler, come on, you're gonna find somebody.
- 00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:08,050 How do you know that? How?
- 00:12:08,260 --> 00:12:10,930 I don't know. I'm just trying to help you out.
- 00:12:12,020 --> 00:12:13,890 You guys will all get married...
- 00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:15,520 ...and I'll end up alone.
- 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:18,020 Will you promise me something?
- 00:12:18,270 --> 00:12:21,570 When you're married, will you invite me over for holidays?
- 00:12:22,070 --> 00:12:23,700 I don't know what we'll be doing.
- 00:12:26,740 --> 00:12:29,910 I mean, what if we're over at her folks' place?
- 00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:34,290 Yeah, I understand.
- 00:12:37,500 --> 00:12:39,920 You can come over and watch the Super Bowl.
- 00:12:40,130 --> 00:12:42,050 Every year, all right?
- 00:12:43,300 --> 00:12:46,590 You know what? I'm not gonna end up like this.
- 00:12:46,890 --> 00:12:48,680 I'll see you, man.
- 00:12:53,060 --> 00:12:54,230 Jeez.
- 00:12:58,360 --> 00:12:59,730 "Supposably."
- 00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:03,900 Supposably.
- 00:13:06,490 --> 00:13:08,780 Did they go to the zoo?
- 00:13:08,990 --> 00:13:11,200 Supposably.
- 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:21,210 [LINE RINGlNG]
- 00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:26,090 Hi. It's me.
- 00:13:26,550 --> 00:13:30,600 Oh, my God!
- 00:13:31,930 --> 00:13:34,140 Janice? You called Janice?
- 00:13:35,850 --> 00:13:36,980 Yes. Janice.
- 00:13:37,230 --> 00:13:39,150 Why is that difficult to comprehend?
- 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:41,610 You remember Janice, right?
- 00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:47,320 Yes. She was smart, she was pretty and she honestly cared about me.
- 00:13:47,570 --> 00:13:50,240 Janice is my last chance to have somebody.
- 00:13:51,660 --> 00:13:53,240 Hello.
- 00:13:56,460 --> 00:13:59,370 Oh, my God!
- 00:14:01,540 --> 00:14:03,170 Jeez, look how fat she got.
- 00:14:05,210 --> 00:14:08,880 -Hey, it's everybody. GROUP: Hi, Janice.
- 00:14:09,130 --> 00:14:10,300 Janice, you're....
- 00:14:10,550 --> 00:14:12,550 Yes, I am.
- 00:14:13,310 --> 00:14:15,180 -Is it--? -Is it yours? Ha!
- 00:14:15,390 --> 00:14:17,430 You wish, Chandler Bing.
- 00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:22,110 You are looking at a married lady now.
- 00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:23,480 GROUP: Oh.
- 00:14:23,650 --> 00:14:25,110 PHOEBE: Yeah.
- 00:14:26,740 --> 00:14:28,570 Congratulations.
- 00:14:28,820 --> 00:14:31,110 Aw, sweetie, I'm sorry.
- 00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:33,240 You couldn't tell me on the phone?
- 00:14:33,490 --> 00:14:36,450 And what? Miss the expression on your face? Oh, no.
- 00:14:36,660 --> 00:14:39,410 Janice likes to have her fun.
- 00:14:39,620 --> 00:14:41,420 [LAUGHlNG]
- 00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:53,850 You know what we haven't played in a while?
- 00:14:54,050 --> 00:14:56,510 -What? -Hide the lamp.
- 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,230 Monica, let it go.
- 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:03,400 Did you know I'm allergic to shellfish?
- 00:15:03,650 --> 00:15:06,730 Then you'll just have to eat the other lamps.
- 00:15:09,860 --> 00:15:12,490 Uh-oh. It's scary scientist man.
- 00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:16,870 Okay, Phoebe, this is it.
- 00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:20,830 In this briefcase I carry actual scientific facts.
- 00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:23,790 A briefcase of facts, if you will.
- 00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:31,010 Some of these fossils are over 200 million years old.
- 00:15:31,260 --> 00:15:34,470 Okay, look, before you even start, I'm not denying evolution.
- 00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:36,760 It's just one of the possibilities.
- 00:15:37,010 --> 00:15:38,970 It's the only possibility.
- 00:15:39,220 --> 00:15:44,100 Ross, could you just open your mind, like, this much? Okay?
- 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:48,570 Wasn't there a time when the brightest minds in the world believe the Earth was flat?
- 00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:54,070 And up till 50 years ago, you all thought the atom was the smallest thing...
- 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:58,030 ...until you split it open and this whole mess of crap came out.
- 00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:04,540 Now, are you telling me that you are so unbelievably arrogant...
- 00:16:04,790 --> 00:16:08,590 ...that you can't admit that there's a teeny, tiny possibility...
- 00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:10,840 ...that you could be wrong about this?
- 00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:19,510 There might be...
- 00:16:20,850 --> 00:16:22,640 ...a teeny...
- 00:16:24,100 --> 00:16:25,190 ...tiny...
- 00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:28,480 ...possibility.
- 00:16:30,230 --> 00:16:32,440 I can't believe you caved.
- 00:16:34,070 --> 00:16:35,110 What?
- 00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:38,700 You just abandoned your whole belief system!
- 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:43,330 Before, I didn't agree with you, but at least I respected you.
- 00:16:43,790 --> 00:16:45,040 But....
- 00:16:45,460 --> 00:16:47,710 How are you gonna go into work tomorrow?
- 00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:50,670 How are you going to face the other science guys?
- 00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:53,720 How are you going to face yourself? Oh....
- 00:17:10,270 --> 00:17:12,320 That was fun. So who's hungry?
- 00:17:12,570 --> 00:17:13,650 MONICA: I am.
- 00:17:13,820 --> 00:17:15,820 RACHEL: Me too. Let me just get my coat.
- 00:17:18,780 --> 00:17:20,070 [LAMP SHATTERS]
- 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,580 What happened?
- 00:17:25,750 --> 00:17:28,670 Okay. All right, it was an accident, I swear.
- 00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:32,840 I was putting on my jacket and the thing and the lamp and it broke.
- 00:17:33,090 --> 00:17:36,470 Oh, please, Monica! You've always hated my lamp!
- 00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:40,930 And now all of a sudden, it's just magically, it's just broken?
- 00:17:41,180 --> 00:17:42,390 Phoebe, tell her?
- 00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:45,930 I didn't see it, because I was putting on my jacket.
- 00:17:46,140 --> 00:17:47,480 But I want to believe you.
- 00:17:51,940 --> 00:17:55,860 Hey, Chandler. Monica just broke my seashell lamp.
- 00:17:56,360 --> 00:17:57,530 Neat.
- 00:17:57,780 --> 00:17:59,610 I'm gonna die alone!
- 00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:04,160 Okay, you win.
- 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:07,330 Chandler, you are not gonna die alone.
- 00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:09,830 Janice was my safety net, okay?
- 00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:11,710 And now I have to get a snake.
- 00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:14,880 Uh-huh. Why is that?
- 00:18:15,130 --> 00:18:18,510 If I'm gonna be an old, lonely man, I'm gonna need a thing.
- 00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:20,340 You know, a hook.
- 00:18:20,590 --> 00:18:23,600 Like that guy on the subway who eats his own face.
- 00:18:24,310 --> 00:18:26,350 So I figure I'll be "Crazy Man With A Snake."
- 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:27,850 Crazy Snake Man.
- 00:18:28,100 --> 00:18:30,100 Then I'll get more snakes, call them my babies.
- 00:18:30,350 --> 00:18:32,480 Kids won't walk past my place, they will run!
- 00:18:32,730 --> 00:18:35,900 "Run away from Crazy Snake Man," they'll shout!
- 00:18:39,450 --> 00:18:41,950 You've got to get over this. Okay?
- 00:18:42,370 --> 00:18:43,780 You won't end up alone.
- 00:18:44,030 --> 00:18:45,580 Of course I am.
- 00:18:45,830 --> 00:18:49,540 I reject anyone who's crazy enough to actually go out with me...
- 00:18:49,790 --> 00:18:53,420 ...and then I bitch that there aren't any great women out there.
- 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:57,420 Chandler, you have just described...
- 00:18:57,630 --> 00:19:01,260 ...virtually every man that we've ever gone out with.
- 00:19:01,470 --> 00:19:02,930 Yeah.
- 00:19:03,180 --> 00:19:05,390 You are not a freak. You're a guy.
- 00:19:07,020 --> 00:19:08,220 RACHEL: She's right.
- 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:10,140 You're no different than the rest.
- 00:19:10,390 --> 00:19:12,600 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Yes, he is.
- 00:19:12,810 --> 00:19:14,610 You are totally different.
- 00:19:14,860 --> 00:19:15,860 In a bad way?
- 00:19:16,110 --> 00:19:17,860 No, honey, in a wonderful way.
- 00:19:18,110 --> 00:19:19,820 You know what you want now.
- 00:19:20,070 --> 00:19:21,610 Most guys don't even have a clue.
- 00:19:21,860 --> 00:19:25,660 You're ready to take risks, be vulnerable and intimate with someone.
- 00:19:25,910 --> 00:19:27,450 You're not gonna end up alone.
- 00:19:28,700 --> 00:19:33,830 You called Janice. That's how much you wanted to be with someone!
- 00:19:35,540 --> 00:19:37,460 -You've made it. -You're there.
- 00:19:37,710 --> 00:19:40,130 You are ready to make a commitment!
- 00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:42,630 Whoa! Don't know about that.
- 00:19:50,020 --> 00:19:51,060 Wow. What you got there?
- 00:19:51,310 --> 00:19:54,480 Something else that's not yours that you can break?
- 00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:56,980 No.
- 00:19:57,400 --> 00:20:00,360 I know you like this and I want you to have it.
- 00:20:00,570 --> 00:20:02,570 It'll look good in our apartment.
- 00:20:03,780 --> 00:20:05,570 Thank you.
- 00:20:06,700 --> 00:20:08,950 [CLOCK WHISTLES]
- 00:20:11,710 --> 00:20:13,330 That's fine.
- 00:20:14,580 --> 00:20:15,580 -Hey. GROUP: Hey.
- 00:20:15,790 --> 00:20:19,590 You'll all be pleased to know that I have a date tomorrow night.
- 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:21,960 This woman Allison from work. She is great.
- 00:20:22,220 --> 00:20:25,380 She's pretty, she's smart. And I've been...
- 00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:28,930 ...holding off asking her out in the past, because she has a...
- 00:20:30,020 --> 00:20:31,520 ...unusually large head.
- 00:20:33,060 --> 00:20:35,390 But I'm not going to let that stuff hang me up anymore.
- 00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:36,650 All right.
- 00:20:36,810 --> 00:20:38,230 Look at me. I'm growing.
- 00:20:40,030 --> 00:20:42,690 Hey, you can't recycle yearbooks, can you?
- 00:20:43,530 --> 00:20:44,700 I'll take that.
- 00:20:44,950 --> 00:20:46,070 You want his yearbook?
- 00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:50,660 Yeah. Yeah. Some people said nice things about him. Somebody should have it.
- 00:20:50,910 --> 00:20:53,330 Gosh, this is so weird.
- 00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:56,870 His whole life was in this apartment and now it's gone.
- 00:20:58,170 --> 00:21:02,510 I think it would be nice if we just took a few moments for Mr. Heckles.
- 00:21:03,630 --> 00:21:07,470 I mean, he was kind of a pain. He was, but he was a person.
- 00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:09,140 [ALL LAUGHING]
- 00:21:09,300 --> 00:21:11,100 MONICA: What?
- 00:21:14,270 --> 00:21:15,940 You're all going to hell.
- 00:21:16,190 --> 00:21:18,350 RACHEL: It's really not that big.
- 00:21:21,530 --> 00:21:23,780 -Taking that with you, huh? -Oh, yeah.
- 00:21:29,870 --> 00:21:31,580 Hey, you coming?
- 00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:33,290 Yeah, in a second.
- 00:21:49,510 --> 00:21:51,510 Goodbye, Mr. Heckles.
- 00:21:54,810 --> 00:21:56,930 We'll try to keep it down.
- 00:22:07,950 --> 00:22:09,490 ALLlSON: My major was useless.
- 00:22:09,740 --> 00:22:13,830 How often do you look in the classifieds and see "Philosopher Wanted"?
- 00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:15,490 Heh, heh. Sure.
- 00:22:15,700 --> 00:22:18,000 CHANDLER: My God, that's a big head!
- 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:23,710 It didn't look this big in the office. Maybe it's the lighting.
- 00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:27,170 My head must look like a golf ball at work.
- 00:22:28,220 --> 00:22:32,010 Don't get hung up on it. Quick, quick. List five things you like about her.
- 00:22:32,260 --> 00:22:34,220 Nice smile, good dresser.
- 00:22:34,430 --> 00:22:36,970 Big head, big head, big head!
- 00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:46,400 [English - US - SDH]
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