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Эпизод с обкуренным парнем
The One with the Stoned Guy
Сезон: 01Серия: 15
Описание
Моника готовит изысканный ужин для Стива (Джон Ловиц), владельца ресторана, ищущего нового шеф-повара. Он приходит под кайфом и хочет съесть всё, что попадётся под руку, включая тако и мармеладных мишек. После пяти лет работы оператором обработки данных Чендлер получает повышение до супервайзера, а затем увольняется, утверждая, что его работа была временной; когда босс звонит и предлагает ему прибавку к зарплате, Чендлер сдаётся и возвращается на работу. У Росса свидание с красивой коллегой по имени Селия (Мелора Хардин), и он придает новый смысл выражению «шлёпать обезьяну», когда она знакомится с Марселем. Росс обращается к Джои за советом, когда Селия хочет, чтобы он использовал пошлости в качестве прелюдии.
Субтитры
- 00:00:03,795 --> 00:00:05,004 Coffee.
- 00:00:05,171 --> 00:00:07,423 - Thank you. - Cappuccino.
- 00:00:07,590 --> 00:00:08,757 [SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
- 00:00:08,925 --> 00:00:11,677 And a nice hot cider for Monica.
- 00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:13,679 Aw, thank you.
- 00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:15,180 - Rach? - Yeah?
- 00:00:15,348 --> 00:00:17,975 Why does my cinnamon stick have an eraser?
- 00:00:19,269 --> 00:00:20,436 Oh.
- 00:00:20,603 --> 00:00:21,937 Oh, heh.
- 00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:23,814 That's why.
- 00:00:24,566 --> 00:00:25,983 Sorry.
- 00:01:24,834 --> 00:01:26,752 TEDLOCK: Chandler?
- 00:01:27,253 --> 00:01:29,630 Miss Tedlock, you're looking lovely today.
- 00:01:29,798 --> 00:01:33,383 May I say that is a very flattering sleeve length on you?
- 00:01:34,177 --> 00:01:35,219 Yes.
- 00:01:35,386 --> 00:01:39,556 Well, Mr. Costilick would like you to stop by his office at the end of the day.
- 00:01:40,266 --> 00:01:43,727 Oh, listen, if this is about those prank memos, I had nothing to do with them.
- 00:01:43,895 --> 00:01:46,230 Really, nothing at all. Really.
- 00:01:46,564 --> 00:01:47,606 Nothing.
- 00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:52,945 Hey, you guys. You guys.
- 00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:55,948 Chandler's coming, and he says he has this incredible news.
- 00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:58,534 So when he gets here, let's all act like, you know...
- 00:01:58,701 --> 00:02:00,244 - Hey. GROUP: Hey.
- 00:02:00,411 --> 00:02:03,038 Never mind. But it was gonna be really good.
- 00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:05,791 ROSS: What's going on? RACHEL: What's up?
- 00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:08,460 It's a typical day at work. I'm inputting my numbers...
- 00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:10,462 ...and Big Al calls me into his office...
- 00:02:10,630 --> 00:02:13,632 ...and tells me he wants to make me processing supervisor.
- 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,968 - That is great! - Congratulations.
- 00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:18,387 So I quit.
- 00:02:18,847 --> 00:02:20,222 BOTH: Why?
- 00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:22,641 Why? This was supposed to be a temp job.
- 00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:25,727 Yeah, Chandler, you've been there for five years.
- 00:02:25,895 --> 00:02:27,312 I know, but if I took it this...
- 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:30,149 ...it'd be like admitting that this is what I actually do.
- 00:02:30,316 --> 00:02:31,608 So was it a lot more money?
- 00:02:31,776 --> 00:02:34,403 Doesn't matter. I just don't want to be one of those guys...
- 00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:38,157 ...that's in his office until 12:00 at night worrying about the WENUS.
- 00:02:41,327 --> 00:02:42,619 "The WENUS"?
- 00:02:42,954 --> 00:02:46,665 Weekly estimated net usage system. It's a processing term.
- 00:02:47,375 --> 00:02:49,668 Oh, that WENUS.
- 00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:52,045 So, what are you gonna do?
- 00:02:52,213 --> 00:02:54,423 I don't know. That's the thing. I don't know.
- 00:02:54,591 --> 00:02:56,675 I'm not gonna figure it out working there.
- 00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:59,094 Oh! I have something you can do.
- 00:02:59,262 --> 00:03:01,513 I have this new massage client. Steve.
- 00:03:03,224 --> 00:03:06,018 Anyway, um, he's opening up a restaurant...
- 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:09,021 ...and he's looking for a head chef.
- 00:03:10,523 --> 00:03:12,983 Um, hi there.
- 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:14,318 Hi.
- 00:03:14,485 --> 00:03:17,654 Oh, yeah, I know. You're a chef, I know, and I thought of you first.
- 00:03:17,822 --> 00:03:21,200 But, um, Chandler's the one who needs a job right now, so...
- 00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:26,163 Yeah, I just don't have a lot of chefing experience.
- 00:03:26,497 --> 00:03:28,373 Unless it's an all-toast restaurant.
- 00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:32,461 - Yeah. Yeah. - Well, what kind of food is he looking for?
- 00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:35,631 He wants to do something eclectic, so he's looking for someone...
- 00:03:35,798 --> 00:03:37,799 ...who can, you know, create the entire menu.
- 00:03:37,967 --> 00:03:39,885 - Oh, my God. - Yeah, I know.
- 00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:41,678 So, what do you think?
- 00:03:43,306 --> 00:03:46,558 Thanks, Pheeb. I just don't really see myself in a big white hat.
- 00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:47,851 Okay.
- 00:03:49,771 --> 00:03:51,313 Oh, Monica. Guess what?
- 00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:03,909 Can you see my nipples through this shirt?
- 00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:09,748 No, but don't worry. I'm sure they're still there.
- 00:04:11,209 --> 00:04:12,709 Where you going, Mr. Suit-ey Man?
- 00:04:12,877 --> 00:04:15,879 Well, I have an appointment to see Dr. Robert Pilman...
- 00:04:16,047 --> 00:04:17,673 ...career counselor-a-go-go.
- 00:04:19,550 --> 00:04:21,218 I added the "a-go-go."
- 00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:22,761 Career counselor?
- 00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:25,931 Hey, you guys all know what you want to do.
- 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,808 I don't.
- 00:04:27,976 --> 00:04:31,728 Hey, you guys in the living room all know what you want to do.
- 00:04:31,896 --> 00:04:34,147 You know, you have goals. You have dreams.
- 00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:35,649 I don't have a dream.
- 00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:39,236 Ah, the lesser known "I Don't Have a Dream" speech.
- 00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:43,699 Oh, I love my life. I love my life.
- 00:04:43,866 --> 00:04:45,701 Brian's Song.
- 00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:49,830 The meeting with that guy went great?
- 00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:52,874 So great. He showed me where the restaurant's gonna be.
- 00:04:53,042 --> 00:04:55,127 It's this cute little place on 10th Street.
- 00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:58,130 It's not too big, not too small. It's just right.
- 00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:01,383 Was it formerly owned by a blond woman and some bears?
- 00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:06,013 So anyway, I'm cooking dinner for him Monday night. Kind of like an audition.
- 00:05:06,180 --> 00:05:09,266 And Phoebe, he really wants you to be here, which will be great for me.
- 00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:10,809 Because you can make yummy noises.
- 00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:13,270 - What are you gonna make? - Yummy noises.
- 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,607 And, Monica, what are you gonna make?
- 00:05:17,775 --> 00:05:20,319 I don't know. I don't know. It's just gotta be so great.
- 00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:22,779 Oh! I know what you can make. I know.
- 00:05:22,947 --> 00:05:25,824 Oh, you should make that thing, you know, with the stuff.
- 00:05:27,535 --> 00:05:31,455 You know that thing with the stuff?
- 00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:34,166 Okay, I don't know.
- 00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:38,170 Hey, guys, anyone know a good date place in the neighborhood?
- 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:43,342 Uh, how about Tony's? If you can finish a 32-ounce steak, it's free.
- 00:05:45,636 --> 00:05:46,928 Okay. Ahem.
- 00:05:47,096 --> 00:05:50,223 Hey, does anyone know a good place if you're not dating a puma?
- 00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:54,811 - Who are you going out with? - Oh, is this the bug lady?
- 00:05:54,979 --> 00:05:57,606 [AS BUG LADY] I love you, Ross.
- 00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:01,526 Her name is Celia. She's not a bug lady.
- 00:06:01,694 --> 00:06:04,112 She's curator of insects at the museum.
- 00:06:05,656 --> 00:06:07,282 So, what are you guys gonna do?
- 00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:10,619 Well, I just thought we'd go to dinner, then bring her back to my place...
- 00:06:10,787 --> 00:06:13,330 ...and I'd introduce her to my monkey.
- 00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:17,834 And he's not speaking metaphorically.
- 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:23,340 - So back to your place? - Uh-huh.
- 00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:25,509 You thinking maybe, heh-heh?
- 00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:30,180 Ahem, well, I don't know, heh-heh.
- 00:06:30,848 --> 00:06:32,766 I'm hoping heh-heh.
- 00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:36,144 I'm telling you, that monkey's a chick magnet.
- 00:06:36,312 --> 00:06:40,857 She's gonna one look at his furry, cute little face and it'll seal the deal.
- 00:06:43,027 --> 00:06:44,236 - Aah! ROSS: Celia, don't worry.
- 00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:47,864 Celia, he's not gonna hurt you. Soothing tones, Celia, soothing tones.
- 00:06:48,032 --> 00:06:49,825 - Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. - Aah!
- 00:06:50,034 --> 00:06:53,870 - Here, here. Marcel? Marcel? - I can't stand this.
- 00:06:54,038 --> 00:06:57,374 - He's got his claws on my... - Yeah, all right.
- 00:07:05,049 --> 00:07:07,884 Okay, try this salmon mousse.
- 00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:10,762 - Mm. Good. MONICA: Yeah?
- 00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:13,390 Is it better than the other salmon mousse?
- 00:07:14,142 --> 00:07:15,684 It's creamier.
- 00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:18,019 Yeah? Well, is that better?
- 00:07:18,187 --> 00:07:21,606 I don't know. We're talking about whipped fish, Monica.
- 00:07:22,483 --> 00:07:24,818 I'm just happy I'm keeping it down, you know?
- 00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:32,617 God, what happened to you?
- 00:07:32,785 --> 00:07:35,704 Eight and a half hours of aptitude tests...
- 00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:40,333 ...intelligence tests, personality tests, and what do I learn?
- 00:07:40,918 --> 00:07:43,170 "You're ideally suited for a career in data processing...
- 00:07:43,337 --> 00:07:45,714 ...for a large multi-national corporation."
- 00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:50,385 That's so great, because you already know how to do that.
- 00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:52,804 Can you believe it?
- 00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:56,475 Don't I seem like somebody who should be doing something really cool?
- 00:07:56,642 --> 00:08:00,479 You know, I just always pictured myself doing something...
- 00:08:00,855 --> 00:08:02,147 Something.
- 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:05,400 Oh, Chandler, I know, I know.
- 00:08:05,943 --> 00:08:09,154 Oh, hey, you can see your nipples through this shirt.
- 00:08:10,781 --> 00:08:11,948 [INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
- 00:08:13,367 --> 00:08:15,577 Here you go. Maybe this will cheer you up.
- 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:19,247 Ooh, you know, um, I had a grape about five hours ago...
- 00:08:19,415 --> 00:08:20,832 ...so I better split this with you.
- 00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:24,920 It's supposed to be that small. It's a pre-appetizer.
- 00:08:25,087 --> 00:08:28,173 The French call it an amuse-bouche.
- 00:08:31,427 --> 00:08:33,762 Well, it is amusing.
- 00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:37,057 [PHONE RINGS]
- 00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:43,188 Hello? Oh, hi, Wendy.
- 00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:45,190 Yeah, 8:00.
- 00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:47,192 What did we say? Ten dollars an hour?
- 00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:49,861 Okay, great.
- 00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:52,155 All right, I'll see you then. Bye.
- 00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:53,907 Ten dollars an hour for what?
- 00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:56,618 I asked a waitress at work to help me out.
- 00:08:57,161 --> 00:08:58,662 Waitressing?
- 00:08:58,871 --> 00:09:00,288 Uh-oh.
- 00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:04,751 Ha, ha. Of course I thought of you.
- 00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:06,336 But...
- 00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:08,505 - But... - But, but?
- 00:09:10,299 --> 00:09:14,970 But, you see, it's just this night has to go just perfect, you know...
- 00:09:15,137 --> 00:09:19,349 ...and, well, Wendy's more of a professional waitress.
- 00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:21,351 Oh.
- 00:09:21,769 --> 00:09:24,396 I see. Yes. And I've sort of been maintaining my amateur status...
- 00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,565 ...so that I can waitress in the Olympics.
- 00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:34,823 You know, I don't mean to brag, but I waited tables at Innsbruck in '76.
- 00:09:39,036 --> 00:09:40,870 Amuse-bouche?
- 00:09:58,055 --> 00:09:59,556 Talk to me.
- 00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:05,687 Okay, uh, ahem, a weird thing happened to me on the train this morning...
- 00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:09,608 No, no, no. Talk dirty.
- 00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:16,239 - Wow. Here? - Come on.
- 00:10:16,407 --> 00:10:17,866 Come on.
- 00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:19,701 Say something...
- 00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:21,286 ...hot.
- 00:10:22,830 --> 00:10:24,581 - What? - Uh...
- 00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:27,083 - What? - Ooh.
- 00:10:27,251 --> 00:10:29,669 - What? - Um...
- 00:10:29,837 --> 00:10:31,129 What?
- 00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:33,131 - What? - Vulva.
- 00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:41,389 "Vulva"?
- 00:10:43,517 --> 00:10:45,810 All right, I panicked, all right?
- 00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:47,729 She took me by surprise.
- 00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:51,858 You know, but it wasn't a total loss. I mean, uh, we ended up cuddling.
- 00:10:52,026 --> 00:10:54,903 Whoa, you cuddled? How many times?
- 00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:58,531 Shut up. It was nice. I just...
- 00:10:58,699 --> 00:11:01,785 I just don't think I'm the dirty-talking kind of guy, you know?
- 00:11:01,952 --> 00:11:04,537 What's the big deal? Just say what you want to do to her.
- 00:11:04,705 --> 00:11:06,748 Or what you want her to do to you.
- 00:11:06,916 --> 00:11:09,959 Or what you think other people might be doing to each other.
- 00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:13,755 Look, I tell you what. Try something on me.
- 00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:17,884 Please be kidding.
- 00:11:20,429 --> 00:11:21,763 Why not? Come on.
- 00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:25,642 Just close your eyes and tell me what you'd like to be doing right now.
- 00:11:30,898 --> 00:11:32,774 Okay, I'm, uh...
- 00:11:33,150 --> 00:11:35,443 I'm in my apartment...
- 00:11:35,945 --> 00:11:36,945 Yeah, what else?
- 00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:39,906 That's it. You're not there. We're not having this conversation.
- 00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:42,492 - All right. Look, I'll start, okay? - Joey, please.
- 00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:45,078 Come on, come on. All right, ready? Look.
- 00:11:45,454 --> 00:11:47,205 Oh, Ross.
- 00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:53,253 You get me so hot, I want your lips on me now.
- 00:11:54,004 --> 00:11:55,422 See?
- 00:11:58,467 --> 00:12:01,720 - All right, now you say something. - I, uh... I really don't think so.
- 00:12:01,887 --> 00:12:03,263 Come on.
- 00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:04,889 - You like this woman, right? - Yeah.
- 00:12:05,057 --> 00:12:06,599 - You wanna see her again, right? - Sure.
- 00:12:06,767 --> 00:12:09,894 Well, if you can't talk dirty to me, how are you gonna talk dirty to her?
- 00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:12,439 Now tell me you want to caress my butt.
- 00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:19,571 Okay, turn around.
- 00:12:20,489 --> 00:12:22,907 I just don't want you staring at me when I'm doing this.
- 00:12:23,075 --> 00:12:25,869 All right, all right. I'm not looking. Go ahead.
- 00:12:26,036 --> 00:12:27,370 Okay.
- 00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:31,624 Ahem, I want, um...
- 00:12:31,792 --> 00:12:33,918 Okay, I want...
- 00:12:34,086 --> 00:12:35,336 ...to feel...
- 00:12:35,504 --> 00:12:38,548 ...your hot, soft skin with my lips.
- 00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:40,717 There you go.
- 00:12:41,343 --> 00:12:43,344 Keep going, keep going.
- 00:12:43,846 --> 00:12:45,346 I, uh...
- 00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:50,727 I want to take my tongue and...
- 00:12:58,444 --> 00:12:59,903 And...
- 00:13:00,070 --> 00:13:01,696 Say it.
- 00:13:04,658 --> 00:13:06,284 Say it!
- 00:13:07,077 --> 00:13:09,496 Run it all over your body...
- 00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:14,250 ...until you're trembling with...
- 00:13:33,687 --> 00:13:35,396 With?
- 00:13:37,441 --> 00:13:39,567 - Funny story. - You're not gonna believe this.
- 00:13:39,735 --> 00:13:41,152 It's okay. It's okay.
- 00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:44,697 I was always rooting for you two kids to get together.
- 00:13:46,575 --> 00:13:49,577 Hey, while you were sleeping, that guy from your old job called again.
- 00:13:49,745 --> 00:13:50,787 Oh. Again?
- 00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:53,540 - And again and again and again. - And again.
- 00:13:53,707 --> 00:13:55,375 [PHONE RINGS]
- 00:13:57,962 --> 00:14:00,046 Hello? Heh. And again.
- 00:14:00,214 --> 00:14:01,297 Ah.
- 00:14:01,465 --> 00:14:05,218 Hey, Mr. Costilick. How's life on the 15th floor?
- 00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:08,096 Yeah, I miss you too.
- 00:14:08,264 --> 00:14:12,392 Yeah, it's a lot less satisfying to steal pens from your own home, you know?
- 00:14:14,311 --> 00:14:15,562 Well, that's very generous.
- 00:14:16,021 --> 00:14:18,189 Uh, but look, this isn't about the money.
- 00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:20,400 You know? I need something that's more than a job.
- 00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:23,111 I need something I really care about...
- 00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:26,489 And that's on top of the year-end bonus structure you mentioned earlier?
- 00:14:26,657 --> 00:14:27,991 BOTH: Your dream.
- 00:14:28,158 --> 00:14:31,452 Look, Al. Al, I'm not playing hardball here, okay?
- 00:14:31,620 --> 00:14:34,831 This is not a negotiation. This is a rejection.
- 00:14:34,999 --> 00:14:36,833 No... No, no. No, no.
- 00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:38,585 No, stop saying numbers!
- 00:14:38,752 --> 00:14:42,297 I'm telling you, you've got the wrong guy! You got the wrong guy!
- 00:14:42,464 --> 00:14:43,965 I'll see you Monday!
- 00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:48,970 Ah.
- 00:14:56,061 --> 00:14:57,604 Huh?
- 00:14:57,771 --> 00:15:00,106 Wow. It's huge.
- 00:15:00,274 --> 00:15:02,650 It's so much bigger than the cubicle.
- 00:15:02,818 --> 00:15:05,945 Oh, this is a cube.
- 00:15:06,113 --> 00:15:07,780 Look at this.
- 00:15:09,491 --> 00:15:10,909 [GASPS]
- 00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:13,661 You have a window!
- 00:15:14,496 --> 00:15:15,830 Yes, indeedy.
- 00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:20,335 - With a beautiful view of... - Oh, look. That guy's peeing.
- 00:15:21,712 --> 00:15:24,923 Okay. That's enough of the view. All right, check this out.
- 00:15:25,090 --> 00:15:27,675 - Ahem. Okay, sit down here. Sit down. - Okay.
- 00:15:27,843 --> 00:15:29,969 Okay, this is great. This is great.
- 00:15:30,137 --> 00:15:32,430 - Ahem. You ready? - Yeah.
- 00:15:33,140 --> 00:15:35,350 Helen, could you come in here for a moment?
- 00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:42,315 Thank you, Helen, that'll be all.
- 00:15:44,860 --> 00:15:46,819 Last time I do that. I promise.
- 00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:54,202 Wendy, we had a deal.
- 00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:56,496 Yeah, you promised.
- 00:15:56,664 --> 00:15:59,290 Wendy. Wendy. Wendy!
- 00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:00,750 [GROANS]
- 00:16:03,587 --> 00:16:05,213 Hmm, who was that?
- 00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:10,218 Wendy bailed. I have no waitress.
- 00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,638 That's too bad.
- 00:16:14,390 --> 00:16:15,974 Bye-bye.
- 00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,559 - Ten dollars an hour. - Nope.
- 00:16:18,936 --> 00:16:20,061 Twelve dollars an hour.
- 00:16:20,521 --> 00:16:23,856 Mon, I wish I could, but I've made plans to walk around.
- 00:16:25,192 --> 00:16:28,319 You know, Rachel, when you ran out on your wedding, I was there for you.
- 00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:32,407 I put a roof over your head, and if that means nothing to you...
- 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:35,034 Twenty dollars an hour.
- 00:16:36,370 --> 00:16:37,662 Done.
- 00:16:44,294 --> 00:16:46,170 - Well, hello. Welcome to Monica's. - Hello.
- 00:16:46,338 --> 00:16:47,964 May I take your coat?
- 00:16:51,468 --> 00:16:53,469 - Hi, Steve. - Hello, Monica.
- 00:16:53,637 --> 00:16:56,014 Hello, greeter girl.
- 00:16:56,473 --> 00:16:59,100 - This is Rachel. - Yeah, okay.
- 00:16:59,810 --> 00:17:03,271 Mm, everything smells so delicious.
- 00:17:03,439 --> 00:17:07,775 You know, I can't remember a time I smelled such a delicious combination of...
- 00:17:07,943 --> 00:17:09,485 Okay, smells.
- 00:17:10,738 --> 00:17:12,280 Well, it's a lovely apartment.
- 00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:15,074 Oh, thank you. Would you like a tour?
- 00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:18,077 I was just being polite, but all right.
- 00:17:20,205 --> 00:17:22,331 What? What's up?
- 00:17:22,499 --> 00:17:26,711 In the cab on the way over, Steve blazed up a doobie.
- 00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:29,464 What?
- 00:17:29,631 --> 00:17:32,216 Smoked a joint, you know? Lit a bone. Weed, hemp, ganja.
- 00:17:32,384 --> 00:17:33,718 Okay, okay, okay.
- 00:17:35,345 --> 00:17:38,097 Okay, I'm with you, Cheech. Okay.
- 00:17:39,224 --> 00:17:41,517 Is it dry in here?
- 00:17:44,563 --> 00:17:46,814 Let me get you some wine.
- 00:17:46,982 --> 00:17:49,650 Yeah, I think we're ready for our first course too.
- 00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:51,652 Okay...
- 00:17:52,654 --> 00:17:55,031 These are rock shrimp ravioli...
- 00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:57,366 ...in a cilantro ponzu sauce... - Oh.
- 00:17:57,534 --> 00:17:59,911 ...with just a touch of minced...
- 00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:06,417 ...ginger.
- 00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:09,670 Well, smack my ass and call me Judy.
- 00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:15,009 These are fantastic.
- 00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:17,804 Oh, gosh. I'm so glad you liked them.
- 00:18:17,971 --> 00:18:20,264 Like them? I could eat a hundred of them.
- 00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:23,392 Oh. Well, um...
- 00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:25,686 That's all there is of these...
- 00:18:25,854 --> 00:18:29,273 ...but in about eight and a half minutes, we'll be serving some delicious tartlets.
- 00:18:29,817 --> 00:18:31,442 "Tartlets"? Heh.
- 00:18:31,610 --> 00:18:35,905 "Tartlets."
- 00:18:37,741 --> 00:18:39,784 Word has lost all meaning.
- 00:18:46,083 --> 00:18:49,085 Excuse me. Can I help you with anything?
- 00:18:49,253 --> 00:18:51,671 You know, I don't know what I'm looking for.
- 00:19:08,063 --> 00:19:09,730 Oh, cool. Taco shells.
- 00:19:12,442 --> 00:19:15,862 You know, these are... They are like a little corn envelope, you know?
- 00:19:16,029 --> 00:19:18,656 You know what? You don't want to spoil your appetite.
- 00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:21,159 Hey. Sugar-O's.
- 00:19:21,326 --> 00:19:24,120 You know, if you just wait another six and a half minutes...
- 00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:26,998 Oh. Macaroni and cheese. We gotta make this.
- 00:19:32,379 --> 00:19:33,963 No, we don't.
- 00:19:34,673 --> 00:19:36,257 Oh, okay.
- 00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:38,593 Oh, sorry.
- 00:19:42,764 --> 00:19:45,057 Yeah, why don't you just have a seat here?
- 00:19:47,769 --> 00:19:49,228 Okay.
- 00:19:50,063 --> 00:19:52,106 Okay. Give me the Gummy Bears.
- 00:19:52,274 --> 00:19:54,567 Yeah, I... No.
- 00:19:56,737 --> 00:19:58,863 - Give them to me. - All right, we'll share.
- 00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:01,532 - No. Give me the bears. - Well, then you can't have any.
- 00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:03,409 - Give them to me. - This is not worth it.
- 00:20:03,577 --> 00:20:07,997 Oh, oh! Bears overboard. They're drowning.
- 00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:12,585 Hey, fellas. Grab onto a Sugar-O. Save yourselves.
- 00:20:12,753 --> 00:20:17,798 Help! Help! I'm drowning. Help! Help!
- 00:20:17,966 --> 00:20:19,592 That's it, okay? Dinner is over.
- 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:20,927 - What? - "What"?
- 00:20:21,094 --> 00:20:22,511 - Why? MONICA: "Why"?
- 00:20:22,679 --> 00:20:25,097 I've waited seven years for an opportunity like this...
- 00:20:25,265 --> 00:20:28,559 ...and you can't even wait four and a half minutes for a stupid onion tartlet?
- 00:20:28,727 --> 00:20:29,936 [OVEN TIMER DINGS]
- 00:20:30,103 --> 00:20:31,520 Hey...
- 00:20:39,321 --> 00:20:40,947 What a tool.
- 00:20:41,949 --> 00:20:44,325 You don't want to work for a guy like that.
- 00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:48,621 I know. It's just... I don't know, I just thought that this was, you know, "it."
- 00:20:48,789 --> 00:20:50,748 Look, you'll get there. You're an amazing chef.
- 00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:53,709 Yeah, you know all those yummy noises? I wasn't faking.
- 00:20:57,297 --> 00:20:58,547 [CLEARS THROAT]
- 00:21:02,052 --> 00:21:04,387 So, uh, how did it go with Celia?
- 00:21:04,554 --> 00:21:07,848 Oh, uh, I was unbelievable.
- 00:21:08,016 --> 00:21:09,976 All right, Ross.
- 00:21:10,143 --> 00:21:13,187 I was the James Michener of dirty talk.
- 00:21:13,355 --> 00:21:15,856 It was the most elaborate filth you have ever heard.
- 00:21:16,024 --> 00:21:19,527 I mean, there were characters, plot lines...
- 00:21:19,695 --> 00:21:21,320 ...themes, a motif.
- 00:21:21,488 --> 00:21:24,240 At one point, there were villagers.
- 00:21:25,993 --> 00:21:27,660 Oh, and, uh...
- 00:21:28,829 --> 00:21:32,123 Well, um, you know, by the time we finished with all the dirty talk...
- 00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:34,875 ...it was kind of late and we were both exhausted, so...
- 00:21:35,043 --> 00:21:37,670 - You cuddled. - Yeah, which was nice.
- 00:21:38,130 --> 00:21:40,840 Do you guys want to try to catch a late movie or something?
- 00:21:41,174 --> 00:21:43,134 Maybe, but shouldn't we wait for Chandler?
- 00:21:43,844 --> 00:21:45,678 Whoa. Where the hell is he?
- 00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:48,180 Yes, Fran, I know what time it is...
- 00:21:48,348 --> 00:21:51,475 ...but I'm looking at the WENUS and I'm not happy.
- 00:21:52,728 --> 00:21:54,854 Oh, really? Well, let me tell you something.
- 00:21:55,022 --> 00:21:59,608 You will care about it because I care about it. Got it? Good!
- 00:22:02,612 --> 00:22:04,113 Whoa.
- 00:22:15,250 --> 00:22:17,084 - How's this? - Eek!
- 00:22:17,252 --> 00:22:19,462 - Sorry. How about over here? - Oh!
- 00:22:19,629 --> 00:22:21,589 See, now, that just means it's working.
- 00:22:21,757 --> 00:22:23,924 - Does this hurt? - No.
- 00:22:24,092 --> 00:22:26,594 - How about this? - Aah!
- 00:22:26,762 --> 00:22:27,970 There you go.
- 00:22:28,138 --> 00:22:29,597 [CONTINUES YELLING]
- 00:22:35,354 --> 00:22:36,354 Oh, I'm gonna throw up.
- 00:22:36,521 --> 00:22:38,272 [CONTINUES YELLING]
- 00:22:41,943 --> 00:22:43,944 [English - US - SDH]
- 00:00:03,790 --> 00:00:05,090 Кофе
- 00:00:05,340 --> 00:00:08,630 - Спасибо. - Капучино. - Грацие!
- 00:00:08,880 --> 00:00:11,880 И вкусный горячий сидр для Моники
- 00:00:12,130 --> 00:00:13,760 Спасибо
- 00:00:14,010 --> 00:00:15,180 Рэйч?
- 00:00:15,430 --> 00:00:19,470 Почему на моей коричной палочке резинка?
- 00:00:22,140 --> 00:00:24,310 А вот почему
- 00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:27,480 Извини
- 00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:32,740 1-й сезон, 15-я серия "Обкуренный"
- 00:01:24,830 --> 00:01:27,000 Чендлер?
- 00:01:27,250 --> 00:01:29,590 Мисс Тедлок, сегодня вы очаровательны
- 00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:34,880 Смею сказать, эта длина рукава очень вас стройнит
- 00:01:35,340 --> 00:01:40,010 Ну... М-р Костилик хочет вас видеть у себя в конце дня
- 00:01:40,260 --> 00:01:43,980 Если это насчет тех шуточных служебных записок...
- 00:01:44,230 --> 00:01:46,400 ...то это не я. Я ни при чем. Абсолютно
- 00:01:46,650 --> 00:01:48,980 Совершенно
- 00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:52,820 Эй, ребята! Ребята!
- 00:01:53,070 --> 00:01:55,860 Сюда идет Чендлер, и у него какая-то большая новость
- 00:01:56,110 --> 00:02:00,030 Так что когда придет, разыгрывайте, ну...
- 00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:03,790 Ну, неважно. Но будет круто
- 00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:05,460 Ну, что такое?
- 00:02:05,710 --> 00:02:08,380 Итак, обычный день на работе. Сижу себе, ввожу цифры...
- 00:02:08,630 --> 00:02:13,550 ...и тут наш главный вызывает меня и предлагает мне должность завотдела
- 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,880 - Отлично! - Поздравляем!
- 00:02:16,130 --> 00:02:17,260 В итоге...
- 00:02:17,510 --> 00:02:18,590 ...я уволился
- 00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:20,180 Почему?
- 00:02:20,430 --> 00:02:22,560 Почему? Это была временная работа
- 00:02:22,810 --> 00:02:25,640 Чендлер, ты на ней пять лет
- 00:02:25,890 --> 00:02:30,060 Но если я останусь, я признаю, что это мое призвание
- 00:02:30,310 --> 00:02:31,520 А прибавка к зарплате большая?
- 00:02:31,770 --> 00:02:35,820 Неважно. Я не хочу быть из тех, кому приходится до ночи...
- 00:02:36,070 --> 00:02:39,240 ...заниматься Е-Пэ-Рэ-Сэ-Тэ у себя в кабинете
- 00:02:41,330 --> 00:02:42,700 Е-Пэ-Рэ-Сэ-Тэ?
- 00:02:42,950 --> 00:02:47,120 Еженедельное потребление ресурсов сотрудниками. Термин такой
- 00:02:47,370 --> 00:02:50,750 А, такое Е-Пэ-Рэ-Сэ-Тэ
- 00:02:50,830 --> 00:02:51,880 И что ты будешь делать?
- 00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:54,210 Я не знаю. В том-то и дело, что не знаю
- 00:02:54,460 --> 00:02:56,590 Но работая там, я так и не узнаю
- 00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:59,050 У меня есть для тебя кое-что!
- 00:02:59,300 --> 00:03:02,970 У меня новый клиент на массаж, его зовут Стив
- 00:03:03,220 --> 00:03:05,890 В общем, он открывает ресторан...
- 00:03:06,140 --> 00:03:10,100 ...и ищет туда шеф-повара
- 00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:13,980 Аллё!
- 00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:17,900 Ну да, я знаю, что ты повар, и я сперва подумала о тебе
- 00:03:18,150 --> 00:03:22,620 Но сейчас работа нужна Чендлеру, так что...
- 00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:26,250 У меня не очень много поварского опыта
- 00:03:26,500 --> 00:03:29,830 Если там подают не только тосты
- 00:03:30,580 --> 00:03:32,420 Какую кухню он хочет готовить?
- 00:03:32,670 --> 00:03:35,500 Он хочет нечто эклектическое. Поэтому он ищет кого-нибудь...
- 00:03:35,750 --> 00:03:37,760 ...кто смог бы сформировать меню
- 00:03:38,010 --> 00:03:39,680 - Боже мой! - Ага, именно!
- 00:03:39,930 --> 00:03:43,140 Так что скажешь?
- 00:03:43,300 --> 00:03:47,980 Спасибо, Фибс. Как-то не вижу себя в белом колпаке
- 00:03:49,770 --> 00:03:52,770 Ой, Моника! Знаешь что?
- 00:04:01,780 --> 00:04:05,330 Через эту рубашку видны мои соски?
- 00:04:06,660 --> 00:04:11,210 Нет... но не волнуйся. Уверена, они на месте
- 00:04:11,210 --> 00:04:12,630 А куда это ты, такой весь из себя?
- 00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:19,130 К доктору Пилману, "Консультация- профориентация", ламца-дрица!
- 00:04:19,550 --> 00:04:21,380 Ламца-дрица добавил я
- 00:04:21,630 --> 00:04:22,680 Профориентация?
- 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:25,800 Вы, ребята, все знаете, что вы хотите делать
- 00:04:26,060 --> 00:04:27,770 Я - нет
- 00:04:28,020 --> 00:04:31,640 Вы, ребята в гостиной, все знаете, что вы хотите делать
- 00:04:31,890 --> 00:04:34,270 У вас есть цели и мечты
- 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:35,560 А у меня нет!
- 00:04:35,810 --> 00:04:40,610 Классная вступительная речь к тренингу безуспешности
- 00:04:40,990 --> 00:04:43,610 Обожаю свою жизнь! Обожаю!
- 00:04:43,860 --> 00:04:46,870 "Песня Брайана"!
- 00:04:48,450 --> 00:04:49,750 Встреча с тем мужиком удалась?
- 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:52,790 Очень! Он показал мне место будущего ресторана
- 00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:55,000 Уютное местечко на 10-й
- 00:04:55,250 --> 00:04:58,000 Не большое и не маленькое - в самый раз
- 00:04:58,250 --> 00:05:02,170 Это не оттуда медведи шуганули одну блондиночку?
- 00:05:02,420 --> 00:05:05,930 И вот я готовлю ему ужин в понедельник. Типа пробы
- 00:05:06,180 --> 00:05:09,180 Фиби, он хочет, чтобы ты пришла. Это хорошо и для меня
- 00:05:09,430 --> 00:05:10,850 Будешь делать звуки "ням-ням"
- 00:05:11,100 --> 00:05:14,690 - А что будешь подавать? - Сигналы "ням-ням".
- 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,520 А ты, Моника, что будешь подавать?
- 00:05:17,770 --> 00:05:20,230 Не знаю. Но что-то очень вкусное
- 00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:22,740 Я знаю, что! Я знаю!
- 00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:27,280 Приготовь ту штуку с этими штучками...
- 00:05:27,530 --> 00:05:28,450 Ну ты знаешь...
- 00:05:28,700 --> 00:05:32,290 ...ту штуку с этими штучками?
- 00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:35,290 Ладно, не знаю
- 00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:38,710 Кто подскажет, ребята, куда у нас можно пойти с девушкой?
- 00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:44,800 "У Тони"! Если доешь бифштекс весом 1 кг, денег не берут
- 00:05:47,050 --> 00:05:51,600 Кто подскажет, куда пойти с девушкой, а не с пумой?
- 00:05:51,850 --> 00:05:55,480 - С кем это? - С той девчонкой с мухами?
- 00:05:55,730 --> 00:05:59,110 Ж-ж, я люблю тебя, Росс
- 00:05:59,610 --> 00:06:01,400 Ее зовут Селия. И она не с мухами
- 00:06:01,650 --> 00:06:05,530 Она куратор отдела насекомых в музее
- 00:06:05,650 --> 00:06:07,030 Что же вы собираетесь делать?
- 00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:10,620 Сперва пойдем поужинаем, потом придем ко мне...
- 00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:14,870 ...и я познакомлю ее со своим другом
- 00:06:15,870 --> 00:06:19,250 С четвероногим - не подумайте плохого!
- 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:26,380 Значит, к тебе, да? Думаешь, сложится хм-хм...
- 00:06:27,840 --> 00:06:30,600 Ну, я не знаю насчет хм-хм...
- 00:06:30,850 --> 00:06:33,600 Но я надеюсь хм-хм...
- 00:06:33,890 --> 00:06:36,060 Говорю тебе, та обезьяна просто притягивает девчонок
- 00:06:36,310 --> 00:06:42,320 Она посмотрит на ее славную мохнатую мордочку - и готово
- 00:06:43,030 --> 00:06:45,690 Селия, не волнуйся. И не кричи. Он тебя не тронет!
- 00:06:45,950 --> 00:06:49,280 Успокаивающим тоном, Селия
- 00:06:50,030 --> 00:06:52,030 Вот, вот. Марсель, хочешь банан?
- 00:06:52,280 --> 00:06:53,830 Я этого не переживу
- 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,660 Его когти у меня...
- 00:06:55,910 --> 00:06:58,830 Ну вот и все
- 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:09,510 Так. Попробуй лососевый мусс
- 00:07:09,890 --> 00:07:10,680 Вкусно
- 00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:13,890 А лучше, чем другой лососевый мусс?
- 00:07:14,140 --> 00:07:15,520 Жирнее
- 00:07:15,770 --> 00:07:17,940 Ну? Это лучше?
- 00:07:18,190 --> 00:07:22,230 Не знаю. Это же взбитая рыба, Моника
- 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:26,490 Я рад, что хотя бы не вырвал
- 00:07:30,910 --> 00:07:32,530 Боже, что с тобой?
- 00:07:32,780 --> 00:07:35,700 Восемь с половиной часов тестов наклонностей...
- 00:07:35,950 --> 00:07:40,670 ...тестов интеллекта, тестов личных качеств, и что я узнал?
- 00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:46,710 "Идеальный статистик для большой транснациональной корпорации."
- 00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:50,720 Отлично, ты уже умеешь это делать!
- 00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:52,720 Можете в это поверить?
- 00:07:52,970 --> 00:07:56,390 Я что, из тех, кто неспособен делать что-нибудь классное?
- 00:07:56,640 --> 00:08:00,600 Знаете, я всегда представлял, как я делаю что-то...
- 00:08:00,850 --> 00:08:02,060 Такое!
- 00:08:02,310 --> 00:08:05,690 Чендлер, я знаю, я знаю
- 00:08:05,940 --> 00:08:10,570 Ой! А через эту рубашку таки видны твои соски!
- 00:08:13,370 --> 00:08:16,240 Держи. Может, это тебя подбодрит
- 00:08:16,490 --> 00:08:21,920 Знаешь, часов пять назад я съел виноградину, так что давай пополам
- 00:08:22,170 --> 00:08:24,920 Оно и должно быть маленькое. Это аперитив
- 00:08:25,170 --> 00:08:29,590 По-французски - "амуз-буш"
- 00:08:31,430 --> 00:08:34,850 Да, гл-амуз-ненько
- 00:08:41,690 --> 00:08:43,150 Привет, Венди
- 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:45,440 Да, в 8:00
- 00:08:45,690 --> 00:08:48,360 Как договорились, $10 в час?
- 00:08:48,610 --> 00:08:49,820 Вот и хорошо
- 00:08:50,070 --> 00:08:52,070 Тогда до встречи. Пока
- 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:53,820 10 долларов в час за что?
- 00:08:54,070 --> 00:08:56,910 Я попросила официантку с работы помочь мне
- 00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:59,870 Официантку?
- 00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:04,710 Я, конечно, подумала о тебе
- 00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:06,250 Но...
- 00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:07,420 Но...
- 00:09:07,670 --> 00:09:10,010 Но-но?
- 00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:15,050 Но, понимаешь, в этот раз все должно быть идеально...
- 00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:20,810 ...а Венди, видишь ли, она - профессиональная официантка
- 00:09:21,770 --> 00:09:28,020 А я, значит, поддерживаю любительский статус, чтобы взяли на Олимпиаду
- 00:09:30,190 --> 00:09:36,280 Не хочу хвастать, но я подавал на Олимпиаде в Инсбруке в 76-м
- 00:09:39,030 --> 00:09:42,000 "Амуз-буш"?
- 00:09:58,050 --> 00:10:00,970 Давай говорить
- 00:10:04,180 --> 00:10:07,480 Утром со мной в метро случилось кое-что...
- 00:10:07,730 --> 00:10:11,070 Нет. Давай говорить грязно
- 00:10:13,690 --> 00:10:16,450 - Прямо здесь? - Да.
- 00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:17,740 Ну давай
- 00:10:17,990 --> 00:10:19,660 Скажи что-нибудь...
- 00:10:19,910 --> 00:10:22,580 ...сексуальное!
- 00:10:22,830 --> 00:10:24,410 Что?
- 00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:34,300 Вульва
- 00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:43,100 "Вульва"?
- 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:45,940 Ну запаниковал я, понятно?
- 00:10:46,190 --> 00:10:47,900 Она застала меня врасплох
- 00:10:48,150 --> 00:10:52,020 Но еще не все потеряно. Мы немного позажимались
- 00:10:52,270 --> 00:10:56,320 Ура, позажимались? Сколько раз?
- 00:10:56,570 --> 00:10:58,700 Да ну тебя. Было хорошо
- 00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:01,950 Просто я не из тех, кто может сказать что-нибудь в этом роде
- 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:04,540 Большое дело! Просто скажи, как ты ее сейчас...
- 00:11:04,790 --> 00:11:06,910 Или как ты хочешь, чтобы она тебя...
- 00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:10,540 Или как другие люди - друг друга
- 00:11:10,790 --> 00:11:15,420 Знаешь что, давай попробуй на мне
- 00:11:16,470 --> 00:11:19,550 Хоть бы это была шутка
- 00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:21,800 Почему нет? Давай
- 00:11:22,050 --> 00:11:27,350 Закрой глаза и скажи, чего бы ты хотел прямо сейчас
- 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,990 Так, я в своей квартире...
- 00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:37,110 Что дальше?
- 00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:40,360 Тебя нет у меня в квартире, и мы не разговариваем!
- 00:11:40,610 --> 00:11:42,490 - Давай начну я. - Джои, прошу тебя...
- 00:11:42,740 --> 00:11:45,410 Давай, давай. Ну что, готов?
- 00:11:45,660 --> 00:11:48,500 О, Росс...
- 00:11:49,290 --> 00:11:53,750 ...я вся горю, я хочу ощутить твои губы везде
- 00:11:54,170 --> 00:11:56,550 Понял?
- 00:11:58,670 --> 00:11:59,930 Теперь ты говори
- 00:12:00,180 --> 00:12:01,890 Нет, правда, лучше не надо
- 00:12:02,140 --> 00:12:03,430 Да ну!
- 00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:05,100 Она тебе нравится, да?
- 00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:06,680 - Ты хочешь ее видеть, да? - Ну да.
- 00:12:06,930 --> 00:12:09,890 Если не можешь сказать мне, как ты скажешь ей?
- 00:12:10,140 --> 00:12:14,150 Сейчас же скажи, что хочешь схватить меня за жопу!
- 00:12:17,780 --> 00:12:20,450 Ладно, отвернись
- 00:12:20,700 --> 00:12:23,070 Не хочу, чтобы в процессе ты на меня пялился
- 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:25,990 Ну хорошо, я не смотрю. Давай
- 00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:28,830 Ладно
- 00:12:30,710 --> 00:12:31,580 Я хочу...
- 00:12:31,830 --> 00:12:33,960 Так, я хочу...
- 00:12:34,210 --> 00:12:35,420 ...ощутить...
- 00:12:35,670 --> 00:12:38,760 ...твою горячую мягкую кожу своими губами
- 00:12:39,010 --> 00:12:41,300 Вот видишь!
- 00:12:41,550 --> 00:12:44,640 Продолжай, продолжай
- 00:12:48,220 --> 00:12:51,940 Я хочу... высунуть язык и...
- 00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:02,950 Говори
- 00:13:04,870 --> 00:13:07,030 Говори!
- 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:12,000 Облизать тебя с ног до головы...
- 00:13:12,370 --> 00:13:16,170 ...чтобы ты задрожала от...
- 00:13:33,890 --> 00:13:36,560 От?..
- 00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,730 - Тут такое дело... - Понимаешь...
- 00:13:39,980 --> 00:13:41,240 Да все нормально
- 00:13:41,490 --> 00:13:46,160 Мне всегда хотелось, чтобы у вас двоих сложилось
- 00:13:46,780 --> 00:13:49,740 Чендлер, пока ты спал, звонил тот мужик с твоей работы
- 00:13:49,990 --> 00:13:51,040 Снова?
- 00:13:51,290 --> 00:13:55,750 И снова, и потом опять
- 00:13:59,420 --> 00:14:01,460 И опять!
- 00:14:01,710 --> 00:14:06,300 Да, м-р Костилик. Как там жизнь на 15-м этаже?
- 00:14:06,550 --> 00:14:08,180 Да, я тоже скучаю
- 00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:13,680 Красть карандаши из дому совсем не так интересно
- 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:15,980 Это очень щедро
- 00:14:16,230 --> 00:14:18,440 Но послушайте, дело не только в деньгах
- 00:14:18,690 --> 00:14:23,360 Мне нужна больше чем работа. Мне нужно настоящее призвание...
- 00:14:23,610 --> 00:14:26,570 И это в дополнение к тем предыдущим бонусам?
- 00:14:26,820 --> 00:14:28,120 А твоя мечта? Мечта!
- 00:14:28,370 --> 00:14:31,790 Слушайте, Эл. Я не ломаюсь!
- 00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:36,460 Это не переговоры, это отказ!
- 00:14:37,250 --> 00:14:38,710 Нет, хватит уже о деньгах!
- 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:42,420 Говорю вам, я не тот человек! Не тот я человек!
- 00:14:42,670 --> 00:14:45,670 До встречи в понедельник!
- 00:14:58,150 --> 00:15:00,310 Ого, какой огромный!
- 00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:03,650 Гораздо больше того закутка
- 00:15:03,900 --> 00:15:06,200 Это целый закут!
- 00:15:06,450 --> 00:15:09,070 Смотри сюда
- 00:15:11,490 --> 00:15:14,450 У тебя есть окно!
- 00:15:14,700 --> 00:15:16,000 Да уж, где уж
- 00:15:16,250 --> 00:15:21,670 - И прекрасный вид на... - Смотри! Там мужик ссыт!
- 00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:25,630 Ну все, хватит видов. Зацени
- 00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:27,630 Садись, садись
- 00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:30,510 Это класс, тебе понравится
- 00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:33,100 Готова?
- 00:15:33,350 --> 00:15:37,020 Хелен, зайдите, пожалуйста, на минутку!
- 00:15:41,150 --> 00:15:43,980 Спасибо, Хелен, это все
- 00:15:45,070 --> 00:15:48,490 Это последний раз, клянусь
- 00:15:52,580 --> 00:15:54,370 Венди, мы же договорились
- 00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:58,210 Да, ты обещала. Венди, Венди!
- 00:16:03,790 --> 00:16:06,550 Кто это был?
- 00:16:07,260 --> 00:16:08,470 Венди отказалась
- 00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:11,930 У меня нет официантки
- 00:16:12,180 --> 00:16:14,350 Ой, как плохо
- 00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:16,930 Пока
- 00:16:17,180 --> 00:16:18,890 - 10 долларов в час! - Не-а.
- 00:16:19,140 --> 00:16:20,480 12 долларов в час!
- 00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:25,150 Мон, я бы с радостью, но уже собралась гулять
- 00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:28,490 Рэйчел, когда ты сбежала со свадьбы, я тебя поддержала
- 00:16:28,740 --> 00:16:33,160 Дала тебе крышу над головой, и если это для тебя пустой звук...
- 00:16:33,210 --> 00:16:36,130 20 долларов в час
- 00:16:36,380 --> 00:16:38,880 Договорились
- 00:16:44,300 --> 00:16:49,470 Здравствуйте! Добро пожаловать к Монике! Можно ваш плащ?
- 00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:53,440 - Привет, Стив. - Привет, Моника.
- 00:16:53,690 --> 00:16:56,230 Привет, приветливая девушка
- 00:16:56,480 --> 00:17:00,070 - Это Рэйчел. - Ну и ладно.
- 00:17:01,070 --> 00:17:03,150 Ой, все так вкусно пахнет
- 00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:07,700 Давно не нюхала такого вкусного сочетания разных...
- 00:17:07,950 --> 00:17:10,700 Запахов
- 00:17:10,750 --> 00:17:12,830 Красивая квартира
- 00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:15,080 Спасибо. Показать вам ее?
- 00:17:15,330 --> 00:17:19,550 Я из вежливости, ну да ладно
- 00:17:21,300 --> 00:17:22,300 В чем дело?
- 00:17:22,550 --> 00:17:27,850 По дороге сюда Стив потянул косяк
- 00:17:28,100 --> 00:17:29,390 Чего?
- 00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:34,520 - Курнул травы! Дури, ганджубаса! - Я поняла, поняла!
- 00:17:35,350 --> 00:17:38,940 Ладно, держись, маруха
- 00:17:39,230 --> 00:17:42,820 Что-то меня здесь сушит
- 00:17:44,570 --> 00:17:46,820 Давайте я вам вина налью
- 00:17:47,070 --> 00:17:51,120 И кстати, пора подавать первое блюдо
- 00:17:52,660 --> 00:17:54,910 Это равиоли с креветками...
- 00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:57,330 ...в соусе "чилантро понзу"...
- 00:17:57,580 --> 00:18:01,420 ...с капелькой мелкого...
- 00:18:05,220 --> 00:18:07,010 ...имбиря
- 00:18:07,260 --> 00:18:11,140 Просто усраться и не жить!
- 00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:14,930 Капец, как вкусно!
- 00:18:15,180 --> 00:18:17,770 Слава богу, вам понравилось
- 00:18:18,020 --> 00:18:21,730 Понравилось? Да я бы таких сотню сожрал!
- 00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:25,700 Ну, таких больше нет...
- 00:18:25,950 --> 00:18:29,570 ...но примерно через 8,5 минут мы подадим луковые тарталетки
- 00:18:29,820 --> 00:18:31,450 Тарталетки?
- 00:18:31,700 --> 00:18:33,950 Тарталетки
- 00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:37,210 Тарталетки
- 00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:41,210 Слова утратили всякий смысл
- 00:18:46,090 --> 00:18:48,930 Извините, что вам подать?
- 00:18:49,180 --> 00:18:53,140 Знаете... я не знаю, что я ищу
- 00:19:08,070 --> 00:19:11,160 О! Класс! Лепешки для тако!
- 00:19:12,450 --> 00:19:15,790 Правда, похожи на конвертики для кукурузы?
- 00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:19,370 Нет, не надо портить аппетит
- 00:19:19,620 --> 00:19:20,960 Ура, сахарные колечки!
- 00:19:21,210 --> 00:19:24,590 Если вы подождете 6,5 минут...
- 00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:28,470 Макароны с сыром! Давайте их приготовим!
- 00:19:32,390 --> 00:19:35,470 - Нет, не давайте. - Ладно...
- 00:19:37,140 --> 00:19:39,730 Ой, извините
- 00:19:42,770 --> 00:19:46,530 Может, пока присядете?
- 00:19:50,990 --> 00:19:53,570 - Отдайте мне "Мишек Гамми" - Нет.
- 00:19:56,740 --> 00:19:57,620 Отдайте их мне
- 00:19:57,870 --> 00:19:58,790 Поделимся
- 00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:01,330 - Нет. Отдайте мишек. - Вам их нельзя.
- 00:20:01,580 --> 00:20:02,500 Отдайте мне!
- 00:20:02,750 --> 00:20:04,880 Не надо!
- 00:20:05,130 --> 00:20:08,510 Мишки за бортом! Они тонут!
- 00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:12,260 Эй, пацаны! Хватайте колечки! Спасайтесь!
- 00:20:12,510 --> 00:20:17,600 "На помощь! Я тону! Помогите!"
- 00:20:17,930 --> 00:20:19,520 Ну все! Ужин окончен!
- 00:20:19,770 --> 00:20:20,690 - Что? - Что "что"?
- 00:20:20,940 --> 00:20:22,440 - Почему? - Что "почему"?
- 00:20:22,690 --> 00:20:24,900 Я семь лет ждала такого шанса...
- 00:20:25,150 --> 00:20:29,940 ...а вы не можете минуту подождать паршивых тарталеток?
- 00:20:39,330 --> 00:20:41,960 Ну и конченый
- 00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:44,250 Не надо тебе работать у такого
- 00:20:44,500 --> 00:20:48,670 Знаю. Но я было подумала, что это уже "оно"
- 00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:50,880 У тебя все будет. Ты чудо-повар
- 00:20:51,130 --> 00:20:55,180 Слышала звуки "ням-ням"? Я не притворялась
- 00:21:02,060 --> 00:21:05,480 Ну, как всё прошло с Селией?
- 00:21:05,730 --> 00:21:07,770 Я был неподражаем
- 00:21:08,020 --> 00:21:09,940 Молодец, Росс!
- 00:21:10,190 --> 00:21:13,030 Это был самый пафосный секс-монолог в истории
- 00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:15,660 Я развернул эпическую картину происходящего
- 00:21:15,910 --> 00:21:19,450 Там были персонажи, сюжетные ходы...
- 00:21:19,700 --> 00:21:21,200 ...темы, лейтмотив
- 00:21:21,450 --> 00:21:25,670 Не обошлось без реальных исторических личностей
- 00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:28,460 Ну и... хм-хм?
- 00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:32,010 Ну, к моменту окончания всех этих секс-разговоров...
- 00:21:32,260 --> 00:21:34,800 ...было уже поздно, мы немного устали...
- 00:21:35,050 --> 00:21:37,890 - И вы позажимались. - Да, и было приятно.
- 00:21:38,140 --> 00:21:41,220 Ребята, хотите в кино на вечерний сеанс?
- 00:21:41,470 --> 00:21:43,600 Может, подождем Чендлера?
- 00:21:43,850 --> 00:21:45,900 Опа! А он где пропадает?
- 00:21:46,150 --> 00:21:48,110 Да, Фрэн, я знаю, который час...
- 00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:52,490 ...но у меня не складывается Е-Пэ-Рэ-Сэ-Тэ!
- 00:21:52,740 --> 00:21:54,650 Да ну? Знаете что!
- 00:21:54,900 --> 00:22:01,040 Мне не все равно, и вам будет не все равно. Поняли? Хорошо!
- 00:22:15,380 --> 00:22:17,090 А как здесь?
- 00:22:17,340 --> 00:22:19,600 Извините. А здесь?
- 00:22:19,850 --> 00:22:21,640 Это значит, лечение действует
- 00:22:21,890 --> 00:22:24,140 - А тут больно? - Нет.
- 00:22:24,390 --> 00:22:26,600 А так больно?
- 00:22:26,850 --> 00:22:29,770 Вот и хорошо!
- 00:22:35,490 --> 00:22:38,030 Меня сейчас вырвет!
- 00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:40,780 Перевод В.Бродового
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