Эпизод с госпожой Бинг
Описание
Фиби и Моника идут к газетному киоску на улице. Мимо проходит привлекательный молодой человек, он делает комплимент шляпке (непонятно, кому адресованный, так как обе девушке в головных уборах). Фиби подбивает Монику присвистнуть ему вслед. Парень оборачивается на свист и его сбивает машина. Незнакомец впадает в кому и девушки заботятся о нём в больнице. Они пытаются угадать, чем он занимается в жизни и как его зовут. Уже, сидя в квартире Моники, парни удивляются девушкам: как они могут ухаживать за совсем незнакомым мужчиной. Начинается вечернее шоу «The Tonight Show», сегодня где в гостях Нора Бинг — автор эротических романов-бестселлеров и нескромная мать Чендлера. В свою очередь Чендлер не намерен смотреть шоу с матерью и пытается отговорить друзей; его никто не слушает. В интервью Нора рассказывает некоторые нескромные подробности о своей жизни и детстве Чендлера. Приходит Пауло, Росс снова начинает ревновать и страдать от неразделенной любви к Рэйчел. Из интервью Чендлер узнает, что мама приезжает в Нью-Йорк и хочет его навестить. Фиби и Моника снова в больнице: Фиби поет парню песни, бреет его лицо, Моника читает ему газету и вяжет свитер. Девушки придумывают ему имя, Монике кажется, что его зовут Глен, а Фиби — Агамемнон. Друзья встречаются с матерью Чендлера в мексиканском ресторане, Росс и Рэйчел с Пауло запаздывают. Приходит Росс, а чуть позже и Рэйчел с Пауло. Рэйчел смущенно извиняется за задержку, Росс расстраивается, понимая, чем они занимались, и потихоньку напивается. Нора замечает, что Росс страдает по Рэйчел. Параллельно она рассказывает Рэйчел как писать эротические романы, что очень её вдохновляет и позже Рэйчел пробует написать свой эротический роман. Нора стоит у телефона в коридоре. Росс выходит из туалета, однако он не заметил, что это был женский туалет. Нора пытается его приободрить на счет Пауло и Рэйчел: она убеждает, что он был бы главным героем её книг и что он умный и сексуальный. Они целуются, но прекращают, когда заходит Джоуи. На следующее утро на лестнице Росс убеждает Джоуи ничего не рассказывать Чендлеру, Джоуи противится и предполагает, что Нора сама рассказала обо всем. Росс смиряется и идет к Чендлеру. Он признается, что был пьян и расстроен из-за Рэйчел, а там был романтический момент и они поцеловались. Чендлер в гневе уходит, хлопая дверью, за ним уходит Джоуи, повторяя сцену. В это время Фиби и Моника продолжают ухаживать за парнем в коме, но теперь между ними нарастает соперничество: они стремятся быть первой, рядом с кем он очнется. Позже в кофейне, они ведут себя друг с другом холодно и наперегонки несутся в больницу. Но когда они прибегаю, оказывается, что парень уже очнулся. Девушки перечисляют, что они для него сделали, парень говорит спасибо и «Увидимся», что очень разочаровывает девушек: они считали его особенным, а он оказался типичным парнем. Они уходят. Росс пытается оправдаться перед Чендлером, сбрасывая вину на Нору, и убеждая, что им двоим нужно серьезно поговорить. Уже перед отъездом Чендлер вызывает мать на разговор о вчерашнем (Джоуи и Росс подслушивают из коридора), он отчитывает её и просит повзрослеть. После чего они, все таки, мирятся. В коридоре Нора прощается с сыном и Россом. Чендлер прощает друга. Друзья готовятся прочитать первую главу «романа» Рэйчел, но в ней оказывается слишком много орфографических ошибок, ребята высмеивают роман и Рэйчел приходится забрать черновики.
Субтитры
- 00:00:02,377 --> 00:00:04,545 Do you think they have yesterday's Daily News?
- 00:00:04,713 --> 00:00:06,714 MONICA: Why? - I just wanna check my horoscope...
- 00:00:06,881 --> 00:00:08,507 ...see if it was right.
- 00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:13,762 Oh, my God. Phoebe. Don't look now, but, behind you there's a guy...
- 00:00:13,930 --> 00:00:16,890 ...who has the potential to break our hearts and plunge us into depression.
- 00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:18,517 Where?
- 00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:21,103 Ooh, come to Mama.
- 00:00:21,771 --> 00:00:24,106 Okay, he's coming. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.
- 00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:26,567 - Nice hat. BOTH: Thanks.
- 00:00:27,318 --> 00:00:29,945 - We should do something. Whistle. - We're not gonna whistle.
- 00:00:30,113 --> 00:00:31,321 - Yeah, come on, do it. - No.
- 00:00:31,489 --> 00:00:33,490 - Do it. Do it. Do it. - Woo-hoo!
- 00:00:34,743 --> 00:00:36,285 [AMBULANCE SIRENS WAILING]
- 00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:37,828 [TIRES SQUEALING THEN THUD]
- 00:00:38,955 --> 00:00:41,331 I can't believe you did that.
- 00:01:29,631 --> 00:01:31,298 MONICA: Why did I woo-hoo?
- 00:01:31,466 --> 00:01:33,884 I mean, what was I hoping? He'd turn around and say:
- 00:01:34,052 --> 00:01:36,220 "Ooh, I love that sound. I must have you now"?
- 00:01:37,847 --> 00:01:39,556 I just wish there was something we could do.
- 00:01:39,724 --> 00:01:41,100 [EKG BEEPING]
- 00:01:41,893 --> 00:01:44,478 Hello. Hello, coma guy.
- 00:01:46,314 --> 00:01:48,398 Get up, you Girl Scout! Up, up, up!
- 00:01:48,566 --> 00:01:51,151 - Phoebe, what are you doing? - Maybe nobody's tried this.
- 00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:57,241 I wish we at least knew his name.
- 00:01:57,408 --> 00:01:59,034 Would you look at that face?
- 00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:03,288 I mean, even sleeping he looks smart. I bet he's a lawyer.
- 00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:06,917 Yeah, but did you see the dents in his knuckles? That means he's artistic.
- 00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:11,588 Okay. He's a lawyer who teaches sculpting on the side.
- 00:02:11,756 --> 00:02:14,007 And he can dance.
- 00:02:14,175 --> 00:02:18,220 And he's the kind of guy who, when you're talking, he's listening...
- 00:02:18,388 --> 00:02:20,722 ...you know, and not saying, "Yeah, I understand"...
- 00:02:20,890 --> 00:02:23,809 ...but wondering what you look like naked. - Oh, stop it.
- 00:02:26,271 --> 00:02:28,772 I wish all guys could be like him.
- 00:02:30,608 --> 00:02:31,984 I know.
- 00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:39,783 Are there no conscious men in the city for you two?
- 00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:44,204 - He doesn't have anyone. - Yeah. We feel kind of responsible.
- 00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:47,499 I can't believe you said, "Woo-hoo."
- 00:02:48,084 --> 00:02:49,585 I don't even say, "Woo-hoo."
- 00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:51,461 Oh, she's coming up. She's coming up.
- 00:02:51,629 --> 00:02:52,671 Folks, when we come back...
- 00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:54,882 ...we'll talk about her new book Euphoria Unbound...
- 00:02:55,049 --> 00:02:58,677 ...with always-interesting Nora Tyler Bing. Put the kids to bed for this one.
- 00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:02,472 Don't watch this. Weekend at Bernie's is on Showtime and HBO and Cinemex.
- 00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:05,684 - No way. - Come on. She's your mom.
- 00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:07,936 Exactly. Weekend at Bernie's.
- 00:03:08,104 --> 00:03:10,731 Dead guy getting hit in the groin 20, 30 times.
- 00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:13,567 - No? - Chandler, I gotta tell you...
- 00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:16,153 ...I love your mom's books. I love her books.
- 00:03:16,321 --> 00:03:19,156 I cannot get on a plane without one. I mean, this is so cool.
- 00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:21,283 You wouldn't think it's cool if you were 11...
- 00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:25,704 ...and all your friends were passing around page 79 of Mistress Bitch.
- 00:03:26,581 --> 00:03:28,874 Come on, Chandler. I love your mom. I think she's a blast.
- 00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:32,085 - You can say that. She's not your mom. ROSS: Oh, please. She's the...
- 00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:34,588 RACHEL: Hi, sweetie.
- 00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:39,134 When did Rigatoni get back from Rome?
- 00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:42,012 - Last night. - Really?
- 00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:45,474 So then his plane didn't explode in a big ball of fire?
- 00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:47,601 Just a dream I had.
- 00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:49,561 But, phew.
- 00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:52,314 Hey, hey, hey. She's on.
- 00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:56,568 Ah. Nora Bing.
- 00:03:57,862 --> 00:03:59,071 Before we get to the book.
- 00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:02,366 What is this about you being arrested in London? What is that about?
- 00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:06,954 - Your mom was arrested? - Shh, I'm busy beaming with pride.
- 00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:09,122 This is kind of embarrassing...
- 00:04:09,290 --> 00:04:13,502 ...but occasionally after I've been intimate with a man...
- 00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:16,964 - Why would she say that's embarrassing? - Shh.
- 00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:20,550 - I just get this craving for Kung Pao chicken.
- 00:04:20,718 --> 00:04:23,178 That's too much information.
- 00:04:26,724 --> 00:04:29,476 So now you're doing this book tour thing. How's that going?
- 00:04:29,644 --> 00:04:33,730 Oh, fine. I'm leaving for New York tomorrow, which I hate.
- 00:04:33,898 --> 00:04:36,149 But I get to see my son, who I love.
- 00:04:36,317 --> 00:04:37,776 GROUP: Oh.
- 00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:41,863 This is the way that I find out. Most moms use the phone.
- 00:04:42,031 --> 00:04:46,034 You know, don't take this wrong, I just don't see you as a mom somehow.
- 00:04:46,202 --> 00:04:50,163 - I don't mean that bad. - Oh, no. I'm a fabulous mom.
- 00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:52,791 I bought my son his first condoms.
- 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:01,174 And then he burst into flames.
- 00:05:08,558 --> 00:05:10,100 [EKG BEEPING]
- 00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:14,146 MONICA: Let's see. "Congress is debating a new deficit-reduction bill.
- 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,606 The mayor wants to raise subway fares again.
- 00:05:17,191 --> 00:05:19,401 The high today was 45."
- 00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:21,695 And, oh. And teams played sports.
- 00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:45,302 [INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
- 00:05:49,098 --> 00:05:51,016 PHOEBE: What about Glen? MONICA: No.
- 00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:54,227 - He could be a Glen. - Mm-mm. Not special enough.
- 00:05:54,812 --> 00:05:56,855 Ooh, how about Agamemnon?
- 00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:58,940 Way too special.
- 00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:09,743 I'm famished. What do I want?
- 00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:13,246 Please, God, don't let it be Kung Pao chicken.
- 00:06:13,414 --> 00:06:16,333 Oh, you watched the show. What did you think?
- 00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:19,628 Well, I think you need to come out of your shell just...
- 00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:23,632 What is this dive?
- 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:26,802 - Only you could've picked this place. - Oh.
- 00:06:26,969 --> 00:06:28,345 Come on. Shut up. It's fun.
- 00:06:28,513 --> 00:06:30,013 - Hi. NORA: Give me a hug.
- 00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:33,975 - Well, I think we're ready for some tequila. - I know I am.
- 00:06:34,143 --> 00:06:35,727 - Who's doing shots? - Hit me.
- 00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:37,562 - I'm in. - There you go. Ross?
- 00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:40,649 Uh, I'm not really a shot-drinking kind of guy.
- 00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:42,526 Hi. Sorry. Sorry we're late.
- 00:06:42,693 --> 00:06:46,321 We, uh, kind of just, you know, lost track of time.
- 00:06:48,533 --> 00:06:50,659 But a man can change.
- 00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:58,834 Anyone want me to appraise anything?
- 00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:12,180 Mrs. Bing, I have to tell you, I've read everything you've ever written.
- 00:07:12,348 --> 00:07:14,558 No, I mean it. When I read Euphoria at Midnight...
- 00:07:14,725 --> 00:07:16,476 ...all I wanted to do was become a writer.
- 00:07:16,644 --> 00:07:19,479 Oh, please, honey. If I can do it, anybody can.
- 00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:22,357 You just start with half a dozen European cities...
- 00:07:22,525 --> 00:07:24,985 ...throw in 30 euphemisms for male genitalia...
- 00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:27,863 ...and, bam, you have got yourself a book.
- 00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:31,575 My mother, ladies and gentlemen.
- 00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:37,706 Yeah, any messages for room 226?
- 00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:42,252 - You okay, slugger? - Oh, yeah. I'm fine. I'm fine.
- 00:07:54,849 --> 00:07:56,600 What is with you tonight?
- 00:07:56,767 --> 00:07:59,728 Nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing.
- 00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:01,938 NORA: Okay, thank you.
- 00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:07,527 It's the Italian hand-licker, isn't it?
- 00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:10,572 No. It's the one he's licking.
- 00:08:11,282 --> 00:08:13,158 She's supposed to be with you.
- 00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:15,368 You're good.
- 00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:20,165 Oh, Ross, listen to me. I have sold 100 million copies of my books...
- 00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:21,458 ...and you know why?
- 00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:23,585 The girl on the cover with her nipples showing?
- 00:08:26,422 --> 00:08:31,426 No, because I know how to write men that women fall in love with.
- 00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:33,595 Believe me, I cannot sell a Paolo.
- 00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:37,057 People will not turn 325 pages for a Paolo.
- 00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:38,975 Come on. The guy's a secondary character.
- 00:08:39,143 --> 00:08:42,979 He's just a... You know, a complication you eventually kill off.
- 00:08:45,149 --> 00:08:46,525 When?
- 00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:51,363 He's not a hero.
- 00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:53,198 You know who our hero is?
- 00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:56,076 The guy on the cover with his nipples showing?
- 00:08:56,786 --> 00:08:58,411 No, it's you.
- 00:08:58,579 --> 00:09:00,205 - Please. - No, really.
- 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:02,582 Come on. You're smart. You're sexy.
- 00:09:03,334 --> 00:09:05,168 - Right. - Oh, come on, kiddo.
- 00:09:05,336 --> 00:09:08,004 You're gonna be fine, believe me.
- 00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:14,010 Uh-oh.
- 00:09:26,315 --> 00:09:29,734 Uh, I'll just pee in the street.
- 00:09:37,493 --> 00:09:39,035 [KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- 00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:41,288 Is Chandler here?
- 00:09:41,455 --> 00:09:43,373 - Yeah. - Wait. Come here.
- 00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:46,418 Okay, uh, about last night...
- 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,169 ...um, you know...
- 00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:50,297 ...Chandler. You didn't tell...
- 00:09:50,506 --> 00:09:52,507 Okay, I'm thinking we don't need to tell Chandler.
- 00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:54,968 It was just a kiss. One kiss. No big deal, right?
- 00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:57,053 - Right. No big deal. - Okay.
- 00:09:57,221 --> 00:09:58,930 In Bizarro-world.
- 00:10:02,351 --> 00:10:03,560 You broke the code.
- 00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:06,688 - What code? - You don't kiss your friend's mom.
- 00:10:06,856 --> 00:10:10,525 Sisters are okay. Maybe a hot-looking aunt.
- 00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:12,694 But not a mom. Never a mom.
- 00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:14,154 [ALL SHOUTING]
- 00:10:15,906 --> 00:10:17,657 What are you guys doing out here?
- 00:10:17,825 --> 00:10:21,703 Uh, well, Joey and I had discussed getting in an early morning racquetball game.
- 00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:26,249 But, um, apparently somebody overslept.
- 00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:30,128 Yeah, well, you don't have your racquet.
- 00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,422 No. No, I don't, because it's being restrung.
- 00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:35,383 Ahem. Somebody was supposed to bring me one.
- 00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:39,346 Yeah. Well, you didn't call and leave your grip size.
- 00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:44,809 Okay, you guys are spending way too much time together.
- 00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:49,356 Okay, I'm scum. I'm scum.
- 00:10:49,523 --> 00:10:51,983 - Ross, how could you let this happen? - I don't know.
- 00:10:52,151 --> 00:10:56,196 Well, it's not like she's a regular mom. You know? She's sexy. She's...
- 00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:58,490 You don't think my mom's sexy?
- 00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:02,535 Well, not in the same way.
- 00:11:02,703 --> 00:11:04,621 I'll have you know that Gloria Tribbiani...
- 00:11:04,789 --> 00:11:06,748 ...was a handsome woman in her day, all right?
- 00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:11,294 You think it's easy giving birth to seven children?
- 00:11:11,462 --> 00:11:12,754 Huh?
- 00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:16,466 Okay, I think we're getting into a weird area here.
- 00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:18,343 - Aah. - Hey.
- 00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,136 - Hey. - What are you guys doing out here?
- 00:11:20,304 --> 00:11:23,473 Well, ha, ha, not playing racquetball.
- 00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:28,687 - He forgot to leave his grip size. - He didn't get the goggles.
- 00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:30,689 Oh. Right.
- 00:11:30,856 --> 00:11:34,526 Well, sounds like you two have issues.
- 00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:38,238 Goodbye, baby.
- 00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:39,698 [SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
- 00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:43,535 Do they wait for me to do this?
- 00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:51,543 - So are you gonna tell him? - I'm not gonna tell him.
- 00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,962 - Why would I tell him? - How about, because if you don't...
- 00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:56,256 ...his mother might? - Hmm.
- 00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:58,550 What are you guys doing here?
- 00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:01,845 Uh, he's not even wearing a jock strap.
- 00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:09,269 What did I ask?
- 00:12:18,028 --> 00:12:19,696 [EKG BEEPING]
- 00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:22,449 - Hi. - Hi.
- 00:12:23,784 --> 00:12:25,452 What are you doing here?
- 00:12:25,619 --> 00:12:28,455 Nothing. I just thought I'd stop by, you know, after the, ahem...
- 00:12:28,622 --> 00:12:31,332 That I, you know. Um, so, what are you doing here?
- 00:12:33,335 --> 00:12:35,170 I'm not really here.
- 00:12:35,337 --> 00:12:39,966 I just thought I'd drop these off on the way. My way.
- 00:12:42,344 --> 00:12:45,555 Do you, um, come here a lot...
- 00:12:46,015 --> 00:12:47,265 ...without me?
- 00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:50,226 No, no, no.
- 00:12:52,855 --> 00:12:56,191 So, um, do you think he's doing any better than he was this morning?
- 00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:00,320 How would I know? I wasn't here.
- 00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:03,948 Really? Not even to, um, change his pajamas?
- 00:13:07,661 --> 00:13:08,828 Oh, my God.
- 00:13:08,996 --> 00:13:11,873 You're my friend. I had to tell you.
- 00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:13,792 I can't believe it.
- 00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,044 Paolo kissed my mom?
- 00:13:17,588 --> 00:13:20,673 Yeah, I mean, I don't know if you noticed, but he had a lot to drink.
- 00:13:20,883 --> 00:13:23,510 I mean, you know how he gets when he's drunk...
- 00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:27,263 I can't do this. I did it.
- 00:13:27,431 --> 00:13:29,974 It was me. I'm sorry. I kissed your mom.
- 00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:31,768 What?
- 00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:35,480 I was really upset about Rachel and Paolo and I think I had too much tequila...
- 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:38,775 ...and Nora... Mrs. Mom, your Bing, was...
- 00:13:40,736 --> 00:13:43,154 She was just being nice, you know? But nothing happened.
- 00:13:43,322 --> 00:13:45,949 Nothing. Ask Joey. Joey came in...
- 00:13:46,116 --> 00:13:47,826 - You knew about this? - Uh...
- 00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:50,203 You know, knowledge is a tricky thing.
- 00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:53,957 I spent the entire day with you. Why didn't you tell me?
- 00:13:54,124 --> 00:13:56,251 Hey, hey. You're lucky I caught them when I did...
- 00:13:56,418 --> 00:13:58,169 ...or else who knows what would've happened?
- 00:13:58,337 --> 00:13:59,838 Thanks, man. Big help.
- 00:14:00,297 --> 00:14:02,465 I can't believe this. What the hell were you thinking?
- 00:14:02,633 --> 00:14:04,759 I wasn't. I don't know. I...
- 00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:08,263 Of all my friends, no one knows the crap I go through with my mom more than you.
- 00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:10,765 - I know. - I can't believe you did this.
- 00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:13,226 - Me neither. - I'm mad at you for not telling me.
- 00:14:13,394 --> 00:14:16,771 - What are you mad at me...? - Let me slam the door.
- 00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:19,357 Chandler, I didn't kiss her. He did.
- 00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:21,150 See what happens when you break the code?
- 00:14:21,318 --> 00:14:23,194 - Joey. - Aah! Uh.
- 00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:34,706 - Rach. - Hey.
- 00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:38,042 "A Woman Undone. By Rachel Karen Green."
- 00:14:38,210 --> 00:14:41,629 Yeah, I thought I'd give it a shot. I'm still on the first chapter.
- 00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:46,968 Now, do you think his "love stick" can be "liberated from its denim prison"?
- 00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:50,722 Yeah, I'd say so.
- 00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:54,142 And there's no "J" in "engorged."
- 00:14:55,519 --> 00:14:57,186 - Hey, Rach. - Hey.
- 00:14:57,354 --> 00:14:59,105 - Hello. - Hello.
- 00:14:59,648 --> 00:15:02,275 - You going to the hospital tonight? - No. You?
- 00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:04,110 No. You?
- 00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:08,656 You just asked me.
- 00:15:08,824 --> 00:15:10,909 Okay, maybe it was a trick question.
- 00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:15,872 - Um, Rachel, can we do this now? - Okay.
- 00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:19,250 I am so hot.
- 00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:23,504 And here's a picture of my mother and father on their wedding day.
- 00:15:23,672 --> 00:15:26,507 Now, you tell me she's not a knockout.
- 00:15:28,135 --> 00:15:30,053 I cannot believe we're having this conversation.
- 00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:32,805 Come on, just try to picture her not pregnant. That's all.
- 00:15:34,892 --> 00:15:38,394 Central Perk is proud to present Miss Phoebe Buffay.
- 00:15:38,562 --> 00:15:39,979 [CROWD CHEERING]
- 00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:41,773 PHOEBE: Thanks.
- 00:15:42,232 --> 00:15:43,691 Hi. Um, ahem. Okay.
- 00:15:43,901 --> 00:15:47,195 I'd like to start with a song that's about a man I recently met...
- 00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:50,573 ...who's, um, come to be very important to me.
- 00:15:52,826 --> 00:15:54,202 Okay.
- 00:15:56,914 --> 00:16:00,667 [SINGING] You don't have to be awake To be my man
- 00:16:02,836 --> 00:16:07,882 Long as you have brain waves I'll be there to hold your hand
- 00:16:09,176 --> 00:16:11,719 Though we just met the other day
- 00:16:11,887 --> 00:16:15,181 There's something I have got to say
- 00:16:16,266 --> 00:16:19,310 Okay, thank you very much. I'm gonna take a short break.
- 00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:25,233 RACHEL: Okay, that was Phoebe Buffay, everybody. Whoo!
- 00:16:26,443 --> 00:16:29,195 - What the hell was that? - Phoebe just started...
- 00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:32,991 I believe I was talking to Joey. All right, there, mother-kisser?
- 00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:34,283 [LAUGHING]
- 00:16:38,372 --> 00:16:40,123 "Mother-kisser."
- 00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:42,792 I'll shut up.
- 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,586 Chandler, can I say something? I know you're still mad at me.
- 00:16:45,754 --> 00:16:48,965 I just wanna say that there were two people there that night, okay?
- 00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:52,051 - There were two sets of lips. - Yes, well, I expect this from her.
- 00:16:52,219 --> 00:16:54,971 Okay? She's always been a Freudian nightmare.
- 00:16:55,139 --> 00:16:58,349 Okay, but if she always behaves like this, why don't you say something?
- 00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:01,394 Because it's complicated. It's complex.
- 00:17:01,562 --> 00:17:03,229 Hey, you kissed my mom.
- 00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:09,444 We're rehearsing a Greek play.
- 00:17:10,779 --> 00:17:12,572 - That's funny. We done now? - No.
- 00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:15,992 Okay, you mean you're not gonna talk to her, tell her how you feel?
- 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:19,454 That would be a no. Just because you played tonsil tennis with my mom...
- 00:17:19,621 --> 00:17:22,832 ...doesn't mean you know her, all right? Trust me, you can't talk to her.
- 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:25,376 Okay. "You can't"? Or you can't?
- 00:17:26,628 --> 00:17:30,965 Okay, that's my finger. Okay, that's my knee.
- 00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:32,925 Still doing the play.
- 00:17:33,093 --> 00:17:34,469 [SHOUTS THEN HUMS]
- 00:17:41,185 --> 00:17:42,769 All right, what did you do with him?
- 00:17:44,271 --> 00:17:45,354 [TOILET FLUSHES]
- 00:17:47,024 --> 00:17:48,941 - You're awake. - Look at you.
- 00:17:49,109 --> 00:17:50,109 How do you feel?
- 00:17:50,277 --> 00:17:53,362 Uh, a little woozy, but basically okay.
- 00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:55,573 Gosh, you look good.
- 00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:57,533 I feel good.
- 00:17:58,410 --> 00:17:59,911 Who are you?
- 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:01,746 - Sorry. - I'm Phoebe Buffay.
- 00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:04,499 I'm Monica Geller. I've been taking care of you.
- 00:18:04,666 --> 00:18:05,666 We both have.
- 00:18:05,834 --> 00:18:08,836 - So the Etch A Sketch is from you guys? - Actually, it's just from me.
- 00:18:09,004 --> 00:18:11,923 - Yeah, I got you the foot massager. - Know who shaved you? That was me.
- 00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:15,009 - I read to you. - I sang. Ha.
- 00:18:16,553 --> 00:18:17,970 Well, thanks.
- 00:18:18,138 --> 00:18:20,389 - Oh, my pleasure. - You're welcome.
- 00:18:20,557 --> 00:18:23,518 So I guess I'll see you around.
- 00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:26,354 What? That's it?
- 00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:28,606 "See you around"?
- 00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:32,068 - Well, what do you want me to say? - Well, I don't know.
- 00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:33,569 Maybe, uh:
- 00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:35,113 "That was nice.
- 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:36,739 It meant something to me.
- 00:18:37,991 --> 00:18:39,867 I'll call you."
- 00:18:40,577 --> 00:18:44,038 - All right. I'll call you. - I don't think you mean that.
- 00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:49,377 This is so typical.
- 00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:50,670 You know, we give...
- 00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:52,296 ...and we give...
- 00:18:52,464 --> 00:18:54,006 ...and we give.
- 00:18:54,174 --> 00:18:56,467 And then we just get nothing back.
- 00:18:56,635 --> 00:19:00,471 And then one day, it's just, you know, you wake up and "See you around."
- 00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:04,559 Let's go, Phoebe.
- 00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:08,896 You know what? We thought you were different.
- 00:19:09,064 --> 00:19:11,357 But I guess it was just the coma.
- 00:19:16,238 --> 00:19:17,613 NORA: The car's running downstairs.
- 00:19:17,781 --> 00:19:20,241 I wanted to drop off these copies of my book for your friends.
- 00:19:21,201 --> 00:19:25,580 - Anything you want from Lisbon? - No, just knowing you're there is enough.
- 00:19:26,206 --> 00:19:29,834 All right. Well, be good. I love you.
- 00:19:32,546 --> 00:19:34,130 You kissed my best Ross.
- 00:19:37,050 --> 00:19:38,551 Or something to that effect.
- 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,846 Okay.
- 00:19:45,684 --> 00:19:47,643 Look, it was stupid.
- 00:19:47,811 --> 00:19:50,188 - Really stupid. - Really stupid.
- 00:19:52,357 --> 00:19:54,692 And I don't even know how it happened.
- 00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:58,738 I'm sorry, honey. I promise it will never happen again.
- 00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:03,034 - Are we okay now? - Yeah.
- 00:20:03,785 --> 00:20:06,495 No. No.
- 00:20:10,292 --> 00:20:12,960 Ah, the forbidden love of a man and his door.
- 00:20:13,128 --> 00:20:14,378 Shh.
- 00:20:15,172 --> 00:20:18,466 He did it. He told her off. And not just about the kiss, about everything.
- 00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:19,675 - You're kidding? - No.
- 00:20:19,843 --> 00:20:22,511 He said, "When are you gonna grow up and start being a mom?"
- 00:20:22,679 --> 00:20:24,764 - Wow. - Wait, then she came back with:
- 00:20:24,973 --> 00:20:29,477 "The question is, when are you gonna grow up and realize I have a bomb?"
- 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,105 Okay, wait. Are you sure she didn't say:
- 00:20:33,273 --> 00:20:37,109 "When are you gonna grow up and realize I am your mom?"
- 00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:42,823 - That makes more sense. - You think?
- 00:20:42,991 --> 00:20:44,533 Yeah.
- 00:20:45,285 --> 00:20:46,786 So, what's going on now?
- 00:20:46,954 --> 00:20:49,997 I don't know. I've been standing here spelling it out for you.
- 00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:54,335 I don't hear anything. Wait, wait, wait.
- 00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:55,711 What do you see?
- 00:20:55,879 --> 00:20:58,297 It's hard to tell. They're so tiny and upside down.
- 00:20:58,465 --> 00:20:59,799 Wait, wait, wait.
- 00:20:59,967 --> 00:21:03,386 They're walking away. They're walking away.
- 00:21:03,553 --> 00:21:06,973 No, they're not. They're coming right at us. Run, run!
- 00:21:09,685 --> 00:21:10,810 You okay, kiddo?
- 00:21:10,978 --> 00:21:14,230 - Yeah, I'm okay. - All right. You be good.
- 00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:16,148 Drive safe.
- 00:21:16,316 --> 00:21:17,692 [CHUCKLES]
- 00:21:18,068 --> 00:21:20,778 - Mrs. Bing. - Mr. Geller.
- 00:21:25,826 --> 00:21:27,201 Hey.
- 00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:30,621 You mean that?
- 00:21:31,373 --> 00:21:33,457 Yeah, why not?
- 00:21:35,168 --> 00:21:36,877 - So I told her. - Oh.
- 00:21:37,587 --> 00:21:39,588 - How did it go? - Awful. Awful.
- 00:21:39,756 --> 00:21:41,674 Couldn't have gone worse.
- 00:21:42,426 --> 00:21:45,261 - Well, how do you feel? - Pretty good.
- 00:21:47,347 --> 00:21:48,848 I told her.
- 00:21:49,016 --> 00:21:51,017 Well, see?
- 00:21:51,184 --> 00:21:55,354 So maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, you know, me kissing your mom, huh?
- 00:21:55,522 --> 00:21:58,024 But we don't have to go down that road.
- 00:22:04,698 --> 00:22:06,657 Now, this is just the first chapter...
- 00:22:06,825 --> 00:22:11,954 ...and I want your absolute honest opinion. Okay?
- 00:22:12,205 --> 00:22:16,834 Oh, and on page two, he's not reaching for her "heaving beasts."
- 00:22:17,878 --> 00:22:18,961 What's a "niffle"?
- 00:22:19,212 --> 00:22:22,131 You can usually find them on the heaving beasts.
- 00:22:24,259 --> 00:22:26,510 All right, all right, so I'm not a great typist.
- 00:22:26,678 --> 00:22:30,723 Wait, did you get to the part about his "huge, throbbing pens"?
- 00:22:31,558 --> 00:22:34,810 Tell you, you don't wanna be around when he starts writing with those.
- 00:22:36,021 --> 00:22:38,105 - All right, that's it. Give them back. GROUP: No.
- 00:22:40,942 --> 00:22:42,943 [English - US - SDH]
- 00:00:02,211 --> 00:00:05,130 - Интересно, у них есть вчерашние газеты? - Зачем тебе?
- 00:00:05,506 --> 00:00:09,843 Хочу проверить, прав ли был мой гороскоп
- 00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:13,805 О боже! Фиби, не смотри. За тобой стоит парень...
- 00:00:14,056 --> 00:00:16,850 ...способный разбить нам сердца и ввергнуть в глубокую депрессию
- 00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:19,353 Где?
- 00:00:19,603 --> 00:00:21,647 У, иди к мамочке!
- 00:00:21,897 --> 00:00:24,358 Он идет! Спокойно, спокойно!
- 00:00:24,608 --> 00:00:27,194 - Славная шапочка. - Спасибо.
- 00:00:27,444 --> 00:00:29,988 - Надо что-то делать. Свистни. - Не буду я свистеть.
- 00:00:30,239 --> 00:00:31,073 Позови его!
- 00:00:31,323 --> 00:00:35,160 Давай, давай!
- 00:00:39,081 --> 00:00:42,125 Что это тебе в голову взбрело?
- 00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:47,673 1-й сезон, 11-я серия "Миссис Бинг"
- 00:01:29,630 --> 00:01:31,260 И зачем я ему крикнула?
- 00:01:31,510 --> 00:01:33,760 Я что, надеялась, что он повернется и скажет...
- 00:01:34,010 --> 00:01:37,810 ..."Какой прекрасный крик. Ты должна быть моей"?
- 00:01:37,850 --> 00:01:42,270 Что бы нам для него сделать?
- 00:01:43,310 --> 00:01:46,070 Привет, коматозный
- 00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:48,360 Поднимайся, девчонка! Подъем, подъем!!!
- 00:01:48,610 --> 00:01:49,820 Ты что делаешь?
- 00:01:50,070 --> 00:01:53,530 Я подумала - может, никто не пробовал этот метод
- 00:01:54,780 --> 00:01:57,160 Хоть бы имя его узнать
- 00:01:57,410 --> 00:01:59,120 Посмотри, какое лицо
- 00:01:59,370 --> 00:02:03,290 Он даже во сне выглядит умным. Он наверняка адвокат
- 00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:07,210 Но следы на пальцах выдают в нем художника
- 00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:11,630 Тогда адвокат, по совместительству преподающий скульптуру
- 00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:13,930 И он еще танцует!
- 00:02:14,180 --> 00:02:18,430 И он такой парень, который слушает, когда ты говоришь...
- 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:20,390 ...и не говорит "Я понимаю"...
- 00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:24,810 ...а откровенно представляет тебя голой
- 00:02:26,230 --> 00:02:30,400 Вот бы все парни были как он
- 00:02:30,610 --> 00:02:33,200 Точно
- 00:02:36,870 --> 00:02:40,370 То есть в городе для вас не нашлось мужчин в сознании?
- 00:02:40,620 --> 00:02:41,870 У него никого нет
- 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:44,710 Мы чувствуем ответственность
- 00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:47,840 И что это за жлобские выходки?
- 00:02:48,090 --> 00:02:49,590 Даже я бы не додумался
- 00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:51,420 Ой, вот она!
- 00:02:51,670 --> 00:02:56,350 И далее у нас Нора Тайлер Бинг, автор "Эйфории без границ"!
- 00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,640 Отправьте детей в постель
- 00:02:58,890 --> 00:03:02,480 Переключите. По двум программам идет "Уикэнд у Берни"!
- 00:03:02,730 --> 00:03:03,940 Ни за что!
- 00:03:04,190 --> 00:03:05,690 Ты что? Это твоя мама!
- 00:03:05,940 --> 00:03:07,820 Именно. "Уикэнд у Берни"!
- 00:03:08,070 --> 00:03:12,320 Там покойника бьют по яйцам 20-30 раз за фильм
- 00:03:12,900 --> 00:03:16,070 Чендлер, знаешь, я обожаю книги твоей мамы. Обожаю!
- 00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:18,990 Я без них в самолет не сажусь. Они классные!
- 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,620 Ты бы так не думала в свои 11 лет, если бы...
- 00:03:21,870 --> 00:03:26,380 ...по рукам всех твоих друзей ходила страница 79 "Сучки-любовницы"
- 00:03:26,630 --> 00:03:28,840 Да ну, Чендлер! Твоя мама - просто бомба!
- 00:03:29,090 --> 00:03:30,920 Хорошо тебе. Она не твоя мать
- 00:03:31,170 --> 00:03:32,470 Да ладно! Она...
- 00:03:32,720 --> 00:03:36,050 - Буона сэра! - Привет, сладкий!
- 00:03:36,390 --> 00:03:40,390 Когда это из Рима макароны подвезли?
- 00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:41,930 - Вчера вечером. - Да ну?
- 00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:45,440 И его самолет не сбила шаровая молния?
- 00:03:45,690 --> 00:03:47,690 Мне это снилось
- 00:03:47,940 --> 00:03:50,150 Но к счастью, пронесло
- 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:53,190 Эй, эй! Вот и она!
- 00:03:54,820 --> 00:03:57,620 А! Нора Бинг!
- 00:03:57,870 --> 00:04:02,500 Вернемся к книге. Как это вас арестовали в Лондоне?
- 00:04:02,750 --> 00:04:04,330 Твою маму арестовали?
- 00:04:04,580 --> 00:04:07,120 Ш-ш! Я тут сияю от гордости
- 00:04:07,380 --> 00:04:09,960 Мне немного неудобно
- 00:04:10,210 --> 00:04:13,710 После того, как я уединилась с мужчиной...
- 00:04:13,970 --> 00:04:17,050 Что тут неудобного?
- 00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:20,560 ...я страшно захотела курицу "Гунбао"
- 00:04:20,810 --> 00:04:24,430 Не надо пошлых подробностей!
- 00:04:26,730 --> 00:04:29,480 Итак, у вас тур по раскрутке книги. Как идут дела?
- 00:04:29,730 --> 00:04:33,730 Отлично. Завтра я еду в Нью-Йорк, город, который я ненавижу
- 00:04:33,990 --> 00:04:37,700 Чтобы увидеть сына, которого я люблю
- 00:04:38,030 --> 00:04:41,910 Вот так я это узнаю. Обычные мамы звонят по телефону
- 00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:46,040 Не поймите меня превратно. Я не представляю вас в роли мамы
- 00:04:46,290 --> 00:04:50,540 - Не подумайте плохого. - Да я отличная мама!
- 00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:54,340 Я купила сыну первые презервативы
- 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:02,720 И тут он покраснел, как мак
- 00:05:10,190 --> 00:05:14,280 Так, так. "Конгресс обсуждает законопроект о дефиците бюджета"
- 00:05:14,530 --> 00:05:16,940 "Мэр хочет поднять плату за метро"
- 00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:20,160 "Температура днем 7 градусов"
- 00:05:20,410 --> 00:05:23,280 Команды играют в спорт
- 00:05:49,100 --> 00:05:50,690 А если - Глен?
- 00:05:50,940 --> 00:05:52,100 Может быть
- 00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:54,570 Недостаточно оригинально
- 00:05:54,820 --> 00:05:56,940 Тогда Агамемнон?
- 00:05:57,190 --> 00:06:00,110 Немножко слишком оригинально
- 00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:09,750 Умираю с голоду. Что мне взять?
- 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:13,250 Боже, только не курицу "Гунбао"
- 00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:16,300 Ты смотрел передачу! Что скажешь?
- 00:06:16,550 --> 00:06:20,550 Тебе немного не хватает откровенности и раскованности
- 00:06:22,050 --> 00:06:23,760 Что это за дыра?
- 00:06:24,010 --> 00:06:26,680 Только вы могли выбрать такую
- 00:06:26,930 --> 00:06:30,940 Да ладно, молчи. Тут классно. Обними меня
- 00:06:31,190 --> 00:06:33,980 - Думаю, пора выпить текилы. - Давно пора.
- 00:06:34,230 --> 00:06:36,190 - Кто хочет опрокинуть? - Я! - И я.
- 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:37,900 Поехали. Росс?
- 00:06:38,150 --> 00:06:40,650 Я никогда, знаете ли, не любил "опрокидывать"
- 00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:42,530 Привет! Извините за опоздание
- 00:06:42,780 --> 00:06:47,830 Мы немножко, знаете, потеряли счет времени
- 00:06:48,540 --> 00:06:52,000 Но люди меняются
- 00:06:56,210 --> 00:07:00,300 Оценить вам что-нибудь драгоценное?
- 00:07:08,930 --> 00:07:12,020 Миссис Бинг, я читала все, что вы написали
- 00:07:12,270 --> 00:07:16,480 Когда я читала "Полночную эйфорию", я сама захотела писать
- 00:07:16,730 --> 00:07:19,730 Так вперед, лапочка! Если я могу, любая сможет
- 00:07:19,980 --> 00:07:22,070 Упомяни десяток европейских городов...
- 00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:25,030 ...добавь 30 эвфемизмов для мужских гениталий...
- 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:28,740 ...и бац - книжка в руках!
- 00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:33,080 Это моя мама, дамы и господа!
- 00:07:34,580 --> 00:07:38,960 Есть сообщения для номера 226?
- 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:43,630 - Как ты, здоровяк? - Хорошо. Все в порядке.
- 00:07:54,850 --> 00:07:56,480 Да что с тобой сегодня?
- 00:07:56,730 --> 00:07:59,900 Ничего. Ничего, ничего, ничего
- 00:08:00,150 --> 00:08:03,070 Хорошо, спасибо
- 00:08:04,740 --> 00:08:07,620 Итальянский лизун, да?
- 00:08:07,870 --> 00:08:11,120 Нет. Та, кого он лижет
- 00:08:11,370 --> 00:08:13,790 Она должна быть с тобой, да?
- 00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:15,960 А вы специалист
- 00:08:16,210 --> 00:08:21,170 Я продала 100 миллионов книг, а знаешь почему?
- 00:08:21,420 --> 00:08:26,010 У девушки на обложке видны соски?
- 00:08:26,430 --> 00:08:31,430 Нет, я умею изображать мужчин, в которых влюбляются женщины
- 00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:33,560 Поверь мне, Паоло я бы не продала
- 00:08:33,810 --> 00:08:36,940 Ради Паоло никто не перевернет 325 страниц
- 00:08:37,190 --> 00:08:40,360 Этот парень - второстепенный персонаж
- 00:08:40,610 --> 00:08:44,900 Просто осложнение, от которого ты со временем избавишься
- 00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:47,950 Когда уже?
- 00:08:48,660 --> 00:08:51,620 Он - не герой
- 00:08:51,870 --> 00:08:53,290 А знаешь, кто герой?
- 00:08:53,540 --> 00:08:56,540 Мужик на обложке, у которого видны соски?
- 00:08:56,790 --> 00:08:58,250 Нет, это ты
- 00:08:58,500 --> 00:08:59,960 - Да ну. - Нет, правда.
- 00:09:00,210 --> 00:09:03,090 Да ну, ты же умный, красивый...
- 00:09:03,340 --> 00:09:04,960 - Ага... - Не дрейфь.
- 00:09:05,210 --> 00:09:09,590 Все будет хорошо, поверь мне
- 00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:31,200 Я пописаю на улице
- 00:09:40,750 --> 00:09:42,040 - Чендлер дома? - Ага.
- 00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:44,800 Подожди. Иди сюда
- 00:09:45,050 --> 00:09:47,380 Насчет прошлого вечера...
- 00:09:47,630 --> 00:09:48,470 ...ну знаешь...
- 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:50,680 ...Чендлеру же ты не сказал?..
- 00:09:50,930 --> 00:09:55,310 Не надо говорить Чендлеру. Один поцелуй - ничего особенного
- 00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:57,390 Ага. Ничего особенного
- 00:09:57,640 --> 00:10:00,850 В мире извращенцев!
- 00:10:02,730 --> 00:10:03,900 Ты нарушил кодекс!
- 00:10:04,150 --> 00:10:07,070 - Какой кодекс? - Нецелования мамы друга.
- 00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:10,780 Сестер - можно. Иногда - аппетитных тетушек.
- 00:10:11,030 --> 00:10:14,990 Но не мам. Мам - никогда!
- 00:10:16,290 --> 00:10:18,250 Что это вы тут делаете?
- 00:10:18,500 --> 00:10:23,290 Джои и я договаривались с утра побить мяч в стенку
- 00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:28,130 Но кто-то, наверное, проспал
- 00:10:28,510 --> 00:10:30,470 Но у тебя же и ракетки нет
- 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:33,390 Нету. Ее перетягивают
- 00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:36,810 Кое-кто должен был мне принести
- 00:10:37,060 --> 00:10:41,560 Но ты не позвонил сказать размер своей руки
- 00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:46,770 Вы слишком много времени проводите вместе
- 00:10:48,190 --> 00:10:49,690 Ладно, я подонок
- 00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:52,360 - Как ты мог допустить? - Не знаю.
- 00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:54,530 Ну, она же не обычная мама
- 00:10:54,780 --> 00:10:56,490 Она соблазнительная. Она...
- 00:10:56,740 --> 00:11:00,040 Так что, моя мама - нет?
- 00:11:00,290 --> 00:11:02,830 Ну, не то чтобы...
- 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:08,080 Чтобы ты знал, в свое время Глория Триббиани была красоткой
- 00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:08,210 Думаешь, так легко родить целых семь детей? Чтобы ты знал, в свое время Глория Триббиани была красоткой
- 00:11:08,210 --> 00:11:13,090 Думаешь, так легко родить целых семь детей?
- 00:11:13,380 --> 00:11:18,010 Мы начинаем углубляться в скользкие темы
- 00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:21,680 Что вы здесь делаете?
- 00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:25,020 Не бьем мяч об стенку
- 00:11:25,680 --> 00:11:31,360 - Он не сообщил свой размер. - А он забыл защитные очки.
- 00:11:31,860 --> 00:11:35,860 У вашей пары семейные проблемы.
- 00:11:37,490 --> 00:11:40,110 Пока, моя радость
- 00:11:41,030 --> 00:11:44,870 Они специально меня поджидают?
- 00:11:49,370 --> 00:11:52,500 - Ты ему скажешь? - Зачем мне ему говорить?
- 00:11:52,750 --> 00:11:56,260 Если не скажешь ты, может сказать его мать
- 00:11:56,510 --> 00:11:59,130 Что вы здесь делаете, ребята?
- 00:11:59,380 --> 00:12:03,300 Он даже шлем не надел!
- 00:12:07,430 --> 00:12:10,900 А что я спросила?
- 00:12:23,780 --> 00:12:25,370 Что ты здесь делаешь?
- 00:12:25,620 --> 00:12:28,750 Ничего. Решила вот зайти после, ну, знаешь...
- 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:30,210 ...того, как я. Вот
- 00:12:30,460 --> 00:12:33,080 А ты что здесь делаешь?
- 00:12:33,330 --> 00:12:35,130 А я не совсем здесь
- 00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:41,470 Вот решила занести это по пути. По дороге
- 00:12:42,340 --> 00:12:45,760 Ты сюда часто приходишь...
- 00:12:46,010 --> 00:12:47,180 ...без меня?
- 00:12:47,430 --> 00:12:51,100 Нет. Нет. Нет!
- 00:12:52,850 --> 00:12:57,730 Как ты думаешь, ему стало лучше после утра?
- 00:12:57,780 --> 00:13:00,280 Откуда я знаю? Меня с утра не было.
- 00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:05,490 Да? И пижамку ему не сменила?
- 00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:08,790 О боже!
- 00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:11,830 Ты мой друг. Я должен был сказать
- 00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:14,540 Прямо не верится
- 00:13:14,790 --> 00:13:17,590 Паоло целовал мою маму?
- 00:13:17,590 --> 00:13:20,630 Не знаю, заметил ли ты, но он много выпил
- 00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:25,050 Ты же знаешь, какой он, когда выпьет...
- 00:13:25,300 --> 00:13:27,220 Нет, не могу. Это я
- 00:13:27,470 --> 00:13:30,230 Это был я. Извини. Я поцеловал твою маму
- 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:31,730 Что?
- 00:13:31,980 --> 00:13:36,440 Меня расстроили Рэйчел и Паоло, я перепил текилы, и тут Нора...
- 00:13:36,690 --> 00:13:40,320 ...миссис Мама, твоя Бинг...
- 00:13:40,740 --> 00:13:43,070 ...проявила внимание. Но ничего не было. Абсолютно
- 00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:44,570 Ничего. Спроси Джои
- 00:13:44,820 --> 00:13:45,700 Вошел Джои...
- 00:13:45,950 --> 00:13:47,740 Ты знал?
- 00:13:47,990 --> 00:13:51,290 Ну, знание - вопрос философский
- 00:13:51,540 --> 00:13:53,920 Ты был со мной весь день. Почему не сказал?
- 00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:57,920 Тебе еще повезло, что я их застал, а то мало ли что могло быть!
- 00:13:58,170 --> 00:14:00,050 Спасибо. Ты очень помог
- 00:14:00,300 --> 00:14:02,420 Не могу поверить! Чем ты думал?
- 00:14:02,670 --> 00:14:04,720 Ничем. Не знаю. Я...
- 00:14:04,970 --> 00:14:08,220 Никто лучше тебя не знает, что я пережил с моей мамашей
- 00:14:08,470 --> 00:14:10,720 - Я знаю... - И тут такое прямо на голову!
- 00:14:10,970 --> 00:14:13,230 - Это точно! - Ты тоже провинился!
- 00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:17,110 - А я-то в чем...? - Дайте уже хлопнуть дверью!
- 00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:23,110 Чендлер, ее не я целовал, а он. Видишь, как оно - нарушать кодекс?
- 00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:37,960 "Падшая женщина". Автор Рэйчел Карен Грин
- 00:14:38,210 --> 00:14:41,550 Я решила попробовать. Пока что пишу первую главу
- 00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:48,300 Как думаешь, его "жезл любви" может "вырваться из джинсового плена"?
- 00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:50,720 Да, только так
- 00:14:50,970 --> 00:14:55,270 И "налился кровью", а не "напился"
- 00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:58,150 - Привет, Рэйч. - Привет. - Привет.
- 00:14:59,650 --> 00:15:02,440 - Идешь в больницу вечером? - Нет. А ты?
- 00:15:02,690 --> 00:15:05,650 Нет. А ты?
- 00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:08,490 Ты уже спросила
- 00:15:08,740 --> 00:15:12,410 А может, вопрос был сложный
- 00:15:12,700 --> 00:15:16,580 - Рэйчел, давай начнем? - Хорошо.
- 00:15:16,830 --> 00:15:20,340 Я такая возбужденная!
- 00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:23,460 Вот мои мама и папа в день свадьбы
- 00:15:23,710 --> 00:15:27,880 Только посмей сказать, что она не красотка
- 00:15:28,130 --> 00:15:30,010 Ты соображаешь, о чем мы говорим, а?
- 00:15:30,260 --> 00:15:34,350 Да ну, ты только представь ее не беременной!
- 00:15:34,890 --> 00:15:40,400 "Центроварка" с гордостью представляет мисс Фиби Буффе
- 00:15:40,650 --> 00:15:43,070 Спасибо. Привет.
- 00:15:43,900 --> 00:15:47,070 Начну с песни о мужчине, которого я встретила недавно...
- 00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:52,120 ...но успела к нему очень привязаться
- 00:15:56,910 --> 00:16:02,130 Пусть лежишь ты в коме, всё равно ты будешь мой
- 00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:09,050 И пока пищит машина, рядом буду я с тобой
- 00:16:09,300 --> 00:16:11,470 Хотя знакомы мы два дня,
- 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:16,020 Но ты так важен для меня...
- 00:16:16,270 --> 00:16:18,810 Большое спасибо. Сделаем перерыв
- 00:16:21,690 --> 00:16:26,190 Итак, это была Фиби Буффе!
- 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:29,150 - Что здесь такое было? - Фиби начала...
- 00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:34,450 Вообще я говорил с Джои. Понял, мамкосос?
- 00:16:38,370 --> 00:16:41,210 "Мамкосос"
- 00:16:41,460 --> 00:16:42,750 Молчу, молчу
- 00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:45,420 Чендлер, я знаю, что ты на меня злишься...
- 00:16:45,670 --> 00:16:48,800 ...но в тот вечер там было двое
- 00:16:49,050 --> 00:16:52,260 - Две пары губ. - От нее этого следовало ожидать.
- 00:16:52,510 --> 00:16:54,930 Она всегда была фрейдистским кошмаром
- 00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:58,270 Если она всегда такая, скажи ей что-нибудь!
- 00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:01,520 Все это сложно. Это сложно!
- 00:17:01,770 --> 00:17:04,770 Это ты целовал мою маму!
- 00:17:07,190 --> 00:17:10,820 Мы репетируем греческую пьесу
- 00:17:10,820 --> 00:17:12,490 Смешно. Ты закончил?
- 00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:15,950 Ты так с ней и не поговоришь о своих чувствах?
- 00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:19,370 Нет уж. Хоть ты и играл с моей мамой в спасение утопающих...
- 00:17:19,620 --> 00:17:22,790 ...ты ее не знаешь. Поверь мне, она не слушает.
- 00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:26,420 Она вообще не слушает? Или не слушает тебя?
- 00:17:26,670 --> 00:17:28,090 Так, это мой палец
- 00:17:28,340 --> 00:17:30,920 А это мое колено
- 00:17:31,170 --> 00:17:34,140 Это все еще пьеса
- 00:17:41,180 --> 00:17:44,310 Так. Что ты с ним сделала?
- 00:17:47,020 --> 00:17:48,860 - Ты встал! - Какой молодец!
- 00:17:49,110 --> 00:17:51,070 Как здоровье?
- 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:53,360 Слабость, а вообще нормально
- 00:17:53,610 --> 00:17:55,490 Боже, отлично выглядишь!
- 00:17:55,740 --> 00:17:58,160 И чувствую себя хорошо
- 00:17:58,410 --> 00:17:59,870 А вы кто?
- 00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:01,660 - Извини. - Я Фиби Буффе.
- 00:18:01,910 --> 00:18:04,500 А я Моника Геллер. Я за тобой ухаживала
- 00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:05,630 Мы обе
- 00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:08,840 - Так рисовальная доска от вас? - От меня.
- 00:18:09,090 --> 00:18:11,800 - А от меня - массажер. - А я тебя брила.
- 00:18:12,050 --> 00:18:12,920 А я тебе читала.
- 00:18:13,170 --> 00:18:15,840 А я пела. Ха!
- 00:18:16,550 --> 00:18:17,930 Ну, спасибо.
- 00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:20,350 - Ой, пожалуйста. - Не за что.
- 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:24,520 Ну тогда, до встречи
- 00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:26,810 Что? И всё?
- 00:18:27,060 --> 00:18:28,690 "До встречи"?
- 00:18:28,940 --> 00:18:32,030 - А что мне сказать? - Ну не знаю.
- 00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:33,570 Может быть...
- 00:18:33,820 --> 00:18:35,110 ..."Вы умнички."
- 00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:37,740 "Мне было так приятно."
- 00:18:37,990 --> 00:18:40,330 "Давайте созвонимся."
- 00:18:40,580 --> 00:18:45,580 - Ладно. Созвонимся. - По-моему, ты врешь.
- 00:18:47,290 --> 00:18:49,340 Как это типично
- 00:18:49,590 --> 00:18:50,710 Мы, понимаешь, даем...
- 00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:52,260 ...и даем...
- 00:18:52,510 --> 00:18:54,050 ...и даем.
- 00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:56,430 А взамен ничего не получаем
- 00:18:56,680 --> 00:19:02,060 В один прекрасный день ты просыпаешься и "До встречи"
- 00:19:02,810 --> 00:19:05,810 Идем, Фиби
- 00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:09,690 Знаешь что? Мы думали, ты другой
- 00:19:09,940 --> 00:19:13,690 А разница было только в коме
- 00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:20,950 Машина ждет. Я хотела только завезти твоим друзьям мою книгу
- 00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:25,960 - Хочешь что-нибудь из Лиссабона? - Нет, лишь бы ты туда уехала.
- 00:19:26,210 --> 00:19:30,960 Хорошо. Будь здоров. Я тебя люблю
- 00:19:32,550 --> 00:19:35,670 Ты целовалась с моим лучшим Россом!
- 00:19:37,050 --> 00:19:40,090 Ну ты поняла смысл
- 00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:47,600 Слушай, это было глупо.
- 00:19:47,850 --> 00:19:51,610 - Очень глупо. - Очень глупо.
- 00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:54,820 Даже не знаю, как это получилось
- 00:19:55,070 --> 00:20:00,240 Извини, дорогой. Обещаю, что это не повторится
- 00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:03,540 - Теперь мир? - Да.
- 00:20:03,790 --> 00:20:06,580 Нет
- 00:20:10,290 --> 00:20:15,000 А, извращенная любовь мужчины к его двери
- 00:20:15,170 --> 00:20:18,420 Он ей сказал. Обо всем, не только про поцелуй!
- 00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:19,630 Да ты что?
- 00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:22,850 Говорит: "Когда ты повзрослеешь и поймешь, что у тебя есть сын?"
- 00:20:23,100 --> 00:20:24,720 А она в ответ...
- 00:20:24,970 --> 00:20:30,940 ..."Когда ты уже повзрослеешь и поймешь, что у тебя есть бомба?"
- 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:32,900 А может, она сказала...
- 00:20:33,150 --> 00:20:38,610 ..."Когда ты уже повзрослеешь и поймешь, что у тебя есть мама?"
- 00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,120 Да, так больше смысла
- 00:20:42,370 --> 00:20:44,990 Думаешь?
- 00:20:45,290 --> 00:20:46,700 А что там сейчас?
- 00:20:46,950 --> 00:20:51,830 Не знаю. Я как раз тебе все пересказывал
- 00:20:52,420 --> 00:20:54,250 Ничего не слышу. Подожди!
- 00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:55,500 Что ты видишь?
- 00:20:55,750 --> 00:20:58,170 Трудно сказать. Они маленькие и вверх ногами
- 00:20:58,420 --> 00:20:59,670 Стоп, стоп, стоп!
- 00:20:59,920 --> 00:21:03,430 Они уходят. Уходят!
- 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:08,680 Нет, они идут сюда, на нас. Бежим!
- 00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:10,850 Ты в порядке, сынок?
- 00:21:11,100 --> 00:21:12,190 Да, в порядке
- 00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:14,230 Вот и хорошо. Счастливо
- 00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:17,650 Осторожно за рулем
- 00:21:18,070 --> 00:21:21,910 - Миссис Бинг. - Мистер Геллер.
- 00:21:25,740 --> 00:21:27,080 Эй!
- 00:21:29,120 --> 00:21:31,120 Ты это серьезно?
- 00:21:31,370 --> 00:21:34,330 Да, почему бы нет!
- 00:21:35,170 --> 00:21:37,340 Я ей все сказал
- 00:21:37,590 --> 00:21:39,510 - Как прошло? - Ужасно. Кошмар.
- 00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:42,180 Хуже не бывает
- 00:21:42,430 --> 00:21:44,090 Ну... и как ты?
- 00:21:44,340 --> 00:21:46,810 Неплохо
- 00:21:47,350 --> 00:21:48,770 Я же все сказал
- 00:21:49,020 --> 00:21:50,770 Вот видишь!
- 00:21:51,020 --> 00:21:55,270 Может, не так уж и плохо, что я поцеловал твою маму, а?
- 00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:59,440 Но развивать эту тему не стоит
- 00:22:04,690 --> 00:22:06,730 Это только первая глава...
- 00:22:06,980 --> 00:22:11,990 ...и меня интересует ваше откровенное мнение. Хорошо?
- 00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:17,820 И на странице 2 он тянется не к ее "дымающимся гудям"
- 00:22:17,870 --> 00:22:18,950 А при чем тут "совок"?
- 00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:23,660 Это то, что можно найти на "дымающихся гудях"
- 00:22:24,250 --> 00:22:26,460 Ну да, я плохая машинистка!
- 00:22:26,710 --> 00:22:31,300 Вы уже дочитали до места про "дрожащий от страсти челн"?
- 00:22:31,550 --> 00:22:35,760 Не хотелось бы мне плавать на чем-то подобном!
- 00:22:36,010 --> 00:22:37,760 Ну всё. Отдайте назад!
- 00:22:38,350 --> 00:22:39,350 Перевод В.Бродового
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